Crushed (JA) 3 May story complete, thanks for reading!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jane Jinn, Apr 15, 2002.

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  1. Kit' Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 1999
    star 5
    even though it was mostly Dyarbin?s fault for being so boring and not being able to challenge Obi-Wan enough.

    Okay, now Obi-wan really needs to get over himself!

    Kit
  2. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    I feel for Dyar... I think I was him in my younger days, except I wasn't building any droids. ;) Tsk tsk Obi, your distraction is Dyar's fault? I don't think Qui-Gon's lessons on tolerance have been sinking in. I'd say Obi needs more meditation, but I don't think it would do much good. Perhaps a more forceful lesson is needed. ;)
  3. Lieutenant_Page Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 17, 2001
    star 4
    Yeah, I feel for Dyar too. Those kids picking on him.. and then Obi-Wan. The poor kid just wants someone to look up to :(. Obi-Wan needs to get knocked down a few pegs: ego-wise.
  4. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    Wow Obi really is distracted.

    I really want to know what is going to happen.
  5. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Hel-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o! Were you guys ever (or are you now) teen-agers? Now, it's been quite some time for me - but I still remember how the raging hormones of adolescence can overcome almost anything - and turn a functional mind into chaotic mush.

    Give the kid a break!

    Besides, unless I misread that post, Obi DID rescue Dyar from his tormentors - deliberately.

    Oh, well. Eye of the beholder - and all that! :D
  6. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    So many great replies; thanks, everybody! I must be doing something right with the characterizations to get such rabid responses; it's very flattering! :) And although my adolescent days are long, long gone (thank the Force!), I also remember that having a crush on somebody can, as Cynical pointed out, "turn a functional mind into chaotic mush". Very well put, I couldn't have said it better myself! :D

    *****

    The next day at the soup kitchen, Drive and Phar were close to the end of the line. Qui-Gon had volunteered both himself and Obi-Wan for guard duty, patrolling around the food line and between the tables to make sure that everybody remained peaceful throughout the meal and nobody tried to steal from the weaker beings. Two other Jedi were doling out the food, and so it was easy for Obi-Wan to sidle close to Phar as she finally came through the door. His mouth dropped open in surprise, however, as soon as he got close enough to see that she had a black eye.

    "What happened to you?? he gasped.

    Phar hesitated, glancing hesitantly towards Drive. The boy glared back, and after a moment, Phar lifted her head rebelliously and straightened her shoulders. ?I wanted to wash my hair yesterday night. I had my head under the water, turned like this, but something startled me, and when I came up, I hit my eye on the tap.?

    "Just an accident, Jedi, nothing that concerns you,? Drive growled.

    Obi-Wan stared at her, wondering why he had the feeling that they were both lying. It wasn?t just because he couldn?t imagine the accident being the way she?d described it. Surely there would have been a scrape mark from the edge of the tap? There was something else that bothered him as well -- but a gentle touch through the Force from across the room caught his attention, and he glanced over to Qui-Gon. His master made a circular motion with one finger, and Obi-Wan nodded obediently, then took up his round again.

    When he passed the line again, Phar reached out and plucked at his sleeve. ?How long are you going to be working here at this kitchen, Obi-Wan??

    Opening his mouth to answer, Obi-Wan suddenly realised that after his week-long shift was over, it would be a long, long time after that before he saw her again, if he ever did. The knowledge made him stop and stare deeply into her eyes as he murmured, ?Just until the end of the week.?

    "Is that all? You worked at the rehab center for longer than that.?

    "I was recovering from an injury and wasn?t allowed to go out on missions,? he said apologetically.

    "Oh, yeah, your arm, I remember.?

    "Are you injured now, is that why you?re here?? Drive cut in, looking Obi-Wan up and down as though trying to probe for weaknesses.

    Obi-Wan tried to control a burst of impatience at the interruption and answer politely. ?No, I?m not injured. My master thought it was a good time for us to work here, that?s all.?

    "Did your master say it was the will of the Force?? Phar asked, pulling away as Drive?s overprotective hand tried to turn her in another direction.

    "I think he only said it would be a good learning opportunity for me.? As though the merest mention of Qui-Gon had triggered the action, another touch came through the Force. Obi-Wan acknowledged it with a slight wave of his hand, but could not step away just then, because Phar was speaking again.

    "What are you going to do after you?re finished here??

    "Probably go on a mission.?

    "Oh.?

