Beyond - Legends (completed for 2015) Notes for When You Are Older – Elena Shelvay; DDC; new 12-22

she sure is worried about her friends.
And love how she cares for her baby

 

Oh, the beauty of the relaxing moments on the roof! I bet it would be gorgeous and quite unique inside a nebula's orbit. Yup, I can truly believe that the worry over distant friends compounded with swirling and incomplete rumors and frustrations of the workday would all meld together into a temporary moment for Elena, besides worrying about Lydia too.

 

Rooftops are good for getting away without being able to get away. It's definitely a good space for Elena to clear her head. Interesting viewpoint of looking up and viewing the world while in the midst of a nebula. It's a spatial metaphor for Elena's current situation, and probably her life thus far.

Oh, and all that gobbedlygook the baby wrote in the installment previous to this one is really a secret diary. Don't tell her mother. Either that or the kid's working on her memoirs (because her life has been complicated from her first breath...at what point does it get boring? Probably never).

 

The contrast between the deleted text and that which Elena chose to keep in is very telling, and quite sad in a way that she can't share those thoughts with her daughter.

Nice update!

 

And I was just about to go back to 1997, kidnap myself and become the first female white male supremacist. You saw me through.

I just woke up to notice that we’ve both been sleeping soundly for the last two hours. It’s a welcome respite. This has been a miserable day.

Yay for the achievement!

No, seriously. I am still living through the sheer trauma of my best friend's son as a 38-day-old baby. He screamed his lungs out for three hours, non-stop. We are still talking about that, though it's been seven years. Great moment!

The whole sheer horror of Elena's thoughts of the Srrors’tok endearing vendetta customs came as a surprise. I can completely understand why she deleted that exact part, but I can also imagine what Corwin and his New Republic intelligence may think once they recover these deleted bits.

I would like to read a Srrors'tok fanon post, with all of these cool bits about them in one place. That and supporting characters from the Kibbleverse. Pretty please, and thank you.

At any rate, today’s woes began with my hoverbus pass not working. It was fine yesterday, but today the scanner insisted it was expired and I had to exit in embarrassment and catch a more expensive taxi.

On Sacorria, they would have tossed her out of the hoverbus; so she could learn her lesson and all. No freeloading, OK?

The main office there is a gauntlet that I get to run on my way to the place where I’m working on cleaning out the last tenants’ disasters.

This is in reference to administration before her, right?

This is laughable. For one thing, I don’t think the Inquisitors are paid that much more than the higher levels of the ISB – it’s a respectable but hardly unimaginable level of wealth. For another, Antinnis knows better than to offer a credit of it to me. I’ve seen far too many otherwise promising careers overshadowed by the acceptance of such gifts. They may think that of me at Admin, but if I do as well then I haven’t a chance of proving them wrong. And I will.

I like this. Despite being a brainwashed woman, she is a woman who can do well on her own and she wants to prove it. At the same time, the unfriendly atmosphere at the new workplace...ugh. Am I right if I say I sense even more paranoia in this entry than in the one some weeks ago that contained a little less deleted text?

The Crazy Ells thing is not cool. Not cool by any means.

And later on, in the non-censored part, there is that strange contrast between that odd "Lydia, you were an ugly newborn" statement and the list of possible adoptees in case she dies. The shadow of the Empire lingers on, with the idea that Ahnjai cannot be a proper adoptive parent. At the same time, the fact that Ahnjai IS present in Elena's life and so close to her does imply her redeeming qualities and the fact that she has not been completely brainwashed by the man who groomed her into her current life.

Nothing has blown up or fallen from the sky...

Creepy tragic foreshadowing.

Technology changes too quickly to remain secure forever as it is.

Hmmm, funny enough, I never had the impression that the technology in GFFA moves fast at the point of this story. On the contrary, I thought it stagnated, as they discovered pretty much everything by Vong bioengineering at this point.

In this galaxy, however...actually, no; let's not talk about my dayjob here, it could turn into a very long comment.


I don’t know how many times a man has to be shot before they just call it slaughter.

