Beyond - Legends Character Purges Mystery Theatre (OC Humor) (The X2 Parody) UPDATED - 8/8

Welcome to the Character Purges Mystery Theatre!

Here I will post the many adventures and parodies of the Character Purgers.



To give you a little history lesson, the Character Purges is a thing I started back at sw.com before mods went postal. There a group of us got together, began plans and operations to unceremoniously kill characters that we hated to the core, or perhaps just irked us in some strange way. Today, after a number of site changes, we continue this tradition, in edition to the many movie parodies we like to conduct over the course of the year.

Anyway, we've been trying to think of ways to recruit more people to our funloving cause and posting some of our past purges and parodies seemed like an entertaining method. If you think this sorta thing looks fun, you can contact me or just dive right into the site by clicking the link located in my sig.

Oh, and ya know...we don't own anything. We just like to pretend that we do. Go GL!
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Tonight I'm just gonna start off by giving our member's (as well as former and missing member's) profiles. I'll try to post the first bit tomorrow. It's an early purge we did last year sometime, that we happend to find kinda funny.

Anyway...cast of characters.

Full Name: General Scorsa Park (aka Gen)
Sex: Female
Age: 17
Homeworld: Tatooine
Species: Human
Weapon(s): Lightsaber, blaster
Affiliation: Purger
Height: 5'8"
Eyes: Green
Hair: Dark Brown
Force Sensitive?: Yup
Non-Player Character: I did, but he ran away. Meh... I'll get another one later.
Brief Biography: Born in secret as the daughter of Luke Skywalker and Callista, [Lightning strikes and everyone shudders] the cruel and unusual Gen spent most of her life trying to run away from her past. Now she heads up a group of elite rebels hunting down those that would...um, get on their nerves.
Full Name: Arcus Drake
Sex: n/a
Age: 6111 (as of Refugee, NJO)
Homeworld: name unknown, believed to be extra-galactic
Species: unknown, shape-shifter
Weapon(s): lightsaber (red blade), blaster, anything else that I pull from my robes
Affiliation: Sith/Purger
Height: 6'4
Eye: varies...usually blue
Hair: varies...usually black
Force Sensitive?: of course
NPC: Apoc (holographic avatar of the ASD Apocalypse)
Brief Biography: Sith Lord, shape-shifter, leader of the NSE which was formed by Drake, shortly before the end of the Sith Wars, in the Unknown Regions.
Full Name: Kiaria (while a dancer on Nar Shadda, many started calling her JediMaster [old habbits die hard] which eventualy got shortened to JM)
Sex: Female
Age: 86-ish
Homeworld: Coruscant before Palpy and the Vong
Species: Half-elf, Halif-Trianii
Weapon(s): Blaster, lightsaber (Double-bladed, duel phase. Normal blades silver-black, amber when fully extended), claws, teeth, anything around.
Affiliation: Jedi Master of the Old Republic who never followed the rules anyway (Qui-Gon is my idol...).
Height: 5'2" (I'm short, but what I lack in height I make up for in attitude)
Eye: Amber cat-eyes
Hair: Some funky shade of blue
Force Sensitive?: Duh...
NPC: Nakita, my pet krel. Roughly tiger-size, lavender fur with a blood red mane that comes to a point between her shoulder blades. She's almost as mean as I am. *tear* I'm so proud!
Brief Biography: Apprenticed to Mace Windu at age 13. Things went really swimmingly until that brief fling with a certain Master to the Chosen One....Anyway, took a girl named Neelah as an apprentice who died on Geonosis. Danced on Nar Shadda to hide from the Jedi Purge.
Full Name: Celenril Lindir (aka TSL)
Sex: Female!
Age: 21
Homeworld: Coruscant
Species: Human
Weapon(s): Silver lightsaber, blaster, anything handy
Affiliation: Twin Suns Squadron, Purgers
Height: 5' 5"
Eye: brown/green
Hair: dark brown
Force Sensitive?: a bit (unless it's darkside...then I kick a**!!)
NPC: Aureus Staph
Brief Biography: Tsl is the Colonel and leader of twin suns squadron. She was trained as a Jedi, but quit shortly after being a

 

Oh, and ya know...we don't own anything. We just like to pretend that we do

dang...theres goes my plot to sell the rights to some movie studio

 

Ahhhh...but that tis my plan you see! Sell the script to Lucas and then buy all the apple slices in the world, so as to keep TSL in mortal doom...