    Hating to take advantage of her momentary speechlessness, but knowing his duty, Obi-Wan bowed ever so slightly to end the conversation and began to circulate among the tables again. It seemed to demand an excessive amount of effort to keep his mind on his task and not always glance over to Phar. He also couldn?t shake the feeling that Qui-Gon was keeping a closer eye on him, almost the same as he did with the more-threatening individuals that visited the soup kitchen, and Obi-Wan felt irked by the thought.

    Because Phar and Drive had come so late, most of the other beings had already gone by the time t
  7. Kit' Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 1999
    star 5
    Okay...someone let me at Drive! *grrr* *grrr* to anyone who beats up someone else!

    Or maybe I should just calm down and stop jumping to conclusions.

    Great post Jane!

    Kit

  8. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    Oooh I don't like that Drive guy :mad: even if Phar isn't perfect she doesn't deserve to be pushed around like that.
  9. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Let me make myself perfectly clear on this: I don't care if the girl is a strumpet of the first order, loose as a goose, and/or practicing the world's oldest profession - ANY MAN WHO HITS A WOMAN IS NO MAN - and I think Obi's protective instincts are playing at least a small part in his growing obsession with the girl - along with that unavoidable fragrance of testosterone in the morning. :D

    And, BTW, isn't Qui-Gon - vaunted Jedi Master - supposed to be the one that's so in tune with the underdogs of the galaxy and so concerned with the plight of "pathetic lifeforms"? So how come he's not flashing a red alert signal in the vicinity of this girl who is so obviously in trouble and in need.

    OK, OK - I confess. I'm NOT a big Qui-Gon fan - but the point is no less valid, don't you think?

    Way to hook us even harder, Jane. Can't wait for more.
  10. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I had to chuckle at some of the heated responses to Obi-Wan's bigheadedness. :D :D Jane you've got the adolescent ego down very well. I'm dealing with a 15 y/o daughter whose grades are going down and if you heard her you'd believe it was all her teachers fault! LOL!
    I liked that Qui-Gon confessed about having crushes but hope he remembers how difficult it may have been for him at that time.

    I do hope Obi-Wan will talk to Qui-Gon about Phar's black eye. It certain sounds as though the girl needs a champion in her corner right now. As far as Qui not sensing any amiss with the girl, it may be he's concentrating on his apprentice and his crush more than the beings around him.

    Stellar posts Jane!! :) :)
  11. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Okay, I think I'm going to change my mind about Phar, at least for right now. I'm not sure why she chose to leave a good foster home for the streets (love or coersion?), but she seems to want help but is not sure how to ask for it. Maybe the *come ons* are just her way of getting Obi to help because she doesn't know any other way save manipulation of emotions. Maybe she feels she has to offer him something to gain his help. Maybe she's just confused. ;) Can't wait to see which it is. :)

    Was I ever a hormonally driven teen? LOL ;) , I guess I was once upon a time and I admit it doesn't do much for your common sense, but I can't help but sympathize with Dyar, who reminds me of myself, and wish Obi were a bit more compassionate towards him.

    Why isn't Qui-Gon rushing to save poor Phar? Well, for one thing, she hasn't applied to him for help and nor has Obi in her behalf. It may seem obivious to us, the readers, that she needs help, but Qui-Gon doesn't have our perspective. What he sees is a girl who chose to leave a good home to hang out in the streets and now this street smart girl seems to be throwing lures to his smitten naive padawan and like any concerned parent he is trying to put some distance between this *vixen* and his boy. ;)
  12. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Am NOT suggesting Qui-Gon should be rushing in to save the girl - but do think that such an acclaimed 'champion of pathetic lifeforms' should sense something amiss. Protective of his padawan? No doubt - but the very nature of the order, and the dangers inherent in apprenticeship, means that the boy will be put at risk sometimes - unavoidably.

    Having experienced 'crushes' himself might make him leary - and the girl's obvious squalid history wouldn't be reassuring - but he remains, nevertheless, the GREAT Qui-Gon Jinn; methinks maybe he's guilty of closing his mind. {Gasp! Did I say that? :D ) and seeing only what he wishes to see. A trait shared by a shocking percentage of people in our own world. [face_mischief]

    I still think I'll reserve judgement - all around. After all - we don't really know why she left that foster home, do we? Or what she might have endured there?

