Cycle and despair of mankind

SRSLY

You see the worst side of people when you ride a bicycle. This morning, for instance, I'd had quite a high carb breakfast (9 mile ride followed by 30 mins with a sadistic personal trainer before work... need some energy to burn) and - what with the terrible state of London's roads - that high carb breakfast got jiggled about a bit.

Anyhoo, I had a bit of gurgling going on in my belly and thought I could perhaps bring some joy to the hearts of mankind with a hauntingly beautiful piece of impromtu performance art. While passing a small group of people waiting for a bus, I exclaimed 'Turbo boost: ENGAGE!' and then ripped out a massive fart. Appreciation? Applause? Adulation? No. Abuse and expressions of disgust.

Why do ppl hate cyclists so much?

 

Welcome Back, ****er.

 

PEG LEG PETE

 

I would have collapsed with laughter, and applauded if I could have! The only thing that could have made that any better would have been if you had lit it on fire.


I swear, some people have no taste.

Edit: PETE! I got so excited to see you back just now I had to leave the computer and poop. It was glorious, btw.

 

Skidmarks lol

 

I only hate cyclists when I'm trying to drive and they are either in my lane or drifting into my lane or they come too close for comfort while on the side of the road. Other than that, ride on, my friend and fart all you want.

 

Is there some reason they're not allowed in 'your' lane?

 

this kind of action should ENDEAR cyclists to the public. but as usual, the public does not know a good thing even when it is blasted straight into their faces.

 

It breaks my heart that people wouldn't laugh at such a display of humor.

One might say mankind is circling the drain....

 

There are two groups of people that ruin bikes for everyone else. For the first group, we look to Bicycle Rights Extremists. The League of American Bicyclists is a group that aims to a) promote bike safety, b) encourage more people to buy bikes, c) encourage governments to make roads safer for bicyclists and d) spread awareness about ... like, bikes in general, I guess.

They say things like, "Hey, bicyclists have a right to be on the road, so, car drivers, please try not to kill them," and they also say, "Hey, bicyclists: Having a right to be on the road doesn't mean you have MORE rights than cars, nor does it mean you're invincible, so please try not to be *******s." They're a good group, but, like all large groups and organizations, fringe subgroups are bound to emerge, and those subgroups will be full of idiots. Bike Rights Extremists, is what I've been calling them. These are the people who, as a "demonstration of bike rights," will clog streets up with bikers, making it impossible for cars to get through.

These protestors take to the streets and actively stop people from getting to work (or, say, a hospital) in an effort to raise awareness of bikes, under the guise of some kind of "take back the streets" campaign.

In plenty of "demonstrations" like this all around the world, there have been reports of groups of bikers banging on cars and shouting at the motorists (not to mention the fact that, to begin with, they're obstructing traffic). Popular protest groups, like Critical Mass, can be totally peaceful and responsible, but a lot of other groups are dangerous and idiotic, because that's what happens when you form a mob.

The second group of bikers that I can't stand? Hippies, obviously. Understand that I'm not talking about formal hippies (they of the peace-loving, drug-taking variety); I just mean "hippie bikers," the kind of people who not only bike, but explain to you that they bike because of how much better it is for the environment, man. It's not that what they're doing is wrong, it's that they're so self-righteous about it, like every admission of "I like to bike" is immediately followed by "because I just want to do my part to save the Earth, no big deal. We've only got one Earth, you know? Like, I'm not a big 'environmentalist' or anything, but it just made sense, you know? Why not be the one guy who isn't burning up fuel all the time, right? My carbon footprint is NOT going to be tire tracks."

I ride a bike because fuel costs money that I'd rather spend on other things (candy!), and because riding a bike for four miles is faster than driving four miles in Los Angeles. For the last week and a half, I've been without a car, and I got along just fine. It was really nice, but every time I found myself even thinking the phrase, "Ooh, no cars for me, I bike everywhere I go," I wanted to punch myself in my pretentious throat, because that sentence feels like it's begging to be followed by "to the farmer's market, to yoga, to the hacky sack competish ..."

These two groups, extremists and hippies, take the ease and affordability of bike riding and turn it into something aggressively self-righteous, so the rest of us feel like we need to qualify every "I have a bike" with an obligatory "but I'm not, like, one of those bikers."

Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-great-things-co-opted-by-douchebags/#ixzz1mbqdFGQT

 

oh this thread made my day

I lost a shoe once when riding my bike. I had to run into the middle of a box junction to get it back.
Flats are not cycling shoes.

 

Good to see you all!

I really need to work on my work:internet balance. I've missed you guys.

 

I applaud your efforts in cycling as it reduces pollution and keeps you fit. But adding more methane to the atmosphere is not helpful