Beyond - Legends Chasing Dreams (L/M, post-NJO, repost) Complete!

Great updates here somehow I got behind. I liked it when Mara gave Ben the puzzle box.

 

You know I share the Lando love! I think he and Mara could have a really good friendship... Ah, that fic was a bit evil, wasn't it?

I love Lando, I wish there was more fic with him in it.

Thank you!

Thanks! I like the idea of Luke making little toys for Ben to play with.

 

Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY


He had returned. Anticipation mingled with a slight anxiety as Mara felt her husband's presence approach. She would have gone to meet him at the spaceport, but Ben was sleeping soundly in his room and she didn't want to disturb him or leave him unattended. And there was a part of her that wasn't quite sure how she would react to seeing Luke again, and was positive that whatever happened, she didn't want a hanger of people watching.

To an outside observer, she would seem the epitome of calm. Sitting quietly on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, her hands resting demurely in her lap. But underneath the surface, Mara's emotions were tumultuous, spinning out of control within her. Anxiety ate at her; her heart beginning to beat erratically as she heard him key in his access code. Finality bore down on her as the door slid open, and Luke stepped through.

Mara stole a few seconds to absorb the vision of him. He was still dressed in flight fatigues, appropriately wrinkled and blemished by a few patches of grime. His lightsaber swung from his waist as it always did, gleaming in contrast to the rest of his attire. His short hair was dishevelled and untidy, unable to be smoothed down by the running through of his fingers. And finally, his face, creased with an adorable Skywalker grin, hiding the tiredness of his visage, his eyes radiating with pleasure at the sight of her.

She crossed the five paces across the room before he could speak, and pressed her lips to his hungrily. Mara claimed him harshly, her arms tightly wound around his neck, pressing him closer to her. The kiss was primeval, perhaps, possessive, certainly, but Mara didn't really care. All she was concerned about was his lips on hers, eagerly returning her overtures, about his hands working their way around her hips and up across her back. It was a frenzied, zealous embrace, but immensely satisfying.

"Wow," Luke murmured as she pulled away smugly. "So you did miss me."

Mara smiled, and leaned in to kiss him again. It was soft this time, loving. "You could say that," she murmured back, basking in his presence as he reached out to her through their bond.

"Maybe I should go away more often, if that's the homecoming I receive," he countered playfully, gently tickling her sides.

Mara knew the comment was teasing, but something inexplicable twisted in her heart. Her sudden good mood vanished, leaving her feeling cold. She disentangled herself from his embrace, both physically, and through the Force.

"Mara?" he asked her, clearly confused at her reaction.

She clamped her mouth shut, and turned away from him, crossing her arms defensively.

"Mara, what's wrong?" he asked again, taking a step towards her.

"Nothing," she replied, a little too quickly. "Just... something happened while you were away, and I need to talk to you about it."

"Alright," he said uncertainly. "Just let me say hello to Ben."

"He's sleeping."

"I'll just check in on him." He moved towards Ben's room.

"No, Luke, I... " Mara began, but found her resolve falter and disappear. "Nothing," she said, falling into her previous position on the couch.

Maybe it was something in her tone, or perhaps it was a change in the Force, but Luke halted, turning back around to face her. "Mara?"

"Luke?" She knew that it would be easier just to tell him - but she couldn't. She couldn't physically form the words.

"What did you have to tell me?" Luke advanced on her, his voice firm.

"It can wait." She avoided his eyes.

"No, Mara". He moved to sit beside her, reaching for her hand. She allowed his fingers to wind between hers, but resisted his probe through the Force. "You attack me the moment I walk through the door, and now you're shutting me out. Please tell me what's wrong."

Mara squeezed his fingers slightly, in reassurance. "It's really not that important," she lied. "I told you that something happened while you were gone. The truth is... someone happened."

Luke furrowed his brow. "Surely Omas hasn't been that much of an issue while I've been away."

"No, it's not him," Mara shook her head. She closed her eyes and mentally prepared herself. "It's... Callista."

When she heard nothing but silence, Mara opened her eyes. Luke looked stunned. She could see him trying to speak and having little success.

"I don't know why, Luke, but she's back on Coruscant," Mara explained. "And I don't think she really has any intention of leaving."

Luke blinked blankly at her, and he swallowed heavily. Suddenly, he dropped her hand and stood up, turning away from her. "Oh."

Shocked, Mara stared at her husband's back. She tried to reach out for him with the Force, but he felt... empty. Devoid. A sudden irritation filled her. She wasn't sure how she had expected him to react, but it certainly hadn't been like this.

"That's all you've got to say?" she snapped.

She heard him sigh, saw his shoulders rise and fall deeply. "How would you like me to respond, Mara?" he asked coolly.

"I don't know," Mara rose to her feet. "Anger, irritation, curiosity... happiness? There's a whole spectrum of emotions to choose from, Luke."

He turned around to face her again, a concerned expression on his face. "You didn't hurt her, did you Mara?"

"You think that I would?" Mara asked, disbelieving.

"I know your relationship with her has always been... well, volatile," Luke admitted.

"But to actually cause her bodily harm?" Mara was indignant.

Luke sighed. "It was just a question, Mara."

"An unreasonable one!" her voice raised several notches. She calmed herself and looked at him questioningly. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Come on, Mara. Don't tell me the thought didn't cross your mind," Luke persisted.

Mara faltered slightly. "That's not the point Luke. You're deflecting the issue."

"Which is?" Luke clasped his hands in front of him.

Mara threw him a venomous look. "The fact that you haven't given any indication of how you feel about Callista being back."

"Mara." Luke passed her and sank into an armchair. "I don't know what to feel. I never expected to see Callista again. I thought that in all likelihood, she was dead. I'm happy that she's not. I'm curious as to why she's returned. I'm conflicted because there are unresolved issues between us. I'm concerned that you are so upset by it." He glared at her defiantly. "Are those enough emotions for you?"

"You're still in love with her," Mara accused him.

"What?" Luke scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Why else would you react this way?"

"You're the one who is overreacting in this situation," he shot back.