    Love it when a fic prompts debates (or rants, as they're usually described.) Good job, Jane.
  13. jedi7 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2002
    star 4
    Obi your going to have to go and visit that gang so you can beat the Sith out of Drive, **even though you will probably get beat and tortured**, and I think Ms. Phar is trying to tell you something, she keeps mentioning those Vrelts. (or maybe not) [face_plain] 7
  14. Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2001
    star 3
    Okkk.... I think it is understood we all hate/dislike Drive.

    Well... as for Qui, he probbly is watching Obi like a hawk *or whatever animal that is like that in SW*, but maybe if you think about it, Qui in TPM doesn't really have to worry so much over Obi since Obi is 25 and probbly heading to his Trails soon. But, on the note with JA 17, that Qui realizes that Obi at 16 is still just a boy.

    I also have to say that I too thought Qui was more aware of pathetic lifeforms, so he may know something is wrong, but maybe the Force isn't telling him anything?

    And as for Phar, she should try to stick up for herself, I mean I would think a girl on the streets wouldn't take any trash from people, would she? I guess she could handle most things, but Drive and the gang are the only family she really has, so she is stick for now, I mean in her thinking.

    As for Obi, naive has he seems to be now, I think he would be different by the end of the story.

    As always, Great Jane! More!
  15. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    Now, Cyn, why should it be ONLY Qui-Gon who picks up on "pathetic life forms?" :) There are two other Jedi Knights there besides him and Obi-Wan! I agree, though... any man who hits a woman deserves to have the Amazons appear out of the woodwork and beat him into puree.

    Well, let's see... I don't trust Phar (maybe she got socked in the eye trying to mug an innocent little old lady?)... I definitely don't trust Drive... I think Qui-Gon should get himself & his apprentice both assigned to another mission on the other end of the Galaxy ASAP... and I think if Jane doesn't post more, we are all going to be very upset! :)

    As to the rants... it's usually me doing the ranting, so I will sit on the sidelines and enjoy this one.

    And wait for Jane to post more. Much more. Soon. I hope. :cool:
  16. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I have to side mainly with Renata on this one. Qui needs to get his apprentice away from Phar, and fast! She seems to be trying to manipulate him into comming over to "her place" with stories of the vreltts- but for what purpose (other than the obvious).

    Abbi has a point when she says that maybe the girl is only trying to ask for help the only way she's knows how, but it just doesn't set right with me.
  17. The Musical Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    You know, I think I'm beginning to understand Phar a little more. And I think that the vrelts are a little fewer in number and a little larger in size. ;)

    I also feel for Dyar. That would have been me in middle school. I don't miss that time of my life at all. Always a misfit, never the norm. But now I take pride in my eccentricity. ;)

    Hey, we teenagers don't only think with our horomones! :D
  18. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Wow, I don't think I've ever had such a discussion on any of my stories. Keep it up, everybody, you've all got some good ideas here. :)

    *****

    During meditation that day, Obi-Wan tried extra hard to keep his mind on the Force, but it kept wandering back to Phar. At first he found himself considering what Phar had asked, if it were possible for the Force to speak to him without Qui-Gon knowing it, and then, before he knew it, he was remembering how Phar had opened her jacket, revealing the bare skin just below her collarbone. Had she been wearing anything underneath that jacket at all? The idea made his cheeks burn with embarrassment, and he felt guilty for even wondering. Opening his eyes hastily, Obi-Wan checked to see if Qui-Gon were staring at him in consternation, already planning another session of concentration exercises, but Qui-Gon?s eyes were still closed in deep meditation. Greatly relieved, Obi-Wan exhaled as silently as he could, and tried to get back to something approaching meditation before his master noticed this latest lapse.

    It seemed like forever before Qui-Gon finally opened his eyes.

    "Master, is it possible for the Force to talk to me and not to you?? Obi-Wan asked before Qui-Gon could inquire about his meditation.

    Qui-Gon frowned as he considered this question in silence for a long moment. ?Theoretically, it must be possible, but just at the moment, I can?t think of any specific examples in which this situation might occur. Can you??

    "Not specifically, no. I was just wondering -- theoretically. If there was something the Force wanted me to do, for instance, and it --? Obi-Wan paused, wondering how to put it tactfully -- ?didn?t involve you??

    "Hmm. If you felt the Force guiding you to this theoretical action, then I?m certain that I would be able to feel through the Force that I should let you go by yourself,? Qui-Gon mused. Then, quite suddenly, he asked, ?Are you trying to tell me that you felt the Force telling you to go visit Miss Swife and kill vrelts??