 

mortal doom eh? sounds painful...lol

Wait, you can't hurt TSL.Who's gonna annoy GI with me then?

 

Bah...

Alright, I'll leave her apple slices alone...

For now...




I guess I'll just buy, oh I dunno....an island? That could be fun. Have my own little "Lord of the Flies" society...

 

Ok, I lied. I'm posting now. I got bored, what can I say?
Anyway, this was one of our very first purges together as a group. (Minus the few that hadn't joined yet...) It was done last, like, August or some crap like that...
---------------------------------------------

[Nova Colossus drops into orbit over Yuuzhan'tar]
Rika: What are we doing here?!

Nolan Sanap: Wait and see.

Rika: Oh, this is suicide!

TSL: We're gonna get pulverized if we stay out here much longer...

Rika: Pulverized...?

Tsavong Lah (via villip that Nolan has produced on the table): Speak infidel.

[Rika and Col. TSL look at each other confused]
Nolan (crossing arms over chest): Do ro'ik vong pratte, Warmaster. I am of the understanding that you wish to carry out the annihilation of the heretic Jeedai?
[Tsavong Lah says nothing--this is not a necessary question]
Nolan (cont'd): Belek tiu, Warmaster. I know it is well known fact.

[Rika and Col. TSL exchange even more nervous glances]

Tsavong Lah: Come to the point Nolan--

Nolan (firmly speaking over him and daring to interrupt): YOU will address me by my full name or by title--not by half my name. I have played the submissive game long enough you barbarian, self-glorified, strategist.

Tsavong: Infidel... unworth--

Nolan: I do not need to offer you this deal. I can offer you the heads of the Jeedai and their New Republic masters, but I do not need to...

[There is a long pause and then]
Tsavong: Tell me more, Nolan Sanap...

[Cut to one week later]
Nolan Sanap has cajoled the Carbonite Guilds into making him what they thought was a puppet leader--an Emperor of the Teta System. He quickly seized power, backed by the angry citizens against the Guilds and the Krath Society.
With his newfound power, he "allied" the Empire with the NR and won a seat on both the Jedi and Advisory Councils who do not suspect his hidden motives...

[The Council Meets]
Fyor Rodan (pouting): I hate Jedi. I don't see why we have to listen to the freakin' Jedi. Why do we have to back the Jedi? They're just a risk! I mean, I don't intend to hang them out to dry [crosses fingers behind back] but why do we give them so much freakin' authority and will SOMEBODY TURN OFF THE FREAKIN' AC?!!! It's freakin' COLD in here!!!

Chelch Dravaad and Niuk Niuv: Yay.

[Rika turns off the air]
Borsk Fey'lya (to be irritating): We didn't vote on that.

Emperor Sanap (hypocritically): BORSK, with all due respect--I can see what you're doing! You're trying to stir trouble so you can find a loophole and regain power!!!
Say, has anyone heard about all the Kyp Clones running amok, turning to the Dark Side--

Vergere: There is no dark side.

Emperor Sanap (to spite her): --to the DARK SIDE and all? Also attacking NR ships. Why haven't the Jeed--JEDI done anything about that? Anyone have anything to say about it, FYOR??? LUKE? KYP?

[The room is soon steeped in argument and important matters are dismissed to the back of everyone?s' distracted minds]
Emperor Sanap (a la Mr. Burns): Excellent...

[After the meeting]
Rika: That went well.

Nolan: Yesssss. It did. Have the crates from Ambria arrived yet?

Rika: Yes, along with your... other zoological assets.

Nolan (a la EarthaKitt/Catwoman of the 1960's): Purrrfect. [then it occurs to him]
How long has Colonel TSL been in orbit?

Rika: Two Weeks.

Nolan: Damn. Well tell her she can bloody come DOWN now!!! [laughs amusedly]
--------------------------------------------
[Gen walks onto the bridge of the Apocalypse dressed in all black, cape flowing behind her.
She meets Drake halfway across the room.]
Gen: Well, it seems as if we have nothing else to wait for.
It took him two weeks, but Nolan is right where he needs to be.

Drake: A mental institution?