Such a powerful line.

Something happened to Darth Vader and no one can deliver a story without strange inconsistencies. Possibly he met the same sort of end as Teshik. I don’t know.

Once again, the Empire in chaos after the Battle of Endor has been depicted so well. Nobody knows the most important things, but they know of all these little henchmen being taken care of.


I wish I knew where Antinnis is right now.

People think that there must be some malfunction in me, that I don’t realize what they see when they look at him. But I do. It’s why I am so afraid for him.

Aaaaaaand the bantha poodoo has just hit the sonic fan.

No wonder this bit has been deleted. Elena's former self is emerging, almost making Lydia a symbol of rebirth here. Brilliant.


While I never sat on any sort of an idylic suburban roof as I assume the one depicted in this story is like, I thought of various films and series with such scenes; and the way you described the "faint echo of the Torch Nebula" made the ending to this diary entry full of unpleasant points somewhat idyllic...until Elena basically said that Ysanne Isard may or may not send somebody after her every moment.

Just like Lydia herself, these distant stars may be a sign of emotional rebirth, too.

This. So much.

Great update. A bit more demanding, in the style of Kibble, but worth every single minute I spent reading, re-reading and making all the necessary connections. My favourite entry since you started this diary, because of the number of times you lifted the mood, had us fly and then had us fly down, solely to have us flying again by the next non-censored bit. Brilliant!

 

Reference Post

This is where all the supplementary materials (character guides, etc.) for Notes will be collected. The first post of this thread will be edited to have a link to this one near the top.

While I don't mean to make this the kind of story where you have to do homework, I know that there are a lot of things in it. So here will be some handy guides ranging from the quick and simple to the slightly more in-depth. This stuff is as much for my own reference as everyone else's. To avoid markup problems, everything will be in Google docs that you can access from the links posted here. (Tip that may make finding things easier: you can search for a character's name or other item using Ctrl + F to run a search through the document.)

Quick Reference - Characters and things in Notes
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15prX47OA7jMQC1WBXSj5d41T3MYAvN8263WNhFPEmAw/edit?usp=sharing

By the way, answering all of the great comments for the last couple of posts is also on my to-do list and I haven't forgotten.

Playlists

Just for fun, I've tried compiling a playlist of music to go with the story so far. It's not really meant to be chronological or a proper soundtrack. It also doesn't include links, so to hear the music you'll have to search it out on YouTube or elsewhere.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LuZ-jrUDE-rv7SnLuEdIRzO1VZEla0V9ZiRbxtwqBNs/edit?usp=sharing

 

Replies - for Post 8

Thank you to all who read and/or reviewed, it's always very appreciated.
Progress report 5-26: I have enough written to form the basis of the next two posts, which is good because the month is nearly up.

earlybird-obi-wan

Thanks! Elena's got a lot on her mind lately.

Nyota's Heart

Re: the nebula, I researched it and found very confusing answers, so decided to go with "pretty sky." While I don't know if it's accurate, I'd certainly like to visit the place as I imagined it. Though this particular setting has been in the fringe of a nebula for a long time, I hadn't stopped to think of whether one could see it at night until later. But I hope it would be so! There are some wonderful pictures of the aurora borealis (which, yes, is a different thing but artistic license ) that have the turquoise hue, and one of the theories on how things would look inside a nebula mentioned a ghostly greenish glow, so there it is. (They decided that one didn't work, but artistic license again. )
Re: the rest, yes -- it's that "just one more thing" effect at work. Everything bleeds into one big overwhelming mess, including the small and petty stuff.
leiamoody

"Getting away without being able to get away" is a great phrase for that; exactly what I was thinking of! Come to think of it, yes, she does live a rather clouded, "nebulous" existence. Hard to comprehend things when you cannot see from the outside. The one time she did, it made a definite impact -- but not a complete one.

Re: the secret diary: Always possible, given her habits later in life. And it's never boring, as much as both she and Elena might wish it could be!
Findswoman
Re: relationship advice -- well, you would think that it goes without saying, but...

