Before Cruel and unusual romance--Humorfic--the Jedi solution to love. Looking for two betas

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DarthIshtar, Feb 7, 2006.

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  1. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4
    I really like Carmyn. This is a girl that could get a real party going!

    Her mother's best friend? Oh too funny, while the men are quietly having heartfailure in the corner! I think I have seen dates that went just like this in Provo. Or is that Ovorp?
  2. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4

    I dunno RK, wasn't it Qui-Gon that was sitting there telling himself it wasn't romantic, but certainly comfortable? I would agree the poor man isn't comfortable at the minute. :)
  3. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    No, he's not, but are we sure of why? (Well, we know YOU'RE sure, but you're the one who understands him way too well!)

    Ovorp? Don't know what you're talking about. ;) And Carmyn is probably somehow related to Han, just by that attitude of hers. I liked having the men in heart failure. You'll enjoy the aftereffects.

    LOL, capitals and everything, eh? Wow, thanks!

    Walking carpets or personal upholstery. Either one is a favorite of mine. This entire thing is giving me giggles about the possibilities of what happens, just for the record. :)
    *****
    Unsure he was as to what was more revolting.

    On the one hand, taking far too much pleasure in the holopic Padawan Kenobi was, since bloodlust unbecoming a Jedi is. On the other hand, most inappropriate was the way in which did Tala paw at Master Windu.

    Most inappropriate his attempts to escape were.

    With that in mind, used a Mind Trick on Master Windu Yoda had. Claimed he had many times that weak-minded he was not, but weak-minded makes us all a beautiful woman does.
    *****
    "Well, that went well," Obi-Wan said wryly, sparing a glance at the terrified Master Windu who was still trying to avoid a permanent attachment to his personal upholstery.

    "Tala is an old friend of the family," Carmyn repeated with a grin, "and our favorite game is trying to confuse the Sith out of those around us."

    "It worked," Obi-Wan grinned. "I was ready to mind-trick the both of you and Master Windu is now the victim of someone who thinks it highly romantic that he defended her virtue."

    "Which was your intention in the first place," Obi-Wan guessed.

    "And to see how much of a gentleman you would be," she added.

    An uncomfortable heat rose in his cheeks. "I apologize for not wanting to make..."

    "Easy," she said with a slight grin. "You reacted the way I hoped any Jedi would."

    His panic eased, but the color remained humiliatingly in his cheeks. "Thanks," he murmured.

    "So," she called to Mace, "are you two kids interested in a bit of dessert?"

    "A sensible idea, since we won't be able to navigate through this storm," Mace mused. "Any suggestions?"

    "There's a great bakery just next to the Senate Arboretum," Obi-Wan reco
  4. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4
    All I can say is, he will be fine, once his need for intimacy is ascertained(true emotional intimacy that is! He is after all a BLUE :) ) . He will follow the force ( the true source of "law" for him) until the cows of empathy come home! :=)

    Yes folks, he loves her, but he loves being a Jedi and the force more. What's more is she has known that for years. :)
  5. RK_Striker_JK_5 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2003
    star 7
    Oh, that was kriffin' perfect! Loved those two dates there. Hehe, Mace and obi-Wan got pwned!

    Almost over? But this is too funny!
  6. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Oh that is just hilarious! Especially Mace and the wookiee musician. So, what was Yoda up to? Sounds suspicious. :p I'd love to have seen Obi-Wan's face when he first saw his date, and when the Wookiee jumped them. Love Qui-Gon's jealousy and happiness for his friend too.

    Great job! No wonder the Jedi haven't dared to break the rule! :p
  7. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, glad Qui-Gon's turning out well. You'll probably like this ending. :)

    There will be continuations. I'm trying to figure them out, but at least one for Noela's wedding and her finding about Qui-Gon's death, possibly in the same vignette.
  8. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Wow, I missed a lot of posts. [face_blush]

    Unsure he was as to what was more revolting.

    On the one hand, taking far too much pleasure in the holopic Padawan Kenobi was, since bloodlust unbecoming a Jedi is. On the other hand, most inappropriate was the way in which did Tala paw at Master Windu.

    Most inappropriate his attempts to escape were.

    With that in mind, used a Mind Trick on Master Windu Yoda had. Claimed he had many times that weak-minded he was not, but weak-minded makes us all a beautiful woman does.
    [face_laugh] I love Yoda's thought processes.

