Before Cheese. Halloween Challenge (Padawan Qui-Gon, OC Youngling)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Lovely-in-Orange, Oct 28, 2005.

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  1. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Title: Cheese
    Author: Lovely-in-Orange
    Timeframe: Pre-JA - Qui-Gon is about 15 and Ayu-Ve is about 10
    Characters: Qui-Gon, Ayu-Ve (OC), Dooku (mentioned)
    Genre: Halloween Challenge Response/Vignette
    Summary: A cheesy disaster in the Jedi Temple kitchen.
    Notes: For the Halloween Challenge to write a 1000-word vignette with the worst opening sentence you can come up with.

    Cheese. Everywhere. From the countertops to the entryway, from the floor to the ceiling, the entire room was covered with splatters of cheese. To Ayu-Ve, it all looked like some sort of cheesy doom. And worse, now she heard the footsteps of another Jedi hurrying towards the kitchen. It was too late to even try to run away or hide she decided. She only hoped that it was not Master Dooku. It was never good to offend the same Master twice in one day.

    Relief spread through her as she saw that the tall figure emerging around the corner was not Master Dooku. But her relief was short lived as she remembered that this young man was his Padawan, Qui-Gon Jinn. She shifted nervously as he regarded her with serious blue eyes.

    ?Are you hurt in any way, young one?? Qui-Gon asked in a voice gentle enough to set her at least a little more at ease.

    ?No, I guess not? this wasn?t supposed to make a mess like this though.?

    A hint of amusement came into his eyes. ?I suspected that decorating the kitchen with cheese was not your goal??

    ?No? I was trying to make up for getting in trouble. But now I?m just going to be in bigger trouble, aren?t I?? She sighed.

    ?I would not punish anyone for an accident. What sort of trouble were you in to begin with?? Something in the way he spoke made her realize that his serious look earlier was out of concern for her, not for what she had done. Her fear of getting into trouble faded, but now she began to feel embarrassed. She was sure she looked completely ridiculous. Even though she was a Zabrak, she knew she had never had the regal appearance of Padawan Koth or even the fearsome look of the heavily tattooed Iridonian warriors she had seen holos of in the archives. And the blobs of yellow cheese splattered all over her bright orange skin probably did not help either. Self-consciously, she wiped them off her face.

    ?I got in trouble with Master Dooku. He didn?t like me doing voice impressions of him. I guess mine of him wasn?t that great. I did a much better job sounding like Master Nu. I don?t think he liked that one either though?? She trailed off and looked suspiciously at Qui-Gon who appeared to be having an enormous amount of trouble keeping a straight face.

    Qui-Gon regained some of his composure. ?But surely he did not send you here??

    ?Not exactly. He just said that ?a Jedi should have more important things to do than act like a fool.??

    This time Qui-Gon did not try to keep from smiling. ?Ayu-Ve, you?re doing the impression again.?

    ?Oh. Right. Sorry about that. But anyway, I didn?t want him to stay upset. He and Master Yoda are the ones who brought me here when I was a newborn. And then when I broke my arm in ?saber practice, he came to see me. Twice! So, I decided maybe he would like it if I made something special.?

    ?He spoke to me about that. My Master was very upset that you were injured in his class. He told me that you were the most inventive fighter in your clan.?

    The youngling felt her cheeks growing warm. She knew that Jedi Masters did not give compliments often.

    Apparently sensing that she was at a loss for words, Qui-Gon continued, ?But why were you trying to imitate his voice??

    ?It?s an interesting voice. Much better than those people in all the scary holodramas?? She looked hopefully at Qui-Gon. Maybe if she smiled he would not make her tell that she had planned to try and scare one of her friends with that marvelously intimidating voice. It would have been great fun, but not if it got her into trouble again.

    ?I see?..? Qui-Gon seemed about to inquire further when he sifted
  2. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    =D=
    Loved it! Qui-Gon is just so lovely, you got his character so right.
    Thanks for making me :D

    Very sweet.
  3. gurdzilla Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 29, 2005
    Awsome! Finaly a fanfic that combines my two favorite things! Star Wars and cheese!
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    You did a wonderful job with Qui-Gon! I loved it! Now, how about chocolate... [face_thinking]
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Awwww...great response to the challenge.

    Qui-Gon was very sweet

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  6. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I agree, wonderful response to the challange. LOL
  7. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Kestrel_Kenobi I'm glad you liked it! I was worried whether my Qui-Gon came out right.

    gurdzilla Is there anything better than Star Wars and cheese? Thanks for reading. :D

    VL Thanks! Hmm, chocolate? A Jedi and chocolate would make a nice combination. ;)

    KELIA Thank you, I think I may have to write more Qui-Gon in the future.

    HL Thanks!
  8. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Uh, so get writing Orange! I want chocolate and a Jedi pronto! [face_frustrated]
  9. Jabbas_Drool_Bucket Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Awwww that was so cute! Very very well done! =D==D= Wonder what his answer was :p
  10. Algebra Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 10, 2005
    With a hint of frustration, Ayu-Ve decided to go ahead and explain obvious, ?You know? ?Use your instincts.??

    ?There are some limits to that?.?


    Very lovely, Orange. *Puns scarily* Well done. And incidentally, I don't think that was a bad beginning--it struck me as rather brilliant. If I ever find a novel beginning with cheese taking over, I'll declare the author that wrote it my hero forever and ever, amen.

    Happy Halloween!
  11. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    wow, how did i miss THIS earlier!
    the title alone, makes me want to read it! CHEESE!! that is great!:)
    the whole thing was great! it was so funny!
    ?It?s going to take over the Temple isn?t it. Should we sound an alarm??
    that is a HILARIOUS line![face_laugh] it puts a wonderfully funny vision in your head! cheese taking over the jedi temple!
    and i loved that quigon was looking for cheese for his friend, a mouse with a broken foot!
    that is VERY qui-gon!
    =D= fantastic job!
  12. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    VL Demanding ex-masters! ;) Hee, I'll see what I can come up with.

    JDB Thanks! I don't think Qui-Gon is very good at turning down kids. :D

    Algebra Thank you. I love puns and somehow coming up with a cheesy opening line got turned into just cheese.

    obi_webb I'm glad you liked it! I was thinking of the blob, but with cheese. :D And I always think of Qui-Gon as trying to take care of needy little animals. My siblings and I would always take care of hurt baby birds in shoeboxes filled with leaves and twigs until they could (hopefully) heal/grow so I can sympathise.
  13. BrentusofGath Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2005
    star 4
    =D= I liked it. That first sentence was great, Cheese. So many wonderful things go on in my mind at the thought of cheese! [face_laugh]

    But... I thought it was lacking somewhere... like it should have gone on, like it was incomplete. Must have more!

    I liked it! :) Somehow Qui-Gon and cheese seem like they go hand in hand. [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  14. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Thanks! I love cheese of all types. :D At some point I'll probably do more with this OC and Qui-Gon... either a story set a few years later (which I already have a lot of in my head) or a sequel involving chocolate or both. ;)
  15. BrentusofGath Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2005
    star 4
    At some point I'll probably do more with this OC and Qui-Gon... either a story set a few years later (which I already have a lot of in my head) or a sequel involving chocolate or both.

    [face_dancing]

    PM me when you do, :D please? [face_praying]
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