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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Conversations and Thoughts: Updated 4/9 "My Wedding Day;" Collection now complete!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by stacysatrip, Mar 1, 2003.

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  1. Lady__Skywalker

    Lady__Skywalker Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 22, 2002
    I love it so much! Excellent!

    It's just so sad!! :_|
     
  2. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    May I present The Next Post! Enjoy!



    Interlude?I Want You

    Summary: Anakin and Padmé?s thoughts after they decide ?not to fall in love.? (I love that line in the film; it?s so funny, as if it is something that can be controlled.)



    I give up. I don?t think I?m ever going to sleep again. I?ve tossed and turned; I?ve been upside down and sideways. The sheets are in an unruly ball at the foot of the bed, and my pillow has been bent into some very unusual shapes. I?ve tried drinking herb tea, I?ve tried using the Force, I?ve tried reciting one of Master Obi-Wan?s endless lectures about never trusting a politician or the importance of never losing your light saber. It?s a lost cause. Why is this happening?

    For the past month, I?ve had nightmares, I mean dreams, about my mother; disturbing visions that chill me to my bones. But now, to make matters worse, I cannot stop thinking about Padmé. We decided tonight that we must put our feelings for one another aside, because giving in to them would only wreak havoc on our lives. Well, in actuality, she decided and I agreed. I know it would be difficult, even nearly impossible, but in my heart I believe there is a way for us to be together.

    And that is why I lie awake now, wracking my brain for a solution. I suggested that we try to keep it a secret, though I know that could not be done. I would not be satisfied with clandestine encounters once every few weeks; no, I need her all the time. I could forsake the Jedi Order to be with her, but I know she would never allow me to even consider it. (Even though it is my life and my future, therefore my decision to make).

    I?ve loved her for half my life. She was never far from my thoughts, and there were many times when the thought of her was the only thing that allowed me to maintain my sanity. I?ve always known that we would be together; I knew it as surely as I know my own name. But my duty?our duties, keep coming between us, like an unruly weed in a garden. I want to go to her right now, to beg her to reconsider, to convince her that no matter what obstacles we might face, we will overcome them as long as we are together. I can see it; why can?t she?

    I try to picture my life without her in it, and the breath leaves my body. I physically ache. Oh, I could try to purge her from my heart and mind, but I know that would be a useless waste of my time. Master Yoda says, ?Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.? So I suppose that I do not.

    The memories of the past several days invade my mind. I remember kissing her. I can feel her lips on mine right now. I can smell her skin, I can hear her whispering my name in longing. She needs me as badly as I need her, but as usual, she is being the reasonable one.

    The more I try to forget her, the more I want her. The harder I fight these feelings and emotions, the more they consume me. Gods, why does it have to be this way? Why can I not be allowed to love? Why must I be forced to pretend that this basic human need is below me, that it is a hindrance? Loving Padmé gives me strength and focus. Why must I repress it? Why must she? Does she even feel the same way, or is it ?just an attraction? as she claimed earlier? And if that is the case, is it because she is afraid to love me?

    It?s not fair. It?s cruel and unusual punishment for some transgression I am unaware I committed. It is fate, laughing in my face. It?s the Force, conspiring against me. All I want is Padmé. That?s all. Is it too much to ask?

    I do not believe that it is. And, Force help me, I will find a way. There will be nothing to stop me, not this time.

    *********************************************************************



    It is no use. I cannot stop thinking about him. Damn you, Anakin, why did you have to make me fall in love with you? I know this thought is ludicrous; I am the one who controls my emotions. That is what I dislike so much about this situation. I have no control over myself when it comes to Anakin. My heart overtakes m
     
  3. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    Always a nice break in the day to read an uplifting, happy post like this one. :p

    Once again, their emotions are so well crafted. Bravo! :D

    The more I try to forget her, the more I want her.
    That's the kicker. It always is. :(

    Is it too much to ask?
    If you honor what she fights for, yes. ;)

    I have come to the conclusion that life, in general, is grossly unfair.
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] I though Ruwee and Jobal were better parents than that. She should've learned this a long time ago. :p

    Oh yeah, how could I forget: There will be nothing to stop me, not this time. :eek: [face_devil] [face_devil]
     
  4. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Thanks, Darth_Lex. I just had to put the "nothing to stop me" line in there. We need to see more of His Vaderness in Anakin, because I think it's his fierce determination to get what he wants that ultimately causes his downfall.

