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Crushed (JA) 3 May story complete, thanks for reading!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jane Jinn, Apr 15, 2002.

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  1. Jenn-Kenobi

    Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 3, 2001
    Awww.... that was a good and sad post at the same time.

    Jane, that was great! You should just follow your heart on how you want a story to go.

    Loved it, loved it, loved it!!!
  2. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 13, 2000
    Poor Obi, you can really feel his emotional pain. You know, it's a wonder the kid ever made it to the events in TPM, isnt it? I mean all the torture he's put thru in fanfiction! :)

    Great job Jane. Wonderful story!

  3. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Second to last post!?!

    I'm glad Obi-Wan could now see the error of his ways and explain what happened to his Master. Of course, I was also happy that Qui was able to release his emotions and listen and loved that he apologised and explaining he didn't realize how injured Obi-Wan was.

    Now, because I'm anticipating a happy ending I couldn't but smile at Qui-Gon's last words. :D :D

    Awesome post Jane!! :) :)
  4. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 13, 1999
    I think you did very well with the characterization of Qui-Gon. A very good post! I like the way the master lets his padawan get everything off his chest, because we all know Obi-Wan needs to! I anticipate a happy ending too. And I commend you for sticking to your guns on this story. :)
  5. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    Hm, the only good thing about this story being over soon is that Jane will be free to write MORE stories! :D (right?)

    Wonderful! I am hopeful for Obi-Wan, but I would not be surprised if he ends up with a very uncomfortable probation of some sort. The redeeming feature is that at least he a) apologized (he never does that in any OTHER fics, it seems!) and b) he reflects on what he did wrong and why it was wrong.

    So everyone hold on, she'll let us off the hook soon... (we hope!)
  6. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    I am glad to see Obi-Wan appoligize. Hopefully, with everything off his chest, he can accept his punishment and lear a big lesson from his errors.
  7. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Well, here it is, the last post. I'm biting my nails with nervousness, hoping that it's not too disappointing. But if it is, if you really feel let down, for heaven's sake, please tell me! I'm not at all adverse to going back and changing things! Thank you all so much for reading and replying, and posting comments that helped me improve the story along the way! I really appreciate it. :)


    "In answer to your question from yesterday, I won?t be dismissing you. You?ll still be my padawan.?

    Obi-Wan blinked, wondering if he?d forgotten to tell Qui-Gon something important. He must have. Surely Qui-Gon couldn?t really want him back now, not after what he?d done. But Qui-Gon went on. ?That?s not to say that you won?t be disciplined. You?ve done some very serious things, Obi-Wan, and I am very disappointed in your behaviour. But I felt, quite clearly, that I should not send you away.?

    "Uh --? Obi-Wan couldn?t quite take it in. ?But I --?

    "You made a mistake, padawan. If the Temple dismissed everybody who ever made a mistake, there wouldn?t be anybody left, not even Yoda.? Qui-Gon smiled briefly, but Obi-Wan did not, and after a moment?s silence, Qui-Gon went on. ?Now. We have rules and regulations for a purpose. Like a security railing on a high observation platform, they?re meant to keep us safe from harm, whether physical or spiritual. If we disregard them, we have to take the consequences. For disobeying me and leaving the Temple without permission, you will be grounded for the next two months.?

    Qui-Gon paused, obviously waiting for a protest or some other reaction, but Obi-Wan said nothing.

    "I?ve just had a word with Temple Security, and they?ve changed the code of your retinal print files from ?cleared? to ?denied?. You won?t be able to sneak out again.?

    "Why should I want to sneak out again?? Obi-Wan asked unhappily, lowering his gaze. ?Phar is dead, master. I killed her!?

    "You acted in self-defense. And to answer your question, I know you, Obi-Wan. You?ve probably been sitting here ever since you woke up, going over everything you did wrong and convincing yourself that you?re not worthy to be a Jedi. You told me yourself that you feel you don?t deserve it.?

    Obi-Wan squirmed slightly at how accurate Qui-Gon?s statement was.

    "With that in mind, I don?t trust you not to dismiss yourself from the Temple and run away.?

    Weighing the possibility in his mind, Obi-Wan found that Qui-Gon actually had a good reason for that lack of trust.

    "It would only make things worse,? Qui-Gon said quietly. ?Believe me. It would destroy you, and I don?t want to see that happen. I care about you more than you will ever know, Obi-Wan.?

    Obi-Wan lifted his eyes to meet his master?s. ?How can you take me back? Master, I deliberately disobeyed you! And I ignored the Force!?

    "Yes, you did,? Qui-Gon acknowledged. ?Those were serious mistakes, Obi-Wan, but it doesn?t mean you?re a hopeless case. It means you?re sixteen years old and still learning. And I forgive you.?

    "People are dead because of me,? Obi-Wan objected. ?Phar is dead because of me.?

