Saga COMPLETED 1/17--MESSAGE TO MY DAUGHTER--Leia ANH perspective

Why is it that I always miss posts? I need to be better about checking on these things.

But, great posts! Especially the last one, Han really does make me laugh.

 

LOL, I'm working on a post right now that's lots less amusing than the last, but like you, Laura dear, I'm swamped with work.

 

You've done really well with this.

 

Thanks, Rohanmaiden.

 

Ish:

What I loved:

"Need some help?"

"Not from you," she snapped. "You'd probably charge interest on each time you made a benevolent gesture."

He cracked that irritatingly handsome grin at her and extended a hand nonetheless. "It's not a bad idea," he admitted, "but this one's on the house."

"How charitable of you," she snorted.

Reason--sounds like something the both of them would say.

For a long moment, he looked as if he wasn't sure whether to whack her upside the head or slip another corephem into her porridge.

"Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to drug her!"

An unrestrained whoop of jubilation was the only response. Taken aback, she grinned.

"Control, does that mean you know who's come calling?"

"Princess Leia Organa," the controller responded breathlessly, "prepare to receive..."

He was drowned out by an uncharacteristic amount of cheering from whoever else was manning the command center.

Luke's hand clasped her shoulder gently, affectionately. "Sounds like someone's as glad to see you as we are," he surmised with a grin.


Awww factor there.

"You have your father's eyes," the other man explained. "Let's hope you have engine lubricants for blood as well."

Cute, sounds like something out of X-wing.

"They got nothing from me."

The words came out of her throat in a choked manner, as though she was struggling to believe them, and when they were out, she was left, chest heaving, with the truth of the words.

She had no idea how rewarding knowing that would be. She had failed many times, had been far too trusting and not cooperative enough, had been responsible for her planet's destruction and the death of the men on the Tantive IV.

But they got nothing from her.

What a relief.

What I didn't love:

"I'm up," Leia mumbled against the pillow before defiantly tugging it over her head. "Go back to wherever in the nine Corellian hells..."

"Language," he teased, pulling the pillow from her clenched hands.

Would she really say that? I'm not quite sure. And who's he to talk about language?


She clasped his hand, allowing him to pull her upright, then help her into a standing position. Her balance wavered, forcing her to lean on him for a moment longer than absolutely necessary.

"Why, Princess, I never knew you cared."

She jerked away, nearly losing her balance, but he caught her arm.

"I'm not in the mood..."

"Easy," he grunted. "I'm just trying to..."

"Thank you," she responded tersely.

I'm not sure if this was like ESB to my liking or if it was just kinda a cheap imitation that wasn't quite appropriate for the time frame.

For a long moment, he looked as if he wasn't sure whether to whack her upside the head or slip another corephem into her porridge.

Doesn't the TOS say we shouldn't endorse illegal stuff like drug-dealing?

Everything I am hopes they didn't decide to pack up without telling me.

Everything sounds inanimate, so how can an inanimate thing hope? And why everything?

Dodonna. The one who had forced her into this mission in the first place.

She couldn't honestly say she was happy to hear his voice again.

Oh, come on, you really think she'd be blaming him?

"We had no idea what to think. They were obviously lying about the Tantive IV, but there were no reports from our spies about a possible capture..."

"We've got the base ready to pack up within five hours of warning. If anyone comes after us, there will be time for a standoff, but..."

"Is there any hope for the plans? They seem to have been destroyed with your ship and Toprawa's trapped under the heavy end of the Imperial hammer for what our people did..."

Who the heck is saying all of this? Or are you just being character-lazy?

She beckoned them forward, then turned back. "I expect them to be well-compensated," she snapped. "Mostly from my private funds..."

Uh, yeah, and the nearest BankofAlderaan ATM is

 

Before anyone thinks MOWC is weird/harsh, that's me switching off my ego to look honestly at what I've written. I'll be doing it to my posts from now on.

 

Oh, I was reading MOWC's post, and I was like, "Stupid newbie, what is he/she thinking?!" But now it makes sense. Personally, I liked the part about the language...I dunno why. I just do.

Oh, and yay for the snow being gone!