    I'm glad Obi seems to be having a good time, too bad I can't say the same for Mace. :p
  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    *****
    "Master Windu, a word?"

    It wasn't usual for a senior member of the Jedi Council to be lectured by anyone, but Master Yoda tended to be a champion at that particular sport. From the look on his face, it seemed very likely that this was his intention in approaching.

    Mace bowed formally to Tala. "If you'll excuse me for a few moments."

    She growled something that seemed to shock his translator into silence, but he got the gist just from looking at her eyes. It was impossible to think of a mop as lascivious, but she was succeeding in conveying that.

    He couldn't imagine what, in particular, was irking Master Yoda. He hadn't been rude or standoffish, he hadn't encouraged the physical advances...

    "Distressed you seem," Master Yoda said once they were out of earshot of their companions. "Of what help can I be?"

    For a long moment, he was silent, not because he was contemplating his answer, but because he was too shocked to think.

    "She's all over me," he whispered at last, voice urgent. "Help!"

    "Explained you have about the Jedi rules of attachment?"

    "Thrice," he hissed. "It's mortifying and terrifying and she wants to get my comm code!"

    "Fear not," Yoda said, though Mace had the distinct impression that he would have sniggered if he weren't too diplomatic to do so. "Speak to her I shall."

    "Thank you," Mace sighed. "Just don't hurt her..."

    Yoda nodded sympathetically, then shuffled away towards Tala.

    "AND LEAVE THE STICK BEHIND!"
    *****
    "I was wondering..."

    For the first time that night, Carmyn was actually looking bashful. She caught him observing that and seemed even more preoccupied with her julaberry torte.

    "What were you wondering?" Obi-Wan asked, keenly and suddenly interested.

    "Well," she said, shifting in her seat, "I know that you do this sort of thing each year and I'm sure the Corellian embassy would like to support this tradition..."

    His eyes glazed in shock for just a moment, since it was a rare and unique person who even bothered to consider a Jedi in this capacity.

    "Carmyn, are you asking me on a date?"

    "Gods, no," she spluttered. "Jedi don't date. This was just..."

    If possible, her blush got even more noticeable. "Oh, kriff it," she laughed. "Yes, Kenobi, I'm asking you on a date."

    Well, why not? She was a talented, entertaining and charming person that he could certainly endure at least once a year, under duress, of course.

    He wasn't sure that he was getting it right--he'd never attempted such a thing--but he made a passable attempt at kissing her hand.

    "I'll reserve the spot," he promised.
    *****
    "Looks like it's finally clearing up," Noela sighed. "Pity. I was hoping I could impose on you for a midnight snack."

    Qui-Gon waved a hand generously. "You know where the food is," he reminded.

    "Yes," she laughed, "but after dessert, I'm not sure there's any left."

    He shrugged. "If you want to get that custard, there were parts of it that didn't have mold..."

    It was a testament to her diplomatic patience that she didn't throw some of the popphraig that she was eating at him, but surprisingly, she looked immensely saddened.

    "I'm going to miss this," she admitted at last.

    "Me, too," he agreed before he could stop himself. "It's been a noble tradition for two and a half decades and it's a shame to ruin it with something as absurd as marriage."

    Her eyes were lowered as she shook her head, smile still genuinely in place. "Indeed," she murmured.

    He pushed to his feet, retrieving the wineglasses to take them to the kitchen, but before he could turn away, a glint of moisture on her cheeks stopped him.

    The tissues were certainly within reach and she knew where they were, but it didn't require even a first thought for him to set the glasses back down and crouch, retrieving a tissue to brush away the tears.

    "Surely I'm not that great of a companion," he teased gently.

    "No," she agreed, hand wrapping around his wrist, "but you've been the only one who has never given me cause to break th
  10. RK_Striker_JK_5 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2003
    star 7
    Oh, that was so great!

    Obi-Wan and Carmyn, sitting in a tree... ;)

    And man, stupid-stupid code! Qui-Gon deserves something better than being gutted by the weakest Sith Lord in history!!!!

    And loved Yoda's solution to Mace's problem. Heh, perfect.