Gen: [smiles] That's what I would call the New Republic government.

Drake: As would I.

[JM comes running onto the bridge]
JM: Woa! There ya are Drakey boy! I?ve been lookin all over for ya! Have to keep my eye on ya remember?

Drake: [Glares at Gen] Thank you,

 

*jumps up and down*

Oh oh! I caaaaaan't wait!

 

[Drake streches his arm up high into the air so that the ring is just out of JM's jumping reach and then looks at the watch on other hand]
Drake: Let's go....................now.

Gen: Took ya long enough.

Drake: Everything has to be perfectly timed.

Gen: Uh huh. Just like your glorious return?

Drake: Exactly...

JM [jumps up repeatedly trying to get the Ring]: DRAKE!!!

Drake: Time to go kids.
[Drake leaves with Gen, Neo, Wyld's ghost and JM (who's jumping after the Ring) to the docking bay]
---------------------------------------------
[Rika stares at Nolan who keeps repeating, "It's a trap!" in a gravelly voice]
[gets annoyed]
Rika: Alright, I'm out of here.[disappears]
[Rika reappears parsecs away several hours later just as Drake reveals the One Ring and JM91 starts jumping]
[stifles a laugh]
[grows quiet]
[Thinks of a poem she once memorized

Three rings for the elven-kings under the sky
Seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone
Nine for mortal men doomed to die
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the land of Mordor where the Shadow lies
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them
One Ring to bring them all, and in the Darkness bind them
In the land of Mordor, where the Shadow lies]

[gasp]
Rika: He's going to take over the Universe!!! He must think that he's the Dark Lord!
I'll stay quiet for now, but I'll have to keep an eye on Drake.
[Shrinks her Force presence to nothing, and tails JM, Drake, Gen, and the rest]

[Drake walks down a corridor with his infiltration group then stops abruptly, everyone behind him runs into him and they fall down except for Wyld who keeps on walking right through them]
Gen: What's the hold up!?

Drake: [holds his forhead] I feel a presence I have not felt since... [takes off down the hall]

Gen: I hate it when he doesn't finish his sentences.
[all of them get up and take off after Drake to the launch bay]

[while running]
Bridge officer: [over comm]: My Lord, a fighter has dropped out of hyperspace on the opposite side of the planet. It is under attack by coralskippers. We are unable to identify it as of yet.

Drake: Why can't you get an I.D.?

Officer: It appears the strange meteor belt the Vong put around the planet is affecting our sensors.

Drake: Very well. Move to intercept and prepare the weapons...

Officer: At once my Lord.
---------------------------------------------
[a clawcraft bursts from hyperspace above Yuuzhan'tar, and begins a sweeping high orbit fly-by of the planet, scanning the surface]
[rapidly a small group of coralskippers move to meet it, dovin basals having detected it's reversion to real space]
Auto: Sithspawn!!

[glances at controls, realizing she is unable to jump... for now... Begins to fight her way out. She places a hand over the trigger... begins to evade the skips, weaving through them, pouring lasers into their dovin basals at every opportunity... destroys one with a fluke shot... the next with a little skill...
Feels something in the Force, and falters slightly...]
[blasts the third and final skip]
[relaxes, scans for another ship, spots it coming up from the surface]
---------------------------------------------
Officer: My Lord. We are passing through a relatively concentrated area of radiation from the ring. Our sensors won't be able to detect the battle for another few minutes.

Drake: Blast! Increase speed.

Officer: Yes my Lord.

[a few minutes later]
Officer: We have sensors back my Lord.

Drake: And?

Officer: There is only one ships remaining...it's the clawcraft!

Drake: This must be one skilled pilot and cunning warrior. Hail the vessel and tell them to land in this launch bay.

Officer: At once my Lord.
---------------------------------------------
[receives message from the Apocalypse]
Auto: The Apocalypse?... Okay, Captain

[docks with the ship, exits clawcraft, looks around the bay]

Drake: AUTO!!! You're back! [runs up to her] It's been a long time. Welcome back. You're just in time for the party...
[the rest of

 

[Gen, busting out five different types of disinfectant hand sanitizer, and JM, quickly changing into a new set of clothes, still both whining like two little girls who just fell into a pile of mud in their brand new church clothes]
JM: That was soooooooo discusting!

