Beyond - Legends Comic night at the Bantha Fodder Theater

This is Comic Night at the Bantha Fodder Theater...Welcome! Tonights comedians are Jacen Solo, Jaina Solo, Han Solo, Leia Organa Solo, Anakin Solo (postmortum), Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade Skywalker, Tenel Ka, and Jag Fel. (BTW...this is my first attemt at a fanfic here...so it might just kinda...well...suck...) Enjoy!





Kristyl: Hello, and welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Bantha Fodder Theater. We thank you for coming. For all you people wathcing at home, and not supporting us...Beware...On a brighter note, our first comedian is renowned Jedi Knight Jacen Solo! Lets give a warm welcome for Jacen!


Jacen: Thank you Krystal! Great to be here! Tonight I brought my friend, Mr. Lightsaber! Mr. Lightsaber will force you to laugh...or die...

Mr. Lightsaber: 'Allo all! You...Laugh! No? *goes over and chops some random dude in half*

J: Thats enough Mr. Lightsaber! Parents...gotta hate em'... Defintaly can't love 'em... Mine are too good to spend time with me...Nnnooooo...They have to be off saving the galaxy from menacing people. *sob sob*

M.Lh dear... Therapist time! *puts on glasses and shoves Jacen onto a couch* Now tell me about your childhood.

J: Well, I was raised mostly by droids and stoic faced women who remember every detail they have ever seen. As a result of that, I have a secret ''likeing'' for droids, that nobody knows about *sob sob*

M.L: I see...and your parents are whom?

J:Them two over there *points at Han and Leia stunt doubles, who are midgits with no hair and look nothing like Han and Leia*.

M.L: I see *goes and cuts the midgits in half* (I am not anti midgit, i just couldn't think of what else to do)

*Krystal walks by and sees this happening*

K: OOOOOKKKKKKKK.... *she grabs the mic. from Jacen*
After the commercial break, we will have Tenel Ka come out on stage, and amuse you with her jokes from Dathomir!





I will walk away in shame now...

 

Mr. Lightsaber?!?! OMG! This is so funny!! Lol!



*falls over dead from lack of oxygen*

~Jedi Master Jaina

 

Commercial: Are you a man? If you are, do you like women? Yes? Good. Do you like this woman? *a picture of Danni Quee flashes on the screen* No? Great! Send money into the Kill Danni Quee Now Program! When we raise three million credits, we will have a bounty hunter kill here dead! Send your cash to: 895 Kill lane
231 Danni City
086 Now planet!


K: Welcome back everyone, now we have Tenel Ka from Dathomir coming on. She is the Queen Mother of the Hapes Consortium! Give her some applause! T.K., its good to have you here!

Tenel Ka: Fact.

K: Uh...what is?

TK: Good being here.

K: Ok...uh, here take the mic.

TK: Thank you loyal servant. Who here is from my Consortium?

*a few people clap*

TK:Good. How many people here liked friend Jacen's act.

*nobody claps*

TK:Sithspit. Um... well appearently, me and him are getting married. You are all invited. What a name...Bantha Fodder Theater. Who came up with that name? Even better, why in all 60-something worlds I own, am I here? I am a Queen! Muhahahahaha! Why do I always laugh like that? Anyways, I was walking along the other day, and some guy from my cousin's family tried to kill me. So I pulled a few sanzzy moves and killed him. He had it coming! Hahaha! So funny!

*nobody has laughed during the entire presentation*

Bob, from the audience: Dude, this girl sucks! Wanna go pull out the 'peace pipe'?

Joe, sitting next to Bob: Peace pipe? Yeah man! I could use a good high or something.

B: Coo!

J: Coo!

TK: You two, shut up! Stupid reefer addicts! *imitating a pothead* Duh duh! Lets go smoke some like pot! Der! Dude, look, funky colors! Awesome! *in normal voice* retards. Y'all been a great audience! Whoohoo!

*the audience breaths a sigh of relief of the horridness being over.*



K: That was beautiful (not!) T.K.! Our next guest is Renowned Jedi Master Clone, Luuke Skywalker. Luke was unavaliable, so we found this guy in the place where they put all dead guys, and turned him into a droid! Whoo! Stay tuned after these commercials!







It sux, I know! Please don't kill me! *hides*

 

again! I loved the anti-Danni commercial. Please, can I have some more?

 

i think about it

 

Commercial: Do you poo yourself? You do? Why? Because you live around a sithspawned idiotic astologist person? Shame... Rememember, send money to the Kill Danni Quee Now Foundation. Remember! We need YOUR credits to hire Boba Fett to kill her! Now back to the program!

K: We here at the Bantha Fodder Theater, hate that stupid Danni Quee! Our next guest is Jedi Master Clone, Luuke Skywalker!

Luuke: Evenin' madham Krystal! Have yah ever considered cloning yourself! Mmmeeeooowww!

K: Hiss...Take the mic. Luuke-boy.

L: How many people here are clones?

*the entire rear section of the audience raise their hands simoltaniously*

L: Wow! Thats a lot! Whoo! Clone Power! Y'all look like that Fett fellah!

Clones: Jango Fett, Sir! We are an army of clones designed for killing!

L: Yeah, and how are you still alive? I thought that your life cycles were sped up! You should be about a hundred and twenty years old.

*all the clones die suddenly, for unexplained reasons*

L: Poo! Well... A comedy night huh? The last people weren't really funny, thats cus' they weren't clones! If they were clonesm they would be funny! Isn't that right Luukke, LLuukke, and Lluukkee? Yes it is!

*suddenly, three more clones step onstage

Clone 1: I'm Luukke! Laugh or

Clone 2: I'm Lluukke! We will!

Clone 3: I'm Lluukkee! Blast you!

L: Thats right!

*suddenly, the real Luke Skywalker comes in, walking on a tightrope, 1/1000000000000000000000000000 of an inch above the ground*

Luke: Whoa! Tightrope! Hold still!

*Luke pulls out an umbrealla, from a place you really don't want to knowm and ''floats'' to the ground.*

Real Luke: Whoa! That fall was a rush!

L: Right! Uh-huh... I thought you were tied up...literally, with nitroglycerin in your mouth...

RL: Its a funny thing about nitro, I drink it all the time!

*Real Luke belches up some flames, leaving the clones as firey corpses.

K: Off the stage, all of ya! Leave! Now, we gotta call the fire department. Why the sith did I volunteer for this job. Oh right...That stupid bunny tried to kill me and my telemarketer office...Stupid Bun-Bun!
Um...stay tuned for Mara Jade Skywalker, or someone else...




(shameless plug-in! to find out who Bun-Bun is, read the comic at Sluggy Freelance Read a while, and you'll eventually find Bun-Bun! *prays that TF.N doesn't try to kill him.)




Now I will run away and hide!