Exactly! At this point, I figure she's no longer going to be quite as oblivious to the outside world due to the new kid (though still sleep-deprived and all) and that leads to noticing that Everything Is a Mess. And while Elena is very insistent on her interpretation of things, I suspect there's a bit of chip on her shoulder there, yes. Tremayne may not have handed her anything on a platter or offered any kind of exchange, but there's no denying that the connection to him grants her a certain consideration that might not otherwise be there. People in the Empire don't exactly know what to do about an Inquisitor's significant other. Not a question that comes up often, probably. And she knows that even as she doesn't like to acknowledge it. Hence trying to be back to work as quickly/unobtrusively as possible and driving herself way harder than is probably reasonable.

That element owes a lot to what we know of Isard going to such efforts to hunt down "loose ends" like Mara Jade. I figure Elena would be afraid of ending up on that very same hit list. Ahnjai is quickly becoming a point of stability in her world since she's got a new youngling and no other really close confidants at hand. As for the wrong people, hmm...

We will, but perhaps not for a while. They're more of a peripheral presence with an uneasy truce -- it's complicated (isn't it always?)

Thanks! And there will definitely be questions -- oh boy, it's going to be interesting times when we reach the age of "why?" Elena's devoted most of her life to not thinking "why?"

JadeLotus

It's a tricky business figuring out which things Elena's willing to let be seen -- or even to write in the first place. I do feel bad for the amount of things that she feels obligated to delete, although it's somewhat mitigated in that at least she's telling Lydia something. Reticence is kind of a defining characteristic that was hammered into her during her training, so even this much is more than she's used to saying.

Ewok Poet

Backup plan, Ewok, time for the backup plan.

My sympathies re: the screaming for three hours. That's impressive. I stand in awe. (Though now I think I'm going to hear about 5-10 hour screaming sprees... ) Yeah, I'm trying to make Lydia a realistically nerve-fraying small human at least some of the time.

Now that's an insight that will actually help me in future chapters re: the New Republic (since that side of the plotline is much more vague until I actually write the part for each chapter.) Yes, they would be suspicious that something went horribly wrong there. I don't think it's too much spoilering to say that they'd be wrong, but absolutely it would be a motive they'd have to check.

It's possible that I might do an article re: the Srrors'tok, but it would probably be after writing something that I might want to write featuring that species. Basically, think next year or later. I think the "Quick Guide" link posted up-thread will help you with the minor characters in Notes, though I haven't done one for Kibble yet.

I think she probably has that "I'm a cop of some sort" look that they didn't want to mess with too much. And they don't let you on at all without the card, I think.

Yup! Messy barves. But they did get called away in a hurry for some reason (the Outer Rim might be like that, I think -- on a Core World the Empire would be much more careful.)

From her POV, she spent over a decade working for the ISB before Tremayne even came back into the picture. She's very determined to prove that she's standing on her own two feet regardless of what it may seem -- which is helping her in a way, since that and the baby give her something to focus on. But it's a terrible pressure at the same time, and it does indeed play on old insecurities too. And yeah, it's not meant to be cool that people looked down on her for having symptoms of PTSD (not to mention a touch of the Dark Side, though they had no way of knowing that.) But somehow I think it's a thing that would happen -- maybe not if she were a full Dark Jedi or further up the hierarchy, but working with the regular professionals in the Empire, I think the competitive aspect and everything would lead to that kind of attitude. Plus there are the ones like Dayja who, with some reason given past actions, worry about her being a bit of a risk to civilians.

Opinions that I've heard from parents re: newborns seem to range between "of course they were lovely right away" and "nah, they were totally weird-looking although also wonderful and amazing." And yes, it's perhaps an irony that Elena doesn't say much about the fact that the Empire prevents her from designating Ahnjai as an adoptive parent when he's doing a lot to help Lydia right now. Though I suspect that she can't help noticing that factoid. Re: Tremayne and Ahnjai, there is a connection that she and Ahnjai share -- oddly enough the roots of it exist because of Tremayne. They were both trained into a life lived primarily as weapons under his influence.