Gen: I second that.

[Gen's datapad plays "Kokomo" again]
JM: [glares] Give me that and I'll throw it into the abyss of space!!!

Gen: Calm down...let me see.
Oh, it's from Nolan again...[pulls out pen point, to write back with]

JM: You're writing him back AGAIN???

Gen: Hey, this is all very important stuff. Listen, you get a hold of Drake, quickly if at all possible, and maybe he can figure out what's going on....

JM: Yea...[pulls out comlink] Shouldn't we go see what that blood was coming from?

Gen: [while writing, grimaces] Well, yes we should...

Someone is tampering with our operations and has: a.) Stolen my Ysalamiri b.) Stolen my Bodyguard and Squadron Commander.
They seem to be Kyp Clones and a Twi'lek.
-WHAT?!?!?!?! Oh geez. Kyp Clones and some random Twi'lek. Hmmmm.
Have the bounty hunter take care of them.
I am planning to: a.) Release the Death Seed on the Vong and NR Govt. b.) Use Hssiss on the Jedi c.) Create a new orbalisk armor. d.) Create 1 last arguement to keep the Council occupied while I do my stuff.
-Well, at least something is going right.
I understand Neo is coming to me--I'll have him investigate the incidents, send a report with him. a.s.a.p.
-Neo's with you??? He was with us a while ago...but he just sorta...disappeared.
There's some strange stuff going on. For once I'm quite worried.
I feel like we're in a horror holo where everything goes wrong.
I have the Solo Twins, what do you want with them? BESIDES Jacen, I know what you want him for.
-Oh whatever. I'm so sure! I would never...
Wait, Jacen? Hmmmm. Ok yeah, but that's not the point! I had plans for them, if you recall earlier on. I guess you can send em here...
Do you have the mole miner bombs? Is everything in place for the final operation?
-Are you joking? Please, tell me your joking! IT IS A NIGHTMARE HERE! I don't know!!!
After my duties are finished I'll return to the Tetan Empire and await your return--I may even go and decorate Ziost for Drake's return...
-Well, just as a head's up, you may have to come here...
This is crazy...
---------------------------------------------
[Rika finishes trying to find a way out and sits down frustratedly]
Rika: All there is a metal door, and I can't sense how it operates. It does sound rather thick, though.

[TSL wakes again to find Rika in the process of proping her up. Groans in pain and reaches up to the back of her head. She winces and glances numbly at her bloody hand.]
TSL: Where...where am I?
---------------------------------------------
[Drake stands around invisible watching everyone get impatient with him]

Drake: This is fun...
[becomes visable]
I have a better bioweapon to use on Yuuzhan'tar. They're called Krel...
I have 100,000 aboard and another 400,000 on my other ships. We shall unleash them along with 50,000 YVH war-droids.
The droids will be dropped off first in specially designed drop-capsules that will look like meteors to the Vong. Their repulsors will activate and they'll land. The droids will emerge and shall wreak havoc until we land drop ships to rescue as many slaves and Shamed Ones as we can. The Krel will be dropped immediately after that...then we high tail it outta here.

Gen: That's all good and fun Drake, but we still haven't accomplished our mission...
And what's with this attack going on?
And the missing people?
And the blood???

Drake: Then let's go already instead of sitting around talking to Nolan and doing your hair and makeup all day...

Gen: GAHHH!!! Damn it Drake, you're in charge of this whole operation!!!
We leave, when you do!
Geez...

Wyld: Did someone mention makeup????
Sorry, that'll be mine!
[Gathers up the makeup and puts it in a pink fluffy vanity case]
I was in th

 

I'm just stopping in to say this is a brilliant idea. We have been immortalized! Chronicled! AHAHA! Huzzah for the Purger's Golden Age!
I'm done.

~D'Rewan

 

Oh Nolan, my dear. Good to see you old chap! How're things?

 

Well, m'dear, rather blue and luminous now that I float about like Ben Kenobi.
[mimicks]:
You must go to the Dagobah System...
Rather fun, really. [Giggles]
I never got a reply from you. Did you get my apology? (I hope so!) I just felt really bad about how things have gone and all--really just tired of arguement, etc. and how stupid I've been to you and the purgers. Any way to make pax?
But I love this thread idea, ahh, the old days...
Beware the grooooooovee... grooove
[fades an giggles]

D'Rewan

P.S. I have a link to the old TOS thread (it's still there!) if that would help; but it may take a while for me to retrieve it.