"Overreacting to the fact that my husband's ex-lover has returned from the dead? Again?" She spat at him.

"Mara... "

"Or overreacting to the fact that he seems to feel that I should just accept it?" Mara's voice faltered. "Because I can't, Luke. I can't handle her being here, disrupting my life."

Luke stood and clenched his fists. "That's it, isn't it, Mara? It's your life, not mine, or ours." He shook his head, disbelievingly. "I thought we'd come further than that."

"I thought we had, too," she remarked spitefully. "But Callista shows up and we've reverted back twenty years. I'm cut off from you again, and all you can think about is her."

Luke gave her a long, probing look. "I never picked up on this insecurity of yours, Mara."

"That doesn't surprise me,” she shot back at him. “It's not like you're here long enough to notice."

"Is that what this is about?" Luke questioned her, his brow furrowed.

"No, Skywalker." She advanced slowly on him, her voice loud and harsh. "This about the fact that after twelve years and all we've been through together I find out that you're still harbouring feelings for that... paramour."

"How can you believe that I don't love you?" he asked, his voice suddenly dangerously soft, tempered with a suppressed fury. "That I don't care for you more than anything, more than my own life?" his voice cracked with emotion. "I know we haven't had that much time with each other, lately... but I didn't think things had changed this much." There was desperation in his tone as he reached out a hand to her, a melancholy that Mara chose not to acknowledge.

"Well, they have," she retorted, ignoring his outstretched hand, turning briskly on her heel and enclosing herself in the bedroom.

As the door slid shut behind her, Mara leaned her head against the cool metal, wondering what in the Force's name had just happened.


*********************************


With a heavy heart, Luke quietly made his way into his son's darkened room. He tried not to think about his argument with Mara. He didn't know what had caused her to react so violently, or him for that matter. They hadn't had an argument that bad since... well, Luke wasn't sure he couldn't remember.

A small glow of the night-light illuminated the bed, and Ben's still form. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, his small chest rising and falling rhythmically, his easy breaths the only sound in the room. Luke smiled, and turned back to the door. Ben, like his mother, tended to be a restless sleeper, and Luke preferred to let him get the rest.

Then, suddenly, Luke felt an almost imperceptible flicker in the Force. He turned back around, and honed in on the sensation. It heightened, revealing a slight panic originating from the child on the bed.

"Ben?" Luke asked softly. The flicker died down slightly, but Luke could feel the underlying effort behind the action. A slight sadness overcame him as Luke moved to sit on the unoccupied portion of the bed.

"Ben?" he asked again, placing his hand gently on Ben's forearm. By this time it was clear that the boy was awake, and had been trying to hide it. A pang of - something - struck Luke's heart. Why didn't his son want to see him? Ben had always been exuberant when Luke had returned from a trip offworld. What had changed?

Finally, Ben rolled over, his eyes fluttering open to reveal smoky grey depths. It was clear from the contrite look on his face that he was aware of being discovered. Luke almost moved his Force sense to envelop his son, but thought better of it. He didn't want to impose his presence if Ben was intent rejecting it.

Luke tried to make light of the situation, a false, easy smile forming on his face. "Not even a hello for me, Ben?" The tone was teasing, but Luke could not hide the distressed undertones.

Ben looked away, his eyes focussing on the opposite wall. "Hi, Dad" he said dully, without any feeling.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Luke's asked, concerned. The boy didn't answer, and continued to stare morosely at the wall.

Started to become worried, Luke reached out in the Force to his son, but was rebuffed by a solid wall. He reeled back, not daring to try and break through the firm barrier's his son had built around himself.

"Ben, please. Aren't you happy to see me?" It was an unfair question, but quite frankly, Luke was becoming quite scared by his son's behaviour. Mara hadn't said anything about it, but on the other hand, they hadn't really had a chance to say that many rational things to each other. But surely if Ben was acting so strangely, that would take precedent over the news of Callista. Wouldn't it?

Still staring at the wall, Ben sighed loudly. "You'll just go away again," he mumbled, and his shields slipped a little. Luke caught a glimpse of loneliness break through, and it made his heart ache. He reached out to draw Ben into an embrace, but the child escaped, leaping away until he was kneeling on the opposite side of the bed. "You always say you're going to be staying this time. But - but you always leave again." Frustration reeled off of him.

"Ben... " Luke ran a hand over his tired face. He was not in the best condition to be dealing with this. "Ben," he tried again. "I know you want me here, believe me, I want to be here too. But I have a responsibility to the Jedi - to the government." The words sounded trite even to his own ears. He could almost imagine what Mara would say. You have a responsibility to your son, first.

"And Ben... you know I'll always come back," he said as an effort at appeasement.

But the statement only made Ben's lower lip quibble. "But what if you don't?" he said softly, fearfully.

This time Luke didn't hesitate. He stood and leaned over the bed, gathering Ben into his arms, holding him in a vice grip against his chest. "Nothing will ever, ever, keep me from you, Ben," he said firmly.

Ben sniffed quietly in his arms. "You promise?" he asked, his words partly muffed by Luke's tunic.

The words halted him for a second. There was no way he could actually promise him that. Anything could happen, with the Vong, with any new enemy of the government, with the Jedi. The galaxy may never be safe for them. It was dishonest, and unfair, to make such a vow to his already troubled son.

"I promise," he whispered assuredly, quashing the doubts in his mind and drawing his arms tighter around Ben.

They held each other for several minutes, and Luke was relieved to feel Ben opening his Force sense up to him slightly. The wall was still there, but it had become a little more transparent. Luke wondered whether he would ever be allowed to break through completely. He had succeeded with Mara in that respect. Although he couldn't help but think that Ben might turn out to be more stubborn that either of them. Luke wasn't sure whether to be comforted by that fact, or concerned.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Ben finally spoke up, as he disentangled himself from Luke's embrace. Luke furrowed his brow, and was tempted not to let Ben pull away, but worked against the impulse. He couldn't coddle him.

"What are you sorry for, Ben?" Luke asked gently, sitting down on the bed again.

"Bein' so sad," Ben said simply, crawling up the spread to sit beside his father.