There does seem to be an overall state of technological stasis in the GFFA, but I assume that there are at least likely to be some small changes. Enough to concern someone trying to keep data very secret, anyway.

It's always been interesting to me since reading in the Thrawn trilogy how Mara had a totally inaccurate idea of what happened at Endor -- really nobody alive but Luke knows what happened on the Death Star. No one. And what good Imperial would believe his story?

Thanks! It's kind of an awkward thing, that Elena's experiences have caused her to gain more empathy -- which she then applies to Tremayne of all people. But I think also that it's human nature to worry for a person you're involved with (even if you know on some level that the relationship is all kriffed up.) And it's especially instinctive for a new mother to want her child's father around -- well, in the instance that they're on good terms, anyway. And Tremayne has quite possibly been a part of her worldview in that way where removing the person makes the universe feel uncertain.

Me neither, re: sitting on rooftops. But the scene came together that way. Ysanne is a threat that looms for Elena -- perhaps because she's an enemy with a name and a face, where the Empire's crumbling is something more diffused.

Really liked that thought!

Thanks very much! And I'm not planning to have long entries every time, but this one seemed to need some extra to get the emotional impact across. Glad you liked it, mood whiplash and all.

 

Nine

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 7:31 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: I happened to find one of the early holos of you and I while looking through my files today, and it’s very odd to see how little you were in those pictures. Apparently you have been growing like a weed while I wasn’t looking.

You are still a tiny thing, but I am amazed at the changes in just the last few weeks. It's still too soon to even tell for sure what color your eyes will be. They could be blue like mine or green like your father's. I keep thinking that there's a hint of my mother's grey in there. But I'm becoming more certain every day that you're developing a personality of your own. There's something about the expressions on your little face. Frankly, you look very much as though you are plotting something most of the time.

It's funny in a way. Back when you were a newborn, I used to drive myself to distraction with the vain hope that you would figure out what you wanted and we could do without so much of your wailing. Now I actually do manage eventually to find out what you want a lot of the time, but I think we are still not so far from the former screaming quota. How to put this? It seems that you have very specific things in mind and will continue to create noise until they are achieved.

You demand your different caretakers on some schedule understood only by yourself. May all the gods help us if the desired person is not present. I have a foreboding feeling that we're going to encounter the contest of wills aspect of your childhood a bit early.

When you're not yelling or sleeping, there is a constant stream of sound from your direction. Mostly cooing and other indecipherable noises. Now and then, a giggle at what I can only guess is some private joke. And sometimes you sound so emphatic that I think it must be a running commentary. Making your Observations of the Human Female Descending Into Sleep Deprivation, maybe.

The latest interest in your world is the undying quest to flop yourself over like a fish out of water. It’s an expected feat and utterly charming, but reminds me that you will soon be on the move. I have – a feeling about that. The apartment has long been baby-proofed, but I still get entirely un-psychic premonitions about that look in your eyes. It’s a very Shelvay look. One that reminds me of my brothers and sister, and of all the heart attacks we caused our parents.

I’ve worried so much about you inheriting some wild Force talent from your father’s side, that I forgot what you would almost certainly get from mine. You’re likely to be curious, stubborn, opinionated, and nothing but trouble. We all were.

I often find myself looking for traces of the other Lydia in you. I don’t worry so much about the wisdom of choosing your name anymore. For the first few weeks, I thought that I might not be able to handle calling you that all the time, but it’s become you. And you are indeed a different little person. That’s clear even now. But I do see those echoes sometimes, because your name reminds me. Someday when you’re older, I’ll have to tell you about Lydia, and Ansel and our parents. I don’t know if I can ever stand to speak my other brother’s name in your presence. I don’t know how I can explain when I’ve never understood why he would throw us all away for those Jedi. It may be the penance for giving you such a loaded name that someday I will have to put it all into words.