 

Oh yes, I got your letter. Consider yourself forgiven. (By me, atleast. I seriously have no spine...)
And isn't this so fun! I saw the ENG and burst into tears...
Drake's the one who copies all this stuff onto word for me, so I wouldn't know about the sw.com. I think next we're gonna post the LotR thingy.
I don't know what other purges to post. Any ideas?

 

You are not spineless, rather... gracious. [genuflects, Gen is worthy]
Well I recall the very first crusade we undertook [wipes a tear from the eye]
The Advisory Council, Tsavong Lah and Kyp all in one! On TOS, I'll do what I can to find that link!
And the days of GLOTNI, then Serator! The destruction of Koralis (nasty meteor!) the Tribbles! The VONG! The MEMORIES!!!
[Becomes excited at the possibilities and starts to fade into the force]
Luke... Dagobah system... Yoda...

D'Rewan

 

Tribbles yay!!! Argh what am I saying if it hadnt been for them........

 

Then Modjt Serator would be alive and I wouldn't be Emperor... scary thought...
I found the link! It's this: Original Locked NJO Purges Thread
You may have to do some backscrolling to get to page one... but that was the best I could do. Have fun!

~D'Rewan, tried and executed for crimes against humanity

 

[The following is "Operation: Emperor's Foot" Nolan's first operation and the establishing of his Grand Imperium as well as his first alliance w/Gen]
Construction was just completed on my INVISIBLE SPACE STATION!!!--thunder and lighting--(NOT a superweapon--thank god).
SO, all in favor of destroying the Vong, Master Durron, Chief Pwoe and the Advisory Council can head over there to conspire.
Err, if I can find it, that is... uhmm--hmm. That's the trouble with it being invisible isn't it? (Nervous chuckle).
WELL, moving right along.
I've also begun to train an army of Dark Jedi for his lordship, Darth Drake. Perhaps milord, I may be then granted the codename of "Sith Lord's Foot" (a la "Emperor's Hand)?
Well, I've sent my cadre of crack bounty hunters to attain a strain of the Derricote Plagues that can wipe out the Vong.
Meanwhile I've contacted my sleeper agents in the NR government.
They are currently persuading Pwoe that to be forgiven by the Vong he needs to caputre and trun over Jedi--like Kyp. So Pwoe's strike force has gone to pursue Kyp's group.
I've tipped Tsavong Lah off as to where he can find the both of them.
After Pwoe and the Council kill Durron and his weaklings, my double agents will kill them and escape. Their strike force will then be annihalated by the Vong who will have been unwittingliy infected with the new plague.
(laughs a la Yzma--Emperor's New Groove) It's DINNER time!!!
YESSS, JM91, the Peace Brigade is next. those traitorous collaborationists must be punished for their treachery. But for now, let's sit back and watch the follow through of "OPERATION EMPEROR'S FOOT!!!"
(Nolan pulls lever activate rollercoaster-to-bridge-viewscreen but accidentally activates trapdoor and falls into crocodile pit)
(re-emerging) Why do we even HAVE that lever?!*
(Pulls new lever which activates roller-coaster-to-bridge) WEEEEEE!
(Arrives at Bridge) It's showtime.

The following is the carrying out of OPERATION EMPEROR'S FOOT:
(Nolan Sanap/SY2K, Kyp Durron & Co arrive)
Kyp: You sure bout this?
Nolan: Relax, no politicos for miles.
(Pwoe's forces arrive)
Pwoe: SHOOT THEM ALL! DON'T LET THEM GET ME! DON'T LET THEM GET ME!
Advisory Council: Yay.
Nolan: Run Kyp, we must retreat.
Kyp: Run away! Run away! (Nolan trips him and he impales on his own lightsaber)
Nolan: One down...
(Nolan goes back to Invisble Station and munches of cheesecake--yum)
Pwoe: WE DID IT! we killed the Jedi!
Advisory Council: Yay.
Sleeper agents: Die Pwoe.
(They stab Pwoe a la Caesar sans "et tu")
Advisory Council: Yay.
(Advisory Council is murdered)
Advisory Council: Y--(Dead)
(Tsavong arrives) Late again! that is the last time we take directons from a Squirrel!
(Tsavong blows up Pwoe's personal forces)
Sleeper agent: I slew Pwoe.
Tsavong: Join me, honorable infidel.
Sleeper Agent (smiles evilly): Gladly
(Secretly releases Derricote Plague on tsavong and vong)
END OPERATION EMPEROR'S FOOT (Hope you enjoyed the coffee and Cheesecake)

