Before - Legends Comical Series <[{Yoda}]>

A REALY LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY..........

STAR WARS THE LIFE OF YODA

The republic has just been created , and the Jedi are
forming an order on coriscant. Unfortunatly the sith are
very angery still so they have to try to stop the jedi, blah
blah blah HUGE EPIC BATTLE blah blah blah a youngling with
much potential blah blah blah, a battle droid known for killing
kittens, blah blah blah..........

(Camera down from stars to planet)

A lone ship flies slowly readying itself for the decent into the thin layer of amosphere of coriscant, carrying very precious cargo. Not Ibarian salts, not space dragons, or the much awaited death stick supply, but a young frog-like creature, with no name. Well it wasn't that the outlander didn't have a name, it's just that the young jedi knight bringing him couldn't understand what the blashnark he was trying to say. But still he senced the force in the frogling, so he was bringing him before the jedi council.
"Much to ask of you I have." said the weird green thingy.
"What? I can't understand you youngling."
"Tried to tell you I have."
"Realy guy it's going in one ear and out the other."
"Hate you do I"
"I heard the hate part and that isn't good. Look bud, I'll impart some wisdom to ya. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. And you are officialy half way to the suffering."
"Suffer you I will"
"Maybe if you congiated a sentence I would..." the young jedi is cut off, as the ship shakes with the laser cannon shots. The man stands up and runs to the gun controls and yells back to the green miget, "HEY IF YOU KNOW HOW TO SHOOT I SUGEST YOU GET YOUR LINGUISTICALLY CHALLENGED ARSE TO THE SECOND GUN CONTROLLS! WE'RE BEING ATACKED BY MANDALORIANS!"
"Guns know I do."
"SITHSPIT!" screams the young human as the fighters swarm closer
The creature scrambled to the gun controls and began to shoot, and he didn't miss one ship. As the fight came to a halt, the young man appricated the weird green thingy. When it was over he said,
"I am debted to your life"
"Debted you are not ignorent you are"
"I guess I understood that, but before you are a jedi you're gonna take some english classes to conform to society like the rest of the jedi."

 

Good job, Darth---Titus---, and welcome to the boards. Very funny, I always enjoy stories about Yoda. Personally, I never have much trouble understanding what he says, but I guess some Jedi aren't too good at translating his unique pattern. Good work.

-Lord Zeron

 

~bounces in her seat~

This looks really good!

More soon please?

Seven

 

Thanks for your praise, I will post soon and I always do. Plus I got 875 years of yoda to deciper so be ready for page after page of the green dude in his first comic role.

By the by, If your interested in reading created charicter madness check out my series for some awesome jedi.(Jebin Fortoma and Yata Lokanin)Ive put in a little more work into that, but more for this I will put in.

 

Oh, goodness!

Poor Yoda, so powerful in otherways and so impaired linguistically

 

haha thanks for the spell check on that one LadyPadme, spelling has never been my strength. But I geuss all powerful jedi have their weakness.

 

Relieved from their battle, the two weary beings flopped down at the ships controls. The young Jedi took the captains seat and pushed the shiny buttons that have no purpose. The squatting young creature let thoughts flow through his mind again as he sat on the co pilots seat, which only had one big shiny button. It read the following
"DO NOT PUSH UNLESS PERSUED BY NUMEROUS HOSTILE MANDALORIANS? He sighed, if only he had known there was a button like that he could have pushed it to make it work its magic. He sighed again then asked, "What if pressed that button we had?" The man answered seeming to understand him clearly this time,
"Oh, uhh that? Na, it doesn't do anything. See back when these wars began that button was created as a ploy for the company to have some sales. When the Jedi bought one, they too fell for the trap only a Sith could have set. In the end they found the clever entrepreneur sitting at his desk dead."
"Dead why is he?"
"Well, he grew horns. Sith often do because it?s a fad. They look so nasty too. Anyway the process gave him an aneurysm, killing him. I'd have to equate the pain to childbirth. People die from that too you know."
The short outlander took all the information in like a sponge, a green squishy Muppet-like sponge. For one day he felt he would need it but had no idea why.
"Hey, what?s your name, I haven't had time to ask with all the confusion."
"Fought only 40 mins the mandalorians did. Confusion for short period only it is was"
"No, no I was confused at what you were saying before, now I know you flip your sentences."
"Yoda"
"Dayo? Sounds hip, there is a great musical group on Coriscant that's called the Wa Tung Clan, and they beat like no other...."
"Dayo.."
"Oh your names Yoda ok sorry. Just tell me when I'm sounding stupid."
And with that they descended upon the vast city world of Coriscant. It was filled with excitement wonder and more space drugs then ever thought plausible. But Jattrin; the one who sounds stupid, told Yoda how to just say no.
The hovering taxis were guided by aliens in turbans who screamed in their own tongues a lot. But nothing prepared Yoda for the magnificent sight of the Jedi Temple. It towered above him, and the statues seemed to make him feel immortal. But beyond all this he saw his master for the first time.
>>>>Find out next post, But a hint its not Jattrin, because Jattrin's barely out of his youngling outfit.

