Saga Crystal Clear ... an RotS vignette on attachment (Obi-Wan, Siri, Qui-Gon, Anakin)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DarthMousche, Jul 15, 2005.

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  1. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Title: Crystal Clear
    Author: DarthMousche
    Era: RotS
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Siri, Qui-Gon
    Genre: Vignette (OK, kind of a long one)
    Summary: En route to Utapau, Obi-Wan indulges in a few thoughts about attachments.
    Disclaimer: The characters belong to George Lucas or Jude Watson. Some of the passages (in italics) are lifted from the novelization of TPM (Terry Brooks) and ?Secrets of the Jedi? (Watson). I own nothing except my own twisted thoughts.

    Author?s note: This is my first piece. It took a lot longer ? and ended up being a little longer ? than I thought it would. I keep wanting to add and make changes, but I have to let go sometime, right? Much kudos and admiration for all the terrific authors here who write gorgeous epics. Don?t know how you do it.

    I would love feedback, good or bad. Thank you for reading.

    Edit: A few typos and such.

    -----------------------------------------------

    As the Jedi starfighter careened through space en route to Utapau, its pilot sat back and patched the controls through to his astromech unit.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi master and general in the Republican army, watched the stars streak by as thoughts bounced around his head at a similar speed.

    He tried to center himself by closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. If he imagined hard enough, he could believe he was breathing in the scent of fresh water and flora of the Room of the Thousand Fountains at the temple instead of the cockpit?s recycled air. Almost. The stale air was just one thing he hated about flying. Being at the mercy of a mechanical device was another. That was much more Anakin?s speed ? if you could consider him being at the mercy of anything.

    A small frown crossed Obi-Wan?s features as he thought about his former apprentice and the conversation they had before he left Coruscant. If only they?d had a little bit longer before missions forced them to part ways. He sensed the boy ? no, he is a man now ? was wrestling with some serious inner demons. Anakin had always carried a streak of defiance, but ever since the encounter with Dooku aboard the Invisible Hand, there was a disturbance in the Force around him. During his short interval at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan couldn?t get close enough to sense what the turmoil was about. He did have some guesses, though.

    His visit to Senator Amidala?s quarters had only confirmed what Obi-Wan had long suspected, that Anakin had pursued a relationship with her, despite the Jedi rule against attachment. Perhaps, he thought, I should have nipped this in the bud, and not allowed Anakin to be assigned to guard her without my direct supervision. Maybe I could have stopped this by warning him about the dangers of attachments and how they easily they can cloud your judgment. Or he could have gone to Master Yoda with his suspicions, as his own master had once done on his behalf. Why hadn?t he done something?

    Perhaps it was because he understood that particular weakness of Anakin?s only too well.

    Shifting in his seat, Obi-Wan reached into his cloak and untied a small leather pouch from his utility belt. He opened the pouch. As his hand gripped the small crystal that spilled out, warmth spread up his arm and through his body. His eyes focused on the cool deep blue rock that seemed to glow from within, and he remembered the sapphire eyes of the woman who gave it to him.

    Even amid the fighting and chaos of wartime, he still thought of Siri every day. However, it had been many months since he had allowed memories of her so near the surface of his mind. What could it hurt to indulge in a little regret while hurtling through deep space in a tin can, he thought?

    ?If you were here,? Obi-Wan said, with a soft smile. ?you surely would be laughing at me now. Have I turned into such a pathetic creature??

    Pathetic for mourning something he never really had. Only mere days spanned the time between when their affections fully bloomed ? though perhaps the seeds had been planted long before during their childhood ? and when the pair decided they would have to bury those emo
  2. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Lovely vignette. :)

    Perhaps it was because he understood that particular weakness of Anakin?s only too well.

    After AtoC, I saw so many people claim that Obi-Wan just didn't understand Anakin's desire for love, but I think the opposite is true. I think his lines, "You've made a commitment to the Jedi Order, a committment not easily broken." and "Dreams pass in time." were referring to his own life.

    I loved that you had Siri's warming crystal in this story. [face_love]

    Obi-Wan closed his eyes and opened himself to the Force, letting it seep through every pore, every cell. He stretched out with his feeling to see if he could find Siri?s presence. Immediately, he felt the air around him turn warm, as if he were being embraced, and he felt a whisper against his cheek. Inhaling deeply, he swore it was the scent of her skin that filled his senses, the scent that was forever burned in his memory.