 

LOL, yes, stupid newbie. That's me being pretty honest with myself, which is weird sometimes. And yes, yay for the snowbegone! Now if only the bustedbuttbegone would work, but nope.

 

She wanted too badly to be vulnerable.

She did not crave the vulnerability that had destroyed her homeworld or had prevented her from successfully fighting off Vader and her other attackers. She did not want to be too weak to fight back when the Empire came to call again.

The vulnerability that she yearned for was a kind of silent permission to be mortal.

It was something that she had been granted for those few days of travel between Coruscant and Alderaan a mere lifetime ago, when she had been allowed to be a grieving child instead of a public fortress of strength.

Vader had forbidden it with a vise-like grip on her shoulder in that observation gallery, then had paradoxically and irreverently granted it when he left her mother?s necklace in her trembling hands while she slept.

She had wanted none of his permission or pity, had wanted to fling the gesture back at him, but her broken heart had yearned too deeply for what small comforts were left to her, even if they came at an enemy?s behest.

It was, therefore, a great relief that at an unexpected point in the debriefing, Dodonna stopped the recorder and asked if Vader had mistreated her.

Instinctively, she swallowed back the fiery lump in her throat and looked away. ?No more than usual,? she lied through the mask of the High Princess that she had to maintain at all costs.

You have nothing to be High Princess of anymore. Why maintain the ruse?

Perhaps it is because it?s all that I have left?

?This doesn?t need to go on record,? he reminded her. ?We know what Vader?s capable of??

?You have no idea,? she gritted. ?You?ve heard of him ordering executions of people suspected to be Rebels. You?ve heard about Toprawa. You can blame anything the Empire has done on him, of course, but you cannot imagine what his personal interest is capable of.?

She couldn?t tell if he was shamed by that truth or simply silenced in hopes of regaining her cooperation.

You have my cooperation because this is still the Alliance. I don?t hold you responsible for sending me there or think that you were the one who forced me to be Vader?s personal punching bag.

I?m looking for an easy target, but not even you deserve unfounded accusations.

You asked my cooperation because you thought it would be for the good of all.

What good has come of it?

Dodonna reached out tentatively, clasping her fingers as though he were cradling the hand of a frightened child. Before her mind and sense of forgiveness could catch up with her, she jerked her hand away.

Do not try to play the paternal figure with me. I won?t let more than one man have that position in my lifetime.

She glanced away once more, cheeks reddening at the blatant immaturity of the action.

Why do you want validation and comfort when you refuse it at every turn?

Not every turn. Luke seems to be a welcome guest in my mourning period.

Perhaps because he?s asking nothing and giving much.

I wish there were at least one person here who wasn?t asking me to explain pain. I wish they would simply allow me to have experienced it and have a need to be relieved of it.

?Heroism was never a very crowded profession.?

Then, why am I so alone? I am everything but a hero.

Perhaps not, but if you were even in a small part the hero your father wanted you to be, you might continue this so others might learn from your mistakes.

She reached out with a hand that was still trembling from the force of her exhaustion, and resumed the recording.

?Lord Vader is nothing if not thorough,? she began. ?I experienced this firsthand because I dared to resist him on every front. He could not break my mind, though he made several attempts??

She could remember little of the actual words that came from her mouth, since she could barely hear them over the pounding of her heart.

The questions were pointedly gentle, falsely patient, but she expected nothing less.

They seemed to develop a false sense of compassion in the midst of all this, since they did not pr

 

Wow, that was painful. I never really imagined Leia telling them that much about her time on the Death Star because I thought it would really be too painful. Shows just how strong a person she is, doesn't it?

It's funny, though, how the Leia from this story contradicts the actions of the Leia from your other story 'In the Shadow of the Fallen One' by thinking this:
"Do not try to play the paternal figure with me. I won?t let more than one man have that position in my lifetime."
Because ItSotFO-Leia clearly lets Rieekan do this.
Do you actually have two Leias in your mind who act differently or is this just due to practical/dramatic reasons?

I really love all of your stories, Ish, but this one makes me smile very broadly everytime I see it updated. Keep it going, please!

Hey, I just realize, it's fun to come out of lurking once in a while...

 

Fortherea--Wow, that was painful. I never really imagined Leia telling them that much about her time on the Death Star because I thought it would really be too painful. Shows just how strong a person she is, doesn't it?

