Beyond - Legends Comparing Eons And Oranges, an...odd...shortfic. Just read.

EDITED for frickin' code problems.

Obviously, this is ripped off in both style and humor type from Terry Pratchett. If you haven't read anything by him, DO IT. NOW. Especially recommended is the Discworld series. You don't really need to read the whole series; start with almost any book and it'll make sense. If you must, though, start with The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic.


Somewhere, somewhen, three figures met. They faced each other in a rough triangle, and waited. How long cannot be determined; such a question would require imaginary numbers that haven?t been invented yet to answer.

What they were is just as tricky to answer, but for purposes of telling this story they were aspects of the Force. That, however, is an inaccurate description, as it is the same as saying a side of a coin is an aspect of that coin, for the term itself invites the notion that one can be separated from another. It would be more true to say the Force is an aspect of them.

How long has it been? Asked one. It did not speak, per se; it could best be described as a form of communication so advanced and yet so primitive that you really have to be dead to understand it.

Since what? Asked another.

The other two stared at it. Or would have if they had eyes, or any discernible anatomy at all for that matter.

Time has no meaning to us, The second pointed out, after a moment.

Not for us, but for them, The third explained.

Being the last one incarnated doesn?t mean you have to go out of your way to prove you have shaken off mortal views, The first added almost petulantly.

True, The second admitted, then said, Look at you, you?re always persnickety.

Persnickety? Now that?s just poor form, Said the first.

You?re incarnating, Said the third, in a detached manner.

The first two looked at each other, and were surprised to see they could actually look at
each other. To say nothing of seeing each other with vague vestiges of arms and legs.

Whoops, They said, more simultaneously than anything could be said in reality.

As we were saying, Said the third, still calm, How long has it been?

This is from their perspective? Said the second cautiously, after a moment of silence.

Yes, The third sighed.

Because from our perspective it was both a second ago and an eternity?

WHEN? The third demanded.

A few thousand years, give or take, The first said. It was about to shrug, but found it no longer had arms to do it with.

About three hundred years, Said the second.

The third was silent. What are you doing? Asked the first and second simultaneously.

Calculating, The third said.

Well, no need for that, just give an estimate.

Very well. Over ten thousand years.

That long?

Well, yes.

You?d better be off then.

Look, The third said, It?s been an age or more. A few minutes one way or another won?t hurt anything. It was about to continue, when it paused, as if considering. Or perhaps it will! I?d best be going!

The first and second looked at each other. We must have found someone we really liked, They said together.


As They would have it, it did not so much come into being as possess a large Bakuran tigerhawk who, an instant later, was blasted into oblivion by the sport rifle of a nearby poacher.

Son of a bit?


That was fast, Said the first.

Very, Said the second. A pause. How long was it?

A second! The third cried. A mere second! That?s not fair! I demand another chance! I was rusty! It?s been so long I hadn?t?

Even if we disagreed, he?s quickly on his way to incarnating anyway, Said the first.

Very much so. And if he didn?t, we wouldn?t want him whining over a missed chance for the next few eternities?

Don?t talk over me, you poos!

All three were silent. Ah, Said the second, It seems that we should truly be born.

Which would explain the immaturity and regressing vocabulary, The first agreed.

Goo? Said the third, in a strange, high-pitched voice, and vanished.

Very good, The s