 

Seven: Another great post!

Vader: Why are you hanging out on the "Before the Saga" boards?

Seven: Yoda was really funny! I would have burst out laughing at the button though if it wouldn't have woken everyone in the house!

Vader: There's nothing about me here. How can you stand it?

Seven: And having Jattrin teaching Yoda who to just say "No" was too funny!

Vader: Why are you ignoring meeeeeeee!

Seven: Shush you!

Vader whines: But, But, I don't wanna!

Seven glares coolly at him: Don't make me let my sisters have you.

Vader: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Seven: Yah. And that was not a blatant movie rip off.

More soon please?

Seven

 

Well thanks seven, I will write again, possibly within 5 hours from this post.

 

Totally awesome!

 

LOL, this is great.......

 

Yoda looked up at a man standing at least 3 times his height. He seemed to look like a tree. In fact he was a tree. A tree man from jabanarthiarothunpmimumumar; or the J planet no one can pronounce. His lightsaber hilt at his side could easily be longer than Yoda's arm. The towering tree man said,
"You must be Yoda, I am Farbinaorathinakip the fifth, but all the Jedi call me Bob. You may call me that too padawan, even though I would love to hear my full name spoken to me. But come you have much to deal with now that you have come all this way young one. Let us go."
Yoda without question followed the Master away from his new found friend, and began to walk the halls with the giant that now served as his teacher. The halls were grand and very impressive. Then out of the corner of his eye he caught two droids protesting mechanical slave labor, then realized that droids should not have emotional AI.
"Yoda, I am told that you are very full of THE FORCE, and that you should be trained in the ways of THE FORCE.?
said the Master.
"Why say the force that way you do?"
said Yoda inquisitively.
"Well look who's talking? Well, THE FORCE is so great; so vast; so unbelievably large that it deserves the extra boom. You are young yet and must see things for what they are."
Yoda instantly realized that he had offended the large being that had a lightsaber and instantly apologized. They walked on, and as they did, more and more Jedi seemed to come in and out, activity everywhere. He seemed to notice the guy Jedi?s giving more than professional stares at a young Twilek female who was trying to ignore them. There was a bar inside also, famously known as Jeb's Non-Alcoholic Intergalactic space bar. It had menu upon menu of pomme drinks and every flavor bantha blood non-alcoholic blends. It seemed to be sponsored by plenty of brands too; the one that specifically stood out was chancellor with a white film of liquid around his lip. It was labeled "Got Korrelian Milk?" The place continued to astound him until the newly bound master and padawan encountered a Jedi known as Billy Jawa Juice Jingles.
This Billy was known to be the Jedi drunkard who always had some Jawa Juice on him. The guards would frequently try to subdue him but, as always he would say, " It's ok for me to have the Jawa Juice *hic*? and the guards would always let him by. Today he had been drinking and it hadn't been from Jeb's Non-Alcoholic Intergalactic bar.
"Hey, Masta Farbinoa..Awww forget it. Hey Bob!" said the more than slightly intoxicated Jedi.
"Hi....Bill"
"Whatcha got with you? Is it Kermit? I love Kermit! Oh pleazze let him be Kermit!"
"No Bill, you cant talk that way about my new padawan."
"Oh"
"Bill were you not on a trip to Tatooine to free the Hutts slaves?"
"Ummmm ya well here's the thing Farboanis.... What?s your name again Bob?"
"Farbinaorathinakip the fifth"
"Well ok so here's the thing Bob, since I was on Tattooine and the Jawas were soo helpful."
"Ok Bill thats great, uh Yoda first lesson don't do what he says"
"Now hold on there I...."
"See that he is drunk do I, Ignore him I will."
"Well see that? He's already as wise as the rest of us, now if you will excuse us bill"
And with that the two ran off farther so that the drunk man would not pursue them. They got to the stairs and sat for a rest, but something was troubling Yoda. Why would anyone like that be allowed into the Jedi Temple, or be a Jedi even? If he's let in then who else is here that seems crazy. So Yoda inquired,
"How Jedi did HE become, strange it seems that allowed he is."
"Well he's got a good heart and we accepted him first because we thought that he had a huge midiclorian level. Unfortunately for us we used the wrong reader and found that was only his blood alcohol level. We keep him here because he finds out things that the strait edge Jedi never will. Bars are a good source of information, and he has a sufficient amount of midiclorians to be a sharp Jedi after all."
"Good then hobby he has."
>>>>>Next time more excitement and the traini