In the meantime, things are going much better than they were a few weeks ago. I’ve had a message from Zain. While I had already heard that he and Amery were well a few days after that one horrible day, it’s one thing to have a report and another to get a holorecorded message where I can hear someone’s voice.

Sometimes I feel jealous of Zain and Amery. It is a sad reflection on my own state, I suppose, since their childhood quite possibly outdid mine for family tragedy. At least I had my family intact for the first fourteen years. Zain was abandoned by both parents and never even knew he had a younger half-brother until I did a comparison DNA match on a hunch. If I hadn’t met both of them, seemingly by chance, none of us would have ever known. It hardly bears thinking about. They’ve both become so important to me in their kindness and acceptance that I never expected. Amery claimed once that I was the third sibling to them after helping to reunite them and all the other things we went through. I think my expression scared him out of ever voicing such feelings again. Sometimes that regret keeps me awake at night. I wish that I could make myself accept their friendship more openly. They know that I care deeply, but it’s been so hard for me to say the words. It feels like tempting fate. I have the same trouble about Ahnjai, though that is even more complicated.

They both adored you in the short time that we were all on the Imperishable together – perhaps in part because their occupations have kept them away from much contact with civilians in general and babies in particular. I hope that things will calm down enough that they can get away from their duties for a visit at some point. It may be projecting my own feelings to say that you seemed to miss them after departing for Shullia, but I cannot help but think it was the case.

[end entry]



Notes:

In case anyone missed it, here is a link to the new reference post: http://boards.theforce.net/threads/notes-for-when-you-are-older-–-post-endor-imperial-her-kid-elena-shelvay-ddc-2015-new-5-4.50026184/page-3#post-52409893

 

This entry made me grin!!!!! Awwwwww! Very great pick-me-up after reading "Necessity" which is terrific but rather ouchy LOL at present. Love Elena's musings about Lydia's precocity and what she probably inherited from both sets of parents. I look forward to Elena's reminiscing about her family and Lydia's namesake in particular.

 

Ten

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 10:21 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: You’re becoming more mobile and squirmy by the day, which is both a wonder and a caution to me. A few days ago, you managed to roll yourself under the holo console in the apartment in a matter of what had to be mere seconds while I was unloading the groceries. There was no real danger, but your speed was surprising. It’s a good thing that I have a steadily improving sense of your presence. I don’t know how parents without Force-sensitivity can stand this kind of thing.

It’s obvious that you’re trying to converse in your baby noises – you’re very chatty with me and with the caretakers at the childcare center where you go for a while during the day (I found a decent enough one a few weeks ago and it gives me and Ahnjai a little more breathing space). What I had not realized was that some of your sounds were also derived from Ahnjai. He speaks very little in Basic or in his native tongue, but he will make a kind of growling chant sometimes to soothe you. Apparently, you’ve been listening.

I don’t know why that should surprise me, infants being the language sponges that you are. I do wonder what people will think if you grow up speaking in some Human version of Srrors’tok – my teachers would have had fits and it worries me in the back of my mind – but I will not discourage this. The two of you have a bond of your own, just as you and I do, and just as Ahnjai and I do. That is not a bad thing, even if it makes me uneasy about how others will react.

[end entry]


[deleted text]

The first assassins came to Shullia this week, and yet I am not as shaken as I thought I would be.

Perhaps the reason is that they evidently didn’t come for the two of us, but for Dayja. He’s alright now. It’s possible he would have been even without my intervention. But I think that things turned out for the best this time.

Ironically enough, I was there trying to confirm that he was a threat. I had stationed myself at a good viewing spot across the street from his lodgings in the hope that I would be able to spot any of Isard’s allies that he might be in contact with.

So when a pair of camouflaged beings slipped in through one of the back windows, I was satisfied in a certain way – I had been right to suspect him! However, on moving closer, I noticed the blood stains around the fire exit and scuff marks from someone half-dragging themselves up the stairs. Just what I might do if I were injured, did not trust or have access to emergency services, and didn’t want to come in the front door in case of traps.