At first, I considered having her not tell them anything for that exact reason, but then I thought that the Leia I always feel she is would do it for the greater good, leaving out a few things because she simply cannot put them into words yet.

It's funny, though, how the Leia from this story contradicts the actions of the Leia from your other story 'In the Shadow of the Fallen One' by thinking this:
"Do not try to play the paternal figure with me. I won?t let more than one man have that position in my lifetime."
Because ItSotFO-Leia clearly lets Rieekan do this.

Yes, but remember, this story isn't finished yet. And Rieekan has already been a paternal figure, from her days on Alderaan. She just doesn't acknowledge it and she thinks in the first days following the loss of her father that any paternal influence is an attempt to supplant, not succor.

Do you actually have two Leias in your mind who act differently or is this just due to practical/dramatic reasons?

I have many Leias, actually, including a few Dark Side ones, or not-entirely-stable ones (you'll see what I mean on both counts in an upcoming story named The Ties That Bind), but this is my interpretation of a grieving child who has immense strength but is learning what the price of that strength is. It's a very different person than the one we see in ESB. And besides, there's something definitely changed between who we see on the Death Star during escape and the woman who is waiting for the results of the Yavin battle. If you'll notice, during the battle, she LETS Dodonna be paternal.

I really love all of your stories, Ish, but this one makes me smile very broadly everytime I see it updated. Keep it going, please!

YAY! I'm glad you like it, still. And it's only going to be going for a few more posts.

Hey, I just realize, it's fun to come out of lurking once in a while...

Yes, now if only you'd do it on Sotfo.

 

What I loved:

She did not crave the vulnerability that had destroyed her homeworld or had prevented her from successfully fighting off Vader and her other attackers. She did not want to be too weak to fight back when the Empire came to call again.

The vulnerability that she yearned for was a kind of silent permission to be mortal.

We never really think of her as really vulnerable, since she seems to be the one doing all the idiotic bravery stuff. Good thought.

She had wanted none of his permission or pity, had wanted to fling the gesture back at him, but her broken heart had yearned too deeply for what small comforts were left to her, even if they came at an enemy?s behest.

Not even her comforts are out of his control. Interesting.

I wish there were at least one person here who wasn?t asking me to explain pain. I wish they would simply allow me to have experienced it and have a need to be relieved of it.

Maybe that's why she has no time for her sorrows, she doesn't want to be given the chance to have them hit her full-force.

?Of course, we didn?t have much of a choice, since there were a few dozen TIEs for the five of us??

?Overkill, if you ask me.?

?So, instead, we gave them the runaround until they were out of support range for their host ships...?

Leia clapped Wedge on the shoulder by way of greeting. ?A few dozen,? she repeated. ?Wasn?t it five dozen the last time you that tall tale??

?That?s right,? Porkins laughed. ?Thanks for keeping our statistics up-to-date.?

?My pleasure.?

Nice pilot banter.

What I didn't love:

She wanted too badly to be vulnerable.
Vader had forbidden it with a vise-like grip on her shoulder in that observation gallery, then had paradoxically and irreverently granted it when he left her mother?s necklace in her trembling hands while she slept.

Still not sure about the necklace thing. Would he really return it?

?You have no idea,? she gritted. ?You?ve heard of him ordering executions of people suspected to be Rebels. You?ve heard about Toprawa. You can blame anything the Empire has done on him, of course, but you cannot imagine what his personal interest is capable of.?

AUGH! DANGLING PREPOSITIONS!

You have my cooperation because this is still the Alliance. I don?t hold you responsible for sending me there or think that you were the one who forced me to be Vader?s personal punching bag.

Stop blaming him and why do you insist on using the punching bag thing? It's getting really old!

Do not try to play the paternal figure with me. I won?t let more than one man have that position in my lifetime.

I dunno, you let Vader get pretty paternal with that shoulder-hand thing earlier in the story.
Then, why am I so alone? I am everything but a hero.

Starts singing:

You're NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT ALONE!

Overall: Not too bad. A little less strained than the last post.

 

How do I keep missing updates? Argh! I hate it when I do that. I felt so bad for Leia, but I can understand holding onto the last thing she feels is hers (being Princess of Alderaan!)