 

Another funny chapter. Keep up the good work, Darth---Titus---.

 

thanks, I also had to edit it quickly so im sorry that you had to read the mistakes!

 

Another great one!

I laughed the whole way through.

More soon please!

Seven

 

lol this story is hilarious. I can't wait for an update.

 

Sooooo sorry I havn't posted this weekend I was busy on a trip. Im back now and I should post the next part of the series, I have brainstormed a few new fun things for all of you and I hope you aren't dissapointed that this was not a new story update.

 

Yoda walked up to the council room with his master. Questions swam through his head in an unorganized fasion, and he was very tired from his flight. His people were simple in more ways than one and he really had to have things explained to him. So he raised his head slowly to his master as they aproched the room.
"Why chosen was I" asked Yoda.

Master Bob simply looked down and said "You have many midiclorians in you."

Yoda felt he was being ignored so he said "Answer my question that does not, what midiclorians are I must know."

Bob looked down again. "Fine, midiclorians are ummmm, those things you know? They uhh, they're Lepricons. They run around within you making cookies of the force, which make you BIG an STRONG!"

Yoda examined his masters answer carfully, and realized that he must be right, because of all the green within him. He was then proud to have many cookies of the force too.As they entered the council room, stone chairs of anceint make circled around them with Jedi sitting in them. Every one seemed to peer within his very soul; as he came in the room.

"MASTER BOB!!!" A loud voise boomed.

"Yes Master Orlosis?" A hologram then flickered on in a chair, showing a human jedi with jerry curls.

"Oh sorry every one, this microphone has been buggy lately and I've tried to fix it too. These holo meeting transmiters will never get anywere I tell you Bob. Anyway, this is the one is it? Looks rather puny if you ask me, but your choise."

Yoda did not like the Jedi in jerry curls. It seemed that he was very judgemental, but Yoda tried to see past that.

"Anyway, so Yoda is it? Master Inpious, bring out the screen."

A fat chiss jedi took out a screen and stared at it. Yoda saw a cup of joe in his head.

"And? What do you see?"

Yoda replied the only answer he knew "Coffee"

The Jedi spoke saying "Good, that one is the hardest to see, for an apparent reason."

Yoda didn't have a hard time seeing it so he inquired why.

"Because of the blend! It was mocha bannana cream swirl, but we didn't expect you to notice that."

Yoda giggled and felt gleeful. He had passed his first task without any hardship. Perhaps it would get harder.

"Alright Bob do what you want with him, we see he meets the midiclorian requirement."

Yoda saw that he was being complimented and decided to thank them "Much cookies I have, you see that you do, thank you I must."

The room went dead silent. Yoda was afraid he had said something to offend the Council. Then jerry curl changed his stare to Master Bob.