Though I could pretend that I worked out the cost-benefits or found some reason in my logical mind, honestly I don’t think that was the case. I acted on instinct. Called the police, called Ahnjai (I’d had a sudden thought that there might be someone breaking into our home as well), and followed that blood trail up to the exit door as quietly as possible.

Inside, the room was alive with motion and all the snarling and yells that had been blocked out by the walls’ soundproofing. Something unclear to the eye lunged at me, growling. It got smacked in the face with my blaster pistol for the trouble. I’d miscalculated one thing at the start; these were not humans in camouflage but aliens. The place was too small for plasma fire to be a good idea. So I made sure to hit my opponent again instantly to put them out of the fight, and shoved them out of the way of the fight as soon as they slumped to the floor. Dayja was wrestling the other alien for control of a vibro-blade knife. I watched the fight, looking for an opening where I could help without causing further harm. But it was over within seconds, the blurry outline of the alien collapsing to the floor.

Examination showed that the creatures were Defels. I have heard of them; every ISB agent learns about them. They’re very uncommon in the galaxy and I had never expected to see one in real life. Members of the species are also known as Wraiths, and having seen them in action I can truly understand why they are often confused with nursery bogies. They were just the barest whispers of motion in the air. Terrifying, really.

The police showed up to be confused and suspicious, and Dayja and I both spent the afternoon being interviewed by a series of uniformed people who were understandably peeved at the sudden debut of invisible alien corpses on their proverbial front greenscape. Making things even more awkward was the fact that both of us work in the same building where we were being questioned. They let us go in the end, of course; there was no question of that given that one of us is Intelligence and the other Security. (Naturally, that just made the stink eye that we received more intense, since they knew very well that there would probably never be a decent answer to their many questions.)

For the time being, Dayja and I have made a truce. Neither of us is entirely happy about it, but we’re both now aware of being on Isard’s list and we have a better chance working together. Dayja believes that there is something here that she (or someone else) doesn’t want him to discover, so he’s going to stay on Shullia for a while longer.

[end deleted text]


Notes:

Defel (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Defel)

More information on Ahnjai's language -- including its actual name (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Hras'kkk'rarr)

 

Great and day to day stuff for the main text which contrasts well with the action in the deleted portion. Yup, I think Dayja and Elena would do better working together at least when it comes to avoiding trouble.

 

I too was very intrigued by the mention of Force-sensitive parents, and it will be interesting to see if/when Lydia will start to exhibit signs.

The matter-of-fact way Elena recounts her experience with the assassins is quite harrowing, but speaks to her strength in handling the situation.

 

Nine

I was about to mention sleep deprivation as a comment about types of screaming and baby picking the babysitters, but then I saw that Elena eventually figured out what was wrong with her. And the way she worded it was soooo funny.

Maybe because of the said condition, maybe not, this entry is surprisingly more open than most of the others. Just like Findswoman implied, the contrast between the baby stuff described to great detail and some scary shady business going on and threatening to destroy pretty much everything is fascinating. It's almost that Lydia herself is the symbol of the new, better and uncorrupted world being built, yet there are influences ready to corrupt whatever new order is being established AND her from day one.

The second to last paragraph is very, very human. The way Elena goes from jealousy to unity and compassion, two things that may have been ripped straight out of her ribcage in the past is so natural that it took me two reads to see anything even remotely "wrong" about it.

Ten
As usual, wonderful double-meaning to pretty much everything.

While the idea of Lydia speaking a variant of Srrors’tok being a baby and all is incredibly smart, given that babies do make limited gestures, it can be specieism again. The non-intentional kind, that is.

And constant mentions of Lydia rolling and flopping are interesting, too. Elena may be feeling like a fish out of the water or like somebody on fire, in a bad way; and that makes for nice subtext.

...

And then, out of nowhere, the poodoo hits the fan. An action scene from Elena's viewpoint and the sheer horror of her and Dayja being on Isard's list. Led me to thinking that she may end up being on others' hit lists, too. And I ain't no talking about the charts.