    As for life being unfair--that was sort of meant to be tounge-in-cheek. I think Padme has been well aware for many years that life sucks. I was tempted to have her think "life sucks," but I thought it would sound too informal for Padme.

    I also had to remember Anakin's "surprise" when Padme finally admits she loves him, so I had to make him seem unsure in this viggie.

    Anyway, glad you enjoyed!
     
  5. MissPadme

    MissPadme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 1998
    Some great lines in there, particularly about Padmé needing chocolate or death sticks but settling for a bubble bath. I guess the stores were all closed too ;).

    Yeah, I wouldn't mind a bubble bath with Ani myself [face_devil].

    --MissPadme
     
  6. tun_dot_com

    tun_dot_com Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2002
    I just started reading this. Great viggies so far. I look forward to more. [face_smile]

    And I wouldn't mind joing Padmé in that bath either. [face_devil] :D
     
  7. qingauk

    qingauk Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Another impressive chapter!! The struggles inside are so tortuous..
     
  8. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Miss Padme Neither would I. That would be a dream, wouldn't it? And I figured bubble baths are a universal comfort to depressed females.

    tun_dot_com Welcome, and thank you.

    qingauk Thanks!
     
  9. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2001
    Terrific job! Chocolate won't fix things, Padme, but it will help.
     
  10. Lady__Skywalker

    Lady__Skywalker Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 22, 2002
    Vonderful, dahling.
     
  11. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Dally Yes, chocolate is always a help.

    Lady Skywalker Thank you.


    Well guys, I'm going to try to work on the next post tonight.

    I'm also considering taking all these viggies and just turning it into one long AotC story that focuses entirely on the romance factor. What do you think? Lemme know! (It's sort of turned in that direction anyway).
     
  12. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    Go for it! It's a lot of fun. (I certainly enjoyed my crack at it. ;)) I'm sure you'd have a great time with the endeavor.

    As I've said many times before, you truly have mastered these characters. I would love to read a comprehensive story!! :D :D

    UP!! ;)
     
  13. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Darth_Lex Maybe I will. Thank you.

    Well, here's another post! Hope you like it; it's a little short, but I think it's important. I did use some film dialogue here, but I rearranged one part of it because I think it flows better this way (JMO).

    *******************************************************************

    Wherever You Will Go

    Summary: Despite Anakin?s objections, Padmé insists on going with him in search of his mother on Tatooine. By this point, their relationship returned to its professional level, although their feelings for one another are very much intact.



    Anakin stood on his balcony, much like he had every morning since arriving at the Lake Retreat, with his hands clasped firmly behind his back and his eyes screwed tightly shut, meditating. Fear was beginning to overwhelm the young man, fear for his mother, fear of losing Padmé forever, fear of an elusive darkness that seemed to haunt the edge of his consciousness. Master Yoda?s admonition from ten years ago played through Anakin?s troubled mind:

    Fear is the path to the Dark Side.

    Fear leads to anger.

    Anger leads to hate.

    Hate leads to suffering.

    I sense much fear in you.


    He found himself trembling; his sleep the previous night had been bombarded with vivid images of his mother, suffering unspeakable torment. He had tried to reach her, but could not get to her; it seemed that the faster he ran toward her, the further she was pulled away from him.

    As Anakin tried desperately to center himself and regain focus, he sensed Padmé cautiously approaching him. Seeing that he was concentrating on his meditation, she turned to leave.

    ?Don?t go,? he said, breaking the silence of the dawn.

    ?I don?t want to disturb you,? Padmé explained as she looked on him with deep concern.