    Obi-Wan glanced up in shock and guilt, wondering if he were really that transparent. Chagrined, he decided he must be, otherwise Qui-Gon would not have asked. Regretting that he could not be other than truthful, he shook his head. ?No, master.?

    Qui-Gon nodded in acknowledgement. ?Nor did I feel the Force allowing me to let you go. In fact, I felt quite the opposite, that you should stay far away from Miss Swife.?

    "But why?? Obi-Wan exploded. ?What?s so wrong about our friendship? What?s so dangerous about her??

    Qui-Gon regarded him steadily for a long moment, not speaking, until Obi-Wan realised exactly how childish and petulant he?d sounded, and blushed with shame.

    "My padawan,? Qui-Gon asked gently, ?you are being very disrespectful towards me. Your desire for the friendship of Miss Swife seems to be causing you to neglect your Jedi training.?

    Obi-Wan considered the statement, but immediately rejected the idea that it might possibly be true. Still, because Qui-Gon was obviously waiting for some kind of response, he murmured, ?I?m sorry if it looks that way to you, master.?

    "I felt very strongly through the Force that you should not visit Miss Swife. What did -you- feel, Obi-Wan??

    "Nothing,? he admitted, glancing away.

    Qui-Gon waited patiently.

    "I wasn?t able to feel anything, master,? Obi-Wan admitted, dragging his eyes back to where they belonged. ?I wasn?t able to meditate to-day at all. I just kept thinking about her.?

    "Have you decided to abandon your Jedi training and move in with Miss Swife, Obi-Wan??

    "What?? Obi-Wan could not believe his master had just asked such a question. ?No, of course not! I just want to help her!?

    Qui-Gon ignored the outburst. ?You still wish to continue your training and become a knight??

    "Yes!?

    "Obi-Wan, no Jedi can serve two masters. You must decide which one you want to follow. If your heart is truly set on becoming a knight, then you must follow the will of the Force. If you cannot feel the Force yourself because y
  19. Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2001
    star 3
    Oh, No, Obi don't you dare go help her! Well, at least without telling Qui about it. Knowing Obi, he would try to get in touch with Qui, but Qui doesn't have his comlink does he?

    Obi is going to get and soon be in big trouble....

    So, which master will Obi serve? I really don't need to ask that do I?
  20. juwannajedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
  21. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Dum dum dumm.

    Hey, I just caught up with this yesterday but was lurking so I'll post today. This is a great story, Jane. (Though I ususally like all your stories.)

    Actually, I hope Obi does go help Phar because usually when women get abused, and I'm pretty sure she is, they don't ask for help unless they really, really need it. And even then sometimes it's too late. I just hope Obi-Wan is careful when he goes.

    I also understand how you have the Temple set up and how they keep up and coming Jedi sheltered from the 'evil' of the universe, but I don't think that's a very good idea overall. I mean, what a eye opener that would be when you go on your first mission after being Knight and you have no Master and Council to 'protect' you from the viles of the world. But it's good for the story. Makes Obi more innocent, good for laughs and hopefully up coming anguish.

    ~Swede :p
  22. jedi7 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2002
    star 4
    aaahhhhh!!!, how can he be so naive, he's been a Padawan for how many years?, don't they go on missions interacting with the good and the bad of the galaxy??, go go go Obi, you've been warned more than once.
    Hurry with more story soon. :) 7
  23. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    Hm, I can't help but feel that Obi-Wan is being set up to take a big fall. Forget the bruises, why exactly DID she have your commlink? Sorry, Qui-Gon, looks like once again your kid's about to walk out on you to be a hero for his latest girlfriend... :(

    I'd say "don't go," but we KNOW he's going to! :eek:

    E-R-O-M, Jane! (Even with rope, cliffhanging is uncomfortable!)
  24. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Well, we know Obi's going to go because... well... that's Obi and besides, we wouldn't have much of a story if he didn't. ;) Now, will he try to contact his master first or think about it and rush out? Perhaps he can't find his master, but feels Phar's plight is desperate enough that he needs to go to her. Will he leave a message behind or will he think he can be back before he's missed? Is Phar really in trouble?
  25. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Renata- it's not so much why she was calling on his comlink, but Where Did She Get The Number?

    Swede- I have no problem with him rescuing her if she is being abused, but I think that she is being manipulative, NOT abused.
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