Luke looked into the angelic, wide eyes of his son, noticing that they had cleared somewhat. "You shouldn't ever be sorry about how you feel," Luke told him firmly. "About who you are."

"I was okay, but... " Ben's voice halted hesitantly, and he looked down at his hands, clasped securely in his lap.

"But what?" Luke prompted. It would do him no good to keep his feelings inside, unspoken. Luke knew how difficult that was to keep up.

Shifting awkwardly in his position, Ben twisted his fingers around themselves. "I heard you fighting with Mom," he said uncertainly.

A twinge of regret worked its way into Luke's already troubled mind. His conversation with Mara was the last thing Luke had wanted his son to hear. Their angry words to one another must have pained him greatly.

"Your mother and I fight all of the time," Luke tried to reassure him. "You don't have to worry about that."

"But that's different," Ben tried to explain. "That feels kind of... tingly. Almost nice. But it hurts, now."

Luke's gut twisted at the words. He recalled the damning anger that must have been radiating both of them, that must have bled into Ben's Force awareness. Silently, he berated himself for not shielding the emotions properly. There was a time where it would have been second nature to him, to guard his defences like that. But in his years with Mara, and now with Ben, he had slackened in that regard. Had learnt to open himself up, to allow himself to flow into them. Now, that freedom had hurt the one thing he cared about the most.

"I'm sorry, Ben," he said finally. "Your mother and I... we, well... " He sighed heavily. How could he possibly explain to him why Mara had been so angry, make Ben understand what kind of trouble Callista had caused between them? "When two people don't agree on something, they have to talk about it," he began. "They have to reach a common ground, they have to understand what the other person is feeling. Your mother and I didn't mean to be angry with each other, but sometimes that's the easiest way to come to an agreement. Do you understand?"

Ben nodded, but it was tentative, and uncertain.

"It doesn't mean that we love each other any less," Luke finished, hoping that the explanation was sufficient. But Ben looked more troubled that ever, and refused to look up at him. Luke placed a hand on his small shoulder, and Ben mumbled something he couldn't quite hear.

"What, Ben?" he asked, gently.

The boy hung his head even lower, in - shame? "Was my fault," he muttered again.

"The fight?" Luke was surprised. That was the last thing he'd expected to hear. "No, Ben, no - "

"It was!" Ben shouted, turning a tear-filled gaze upwards. "It was about 'Lista... I heard!". A few, salty tears began to run down his cheeks as he sang out the pain within him. "Because ran away and met her... I thought she was nice, but... " his lip quivered. "It just made Mama sad. Because of me."

"No, Ben," Luke said resolutely, pulling Ben back into his lap. "No, it's not your fault, don't ever think that." He stroked the soft strawberry-blond hair that flew out in every direction, holding Ben closely to him. The tears began to seep into his tunic, but Luke only held him tighter. "There are things that happened in the past... that I can't tell you about." That really, Luke admitted, he didn't even want to think about. "But none of it has to do with you, or is because of you." Luke closed his eyes, willing back his own tears. "The only one who has made your mother sad is me," he said softly.

Luke held his son, enveloping him with his arms, and more importantly, with a comforting blanket of the Force. He allowed Ben to register his words, and calm himself down. Relief overwhelmed Luke when he felt a sense of understanding flicker inside of Ben.

"I love you," he murmured softly into his hair, gently fortifying Ben's Force sense.

He felt, rather than heard, a hushed "love you too," from his son, and felt a sense of equanimity return. He continued to hold Ben, gently rocking him in his arms, perhaps a little concerned about his sensitivity. It wasn't the first time he had erupted into tears like that, but it had certainly been the worst. Briefly, Luke wondered whether it was usual for a child his age, or whether Ben's extreme sensitivity to the Force made him more impressionable, more susceptible to distress.

"Did lots of bad things happen when I was little, Dad?" Ben's more composed, but still shaky voice refocused Luke's attention. A part of him wanted to remind Ben flippantly that he was still little, but the memories assaulted him. Luke thought of Anakin, of his life cut so short when Ben was still so young. About the billions of people who died, who were enslaved or tortured. About the lives and planets lost.

"Yes, Ben," he admitted. "A lot of bad things happened."

"I feel the bad things, sometimes," Ben's face contorted, almost as if he was in pain. "It feels all prickly, and it makes my head hurt." He brought his small hands up to cover his ears. "It's so loud, Dad." One more tear slipped down Ben's cheek and he hiccuped. "It hurts," he wailed again.

Luke felt his heart break as he tightened his hold. "I know it hurts, Ben," he whispered softly, knowing from experience that his words would bring no comfort. "I know."

 

The fact is Mara is insecure and oversensitive over Callista. No woman wants an ex to show up and that's a fact! But because of the situation and because of Mara being who she is, she never got over it entirely I think. Luke's surprise and curiosity etc. over Callista certainly cannot be called "You're still in love with her."

The father/son moment was loving, touching, and very much in character. Ben's feelings of responsibility for his folks' argument is something that any youngling would feel, Force or not.

 

This chapter breaks my heart again, almost 10 years later!!! But it's darkest before dawn. There is so much that Luke needs to examine, and Mara, too. For Ben's sake and for all of theirs. I love it!!

 

Poor LMB. That fight was inevitable (damn Callista). But I love seeing Luke as the comforting father.

 

Well that was one humdinger of a fight! Poor Mara! Poor Luke! And poor sweet Ben.

I'm not sure Mara's accusations were fair, though: she didn't really give Luke time to process the news before accusing him. It's an unfair assumption about his character for Mara to make, and you know what they say about assuming...

But I understand her pain, I guess. She's not being rational because she's been sitting on this for a bit.

Geez, one would have thought that pesky Force bond would have sorted all their issues out, eh?

 

I found it interesting that their fight caused Ben to have a tingly effect in his head -- like he was picking up on their thoughts in addition to the vocal sounds. I can really see Ben's side about Luke being away and Ben wanting him home --- very well written.

 

I guess being a Jedi Master does not mean you understand women. Somebody smack a 2x4 upside his head. Maybe it will knock some sense into him.