    "You were the instrument of their deaths, but it was their own actions that determined their destiny,? Qui-Gon said. ?You did your best to get away without harming anyone until you were forced to act in self-defense. I believe you said that you tickled Phar to make her let go of you, when you could have easily knocked her unconscious instead. You told me that you tried to explain and tried to escape, but they wouldn?t let you go, that they wanted to kill you. The seriousness of your wounds is a testimony to that. Knowing that you were a Jedi, and trained to fight, did not stop them, not even Phar, from attacking you. Phar could have told you the situation and asked for your help. She chose instead to try to seduce you. It is a tragedy, but it was also the culmination of wrongdoing on both sides.?

    "Maybe Phar didn?t know any better. She apparantly got all her ideas from something called the Jedi Romance Series
  8. jedi7

    jedi7 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 8, 2002
    Jane, thank you for a wonderful story. 7
  9. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    Go Qui! Go Jane!

    An excellant post and it didn't disapoint me at all! I thoroughly enjoyed it in fact, my only disapointment is that there won't be anymore!

    Huggles and a toast to Jane for being one of the top writers on the board~!

    Three Cheers!

  10. Jenn-Kenobi

    Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 3, 2001
    :_| Just sad that the story is over.

    Jane that was a wonderful ending. Great job!
  11. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Glad to see you weren't presured into changing things. It is your story.

    The debate about if Qui has a Parental relationship to Obi or not is up to each writer to choose in their writing.
  12. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 9, 2000
    The only thing I don't like about this story... is that it's TOO SHORT! :D

    I do think Obi-Wan got off fairly lightly; though I agree, having to explain to Dyarbin will be painful!

    And "Qui-Gon looked surprised, and Obi-Wan pressed on before he could say anything. ?I promise, master! I?ll always listen to the Force from now on, no matter how hard it is!? --boy, I wish I could believe that! :)

    Good one, Jane! A winner! Now go write something else for us! :p [face_laugh]

  13. juwannajedi

    juwannajedi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 23, 2000
    Very nice Jane.

    I, for one, really liked the little guy. He reminds me of my brothers. (I spent years with lego imprints on my feet!)

    I also really liked the "look at me" line. Have I ever heard that often enough! Why does forgiveness always have to involve looking the forgiver in the eye, I wonder?
  14. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 11, 2001
    De-lurking to tell you what a wonderful fic this was.

    I didn't care for how Qui left Obi, but he did kind of make up for it. And I dont think Obi got off too easy. The events leading up to his punishment will be with him for sometime. He had to kill two people, and he will have to deal with that along with everything else.

    I think the hardest thing for him is having to now deal with Qui's lack of trust in him. I think Obi has always been one to punish himself more than Qui ever really could.

    And just to get my 2 cents worth in on Dyarbin.... I tried to find him cute too, but i just couldn't. He was just down right annoying, but he didn't deserve the treatment he got from Obi.

    Great fic Jane :D
  15. Sara_Kenobi

    Sara_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Sep 21, 2000
    This was a great story, Jane! :)

    I hope to see you write again soon.
  16. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 13, 1999
    Great story, Jane! I agree, though, it was too short! ;) I enjoyed Qui-Gon's suprised look when Obi-Wan tells him he'll never ignore the Force again. Weighty promise! And that leaves no fun for the writers. Kudos, Jane. So... when are you posting your next story? :)

    I have a confession to make. Everytime I come across the words 'deliberately disobeyed,' I hear the voice of James Earl Jones and see Mufasa from The Lion King talking to Simba. [face_laugh]
  17. Abbi_Cee

    Abbi_Cee Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 3, 2000
    I don't think you have ever disappointed in a story Jane, certainly not this one. :) I was surprised the council was not involved in Obi's punishment or that he did not have to go before them to explain things, but perhaps they decided, after consulting with Qui, that it would be better if his master handled the punitive end of things. I suppose it was a wise thinking of Qui-Gon to arrange it so Obi couldn't couldn't get out of the temple without permission, running away because of his guilt would just complicate things for him. I guess Qui-Gon knows his padawan fairly well. ;) As always, looking forward to your next story.
  18. Lieutenant_Page

    Lieutenant_Page Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 17, 2001
    ::sniff:: It's over :(

    Beautiful ending to a awesome story :)
  19. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    Great story Jane, even if a little on the short side. I was not disappointed in the ending (except that it came so quickly) I'm glas to see you didn't change it due to our rants :)
  20. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Jane, the perfect ending to a marvelous story!!! Those are definitely the boys I know and love so well!! Yes, Obi-Wan will be far harder on himself than Qui was.

    Thank you for sharing this story and I hope you're plagued with more rampant, rabid bunnies in the future!!
  21. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Upping so someone else can maybe catch this.
  22. CalaisKenobi

    CalaisKenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jun 15, 2002
    Excellent story as usual Jane Jinn! This serves as a great prequel to "Trust in The Force" and adds even more significance to that story. Thanks for not only a great read in and of itself, but for the great debate you sparked. It is truly interesting to see how different people view the characters. :)
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