[Gen Turns attention back to holoprojector to watch Kyp fall (also literally) to his death...
cheering erupts, popcorn goes flying, fireworks start blasting]
Gen: Wait...wait...look he's getting up! How can that be???? Why, oh WHY God is he getting up???
Ahhhh....do something!!!!
[holoprojector cuts to a monkey eating a bug]
What's with the monkey and the bug? How bout back to.....Kyp!!!
[Nolan Hits Kyp with a Platter of Broccolli--knocking him out cold--]
Nolan: HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!! I'll take him offsystem and finish the job--after dessert and coffee...
Gen: [sigh] Alright a quick cup of coffee.... THEN TAKE HIM OUT AND FINISH THE JOB!!!
Nolan: OK, Kyp's dead--so don't anybody claim he's getting back up, or else.
Milord Drake--I'd like some further tutelage in the Dark Side so I can hold off the premature aging it brings about--can I be your "Hand" or apprentice?
auto:Kyp's dead? Just like that? *sniff* *sob* *wail* Seems I did like him after all... *sob*
Nolan Sanap: Search your feelings, autopilot, you KNOW it to be true.
[Nolan Sanap tak

 

The Following is the first meeting of Nolan and Drake... you can feel the violent tension in the air... shudder
[Enter Drake]
Drake: I did not agree to anything concerning your coming under my tutelage.
Nolan: Ahhh, Lord Drake. Glad to see that you've replied to the summons of the New Imperium Ruling Circle (NIRC) and myself. We need a Sith practicioner to aide the Grand Imperium... (beat) point of fact, we need (dramatic pause) you.
And there must be a master and an apprentice...
Drake: Well, you see...I have my own empire to run. Handling two at the same time would be quite overwhelming. I would have to take some time to consider your offer. Just to let you know (long pause) I serve no one.
Nolan: So basically, we request that you allow me to enter under your tutelage. Don't we NIRC? You need serve no one. The NIRC understands your need to remain independent (although an alliance would be marvelous). We merely ask that you share with me your knowledge of the Dark Side--correction,"the force."
GI: You must help us Drake...we will be powerful allies...but horrible enemies...
Drake: No offence but as enemies, I would completly annihilate you. I shall consider your offer.
Nolan: (Turns aside to GI_Admiral): YESSSSS! Perrrfect! You have done well! You're good at persuasive talking. I think we've made a POWERFUL ALLY... (Turns aside to Gen Park and indicates Lord Drake) Watch this one and have the Ysalamiri ready.
Drake: Before I make a decision, I would like to know a little more about your little organization...what did you call it? Ah yes, the NIRC.
Nolan: Well, actually, Milord, NIRC stands for New Imperium Ruling Council--composed of many of your own allies from the Vong campaign. I am Nolan Sanap, a force sensitive politico and GREAT LEADER OF THE NEW IMPERIUM hence GLOTNI. I try to keep everyone happy and maintain my position so the Grand Imperium is a very profitable government. I'm glad you're considering our offer.
The Grand Imperium has undergone a huge reformation since it's faction beginnings. We now have an organized government, fleet, army (in fact we have undergone a greater military expansion than the original Empire) and errr, ...a superweapon test bed... we are not anti-alien, anti-female or anti-force users. We like everybody and everybody likes us. Cept those people we wipe out to appease the NIRC (like Kyp Durron, the Vong, Peace Brigade, Pwoe and the Advisory Council, etc.)
That's the story. Want to forge an alliance?
Drake: What was that about...ysalamiri? One more thing: since when did a regular take orders from...a newbie?
[silence... a pin could be heard dropping and Nolan purses his lips and brow furrows in irritation]
Nolan: #1 I am not a "newbie" I've simply undergone A GREAT many username changes. #2 NO ONE takes orders from me, I request things. I am "Leader" of the grand Imperium not "ruler."
I've been looking for an enemy, milord--if you'll forgive the concept, I hope, for both our sakes, that enemy is not you.
Drake: Give me more detail (ie. number of ships, types of vessels, what kind of superweapon, etc.).
Nolan: The tally is incomplete as far as our regular fleet and military is concerned. But we currently have completed the "Nostril of Palpatine II" and the Nova Colossus-Class Star Destroyer. Plans are underway for other superweapons. We also have an assortment of Derricote Plagues, a cadre of Crack Bounty Hunters, a fantastic spy net, underworld connections, an invisible space station and legions of Dark Jedi.
Nolan: Ysalamiri? What Ysalamiri? I don't like having them around they dampen my force-sense, you must be hearing things.
Drake: Very interesting. You can call up your numbers and then tell me later. I have to go now.
Nolan: May the fore be with you, Supreme Lord Drake.
Drake: May the drakside be with you, Secretariat.
[Departs]