"BOB! You are one of the most talented Masters I have ever known, and yet you compleatly forget that midiclorians ARE NOT LEPRICONS!!" He turned back to Yoda "Yoda midiclorians are what enables you to commune with the force and minipulate it. It is not however lepricons that make cookies. The more you have the more potential you have with the manipulation of it. Now that that is out of the way I am sure that Master Bob has a more politicaly correct lesson for you."
After walking to a near by training room the Jedi Master and the Apprenice sat with a ball between them, and the master began to speak his teachings

"Yoda you remeber the coffee? Try to reach out to the force and push this ball on the floor towards me. Yoda concentrated, and felt out of mind and body something, a power beyond himself, and began to use it to push. The ball rolled to his master.

"Good, good now try to lift it off the ground."

Yoda again reached out again, and the ball lifted.

"Good, good, now drop it."
The ball smashed on top of the masters foot, and he yelped.

"Alright I think you've got it."

Master Bob was almost in tears, and Yoda had no idea why, so he asked "Hurt you that did?"

The Master, still barely holding in his feminine side, said "Well I was going to tell you to try to lif it with your arms, but I think you get it now that that ball is a super dence calvidium-cortossis alloy that weighs mo

 

Here we go! have fun with it folks!

 

Wow, this is the funniest chapter yet! I couldn't stop laughing as I was reading this. Poor Yoda, telling the Jedi Master that he had a lot of cookies, it's a good thing they had heard the story before. And a bit of Force thumbsucking... lol. Great job!

 

That was wonderful all over again!

More soon please!

 

I have some good news and bad news.

Bad news, there will be a breif (well not quite brief) period were I will not have acess to a computer (3 weeks)

Good news is I will post a new part of my continuing comedic saga.

Plus im sorry i have not been posting (final exams)

that date were i wont have acess to a computer is the 25th of june. then after three weeks go by I will be able to post every day! Well if i feel like it

 

Yoda sat in a room meditating with his master. It was samll, white with openings in the floor for practice driods to come out. His master could at any moment let the hatches fly open and let the small hovering orbs out. But he was definatly ready, they had issued him a standard lightsaber, no personalised hilt just a bar with a button that only let out a weak beam. This was so that padawans legs and left arms would not be scattered everywere, or so he was told. He had been sencing his masters thoughts waiting for the moment that the droids would arrive. Then he felt a weak gesture and stood up quickly, sure enough the droid popped out, but it was not what Yoda had expected. It was a hovering droid that had no holes for laser blasts, and cubical, only hovered there.

Yoda turned to his master and said "Strange this is, battle training we are?"

"Yes yoda, this is battle training. More so than we have done before."
Just as the last sentance was finished a raspy voice came from the floating box, "Hey shorty you gonna attack me or not?"

"short am I?"

"short you are!!!! Come on I don't even think you could reach me. Besides you look sick, maybe you should sit for awile."

"Sick I am not, fine I am."

"Oh, well you are making me sick just looking at your face, did your mother hit you with an ugly stick when you were young or just a green one?"

"If sick you are put you out of your misery I will!"

Yoda turned his lightsaber on and put on a scowl of anger, he could feel it flow through him as the saber seemed to pulse in his hand. As he raised it to attack his masters blade got in the way.

"MASTER DESTROY HIM I MUST"

"No yoda look at yourself, you are angry. Your feelings are overtaking you. Learn not to be moody like that."

Yoda deacivated his lightsaber, and realized that his feelings had overtaken him once more.

"Goodness you took that part of the training a lot worce than the female jedi I trained last, and that my friend is saying something. But all things apart it is time for you to construct your own lightsaber. But remember this training, you may need to use it some day."

>>>>NEXT TIME YODA BUILDS HIS SABER, AND MEETS HIS FIRST SITH AS THE SLOPPY PIECES OF THE PUZZLE COME TOGETHER>>>>>>>

=========================================================

I didn't have a lot of time today but tomarrow I will finish and trust me what happens next is hilarious

 

That's something I never thought I'd see, an angry Yoda. I'll be looking forward to seeing Yoda build his saber, and facing a Sith. Post again soon.