I don't believe Mara thinks Luke is in love with her. That comment is right out of the Human Manipulation Handbook. She didn't get an appropriate answer and therefore she puts out an over the top provoking statement to initiate an appropriate response.

For example: An obviously upset Mara tells her husband his ex-lover is in town and doesn't appear to have any intention of leaving.

PROPER RESPONSE FOR A JEDI: Mara, I can understand how this upsets you, but I want you to know she is nothing to me any more. You are the woman I love. You are the love of my life and the mother of my child. If I never see her again it will be too soon. [Hugs her] I love you and only you. Callista was the biggest mistake in my life.

PROPER RESPONSE FOR A LAWYER: I love you Mara. If she is bothering you I will put a restraining order out to keep her away from the family. Don't worry, she's nothing but a bad memory.

PROPER RESPONSE FOR A SWOOP GANG MEMBER: I can't believe that kriff'n skidcrud had the guts to show her face in this town. I swear if she comes near you again I will take out my vibroblade and skin her alive!"

IMPROPER RESPONSE FOR ANY MALE OF ANY PROFESSION: Stand up, turn away and say, "Oh."

Luke gave an inappropriate answer and shut down. Mara's crazy talk about him loving Callista was an attempt to illicit the appropriate response from her husband. Luke should have picked up on this and altered his reply.

Note: A proper response does not involve accusing your wife of being insecure! NEVER! It doesn't matter how insecure she is acting at the moment. How did Luke stay married this long and not understand these basics?

 

'Cuz at the end of the day he's still a dude.

 

Jedi_Lover -- and LOL! I'll bet ThreadSketch - that Luke wishes he could have that whole entire conversation over again.

 

Loved reading all your thoughts and analysis, ladies. Mara is being pretty unreasonable (and the cause of her overreaction will become a bit clearer in later chapters) and didn't give him a chance to digest the information and so didn't get the response she wanted, while Luke's just thrown for a loop, because of the way his and Callista's relationship deteriorated and was left unresolved. As much as we like to think of Luke as the perfect husband, there are going to be times that he says or does the wrong thing, and hey, he's allowed to have his own reaction to things without first vetting it to see if it will upset Mara

Of course, from a Doylist perspective, the argument needed to happen because otherwise the fic would be a lot shorter and without much real conflict, and also because I love my angst . From a Watsonian perspective, it's an argument stemming from a situation that was never anticipated and therefore the circumstances were never really discussed, leading to miscommunication. Of course there's that Force bond which should make any such communication issues moot, but that would be a pretty boring way to live, imo, and I think Luke and Mara probably let the bond just simmer under the surface and try to stay out of each others thoughts unless invited.

 

Wild Karrde, Deep Space, 12 ABY


"Jade here." Her voice was detached and professional as she answered the comm. Her cool collectiveness scattered slightly when the accompanying holographic image appeared before her.

Mara leaned forward, trying to hold together a semblance of dignity. Karrde gave her an amused look from his station across the bridge. Luckily, it was late into the night and there were few other staff likely to hear the transmission.

"Hello Mara," the woman said, a diplomatic smile on her lips.

Mara didn't return it. "Leia," she greeted her as respectfully as she could manage. She didn't know why exactly she was so surprised at the call, she'd been expecting it for days, actually. Ever since the news had been splattered across the holonet.

For a several moments the two women stared at each other, Leia, holding all the poise and bearing of her office, and Mara glaring stubbornly back at her.

"I suppose this isn't a social call?" Mara finally said, coldly. She liked Leia, admired her even. She just wasn't sure that they would ever be close to being friends.

"No," Leia finally answered, her tone slightly strained. "I assume you've heard the news about Luke?"

"There's scarce else on the holonet," Mara conceded. "I noticed that the danger to the Academy was relegated to an afterthought."

"Yes," Leia pursed her lips. "Obviously Callista made a much more interesting story," she said disdainfully.

"Obviously," Mara held herself in check. The truth was, she was just as indignant as Leia at the treatment of Luke's private life. Oh, she was pleased that Callista had left him, but she objected to having Luke's internal pain packaged and presented for mass galactic consumption.

Mara desperately wanted to ask how Luke was faring, but couldn't bring herself to give Leia the satisfaction.

"Luke has taken it fairly hard," Leia said, relieving Mara of her dilemma.

"I can imagine." She answered noncommittally, knowing where this was probably heading.

Leia visibly composed herself, clasped her hands on her lap and took a deep breathe. "He's locked himself away on Yavin. He's refusing to teach, refusing to see anyone. I was wondering if perhaps...you would consider going to him."

"He's your brother," Mara folded her arms defiantly. "You try and cheer him up."

"Mara, I've tried," Leia's voice cracked, ever so slightly. Mara squinted a little, examining the small image before her. Outwardly, Leia seemed the epitome of calm, but further scrutiny revealed telltale signs of stress, dark circles under her eyes, her hands clasped a bit too tightly in her lap.

Mara pretended not to notice. "Then what makes you think I'll fare any better?"

"Because no one else has been able to get through to him," Leia continued, faltering slightly over the words "At least try," she entreated.

"Sorry, Leia. I've got more important things to do than to go around chasing wayward farmboys." Her tone was indifferent.

"Please, Mara," Leia eyed her desperately. "I know you and my brother don’t always agree, but I've never known you not to be there for him."

Mara shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hated being guilted into things like this. Unfortunately, both of the Solos were extremely good at it. Several tense moments passed before she gave a sigh of resignation.

"Fine, but only for Skywalker's sake." Mara gave her a full look. "Not because you asked me to."

"Thank you, Mara." Leia's face showed genuine gratitude and thankfulness. Mara nodded curtly and cut the connection without another word. She settled back into her seat, contemplating.

Karrde threw her an amused look from across the datapad he'd been pretending to examine.

"Weren't you going to see Skywalker anyway?" he enquired. "I'm positive that's why I cleared you for leave."

"Yes." Mara countered, staring out the viewport. "But she didn't need to know that."

"So you let her sit there and practically beg you?"