I think MOWC is tougher on you and than my beta (cough**Ish**cough) is on me. Yikes!

It was, therefore, a great relief that at an unexpected point in the debriefing, Dodonna stopped the recorder and asked if Vader had mistreated her.

Instinctively, she swallowed back the fiery lump in her throat and looked away. ?No more than usual,? she lied through the mask of the High Princess that she had to maintain at all costs.

Loved it!

 

VaderLVR64--How do I keep missing updates? Argh! I hate it when I do that. I felt so bad for Leia, but I can understand holding onto the last thing she feels is hers (being Princess of Alderaan!)

Don't worry about missing updates as long as you come back for more eventually. Something that strikes me about this version of ANH is that she can't even hold onto being Bail's daughter, because she knows that's not true, but then she has the mentality and rightly so, that she's always been Bail's daughter, no matter what the genetics say. But what he has given her is the heart to be Alderaan's Princess.

I think MOWC is tougher on you and than my beta (cough**Ish**cough) is on me. Yikes!

What? Me, tough? Perish the thought! I like MOWC because it's not all sweetness and light, but it's me looking at what I feel I could have done better, but don't feel like I understood enough. I wonder if the archives would consider that a beta if I decided to archive this.

It was, therefore, a great relief that at an unexpected point in the debriefing, Dodonna stopped the recorder and asked if Vader had mistreated her.

Instinctively, she swallowed back the fiery lump in her throat and looked away. ?No more than usual,? she lied through the mask of the High Princess that she had to maintain at all costs.

Loved it!

I liked, personally, the fiery lump thing because it's a different way of saying the bitter acid of bile. It's something she can't avoid, but it feels like it's consuming her.

 

Luke grinned. ?Maybe blowing up that station will give them something to brag about,? he suggested as he fell in step with her.

?I?ll let the lot of you brag about anything they want,? she allowed with a slight smile, ?as long as you manage to make it a spectacular explosion in honor of Lord Vader?s demise.?

?You?ve got yourself a??

He stopped dead in his tracks as the words registered. ?The lot of us??

?Yes,? she confirmed. ?Provided you?re still interested in becoming Red Five, that is??

His eyes darted back to his companions. ?They didn?t say anything??

?They didn?t know.? She winked quickly before joining the line for food. ?I asked to be the one to break the bad news.?

He impulsively embraced her, eliciting a laugh.

"I wouldn't thank me just yet," she quipped. "The Falcon has better weaponry and more reliable shields than what you'll be flying."

"Doesn't matter," he grinned, "as long as I'll be flying."

That's Luke for ya.

Great work, DarthIshtar I liked how you did Leia's thoughts. Excellent

Can't wait for the next part.

 

CommanderK23--That's Luke for ya.

I always liked how he was slightly behind the times until his fortune-telling days on Dagobah.

Great work, DarthIshtar I liked how you did Leia's thoughts. Excellent

Can't wait for the next part.

Thanks for liking the thoughts. In the last post, I was very nervous about the thoughts because at times, I had to scale them back to avoid overkill.

 

Oh, my heart truly ached for Leia in this chapter. Loved the moment with Luke at the end. It was a such a nice moment, Luke learning he was going to fly.

 

Ouch! Leia had to tell them about what happened to her on the Death Star? Poor thing. I really liked that idea, though. And Porkins' story about the TIES was hilarious, and I loved how Leia "broke the news" to Luke about being Red 5!

 

Gina--Oh, my heart truly ached for Leia in this chapter. Loved the moment with Luke at the end. It was a such a nice moment, Luke learning he was going to fly.

I think that's the hardest thing about a recent tragedy--trying to explain it. And I thought that moment with Luke would be cute.

Laura_Anu--Ouch! Leia had to tell them about what happened to her on the Death Star? Poor thing. I really liked that idea, though. And Porkins' story about the TIES was hilarious, and I loved how Leia "broke the news" to Luke about being Red 5!

Yes, what's a good pilot story without a few dozen exaggerations and someone to keep them in line?

 

"I don't think there's anything more we can do tonight," Dodonna said at last. "I'll expect you all to be on-duty at the pilot briefing at 1300..."