    ?Your presence is soothing,? he sighed, as he remained facing the sunrise, his eyes still closed.

    Padmé paused briefly, unsure of how precisely to voice her worry for him. ?You had another nightmare last night,? she stated.

    ?Jedi don?t have nightmares,? he insisted, all the while remaining in his meditation stance.

    Padmé was becoming a bit troubled; did he now believe that, just because they had agreed to keep their relationship at a strictly professional level, it meant that he could no longer confide in her? She strongly hoped this was not the case; she knew that, despite her misgivings about their closeness, she needed to be a source of strength for Anakin during this obvious time of inner turmoil.

    ?I heard you,? she replied. There was now no possible way for him to deny it.

    Anakin slowly opened his eyes; keeping this from Padmé was obviously not going to benefit him in any way.

    ?I saw my mother,? he admitted reluctantly as he turned to face her. He was momentarily shaken by the sight of Padmé in her nightgown, but was quickly able to return to the matter at hand. This was the most inappropriate time to be paying mind to his ever-surging hormones.

    ?She is suffering, Padmé. I saw her as clearly as I see you now.? He sighed loudly as he turned again and gazed into the distant mountains. ?She is in pain,? he said woefully.

    Padmé?s heart sank as she sensed the immense tumult radiating from Anakin. She had known for some time that he had been having nightmares, though she did not know the content of them. She also knew how very much Anakin loved and missed his dear mother; his attachment to her was something of which he was obviously never able to let go. Tears began to form behind her eyes as Anakin continued.

    ?I know I?m disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator, but I have to go. I have to help her! I?m sorry, I don?t have a choice,? he lamented.

    Padmé nodded slightly as she looked sympathetically into Anakin?s moist blue eyes. ?Then I?ll go with you,? she promised. What else would she do? She was not about to allow the man she still loved face this unknown tribulation alone.

    Anakin?s somber expression faded to one of indignation. ?No,? he replied. ?Absolutely not, Pad
     
  14. Lady__Skywalker

    Lady__Skywalker Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 22, 2002
    Yay! First reply!

    Excellent, superb!
     
  15. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    Such an interesting interpretation of that scene. It hadn't occurred to me that Anakin might actually be thinking that morning about his fear and Yoda's admonition. I like it because it's (gradually) setting up the breakdown well before we actually get to Tatooine, much less the Tusken camp.

    And Padme was perfect in this scene too. For me it evoked that line in TPM: "Many things will change when we reach the capital, Ani, but my caring for you will remain." She'd be thinking the same way here -- even if she's trying to suppress her romantic feelings, she'll always care for him.

    Great post!!! :D :D
     
  16. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2001
    Very nice! And I say go for writing AOTC from your point of view. Add a few extra kisses while you're at it, willya?
     
  17. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Lady_Skywalker Thanks so much!

    Darth_Lex Yes, Ani's quite fearful. It takes me back to "I'm not afraid." "You will be, you will be..." He knows he needs to control his fear ("Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear.") But he just can't quite do it

    Dally I just may. Can't promise more kissing though, except maybe between Geonosis and returning to Naboo (which will be included here, in a different form than my proposal vignette).
     
  18. tun_dot_com

    tun_dot_com Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Awesome post. Really shows the level or caring Padmé has. I wish I had a girl like that. :(
     
  19. qingauk

    qingauk Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Very emotional. Your interpretation is just so in character. Keep up the good work.
     
  20. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    tun_dot_com and qingauk Thank you very much!
     
  21. MissPadme

    MissPadme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 1998
    Great take on one of my favorite scenes in AOTC (gauzy shirt...droool...).

    --MissPadme
     
  22. stacysatrip

    stacysatrip Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    MissPadme I'm partial to the gauzy shirt myself. I'm really partial to no shirt, actually, but we don't get that very much, do we? Just wait till Episode III, when hopefully he'll be a "man in uniform." Yikes!


    Here's the next post guys. It's from Padme's POV from the time they leave Naboo for Tatooine until just before the infamous Tusken Slaughter confession. That's coming next.