Mara bristled at the words. "Look, Talon, this wasn't for my own personal enjoyment. If Organa Solo knew I was going to see Skywalker voluntarily... "

"She would what?" Karrde cut in. "Think you were his friend? Be grateful for your foresight and compassion? She wouldn't have thought any less of you Mara," he added gently. "In fact, I believe it would have had the opposite effect."

"I don't need her approval, Talon," Mara said brusquely. "Or yours."

"That's too bad, Mara." He walked over to the seat next to hers. "Because you've always had mine. And my respect."

Mara managed to give him a small smile. "I know, but-"

"You appreciate it, but you don't need it, is that what you were going to say?" Karrde grinned.

"Sith, you're almost as bad as Skywalker sometimes," Mara grumbled, her countenance falling rapidly again.

"And without a drop of the Force," he boasted inanely.

Mara grunted under her breath, then rose to her feet. "I leave at 1400," she informed Karrde, then made her way towards the door and away from the conversation.

"Give Skywalker my regards," he called after her.


*************************


Yavin 4


Resentment came to Mara swiftly and easily. She resented Callista for leaving her this mess to deal with. She resented Organa Solo and the Jedi here at the Academy for lacking the spine that was needed to confront a certain Jedi Master. She resented the humidity of the jungle, seeping into her clothes and skin, she resented the animals that screeched and called to one another making it impossible for her to think clearly. But most of all, she resented Luke Skywalker for coming into her life and complicating things so much for her. And the fact he didn't even have the decency to sulk indoors, where such depression belonged.

Instead, he had forced her to trudge through kilometres of jungle, chasing after the whisper of his Force sense, while the mud sullied her boots and her mood grew foul.

She eventually found him, leaning against the strong, ample trunk of a Massassi tree, its overgrown roots winding between his legs. His eyes were closed and his face was pained, highlighting the darkness underneath his eyes. A wave of sympathy passed over her, but she quickly repressed it. The last thing Skywalker needed at the moment was another person feeling sorry for him.

"Is this a public pity party?" she asked as she approached. "Or invitation only?"

Luke laughed bitterly. "Come to gloat, Jade?" He didn't open his eyes or move in any other way to acknowledge her presence.

"No," she moved closer still, until she stood right next to his seated form. "Gloating would imply that you've done something wrong, and I don't think that is the case."

"Always semantics with you," Luke opened his eyes to slits, but that was enough for her to see the pain within them. "What makes you so sure I haven't done something wrong? I mean I must have - she's gone."

In a rare display of indulgence and solidarity, Mara joined him on the ground, placing herself in a space between the tree's giant roots. She wasn't quite facing him - her shoulder close, but not quite touching his own.

"I don't suppose you've come to tell me how sorry you are," he said voice tired, strained.

"I wouldn't insult you like that, Skywalker," she answered calmly. Mara's dislike for his lost love had been obvious, even to Luke. To offer her condolences in such a contrived manner would be the highest hypocrisy. Besides, Mara knew expressions of sympathy were the last thing he wanted, or needed, to hear.

Luke didn't answer her, but she felt a slight recession of his pain, his sorrows held at bay by her presence. They sat in a silent companionship for several moments, and Luke closed his eyes again. Mara found herself opening up to the sounds of the jungle, of the nature that surrounded them. It had its own presence in the Force, she realised. It was in the air, the trees, the small ground-dwelling animals and the birds that flew above them. The Force swirled around them, bound together in their shared company. It was peaceful. Mara understood why Luke had sought his solitude out here.

"Did it bother you?" Mara asked, finally, quietly into the air.

Luke turned his head slightly towards her. "Did what bother me?"

Flushing slightly, Mara turned away. She wasn't sure why she'd said anything at all. "Callista... she... " Mara twisted back around to face him. "She would always call you The Master. Especially around the other Jedi."

"Did that bother you?" Luke was inquisitive.

"Only on your behalf," Mara defended herself. "I never thought you were comfortable with titles like that."

Luke turned his gaze back to the tress ahead of him. "I'm not," he whispered. "But Callista was a Jedi of the Old Order. They... held different beliefs."

"Did you ever wonder whether she was attracted to your status as a Jedi Master, rather than... "

"Rather than what?" Luke snapped, suddenly angry. "Is it so inconceivable for a woman to care for me, to love me..."

"That's not what I said," Mara retorted, his own outburst swiftly raising her defences.

"It's what you implied," came his sharp reply. "That Callista only loved me for by title, my abilities in the Force." He stood abruptly and moved a safe distance away from her.

"Well, it's not such a great stretch of logic," Mara rejoined, scrambling to her own feet.

Luke turned and glared at her angrily. "How dare you," his voice was low and dangerous. "You didn't know her at all. You couldn't possibly understand what happened between us."

"Look, Skywalker, I didn't come here looking for abuse from you," Mara put her hand on her hips defiantly.

"Although you're more than willing to deal it out," he shot back.

Mara huffed irritably. "All I'm saying is that maybe you misread her intentions. Love blinds you."

"And how would you know?" Luke took and ominous step towards her. "Have you ever been in love? Do you even know what it is?"

She expected a brutal anger to come at his words - an undeniable hurt to burn within her. But Mara simply felt cold as a numbing chill clutched her heart; an immediate and automatic deadening of her emotions. Before he could react to his own harsh words, Mara had turned on her heel and walked briskly away.

She heard his voice call after her, but she ignored it. Ignored the rain that began to fall, completing the task that the humidity had begun. Mara didn't care, walking deeper into the jungle, heedless of the danger of her actions.

Eventually she came to a stop, as the light rainfall became a howling wind and a bitter downpour. Her hair hung limply around her as she sat down harshly on a nearby rock. Mara took stock of her situation, it finally occurring to her that she was even further away from the Temple where her shuttle was docked. In her haste, she hadn't properly thought out her escape. She was sure that she could find her way back, it would simply take more time that she would have liked.

It was then that she felt Luke's presence reach out for hers anxiously. She withdrew hurriedly, but it was enough for him to discern her exact location, and he appeared within minutes, looking harried. The rain had plastered his fair hair to his face, his thick, dark clothes clinging to his skin tightly.