Leia tuned out automatically, letting her mind record the information, but not responding. Her head nodded by instinct, showing she was agreeing, but usually, the brass didn't need much more than that.

Four hours of debriefing and analysis, twenty minutes for food, then three hours of planning and they expect me to respond intelligently?

"Leia?"

She glanced up, found all eyes on her again, and instinctively flushed. "Did I miss something?"

"Apparently, your mind," Willard teased. "You just agreed to scrub the 'freshers for a month."

Her cheeks darkened even further. "I guess my mind wasn't on the matter."

"But before then," Dodonna interjected, "you agreed to head over to the medics, which is when I realized you weren't paying attention."

"No!"

There was a ripple of laughter, then Willard wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. "Too late, Your Highness. You've earned some special attention."

"Right," she grumbled. "I just didn't want that special attention to involve more..."

She shook her head. "Haven't I suffered enough?"

"Exactly why you're going there," he countered. "Now, are we going to have to carry you?"

"I'm exhausted, Commander," she mumbled. "Can't I just be left alone until the next crisis comes along?"

"Gladly," he sighed.

Her shoulders relaxed marginally.

"As long as you get to the medcenter first."

Dodonna nodded. "Is Dake on duty?"

"We'll make sure she's dragged out of..."

"No," Leia protested. "Let them sleep. I've had..."

She was going to say 'worse,' but couldn't bring herself to lie that much.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door and the guard admitted a slight woman carrying a medkit.

"Someone call for me?"

"Perfect," Leia growled with a roll of the eyes. "I won't go there, so you ambush me with the medic herself."

"Easier than trying to drug you," Dake suggested. "Take her away."
*****
It was more difficult to explain all of this to Dake than to Dodonna, because Dodonna had been satisfied with the experience. Dake needed the quantities.

Quantities made it feel exponentially worse, since they represented events, not the madness that had threatened with the advent of each of those quantities. Like a children?s counting primer, the numbers marched on inexplicably and unforgivably.

Thirty-four interrogations.

Eighty milligrams of duprenol to make her cooperative.

Unknown amounts of the sedative alecuse to keep her from fighting back.

Five visits from her night marauders that required a simple test to alleviate her terror before assuring her that one more thing had not happened to her.

Seventeen tears shed before she got herself under control enough to quantify that nightmare.

Uncounted tears when the test turned out negative.

Then, Dake, with more patience than Leia would have credited to a medic, began filling in the rest of the quantities.

One broken wrist from being subdued into handcuffs.

Three broken ribs from daring to fight back against Vader. One cracked rib from tumbling into that blasted garbage chute.

The garbage chute had also provided her with a stress fracture in the left ankle.

The list went on, sickening her with each recitation, but a growing sense of dread intruded on her thoughts.

"Why haven't I felt this?" she croaked.

"Alecuse, mostly," Dake said grimly. "That's why it's famous for its neurological side effects. It deadens nerves if used over a prolonged amount of time. With the amount you were subjected to..."

"Right," Leia interrupted with a shudder, not particularly interested in the details. "Will it ever be cured?"

Do I want it to be?

Of course. Pain is how we know we're still alive.

But what if I don't want to remember that I survived this?

"With extensive therapy, there's a good chance for a full recovery," Dake recited, but her hand reached out

 

FIRTS POST!!!

I liked this story from the very sart.
I like the way you write Leia. You let us see deeper in her inner persona, her thoughts, her fears.
I'm sure her behaviour changed dramatically after that horrible experience on the DS.

Congratulations!



Zsuzsa

 

Fantastic! I loved the last line!

 

Simply lovely. The entire thing, yes, but especially this last part. It had a lot of emotional impact, in my opinion. Somewhat understated, but very potent, which is an excellent reflection of how Leia's emotions must have been. You also did a remarkable job conveying that, how strong she was and felt she had to be.

You did a wonderful job with this story. I really, really enjoyed reading it.

 

Thanks to all of you for reading this whole big mess and replying. It meant a lot while working through the story.

 

It's over???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



She could have kissed his Wookiee at the moment
I think that was my favorite line of the last post! You know why....

Anyway, THANKS FOR WRITING THIS! It was absolutely beautiful, especially that last post. I loved it so much!!