    My Heart Goes With You

    Ani hasn?t said very much to me since we took off from Naboo. Our destination is Tatooine, where he hopes to find his mother safe and secure. However, with the powerful nightmares he has been having about her, we are both concerned that will not be the case.


    He?s sitting in the cockpit right now, stoic and sullen, staring at the control panel but not really seeing it. The automatic pilot is taking us to Tatooine, and I want him to get out of that seat and come and talk to me. I know he is terribly worried about her; I just fear how he may react if his visions turn out to be reality. Although we have not spoken a great deal about Shmi since we were reunited, I know how much he loves her. She is the only family he has ever known after all; he was not raised like I was, surrounded by parents and siblings and aunts and uncles and grandparents. It was only Ani and Shmi for ten years, before she made the greatest sacrifice I have ever seen anyone make and allowed him to leave with Qui-Gon Jinn to follow his dreams. And although Ani has been with the Jedi for ten years now, they are not his family; not even Master Kenobi. Nothing can replace one?s flesh and blood.


    Anakin is terrified. In the time I?ve been with him again, I would never have thought this brash young man was capable of fear, but I see it in his eyes now, and it frightens me as well. He looks like a lost little boy. It is heartbreaking. I do not know how to comfort or reassure him; I thought the least I could do was accompany him to Tatooine, to show him that if he needs me, I will be there for him. But it is as if he has closed himself down completely, and I cannot penetrate the wall he has built around himself. He has become cold and distant and?.dark. I do not blame him for it, of course. How would I feel if the situation were reversed? My entire focus would be on finding my mother, not on talking about my feelings with someone who embraces me one moment and spurns me the next.


    We are getting closer to Tatooine; Ani has deactivated the auto pilot and has commed me to tell me to secure myself to my seat. I decide to join him in the cockpit, and I wiggle myself into the complicated harnesses. I look at him sitting there, earnestly maneuvering the controls to ensure we land safely. His face is like stone, but his eyes are full of pain and anxiety, even more so than they have been over the past few days since we decided to end our flirtation.


    I reach out to him and place a comforting hand on his leg, which reflects the tension he feels in the rest of his body and mind. He grasps my hand and squeezes it appreciatively, but does not speak. I open my mouth to say something wise and consoling, but the words will not come. I want to throw my arms around him, kiss him, and assure him that everything will be all right. But I do not, because I know I should not make a promise I cannot keep. I just offer a silent prayer?


    Please let Shmi be safe. Please let her be safe. Please do not take his mother from him. Let her be safe.

    ***************

    We reach Watto?s shop, and I am flooded with memories of my excursion in this space port ten years ago when I was a queen masquerading as a handmaiden, desperately hoping to escape this place and get to Coruscant safely.


    Ani speaks to Watto in Huttese as he tinkers with a part the pit droids could not repair. It is so endearing. We discover that Shmi was sold years ago to a moisture farmer named Lars, who apparently freed and married her. Both Ani and I are taken aback by this news, and my heart sinks at how detached from the outsid
     
  23. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    I've always wondered what the flight to Tatooine was like. Would Anakin be frightened, or sad, or already angry? I like your interpretation very much -- that he is dominated by his silent fear.

    I also like the brief moment of humor when Anakin and Watto interact. I think that's exactly right.

    What if he dies out there and never knows that I love him?
    I like your foreshadowing of the love pledge -- it makes a difference to their relationship for it not to be so (apparently) sudden.

    Something last night told me that Ani was gone, something I cannot place.
    And this foreshadowing too. :_| :_| The first single step on his terrible journey. Oh dear. :(

    Another great post! :D :D
     
  24. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    This was well written - filled in so many gaps, answered so many questions. There was a bit of inconsistency in the characterizations though and well, I hoped to see more bonding between Beru and Padme but all in all it was well done.Keep up the good work.
     
  25. tun_dot_com

    tun_dot_com Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Another excellent post! I haven't seen such a great A/A story in a long time...Thanks for writing such a wonderful story! :)
     
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