No wonder that part was deleted!
And now, logically, I wonder if there is anything else that Elena may know that Isard wants her dead for.

 

Now that I have had a chance to catch up, I am hoping this will be updated soon.

I love how Elena is recording baby Lydia's milestones - her first gurgly attempts at language, rolling herself over, and of course the "how in the heck did you move so fast" maneuver. It's a fascinating contrast to Elena's espionage.

 

A/N: Thank you to everyone who left comments. I will reply at a later date, but for now the entries for this month are almost due. So here is the first one.

Eleven

[message sent to Corwin Shelvay (New Republic Intelligence, Special Threats Division) by Damaya Ke (New Jedi Order) – 22 ABY]

rancors miss you, Tosh says hello

Sej is being a grumpy adolescent

Ilona located with Great Canyon Clan & it is a mess

clan sisters arguing about problems that I do not know about because I have been gone so long

remember why I left Dathomir in the first place

need a vacation from this vacation

heard you went looking for sister’s daughter from Iella

you did not tell me because you knew I would tell you it is obviously a trap

because it is obviously a trap

be careful

no picking fights with idiot cyborg stalker

barve always cheats

so help me I will drag you back from afterlife & make you listen to Augwynne lecture about water allocation among the clans

love you more than stars

[end message]


[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 24 AE: 2:33 – 5 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: Things have been mostly quiet, which is a good thing because you’re now crawling around the place and getting into everything. Well, at least I had early warning that you would be an active child. It may keep me and Ahnjai twitching every few minutes if we realize that we hear silence (the sound of certain trouble), but at least there is no surprise in the fact that you are a handful.

Your chatterbox tendencies have continued, and that is slightly surprising. I was more on the quiet side when young – so were all of us, except for your namesake. Then again, you may have taken after your father in that regard. His talkative nature makes for an odd combination with the general aura of the Inquisitorius. Most of them do not socialize unless absolutely necessary, but Antinnis is more gregarious. It seems a bit unfortunate given that he is generally working with the lone rancor types. Even out of the little group that he seems to gravitate towards, it usually seems that he is doing the talking while the other three just exist in the others’ personal sphere. I suppose even that is a bit peculiar for Inquisitors.

Well, perhaps I am thinking about him today because I received a message that he is going to drop by some time soon.

[deleted text] I had not realized that he knew where I was, actually. It is not an unwelcome surprise, but I do feel some apprehension. Things have changed so much in the last year and I am not entirely sure where we stand with each other. And I worry about how it will be for Ahnjai. Antinnis has always been kind to me, but I know that Ahnjai was not happy in his employment. I am not sure how or whether I can keep them separated for the duration of this visit. [end deleted text]

In other news, you seem to have acquired a penchant for magenta everything. Purple and pink are alright, but anything in that particular unnatural xomeli-flower shade in between is apparently your first true love. I made the questionable decision of buying you a stuffed toy veermok in that color a month ago and you have adored it to near shreds. Thank the stars for mending tools.

[end entry]


Notes
Damaya (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Damaya) – Dathomirian member of the NJO; the pairing of her and Corwin is just my own crack!ship. There doesn't seem to be a lot of canon on Damaya's personality but I haven't read COPL yet, so I may contradict it in places.

Tosh (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tosh_(rancor)) – aka the reason that we know rancors can sometimes learn language in Legends canon (!)

Sej and Ilona are OC’s.

Augwynne Djo (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Augwynne)

Great Canyon Clan (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Great_Canyon_Clan) – a clan formed by remnants of the Nightsisters; they are involved in the Shadow Academy crisis which happens right around the “current day” time frame of 22-23 ABY.

 

Love the message from Damaya. Too funny and awww! more progress on Lydia's chattiness and love of magenta! Antinnis - looking forward to that visit and understandable that Elena would feel "huh, what's gonna happen with that"? Especially with Ahnjai in the picture.

 

Twelve

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 24 AE: 3:1 – 5 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: Today was the first time you met your father. You do not seem bothered by his cybernetics, which had been one of my worries. Your response to his presence seems to be mostly untroubled. However, you have been very quiet and I get the feeling that you are watching the world with an uncanny intensity. The few times that he has actually held you, the two of you looked identically baffled by the situation.