    And he felt the connection. It was rejuvenating, a cool breeze blowing through every strand of hair, a wave of ocean soaking the entire surface of his skin, a serum flowing through his veins and warming his blood, making his heart beat stronger. He was alive.

    When he came out of his trance a few minutes later, he knew.

    He knew the bonds he had forged with Qui-Gonn, with Siri, with Anakin could only make his connection with the Force more complete. It was a new insight, Obi-Wan thought as he turned the crystal in his hands, one that could mean a major change for the Order. Perhaps change was what was needed in this time of growing darkness. He would have to discuss it with Master Yoda ? after the war.


    I loved these lines. Beautiful that he draws strength from his connections, but sad that after the war nothing is left. :_|

    I really enjoyed all the thoughts about attachments in this viggie. Very well done. :)
  3. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Jedikma

    Yes, I was hoping for an uplifting feel to the vignette, but, of course, the events we all know are going to happen kind of cast a tragic shadow over the whole thing.

    Thank you for your compliments. They mean a lot, especially coming from a writer whose stories I have enjoyed so much. I haven't written any fanfic before, so I thought a vignette would be a nice way to ease into it. I have so many ideas biting at my heels; now I just need the time and patience to see them through.

    I was very nervous about posting, because there is so much good writing on these boards I didn't know if I could live up to the standards. Hopefully I won't bite my fingernails so much next time. [face_worried]
  4. SiriKenobi12 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2004
    star 3
    Obi-Wan closed his eyes and opened himself to the Force, letting it seep through every pore, every cell. He stretched out with his feeling to see if he could find Siri?s presence. Immediately, he felt the air around him turn warm, as if he were being embraced, and he felt a whisper against his cheek. Inhaling deeply, he swore it was the scent of her skin that filled his senses, the scent that was forever burned in his memory.

    And he felt the connection. It was rejuvenating, a cool breeze blowing through every strand of hair, a wave of ocean soaking the entire surface of his skin, a serum flowing through his veins and warming his blood, making his heart beat stronger. He was alive.


    This was a beautiful passage...I was blown away by this story mostly because it was your first one! You are fantastic at capturing Obi Wan's character, you didn't make him an unfeeling robot yet you didn't make him an emotional wreck either. =D= I really enjoyed this little gem, please keep writing and don't be so nervous because you are great.

    I also loved the idea you presented in this about Obi Wan wondering what would've happened if Siri had survived. Would their past feelings come roaring back? Interesting thought...hmmm. Loved the use of the crystal also...just fantastic all the way around!
  5. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Aw, thanks for the encouragement, SiriKenobi12. I really thought Obi-Wan should bring out the crystal sometime during RotS, so I decided it would help him take his mind off the fact that he's flying. :)

    Now that the ice is broken, I'm getting attacked by all sorts of bunnies, including one that has potential to turn into an epic. But, I'll take baby steps. I'm going to try some challenges (still have to do my quote roulette), then maybe I'll tackle a short story. It feels good to be writing for fun again. I've spent too much time in the newsroom.

    Anyway, thank you again for all the nice things you said. There's nothing like writing and posting your own story to make you understand the value of comments. I'm going to be much better about this from now own when reading other people's stories.
  6. Siri-Wan-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2005
    star 2
    Obi-Wan closed his eyes and opened himself to the Force, letting it seep through every pore, every cell. He stretched out with his feeling to see if he could find Siri?s presence. Immediately, he felt the air around him turn warm, as if he were being embraced, and he felt a whisper against his cheek. Inhaling deeply, he swore it was the scent of her skin that filled his senses, the scent that was forever burned in his memory.


    [face_love] So Siri is always with him. He can still feel her presence. This viggie made my day. I was feeling sick today, but this viggie picked me up. It was just soo uplifting, even though it had some sadder undertones. Just writing about Obi-wan's and Siri's connection the way you did made me happy. *bounces away in good mood*

    Great Job!!
  7. Neo-Paladin Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2004
    star 4
    I like how you arranged this fic. The attachment issue is one that we will all debate for years I imagine, but here it seems preaty clear. Looking at the title, I imagine that was what you were going for o_O

    Thank you for sharing this.
  8. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Siri-Wan-Kenobi

    I'm so glad I could help your day get a little better. As mentioned earlier, I was trying for a more optimistic feel, despite all the doom and gloom we know is going to happen. I really like the idea of him always being able to seek comfort in his loved ones who have passed into the Force.

