JCC cybernetic enhancement tomfoolery

hello, jcc.

today i would like you to entertain with me the fantastic. i want you to imagine a world where man has total mechanical dominion over all of nature, and can cybernetically alter it at will. and now imagine, if you will, that instead of using that amazing technical might to fundamentally help our world for the better, we used it to be utter and complete sons of bitches to the animal kingdom.

now what would you do with that kind of power?

myself, i would replace the lower portion of cows jaws with the head from a weedwhacker. so when they went to eat, all the grass would be cut and go flying anywhere and the cow wouldn't get anything to eat. (which isn't really a problem because we replaced the cows stomachs with miniature fusion reactors so they won't starve.) and when you think about it, a weed whacker is probably a pretty good feature to have, otherwise the grass they ate would be getting all gunked up in the reactor, which is probably a bad thing.

plus, when they open their mouth and engage the weed whacker, we can alter it's rpm and pitch to make it sound like the cow is saying moooooooooooo.

 

I would replace a sharks teeth with soft vibrating massager balls.

 

This is such an easy answer.




Everyone would be Robocop.

 

All honeybadgers would be equipped with machine guns.

 

A dog's bark would be worse than its bite because it would breath fire due to a sciency contraption attached to its throat.

 

I don't see anything good out of this...

Plus the original idea for Jurassic Park 4 was along this line...

 

I would equip squirrel's heads with metal detectors so they can go around digging for coins and missing jewelry. They would also have solar panels on their back to harness energy from the sun so they won't go hungry. That way you can use a squirrel to charge your cell phone while it finds quarters for you.

 

Erm, don't squirrels just eat food in order not to go hungry?

 

i would probably just give sloths some sunglasses.

 

Shut up

 

Cyborg cats!

That is all.

 

War Rhinos.

 

All spiders would become extinct. What replaces them would be a human friendly cute bug that does the same job.

 

I am most interested in alterations to the human and animal brain to allow for increased pleasure/more variable experiences as well as decreased suffering.

Bazooka arms can wait.

 

"More pleasurable experiences?" What does this even mean?

 

I don't know, considering I didn't write it.

 

What?

 

"increased pleasure slash more variable experiences" does not mean "more pleasurable experiences."

Also, we get it Wocky, the world will never get better...yadda, yadda Jesus.

 

No, I'm just curious what it is you are actually hoping for.

 

A more interesting world, with a larger degree of human control over the lived experience, our environment, and in the long term even the basic human form.

 

Instead of milk cows produce beer.

 

Sounds like something out of The Culture, EBB.

 

Hell yes. Definitely dig the politics and ideas of that series.

 

It means you can put your hand on a hot stove and enjoy it!