**CROSSOVER FAN FILM SCRIPT REVIEW REQUEST**

I agree to your scenario, but this thread is meant for mixed positive reviews and critiques that I'm in need of. I do know that if I need help or ideas with collaboration, I don't use an open forum for this, since it kills my idea.

How am I going to need help and ideas with script collaboration in order to make my script more interesting and most importantly, entertain the audience in a larger scale, without having my idea being killed by using an open forum like this?

 

*boggles*


In any case: Bryan, re-read this thread. Read all of the advice you have been given CAREFULLY. And then take it. It's difficult to give you a positive review when the script is, frankly, not very good.

 

Putting out to the open public kills the idea forever.

I disagree. Especially in this instance.

Whoever gets the product out there first is going to get the kudos and be remembered for coming up with it.

I agree that you should play things close to your chest - I'd never reveal any of my ideas until I'm absolutely ready to. But what you're essentially saying is that it's "wrong" for people who want feedback on their scripts by posting links to them. If I were doing a Star Wars/ Half Life crossover set in Malaysia, I'd just plow on anyway. Should people who want feedback ask for PMs so scripts can be emailed? Or should people working on projects (ie. most people) avoid any threads that mention scripts or storylines?

What you seem to be suggesting doesn't appear to be very practical. Especially since people who are going offer help with scripts are probably working on their own scripts anyway. Do any readers/ editors simply shy away from writers asking for help altogether?

 

I think where you and I are in complete dissagreement really stems from the need to ask for help on such things anyway.

You are either a competent script writer, or not. You can't go trying to get advice on a script of this length and expect any of the advice to be practical. If you are just learning the art of script writing, then fine, post something for people to critique. But, make it short. And let it be known that you are trying to learn. Walking in here and going, "I have no experience, and I can't speak English, but here is my script for the most awesome epic film EVER!!" is the wrong way to handle it.

Getting back top the compentence of being a writer... There are really only 2 ways to learn how to write well. 1) Read a LOT. 2) Write a LOT.
Practice, practice, practice. You cannot become a good writer by blabbering a bunch of crap down on paper and then asking for people's opinions about it. That will do exactly nothing to improve your skills. And even so, it won't teach you anything about characters, development, scenes, settings, dialogue, personalities, etc, etc, etc... That kind of thing can only be learned with experience. Unless you are like the friggin Mozart of script writers.

 

Quite.

But I feel I've improved my writing skills over the years by having people read my stuff and pick the bejesus out of it. If one is thick skinned enough, having someone say "That's terrible because of A, B and C, go back and try again" can be a huge help.

Obviously in this case where we have dense overly expository 3 hour script written in broken English something like this isn't practical, but the theory is sound.

 

Thanks, guys. I'll take these under advisement

I'm apparently going to make this story very interesting in order to entertain the audience in a larger scale by making it upper to the standard of Half-Life's story, with more humor, action, and suspenseful elements (which is perhaps important to my story in fact).

In the meantime, take a look at my proposed story outline of which I had formulated last year:

BACKSTORY:
Towards the end of the 19th century, the citizens of New Earth, a small moon of Saturn where mankind originated, discover a magical object with powers similar to the sphere from Michael Crichton's Sphere. The people of this world ponder this great power that they have received. After the war is over, their greatest leaders decide that the object should be used to create technical advances that would be otherwise impossible to engineer. For scientific inspiration (and to please the 18-25 age range the makes up their populace) they turn to video games and sci-fi movies and television series. They create weapons, devices, and entire new ways of life. The people rejoice...

PRESENT DAY (December 2005):
More than sixty years passed, the technological advances brought on by The Artifact have caused humanity do what it always does: destroy itself out of jealousy and hatred. Many factions have formed out of the original citizenry, including rogue factions from the Half-Life Community, based on the type of technology they prefer to use. Several factions have banded together, forming a Separatist movement, hell-bent on seizing control of the government. Consumed by their infighting, the remaining groups fail to act. Under the leadership of their new Dark Lord, the Separatists are gaining ground quickly.

A small band of good men in the military, Commanders Starkiller, Stanley Oh, and Kevin Lee, recognize the true threat presented by the Separatists. They attempt to unify the remaining factions against the Separatists, but to no avail. In frustration, they set out together to fight evil and destroy the separatists for good. Before long however, Commodore F.U. Ragtops of Republic Base 71 has experienced a massive communications disruption in which long-range communications are being jammed. They reach Republic Apartment 47, where Republic Base 71 is located, meeting new friends including the most famous Captain Turbinator. They leave Republic Apartment 47 for dinner, where they meet Lieutenant Jacqueline Gabrielle Hetherington, possibly a teenager who speaks in the proper, upper-class Edwardian cadences.

After having dinner, on their journey, they learn that there are six Separatist leaders: Fan Kong, Fan Nobrains, Fan Cheung, Fan Sum, Fan ****inskin, and Fan Chong. The journey is interrupted, and they visit a lone scout, having survived from the Separatist ambush. Unfortunately, the scout was killed, and they easily escape. They return to Republic Base 71, realizing that the Separatist force are not here yet. As soon as the declaration is signed, scanners enter Republic Base 71, but only one scanner that has been taken down. The troops surrounding Republic Apartment 47 set up their positions, knowing that the Separatists are arriving. Manhacks (flying blades of death) break through the main door of Republic Base 71, but they were taken down with ease. Then, the entire apartment building suffers a blackout, but its emergency power subsequently provides needed electrical power to the apartment. The team splits up, one group to find the source of the comms jamming; the other group staying to defend their position and innocent civilians in the apartment building. Duels are fought, and shots are fired. Jacqueline is captured after informing her clone commander assigned to her. The first group manages to destroy the communication disruptor with the help of Jacqueline's clone commander. Heroes continue to duel, but it becomes apparent the situation is more dire that anyone had guessed.

