Senate Cheating on a significant other or spouse

Discussion in 'Community' started by blubeast1237, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. blubeast1237 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2007
    star 5
    Is it wrong? I was talking with my brother and he said that when he has cheated in the past, he felt nothing: no regret and no love for the side female and he said that it didn't change the way he felt about his girlfriend. He said it only felt bad when he saw that he hurt her. I'm actually the same way, so I saw where he was coming from.

    Of course, this is incredibly subjective, but isn't cheating only wrong (and as frowned upon in our society) because we have accepted a one partner to one partner relationship as the norm? This isn't a "cheating isn't wrong and here's why" thread, btw.
  2. timmoishere Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2007
    star 6
    Be polyamorous. Then there's no cheating.
  3. Lord Vivec Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2006
    star 7
  4. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6

    How did the girl he cheated with feel?
  5. blubeast1237 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2007
    star 5

    A couple things: With the way society is set up, in most western countries, that's not suitable for raising a family or functioning in any type of legitimate area of the public: Example: It just, LIKE JUST, became recognized in California that a child can have more than 3 legalized recognized parents and that situation was extremely complicated.

    And polyamorous is actually having a relationship with more than 1 person; I'm only referring to the intercourse as an action, but the topic can be expanded to include intimacy.
  6. harpua Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2005
    star 8
    Polyamory is being studied a lot more, and is moving toward being recognized as a sexual orientation. Some people are simply polyamorous... others, obviously, are not. This is why relationship orientation is important... clearly defining the sort of relationship you're in is key.

    Monogamous by Orientation
    In the same way that some people say polyamory is a sexual or relational orientation for them, others report that they are innately or inherently monogamous. Those who are monogamous by orientation say that they do not feel attraction for others when they are in love with someone. For those folks, the possibility that their partner might love someone else can feel like their partner does not love them any more.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...oor/201311/fear-the-polyamorous-possibility-5
    Last edited by harpua, Jun 30, 2014
    PRENNTACULAR and Obi-Zahn Kenobi like this.
  7. blubeast1237 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2007
    star 5
    I said in the opening he hurt her. (And hey Saint)
  8. EmpireForever Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 15, 2004
    star 8
    The point is that you have broken someone else's trust. Your word is worth ****, and you are a deplorable human being. Kill yourself if you cheat on someone. It is the only honorable action.
  9. squir1y Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 1, 2003
    star 2
    I avoid cheating. It's a good way to get an itchy disease.
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  10. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    (Hey blu) Well, if he hurt her, it's wrong, isn't it? I presume he hurt her because he wasn't upfront and honest about the fact he was already with someone else or that he regarded it solely as a casual-squirt sort of encounter while she thought it was something else?
    Last edited by Saintheart, Jun 30, 2014
  11. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    It's selfish and cowardly. If you want to be with someone else, even for a night, have the courage and decency to end all other ties so your dalliances don't hurt other people.

    It's that simple.
  12. Saintheart Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2000
    star 6
    Or at least make it a commercial transaction...?
  13. Rogue_Ten Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2002
    star 7
    you gotta have good communication about your expectations for each other from the start. its unfortunate that norms in much of the world seem to make us choose between honest communication and a socially acceptable arrangement. people's emotions and desires are complicated and evidence would seem to suggest that the "i looked at her and she looked at me and that was it" lifelong soulmate monogamy we are trained to hold up as an ideal is contrary to the vast majority of human experience, so if you find yourself "looking" or interested in exploring other things, it sure helps if the person you're currently involved with is the kind of person you can have a frank discussion with about those feelings

    if we demystify the whole "she cheated so she must not love me anymore. either that or the other person TRICKED HER with their wiles!!" nonsense that so many of us are so used to, i think its possible to achieve an even deeper intimacy in ones relationships than in a monogamous relationship where one is constantly trying to deny the existence or possibility of attraction to other people
  14. yankee8255 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2005
    star 6
    Apparently brothels in Austria (the are legal here) do their best business on Christmas Eve. Ah, what better way to spend a good, old-fashioned Christmas.
  15. epic Ex Mod / RSA

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 1999
    star 7
    it's not practical advice though. that would be ideal, sure, but at the end of the day people who cheat don't necessarily want to give up their loved ones just for a one night stand. i'm with Ten that people can cheat and still love their partner very much. i'm not saying it's right, or that the partner should put up with it, or whatever, but i do think it's natural to be attracted to other people within the confines of a relationship or marriage, and that sometimes the intricacies of relationships will bring that side out of people at times, for a whole host of reasons.
    harpua and Rogue_Ten like this.
  16. Zapdos Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2013
    star 5
    isn't that exactly it, though? you're not breaking any laws (or maybe in usa cus you never know with you guys) or anything. you're just hurting the one you're in a relationship with and that's what makes it wrong.
  17. anakinfansince1983 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 4, 2011
    star 7
    ^^^^ This. It's the broken trust and the dishonesty that is the problem, not the sex itself or whether there were any feelings behind it.
  18. Eeth-my-Koth Chosen One

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2001
    star 9
    *****es ain't **** but **** and tricks!
    Todd the Jedi likes this.
  19. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    How is that not practical advice? Sure, people may want to stray -- but this question would be completely academic if nobody had desires outside their committed relationship.

    Cheating is, definitionally, a betrayal of trust. It's deception for reasons of moral weakness and deficiency of character; and I mean that in terms of a lack of integrity. It's not that people who suppress attraction for other people are better -- it's that people who don't hurt those they love that are better.

    'cause in circumstances where the ground rules allow for people to stray -- open relationships, polyamory, whatever knowing and openly communicated/negotiated arrangements people have -- it's not cheating. Cheating is a violation of the rules of trust, full stop.

    I didn't see Ender castigating non-monogamous arrangements, I saw him castigating people who hurt their partner for selfish reasons. He's not saying that it's not normal or not human.


    Missa ab iPhona mea est.
  20. epic Ex Mod / RSA

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 1999
    star 7
    i'm not saying Ender's post is wrong, and of course it's a betrayal of trust, i'm just saying it's impractical to suggest people should break up with their loved ones before partaking in a one night stand. that is what should happen, sure, but it's not what happens in real life; a one night stand may be the end result of a host of various factors, most of which won't involve the kind of premeditation and planning required to actually end the relationship that is being betrayed.
  21. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Ahh, gotcha. That's true -- there are many different ways that a person could cheat, and sometimes it might be a spur of the moment thing as opposed to pursuing something with somebody on the side or whatever.


    Missa ab iPhona mea est.
  22. epic Ex Mod / RSA

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 1999
    star 7
    i guess it comes back to the very nature of relationships. there is always some selfishness in relationships, to suggest it's all altuistic is naive. this is what creates the situations in the first place whereby people may still love their significant other, but still want something else -- perhaps due to some kind of lack with the person they love (not just talking about sex).
    Last edited by epic, Jul 1, 2014
  23. dp4m Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 2001
    star 9
    According to Jello, "sometimes a bacchanal is just a bacchanal!"
  24. epic Ex Mod / RSA

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 1999
    star 7
    i would suggest your brother just didn't want to confront his own emotions, and when he finally saw how much it hurt his girlfriend, this simply brought forth those emotions he had obviously been trying to repress. of course it was going to hurt her, that was inevitable -- he knew that. he was just burying his head in the sand because he didn't want to deal with it.
  25. darth_gersh Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2005
    star 6