    Neo-Paladin

    Yep...I've been trying to get my feelings down on the no-attachment rule since I found out there was one. This might be just the beginning, as I keep getting more and more ideas for stories, many of which relate (even though they aren't centered on it as this one was).

    Thanks for reading, guys! [:D]
  9. Aelan_Greenleaf Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2005
    star 1
    I really liked this. I loved the timeframe it was set in, and that it wasn't completely filled with gloom and despair. You have Obi-Wan's character down very well, and it was so believable. Great job! :)
  10. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    I liked his thoughts on why something forged by the Force could be considered wrong. It's really too bad there was so little time for he and Anakin to talk before Utapau. I think if relationships had not been forbidden, there would have been an entirely different ending. :p
  11. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Very nicely done. Spare and elegant and thoughtful - like Obi-Wan himself - and exhibiting that sweet sadness that stayed with him through all his life. Also, you succeeded in working in just the right nuance of uncertainty that might lead him to understand how the Jedi contributed to its own destruction.

    Hardly ever post here - but this was definitely worthy of a cheer or two.

    CYN
  12. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Aelan_Greenleaf
    Thank you! There are so many layers to Obi-Wan, and it's fun to explore them. I get a lot of help from the stories and discussions here.

    Master_Noi
    I agree with you completely. I think the Order could have been a lot stronger, especially when you consider a lot of them would have married each other and produced lots of Force-sensitive babies. And that's one reason I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens in your story. :)Thanks for reading!

    CYNICAL21

    Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. And now that I've read your own brilliant piece ("Then Comes Stillness"), I'm especially flattered at your compliments. [face_blush]
  13. jeditachi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2005
    star 1

    Excellent vignette! =D= This is the first fic I've read that has Obi-Wan with Siri's blue warming crystal. I love it! So Siri keeps her promise that she would never leave Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan can sense her presense in the Force. [face_love] No wonder he seems quite happy in the first half of RotS. :)

    Nitpicking: "Republican army" just doesn't sound right. I don't know if the word Republican is used in the books, but I'm pretty sure that it's never used in any of the movies. Like in TPM, it's "Republic credits". Sorry, I'm not a writer, so I don't have any helpful comments.

    Anyway, great fic! One of the best Siriwan vignettes! And you write Obi-Wan very well! =D=

  14. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    jeditachi

    Thanks for reading ... sorry it took me so long to reply (I'm sort of on vacation this week ... the kind where you try to get stuff done around the house). I'm glad you enjoyed it. Writing it - and finishing it - was exhilarating, not to mention getting comments from writers I admire. :)

    Nitpicking is OK in my book (I'm a copy editor by trade). I'm not sure why I wrote it that way. I thought I had seen it like that elsewhere, but maybe I just called it that in my head. If I can't find it anywhere soon, I'll fix it.
  15. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    Wow! Well done!! If the "I Dare You" challenge has done anything, it's allowed me the grate oppotunity to read your excellent vignette! I'm thoroughly impressed with your writing! =D=


    He knew the bonds he had forged with Qui-Gonn, with Siri, with Anakin could only make his connection with the Force more complete. It was a new insight, Obi-Wan thought as he turned the crystal in his hands, one that could mean a major change for the Order. Perhaps change was what was needed in this time of growing darkness. He would have to discuss it with Master Yoda ? after the war.

    Ahhh...after the war...maybe tomorrow. You brought about this kind of thinking several times in the piece and it really struck me as authentic. Obi-Wan always thinks that he can deal with Anakin's problems "later" when "things settle down." The problem is that things never settle down, now do they?

    Again, really well done. Off to read some more! :)

  16. Darthkma Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
  17. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Oof! I haven't checked on this one in awhile...

    Souderwan - Hey, thanks for stopping by. I didn't make it too hard for you to figure out how to torture me, did I? [face_batting]

    Obi-Wan always thinks that he can deal with Anakin's problems "later" when "things settle down." Yep. I think that's part of the big tragedy. And of course I wrote this back before I read any of the EU books other than SotJ. Even with all this new information, though, I still feel the same about this.

    Darthkma - That silly Code has to go and spoil everything, doesn't it? At least we get lots of good stories out of it. Especially the ones where we find ways for them to get around the Code. [face_devil]
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