Luke approached her cautiously. "I'm sorry for what I said, Mara," he prodded gently. "It was completely insensitive of me. I never meant to hurt you." He took a tentative seat on a nearby rock, crossing his legs underneath him.

"It takes a lot more than words to hurt me, Skywalker," Mara answered tersely.

He shot her a mixed look. "Then why did you run?" His voice was soft.

Mara looked away. "I did not run, Skywalker," she informed him. "I walked away because I came here to comfort you and you threw it back in my face."

For a moment he looked contrite and sorrowful, but it was soon placed with a wry exasperation. "Well, just for future reference, Jade, telling someone to get over a person by implying they were never really loved in the first place is a horrible form of comfort."

Mara saw the clarity of her actions, how much her words must have cut him. She could have traded an equally impressive barb with him, but chose to show some restraint. "Duly noted," she said.

Luke nodded, pleased, and a contemplative look crossed his face. "The thought did cross my mind," he said, after a long silence. "That Callista loved the Jedi Master, and not me."

"I didn't really mean that-"

"No Mara," Luke cut her off. "Don't apologise. You've never spared my feelings for the truth, and for that I've always trusted you. Don't start now."

Mara was startled by his words. Without realising it, she'd become like the rest of his friends and companions. Distorting and twisting the truth in order to comfort him, to benefit his self-worth. It was a travesty to her own character, and she's slipped into it so easily.

"Skywalker... " she began, before she realised that she wasn't sure what she wanted to say to him. "I -"

"Shhhh" came his hushed reply. His eyes were closed again, and he breathed deeply, seemingly oblivious to the rain that was falling hard around them, scarce prevented by the dense tree canopy above. "Please, Mara. Just sit with me."

She wasn't sure what he meant by the invitation. He didn't seem to be meditating, or to be in the first stages of a trance. She reached out to him, slightly, through the Force, and he grasped the tendril tightly, holding onto her, inviting her. Did he want her comfort, her to join him in a shared awareness of the Force? Or perhaps her mere presence was enough. Mara wasn't sure, but she closed her eyes, ignoring the rain that fell around her.

"Alright," she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

**

Night had fallen by the time they returned to the Massassi Temple, the moonlight silhouetting his features. He turned to her, smiling. "Thank you, Mara. I'm glad you came."

She nodded and turned to walk toward the hanger where her ship was berthed. Sitting out in the rain had seemed right at the time, but now Mara was cold, wet and a little dizzy. She was anxious to get on her ship and into hyperspace so she could have a hot sanisteam.

"Mara?" he called after her.

"Yes, Skywalker?" She turned and put one hand on her hip.

"My sister sent you didn't she?"

She couldn't quite discern his tone. Perhaps he wanted an expression of friendship, of loyalty. To hear that she'd come to him without the prodding and pleading of his sister. To know that she valued his happiness, his wellbeing. Mara wasn't sure she could give him that. So she lied.

"Yes," she answered dismissively.

He was visibly disappointed, but covered it with a warm smile. “Well thanks all the same.”

Mara drew her jacket tighter around herself, although it was still soaked through and did not provide much protection against the cold. An involuntarily shiver ran through her and she blinked a few times to refocus her vision as she turned back to her ship.

But Luke had caught up with her, his firm hand grasping her shoulder and turning her back to face him again. “Mara, are you alright?” he asked, concern plain on his face.

“Fine.” She tried to shrug off his hold, but he did not let her go.

“No you’re not,” he said, his eyes boring into hers and she blinked again. “You’re flushed,” he observed, resting the backs of his fingers on her cheek. “And you’re shivering.”

“It’s cold,” she defended herself, trying to keep the dizziness at bay.

“No it’s not,” Luke said. “You should stay here tonight, Mara. I’ll get quarters prepared for you.”

Mara shook her head, pulling weakly from his hold and stepping back. “No, I’m fine,” she insisted – she didn’t want to spend a second longer on Yavin 4. She had done her duty and pulled Skywalker up out of his funk, now she wanted to be gone, alone and at peace.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Mara,” he said with obvious exasperation. “Don’t be so stubborn.”

“Stubborn, Skywalker?” Mara shot back at him. “Why don’t you just…” But the words slipped away from her, and Mara put one hand to her temple, wondering why the ground was spinning. The last thing she felt was Luke’s arms around her as everything went black.

 

Uh oh...Mara is sick. She probably got bit by a mosquito and got dengue fever. She needs rescue breathing! Nice update!

 

Mara intending to go before Leia even asked -- awwwww Loved what Talon said to her about his approval and her appreciating and not needing it He does know her well.

~~!

The Luke/Mara conversation -- superbly written. I see an echo of the "that was tactless" in the prior post, Mara was merely saying out loud what Luke had thought - that Callista wasn't truly pure in her motives for love. Otherwise she'd still be around, was Mara's implied conclusion.

That Luke had also wondered that made it even more hard to hear I believe.

~~!

Agreeing fully with Jedi_Lover - rescue breathing is in order. SQUEE!

~~!

The convoluted and complex nature of the relationship Luke has with Mara -- is something I've loved all along! I can't imagine a more perfect, perfect soul-mate.

 

I love this chapter... but I think I love what happens next even more

 

If it's what I seem to recall, so. do. I!

 

I love this chapter - great conversation between Mara and Talon. And the perfect banter of harsh and then not so harsh for Luke and Mara. I have not read this before but everyone seems to be looking forward to the next chapter.

 

Er...pretty much, actually!

I think it had to be on Luke's mind, and of course Mara isn't going to keep herself from saying it!

Luke and Mara sway between harsh, brutal honesty and genuine tenderness and understanding, especially in these early stages.

 

Skywalker apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY


Luke entered their shared bedroom with apprehension, but it was soon replaced with concern when he realised Mara was not there. Indescribable fear struck him for a moment as he saw Mara's travel bag lying on the bed, obviously packed and ready to go. But rationality managed to work its way into Luke's mind just as swiftly. If the bag was still there, then so was Mara. A quick sweep of the Force located her barricaded presence on the balcony adjourning the main room of their apartment. Which, to Luke's relief, meant she wasn't going to be storming off into the night. Just yet, anyway.