    *Killifies the Jedi who came up with the 'no attachments' rule*
  11. SpiritofEowyn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2005
    star 4
    Alderaanian Holy Law of Chastity, ... Is that the same one I follow?


    I'm surprized I haven't commented earlier when I read this... Most humourous. Esp. the Liam N. part.

    Dating would cure you of wanting to have a relationship, in general anyway. :p

    :D
  12. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    [face_laugh] Poor Mace, it takes Yoda to save him from the wookiee. Aww, Obi ended up having a good time...and it may even turn out like Qui's annual date. They are really sweet together.

    Wonderful! :D
  13. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4
    Alderaanian, Jedi, the one Brother Monson speaks about in conference..its all the same thing :)
  14. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4

    May I help? :) I couldn't agree more!

    I did ask Ish if Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon would have the "Talk" about just where Obi-Wan might be in 24 years.


    ( Oh, and you don't even need to ask about how I have felt about Darth Maul since 1999. He had really NEVER plan to cross my particular path. lol)
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    RK_Striker_JK_5--LOL, stupid-stupid code indeed. And I don't think anyone would disagree that he deserves better than that. Glad you liked the Yoda wisdom in solving Mace's little furry problem.

    SpiritofEowyn--Of course it's the same. ;) Thanks for reading, hon. :) And yes, dating does cure love at times.

    Jedi_Tigris--Yeah, I hope Obi/Carmyn are 2gether4ever... Okay, so maybe I liked her a lot more than I thought I would in the end.

    Noelie--President Monson is more Tatooinian, not Alderaanian, but still chaste. :) No helping with killifying! And the "Talk" would be amusing.
  16. Aya-Na_Bashu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2005
    star 2
    I'm just now getting a chance to read this. I laughed till the tears ran.

    Qui-Gon/Noele/Liam - just too much not to roll.[face_laugh]

    Obi-Wan and Ms. Fushia. [face_laugh] I wonder if she'll still be fushia in 24 years.

    Great job Ish.=D=
  17. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    POF: THere is a very good chance that you'll see Ms. Fuschia again because I have several plot bunnies involving Qui/Noela and one at the very least for Obi/Carmyn.
  18. Aya-Na_Bashu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2005
    star 2
    YIPPEE!!!!
  19. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Oh, and I'm looking for two betas to possibly submit this to the archive. Any takers?
  20. RK_Striker_JK_5 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2003
    star 7
    *Raises hand* You have my sword.

    Or at least my beta skills.
  21. Sionnach-Airgid Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    =D= =D= =D=

    Yoda bowed slightly. "Good relations I have with the Wookiees..."
    [face_laugh] What a great tie in for the last line!

    This was great! I was laughing the whole way through! I just wish I had found this sooner!

    POF: THere is a very good chance that you'll see Ms. Fuschia again because I have several plot bunnies involving Qui/Noela and one at the very least for Obi/Carmyn.
    If you do write one can you pm me? Please?[face_batting]
  22. kateydidnt Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 11, 2004
    star 4
    Great great great great story! I love it. *snort* Tala all over Mace?!?!
    Oh come on you didn't show Yoda dancing?
    I love it though--what a great deterrent to Jedi dating...

    ..fastforward eight or nine years and talk about the kid who gets to escort the 12/13 year old Princess of Theed Amidala... or you could write Anakin in this situation as a whining teenager--or after he is married being required during the war to play 'escort' *snort*
  23. SpiritofEowyn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2005
    star 4
    Hmm... I'd be willing to beta for you, if you want me. I DO teach grammar for a living and edit English papers. ::pimps self::

    And you have, Eowyn's.... Sword of Beta-ing if you want it.
  24. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Hey, how'd I miss this? Kriffing funny...wonderful.
  25. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, thanks. Sometimes it's hard to find fics that I'm shy about.

    *bounce* You would beta for me? I love yas! And the sword-of-betaing is mighter than the pen or not?

    *giggle* Yeah, I wanted to have the dancing Yoda. It would have been funny. Glad you found this and great idea for the sequel. :) I've thought of Anakin in this situation and it would be *snort*worthy.

    I'll definitely PM you with further info. There is a vignette that I wrote with Obi-Noela called "Time out of mind" in The Saga. It's my way of talking about how she reacted to Qui-Gon's death. Glad you liked the Wookiees line. :)

    LOL, thus be it...
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