D'Rewan

 

We purger's love our movies...

We love em even better after we star in them.




Sooooooo, as a treat, here is the first parody we're gonna publish. It's of X-Men 2 and it's some quality work. (Thanks to Lerriya and TSL, might I add)
After this I'll bust out the Matrix Reloaded and Two Towers parodies.

Enjoy, you invisable people!
---------------------------------------------
X-Men 2

X2 cast:

Professor Xavier ? Aureus
Wolverine ? Drake
Cyclops ? Jacen
Jean Grey ? Gen
Rogue ? JM
Storm ? Auto
Nightcrawler ? GI
Iceman ? Chozen
Pyro ? Fett
Magneto ? TSL
Mystique ? Lerriya
Lady Deathstrike ? Wyld
William Stryker ? Palpatine
Stryker's son - Lord Nyax
------------------------------------
AIMOO.COM Presents....

A Purges Production....

X2 X-MEN UNITED

[insert some wicked cool SFX with DNA and machines and craziness like that here]

Professor X: Blah, blah, blah Humans blah, blah, Mutants blah, fear and suspecion, blah...are you sure they're listening to this crap? Blah, blah, blah. Ok, start the damn movie already...





Tour Guide: Blah blah blah...This was a speech by President Lincoln at his inaguration. It's one of my favorites. Now, please show your tickets to the guards and we can begin the tour.

*Tourists starts searching and going through, the guards lookin at each ticket*

*One person is left in a trenchcoat and hat*

*A guard hears a strange noise and sees GI walking out of a closet*

Guard: Hey, lets see your ticket please...

*looks up and his face is revealed, whitish and tatooed*

*The guard, surprised, takes out his gun, but GI takes his tail and rips the gun out of his hands and kicks the gaurd*

*The guard collapses*

Guard: Security Breech!!!

*Another guard looks around seeing flashes of blue on either side*

Guard: Multiple targets!

*The guy pulls out his gun but *BAMF* a blue cloud appears and the man is kicked in the chest going through a door*

*More Agents come in and surround the President and the Oval office*

*Starts running around kicking butt while avoiding bullets*

*Finally reaches the office before the Oval office*

*BAMF's in and gun shots are heard, the protecters of the President are eyeing the door nervously. All of a sudden the door bursts open and one of the gaurds is pulled into a blue cloud*

*The guards start opening fire, but are too slow as GI teleports around the room knocking everyone down, Grabs the president and throws him on the desk*

*Grins wickedly as his tail hands a knife to his hand*

*A fallen guard, fires a bullet which hits GI on his shoulder causing GI to drop his knife into the desk and disappear*

*The knife says: Mutant Freedom Now!*
------------------------------
*Drake makes his way through the snowy mountain-side...searching for something*

*sniff* Smells like...fresh snow with a hint of...pine needles. I should get that for my trailer...oh that's right, it got blown up in the last movie. Heh...

*he crests a ridge and looks out over a ruined base sitting in front of a river and water dam*

Honey...I'm home...

*Drake sniffs the air again and then makes his way to the old base...stopping a moment in front of a sign reading: Alkali Lake facility*

Good ol' Canada...keeping things in such pleasent and livable conditions.

*he walks through the very scarce and snow-covered ruins of the base then lets out a loud yell*

No washrooms...now I have to use leaves...bloody hell.

*leaves*