His first instinct was to join her, but the harsh rebuttal of her Force presence when he had reached out to her convinced him otherwise. Perhaps it was best to give her a few more minutes of peace, hopefully to calm down. He needed a shower desperately, anyway.

It was close to an hour later when Luke finally made his way through the trasparisteel doors that led to their outdoor terrace. It was large, enough for outdoor entertaining and separate from their own, private balcony that adjourned their bedroom. Mara was seated in one of the durasteel chairs, one leg crossed over the other and her stony face looking out towards the horizon. The moonlight played across her pale features, and he could see the small bumps that pimpled the skin of her bare arms, firmly folded over her chest. She hadn't bothered to put on a jacket, despite the low temperature of the Coruscant night.

"Mara," he began softly, stepping cautiously towards her. "You're cold."

She didn't turn to face him, her gaze fixed to cascade of lights that littered the skyline. She tilted her chin and answered him in a chilled tone. "Physically or emotionally?"

Luke took a final step towards her, and placed a warm hand on her icy shoulder. "Mara... " he said again, an entreaty this time.

"Don't, Luke." She shied away from his touch, and he understood the message clearly. He would like nothing more than to take her into his arms and forget that they had ever argued, and if he pressed her, she would allow it. But they needed to talk.

Luke reluctantly withdrew his hand. "At least come inside." But Mara simply stared out at the city and said nothing. Her intentions were clear, though. She wasn't going to allow him to choose the battlefield or set the rules. The thought made him pause, as he slowly made his way to the other side of the terrace, to the furthest chair possible. When did he start think of them as opponents again? He settled back uncomfortably into the cold, durasteel chair, and waited for her first move.

It didn't come. Luke tried to reach out to her through the Force, but he met a solid, impenetrable wall. The block in their connection caused a slight ache within him. It had been years since she had rejected him in this manner. In fact, the last time she had closed in around herself like this was when she had been ill with the Vong disease. Luke had forgotten how bereft it made him feel.

"Mara." He tried again, but received no sign of acknowledgement from his wife. Irritability began to seep through him. "Why are you acting like this?" Luke honestly didn't understand why she had become so upset. Obviously Callista's return would unsettle her, but he would never have imagined to this extent. But he couldn't think of a way to remedy the situation, especially if she was shutting him out so effectively.

"I know you love me, Luke." Mara's soft, well-defined voice finally cut through the air.

"What?"

"I know you love me," she said again, her unwavering gaze fixed to the horizon. "Before... you asked how I could believe that you didn't."

"Oh." Luke couldn't deny that he'd had his moments of doubt. He'd been so angry at the way she'd reacted, almost as if he didn't trust what they shared together, didn't believe enough in his utter devotion her.

He was expecting her to continue, but she remained silent. Luke cleared his throat, but knew he had to broach the subject.

"I saw you packed a bag." He tried to say it gently, but it came out like an accusation. "Were you planning on going somewhere?"

Mara bowed and tilted her head slightly, hiding her expression in the curtain of her hair. "I thought about it," she admitted.

"But ultimately decided against it?" Luke pressed his advantage, hoping to get her to open up.

"I love your sister, Luke, but she asks far too many questions."

"I see." Luke pondered for a moment. "You could have slept on the Shadow."

Mara finally removed her gaze from the skyline, throwing him a wary look. "I suppose," she replied uncertainly.

"I'm just curious as to why you stayed, seeing as running away has always served you so well." The words had more bite than he'd intended, and he regretted them immediately.

She appeared wounded, and swallowed heavily. "I'm not like that anymore."

"I know." Luke ran a tired hand over his eyes, regretful. "I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did," Mara cut him off. "Or you wouldn't have said it."

"Mara... "

"You're right."

Luke stared at her incredulously. Mara certainly wasn't afraid to admit her failures when she was in the wrong, but that very rarely happened. She much preferred to improve her character flaws independently than to talk about them.

"I thought I had changed, Luke," she began, her gaze returning to the city. "Becoming your wife, being a mother to Ben, all taking me away from that woman I used to be. The one that secretly hated herself but wouldn't admit it." Mara's tone was decisive and calm, but Luke could sense the overwhelming emotions that she kept at bay, just beneath the surface. "But when I saw her, when I saw your reaction... all of it came rushing back. All of the insecurities about myself, all of the selfish pride, the need to be in control... the instinct to keep you at a distance."

Luke leaned forward in his chair, moved by her words.

"I never knew where I stood when you were with her, Luke," she continued, not daring to turn to face him. "But I felt like she was encroaching on my territory... Force, that sounds so ridiculous," Mara shook her head, her loose curls swinging in front of her face. She sighed and appeared to regather her thoughts.

"The truth is... " Mara looked skyward, a small, self-deprecating smile forming on her face. "I was jealous."

"What?" Luke was shocked - he'd never expected an admission like that from Mara. Had he been so blind during that time, to have not seen, or felt, her emotions?

"I didn't love you - not then," Mara was quick to reassure him. "I don't really know what I felt... except that I couldn't stand seeing her with you. It hurt me to know that you loved her, and... it still does."

That was the crux of it, Luke realised. Why she'd reacted so violently to his silence, hearing about Callista. It had brought old, untreated insecurities to the surface.

Mara drew up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them protectively. "I just don't understand." He heard her unspoken words. Because I've only ever loved you.

She would never express that aloud, Luke knew. But she couldn't hide the pain she felt, thinking about his past romantic entanglements. He wondered if his feelings would be the same if she had been deeply in love with any other man besides him. He couldn't deny that his possessive instincts would be just as fervent as hers. In fact, he remembered how annoyed he had been when he’d thought she was involved with Lando, not realizing at the time it was because Luke was in love with her himself. He also remembered his relief when she’d revealed the relationship had been a cover, even though he had no claim on her or any reason to judge her choice of partner. And that had been with one of Luke’s closest friends, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like knowing that Mara had truly loved another, let alone someone he disliked.

Luke was just thankful he would never have to be in such a situation.