The Separatists are in possession of a space-borne nuclear weapon capable of massive amounts

 

Okay. That's great dude.

Final post for me about this, to summarize what I've been saying.

? You will NEVER make this film.
? You do NOT listen to advice, even though you ask for it.
? You do not have the facilities, actors, talent, command of the language, or writing ability, much less the equipment and support staff to pull this off.
? You won't even read this post.
? You are wasting people's time.
? You are potentially killing otherwise usefull ideas by splaying them out like you've done.


I challenge you to provide and tiny shred of evidence that any of those 6 points are wrong.


//Walks away in frustration.

 

put together)

Whoa, man, Deja Vu!!!

Seriously, though. You need to start listening to people (and you also need to start listening to people saying you need to start listening to people). I disagree with durbnpoisn about the not wanting to see it because I know what happens, or whatever. I mean, a thread that says "script review request" is going to have spoilers that are going to ruin the ending, and that would be our own fault, really...

But come on. Three hours? Star Wars is a little over two hours, and it works because it's paced fairly well and tends to keep the audience interested.At first I read the the first fifteen pages and the last ten, if I remember correctly that's what most companies do when they're first given a script, to decide if they'll take it or not. That did not give me any hopes. I'm sorry, but this screenplay freaking sucks. The first 15 minutes- no. The whole movie is dialogue with the people explaining stuff that's been explained already.

Here are a few suggestions for you:

1. Wait to make this movie until you have the experience to do so.


2. Wait to make this movie until you have the capability to do so.


3. Write/Direct a small, maybe 5 minute, film (and for extra experience/the sanity of others, make it a silent one)


4. Hire someone else to write all of your screenplays

I'm not trying to sound harsh or anything, I'm just trying to make you get the point...

The point I think everyone's been trying to make is: Don't try to do something you can't. Otherwise someone here is almost certanly going to post with stuff that's in this thread.

God that took forever to write...now I just hope I don't sound like an idiot in it...lol

 

I don't want my idea being killed by using this thread, and I want to make a crossover fan film parody where Star Wars, Star Trek, and Half-Life meet. So, if I want to make my script up to a standard of Half-Life, in order to entertain the audience ten times at a larger scale, what should I do?

 

Get someone else to write it. Preferably Marc Laidlaw.

 

Bryan --

The length of a movie does not reflect its quality. I've seen some 5-10 minute short films that were way better than a feature length film. If you break a feature length movie down into pieces, there's all sorts of conflicts and miniature stories going on, that just one of them could work as a short.

So, my suggestion to you Bryan is that you keep running with your story idea (not that I would...I just read a part of it and disliked it, sorry) but condense the story down into short 5 minute episodes. Complete one, and if you think you're capable of doing more, finish the series. I really don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.

Anyways, this is the one and only post you'll be getting from me, so take my advice or leave it.

 

Whatever the length of a movie which I'm making is, is roughly about 1 hour long. I'm keeping running with my story idea. I want the movie to reflect its high quality, without having to split into 5-minute parts. In addition, I want to entertain the audience with more humor, suspense, action, and romance.

 

Then take the advice we're giving you. Do you have some kind of issue with that? We've given you LOTS of very useful advice, and you seem adverse to taking the most important parts of it.

 

I've began re-writing a script of what may be the biggest blockbuster parody fan film in history, the complete "re-imagining," or updated version of the old fan film, Fan Wars, released in 1999, made more suitable to the modern sensibilities of the 21st century. While the original Fan Wars is about fans invading a movie theater on the opening day of Star Wars: Episode I, it will be in a style more familiar and disturbing, making its events reminiscent of the 2003 US invasion of Iraq. This is the one that we liked the best: doing a parody of existing movies with the motif of fans and terrorists alike invading the high-rise apartment on opening day of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in Malaysia. I've brainstormed a lot of different ideas staring from 2005 after the release of Episode III, but simplicity won out. Originally as a crossover between Star Wars and Star Trek taking place in the real world, but it evolved into a crossover not just between Star Wars and Star Trek, but also Half-Life and one another.

Unlike its original counterpart, this film is set in the 21st century, not on Old Earth, but New Earth, a moon which is the homeworld for humanity, with the culture, language, and religion are exactly identical. It follows a good men in the military, along with a few government agents, on a mission to stop the Separatist movement from taking over the world and instituting a reign of terror.

So, I don't want my idea to be killed. I'm now sticking to my current plotline, and I want to write a very better screenplay, with spectacular battle scenes, in order to make this to achieve above cult status. I've got the tips given by Scott_M a month early. Josh Rubinstein will become my consulting producer. I'm now currently writting up a backstory and character histories for about several different characters. Help will be appreciated!

 

Bryan, your idea is dead. At least to this board anyway. Stop beating a dead horse, and go work on filming your blockbuster.

 

Okay, okay, I've stopped beating a dead horse, and go work on making my blockbuster, the total re-imagining of the 1999 fan film, Fan Wars, that will made very suitable to the modern sensibilities of the early 20th century, the 21st century, and to the extent, the future.

It appears that I've read through the article on character creation.

 

I'm pretty sure that if there were a way to transpose all of your posts on top of each other, they'd cancel each other out.

M. Scott

 

In order to be prone to cancellation, they'd have to have equal and opposite substance. As opposed to, say, none.

 

No, no you haven't. You posted in this thread again. Stop posting and go make your movie. Come back and post again when you have some footage or pictures to show for it.

 

Sorry, I was thinking in VFX terms, like a difference matte. If you lay two images over each other and run a "difference" operation on them, the portions of the images that are identical will be removed.

M. Scott

 

Ah, right. I guess I'm just too much mathematician, not enough FX artist.