Since you were tested at birth, I already knew that you would not be of interest in the recruitment sense for the Inquisitorius. However, I had been wondering if you might have a subtler gift and Antinnis apparently shares that speculation. He claims that someone at your level may be incapable of active influence but still Force-attuned in some way. I hope this does not trouble you if you are encountering the information for the first time, Lydia. Let me assure you that many beings in the Empire are possessed of the same sort of borderline attunement and it is not considered to be a cause for interest to the Inquisitors in any but a few rare cases – and those consist of people who went out of their way to develop their talents into a threat to Imperial security. In any case, we are both agreed that you will best develop your talents in a normal setting.

Kidlet, I hope whenever you’re reading this that you know your parents care about you. I will not lie to you and say that your father and I would be married and settled down if not for the war, because that is not the case. I do not believe that either of us are capable of that kind of relationship. Please try not to be discouraged by that in your own life, as I think that your fate will be different from ours. The Empire requires different things of its citizens depending on what they are, and Antinnis and I are proud to do our part. It just so happens that our part is a solitary one that does not allow for the kind of bonds that make a marriage. You, though, are your own individual and to my relief you do not have the Force-sensitivity that would require you to enter such a career.

Antinnis clearly feels a bit awkward dealing with you. Though I wish this would change, given that he’s going to have to leave again soon (and probably again the next time, and so on) I can easily picture an older you getting the impression that he is indifferent towards you. This is not the case. I do not always know what he feels about you, but I have rarely seen so many flashes of genuine emotion from him. To be honest, I doubt if he understands what he feels. But I want you to trust me when I say that you matter to both of us, however it may seem.


[end entry]

 

Kahara - I like the tone of this entry! Elena is speaking warmly to an older prospective Lydia giving her assurances that will doubtless ease many of the questions Lydia will develop about her career path & the choices her parents made and what that all meant for what they felt about her.

 

Eleven:

So...Corwin is involved with a witch? And she's into text speak. This is getting very, very interesting! And I love her view, according to which everything is a trap. Not to mention the way she characterised the sexay cyborg baby daddy. Even at the end of that, she remains idealistic and loving Corwin more than stars. Will have to steal that because I can see somebody else saying it, totally.

The rest of the entry makes me wonder if Tremayne can sense Lydia's presence in the Force, or if he is using some other means to track her. I can sense a fight with Ahnjai if that happens and that makes me worried.

Twelve:

OK, there was no fight, my obsession with arguments and betrayal was proven wrong (again).

But an entry that started out as if the whole Imperial Remnant was to read it and reeked of propaganda of wonderful cyborg dads turned into pure sarcasm in the end. A deadbeat Inquisitor dad? This...is going to full new levels of interesting and I just can't even. At this point, I am more likely to believe the tone of the deleted bit of the previous chapter and assume that Elena, deep inside, isn't too keen on her kidnapper-turned-sperm-donor.

The few times that he has actually held you, the two of you looked identically baffled by the situation.

Shivers. *gulp*

 

Caught up with reading. Love her notes and humor

 

I'm sorry I've failed to comment on this story up to this point, but I have been reading and thoroughly enjoying it.

In the last entry, I love the way Elena tries to explain herself and Antinnis, so Lydia knows she is loved.

 

Loved the message from Damaya! It was fun, and yay, Dathomiri witches!

This passage was very moving, in Elena's own unique way as she tries to explain her life to her daughter - I really get the sense Elena knows somehow that she won't be around as Lydia grows up to tell her such things herself.

The Force sensitivity is very interesting - I don't know the intricacies of how it is dealt with in Canon or Legends, but my own headcanon was that people could have some aptitude in the Force, but it simply wasn't strong enough to manifest in an obvious way, but that they had some unconscious ability or skills - for example a talent for piloting, or general "luck". It will be interesting to see what happens with her "subtler gift"