But Mara was, and he finally understood that. And that base, primitive part of her needed reassurance from him. Finally gathering the courage, Luke stood and moved across the terrace. Before, it had seemed like a great expanse, but now he understood it was a very small distance to breach, if he had the courage to do so. He knelt beside her, and reached out to gather one of her hands in both of his.

"There will always be a part of me that loves her, Mara," he admitted, squeezing her hand gently as she flinched at his words. "I could never just... forget what I felt for her, how happy I was in our time together." He gently reached his fingers up to cup her chin, drawing her face round to him. Her expression was stony and cold, and there was no evidence of tears, but Luke could see the pain in her deep eyes.

"But what I felt for her... it can't compare," he smiled gently at her. "What I feel for you..." He trailed off, knowing he could never adequately express what he wanted to say. So he closed his eyes, and reached out for her with the Force. She opened up for him, ever so slightly, and he surged into her, burrowing through the recesses of her mind and heart and filling all of the cold, lonely spaces with himself. He searched for the hidden places of her, the havens of her insecurities, of her anger and hurt. It felt cool in his hands, and he wrapped himself around them, filling the holes, rebuilding the fragile conduits and passages of her doubts and fears. The free reign she gave him was exhilarating, and he explored every part of her, more deeply than ever before.

When he finally withdrew, they were both out of breath, and his arms were around her tightly. She was leaning over him, her face was pressed into his shoulder, her hand clutching the fabric of his tunic.

"I'm sorry," came her muffled cry as she held him tighter. "I love you."

Luke stroked her hair and soothed her, closing his eyes again as her vibrant presence washed over him. There was complete calm on the terrace for several minutes, as Mara composed herself and Luke tightened his arms around her body. He was pleased to find that her skin was warm again, and had returned to a healthy colour.

"Callista... she was a dream," Luke finally spoke into the darkness, clarity dawning upon him. "I just wanted someone to love so badly, I think that I just didn't care who it was." Luke felt Mara's head lift from his shoulder to look down at him, and he raised one hand to caress her cheek. "I don't think that I will ever regret our time together... she taught me how to love someone deeply, and I'm thankful for that."

Mara's hand moved to stroke his neck, and Luke relaxed into her touch. "And I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt this way about us, Mara. I should have seen it."

"No, Luke," Mara said firmly, her thumb running lightly up and down the side of his neck. "Don't try to take the blame away from me," she chastised him. "I didn't even know I felt like this... but it's my problem, I have to deal with it." She sat up slightly and placed her finger to his lips, stopping the words she knew were coming. "And of course, I'll let you help." She smiled and replaced her finger with her lips, kissing him tenderly.

"You know I'm always here for you, Mara." Luke said as she pulled away.

"I know." Mara smile faltered, and she extracted himself from his embrace, standing and moving to the edge of the terrace. She put both hands on the railing and looked out into the night. Luke stood as well, but held back, knowing that she had more to say and was not ready to be distracted yet.

"I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the two of you...” Mara sighed and looked up at the sky. “About what might of happened if she'd never left." She tried again, and then grimaced. "Of how easily she could have been your wife... how we might have never... " She stopped, unable to even say the words aloud.

"Mara... " Luke began, but stopped himself to give the thought due consideration. It was only fair, to both of them, to consider his feelings on the matter, as opposed to dismissing them outright. Her fears were not unfounded. Luke could have very easily married Callista, could not have learnt to appreciate Mara in the way he had, or come to love her. But the more Luke thought about it, the more he knew what the truth was.

He moved to stand next to her by the railing, first placing his hands over hers and waiting until she shifted her fingers, allowing them to intertwine with his. Then he brought their joined hands to his chest, forcing her to turn and face him. Luke pressed her right hand against his heart and held it there with his left, while his right hand cupped the side of her face.

"No matter what could have happened in the past, with Callista, or with anyone else... " He tilted her head and looked deeply into her eyes. "It might have taken me astray, it might have placed obstacles in my path, but I believe that the Force would have always lead me to you."

He pressed his lips to hers and smothered her smile. It was a kiss of understanding, of promise, and she responded eagerly, both physically, and through their bond in the Force. It had seemed like an age since they had kissed and communicated in this way, and Luke was resolved to not let that much time pass again. He pulled her closer, arms tightening around her waist as he basked in the bliss she bestowed upon him. Mara’s fingers wound around his neck, curling through his hair as she drew him closer, opening herself up to him again through the Force, taking everything he was pouring into her and responding in kind. It was in these moments that Luke truly felt alive, as if he was not whole until he was united with her in body and spirit.

It could have been an age, but was likely only a few minutes when she pulled away, as contended as he had ever seen her. A little breathless she asked him; "No more secrets, Luke?"

He shook his head, reaching to brush a wayward curl from in front of her eyes. "You either?"

She sighed happily, but then gave him a playful smile. "Well... I wasn't exactly telling you the whole truth, earlier," she admitted.

With her mind so receptive and open, he could easily sense her thoughts. "The real reason you didn't run off to Leia and Han's?"

"I know that they would have knocked some sense into me." Mara eyed him fondly. "And I'd much rather have you do that."

"As long as you're up for knocking me right back," his hand curved seductively down her bare arm.

She grinned at him in return. "Count on it, Skywalker."

 

This has been, and remains, one of the best, best terrace and making-up scenes ever! Gorgeously and sweetly written!

 

I love this fic!

That is just so sappy Luke, but I wouldn't have him any other way!

 

Please somebody send him the book, "Making Up With Your Wife For Dummies"! What an idiot.

Luke...sometimes the truth will not set you free. You could have omitted that tidbit of information.

You should have started out with this!

Nice update!

 

OMG -- the bitter sweetness of this. It was heart wrenching and warming.

 

I just read the whole. darn. thing. SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I love all the emotions you've given everyone! That are only ever alluded to in profic...but you've fleshed them out. Lando doing the honorable thing...I've always felt that his actions on Cloud City were not indicative of his character. You brought that out very nicely. And Mara is AWESOME. And Luke is AWESOME. And Ben is ADOREABLE.

I just all around love it! Can I have PM's if you're doing that when you update, pretty please?

Hugs!
Irish