"Dad, your line is 'I love you'" (Obi-humor fic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Jewl, Nov 20, 2002.

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  1. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hey guys!...Rita...Hey Rita! Nice to see you again! :) I'm glad you enjoyed the first one! Hope you like this one to. :D

    Here's the long and short of it:

    Title: "Dad, your line is 'I love you'"

    By: Jedi_Jewl

    Cadagory: Humor

    Rated: G

    Length: 28 pages

    Timeline: Obi-Wan's eleven (but he acts
    three)

    Plot (what there is of it :) : Qui-Gon decides that he and Obi-Wan need to get to know eachother better, and takes Obi-Wan to child-training class. It doesn't go the way Qui-Gon exspected...

    Disclamers: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are not mine. Also, the names from Lord of the Rings aren't mine. But I don't suppose it matters, seeing there's no way anyone would pay me for this stuff. : P

    Previous matirial: You might want to read my first Obi-Brat and Qui-Gone-Mad story; "My Math Teacher's an alian" But you don't nesisarily need to

    NOTE: Obi-Wan couldn't possibly be Qui-Gon's Padawan if he is eleven, but I don't think he could act THIS imature if he were really thirteen, so I cut his age by a few years. But I don't suppose you're reading this for an acurate account of Obi-Wan's childhood anywas, so that's okay. :)

    And now,

    Obi-Brat and Qui-Gone-Mad in:

    "Dad, Your Line is 'I love you'"

    Q: Obi-wan?
    O: Yes?
    Q:Want to talk?
    O:About what?
    Q:I don't know.How's school?
    O:Boring.
    Q:eek:h. I see. Well how about your friends?
    O:What about my friends?
    Q:How are they?
    O:Fine.
    Q:eek:h. What about your teacher?
    O:Miss Rigna?
    Q:Ya.
    O:She's mad at me.
    Q:Why? I sure hope you didn't bite her on the nose again.
    O:No, nothing like that.
    Q:What'd you do? I thought that Miss Rigna loved you.
    O:Well, I sort of put a wampa rat in the general vacintaty of her lunch.
    Q:eek:bi-wan, what am I going to do with you?
    O:How am I supposed to know?
    Q:No, it's alright.
    O:Alright? What do you mean?
    Q:I'm not mad.
    O:You're not?
    Q:No. Listen Obi-wan, I'm asking you this stuff, because I want to have a father-son relationship.
    O:You do? Why?
    Q:Every good adult does.
    O:No offense, Qui-gon, but you never struck me as a good perant anyway.
    Q:Watch it, or I will stirke you.
    O:I thought you weren't mad.
    Q:I'm getting there.
    O:eek:h. Well, I suppose having a father-son relationship would be great for a father and his son, but we're not even related.
    Q:So? How about a master-padawan relationship?
    O:How bout it?
    Q:Well- you want one?
    O:.......................I guess.
    15 minutes later...................
    O:So remind me again, Qui-gon, where are we going?
    Q:To perant counciling. And don't forget to call me Dad in front of everyone.
    O:Why?
    Q:We've been through this already.Because I hate putting up with the Oh he's your foster son then? thing.
    O:eek:h. Okay then.
    Q:Aha! We're here.
    5 minutes later...............
    Qui-gon and Obi-wan walk into a room full of perants and their kids.
    Q:eek:bi-wan, lets sit down over there.
    O:eek:kay. Oh! There's Bobby! Hi Bobby!
    B: Hi Obi-wan! Is your dad taking you to peranting now?
    O: Yep! Yours?
    B: Ya.
    Q: Come on, Obi-wan.
    O: Bye Bobby!
    Q: Oh! Here comes the counciler!
    A lovely Twi-lek walks out into the room. Qui-gon's mouth drops.
    O: Look Dad! It's Miss Rigna!
    Q: Oh no oh no!
    O: What's wrong? Oh ya. You like her.
    Q: I do NOT!
    O: Well, it looks like she's going to be our counciler for awhile. It's okay, I'm sure that- Why are you puting your hood up?
    Q: I don't want her to see me!
    O:She's gonna.
    Q: She won't if you don't tell her.
    O:Fine, fine.
    Miss Rigna: Hello, everyone. To start, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Miss Larly Rigna. I'd also like to meat each of you, so please come on up here, and introduce you and your child one at a time.
    O: *whispering* Qui-gon? What am I supposed to do?
    Q: Walk up there.
    O: I'm gonna look silly, up there with no perant.
    Q: You look silly anyway, and I'm not going up there!
    O: Oh that's not nice!
    Q: Just go up there, and don't turn simple minded. Got it?
    O: Whatever.
    Obi-wan walks up to the back of the line.
    Perant: Hello, I am Mrs. Tilly , and this is my daughter, Shelby.
    Perant 2 : I'm Patricia Pink, and thi
  2. Trickster_Jaina_Fel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2002
    star 5
    <falls to the floor laughing> LOL!

    Q: I'm doing fine. How are things at school.
    O: You asked me that this morning, and I told you. Miss Rigna's mad at-
    Q: I know, but for the sake of the script, read the lines.


    Q: Oh son! What nice peom! How long did it take you to write that?
    O: Well, Dad, really, I just listened to yours!
    Q: Obi-wan.
    O: Eeerrg. Two days, three minutes, and twenty-four seconds.
    Q: And mine took almost three hours longer.


    Q: I'm glad I was able to talk with you today. We should do it again.
    O: Yes. Oh my. I'm late for choir. Do you suppose you can take me?
    Q: Sure son! I'd love to.
    O: Thank you Dad! Oh Dad!
    Q: Oh son!
    Both O and Q: OH BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!
    O: Qui-gon, tell me we don't have to do lesson two!
    Q: Yes.
    O: Bummer.


    Q: Your a great son, son.
    O: ....................
    Q: Obi-wan, your line is 'I love you'
    O: Exactly. I DON'T
    Q: Come on.
    O: Hmy lerv moo.
    Q: Close enough.


    Q: Okay. Now, son, I'd like to ask you a question, sense you're growing up and all.
    O: Ummmmmmm...............................................................................................what's that Dad?
    Q: Do you h-
    O: Did I get it right?
    Q: Yep, you got it right. Do you ha-
    O: Vrabatem?
    Q: *looks down at the script* Yept, vrabatem. Do you ha-
    O: So do I get a point or something?
    Q: NO! Do you have-
    O: Well then-
    Q: Obi-wan, just keep going, okay? I'll tell you if you weren't even close to the answer.
    O: Okay.


    Q: Do you have your eye on a girl yet?
    ...................................................................
    O: That is descusting.
    Q: Tell me about it. Lets go on to conversation two in lesson two.


    Q: Okay, so what is your favorite sport?
    O: You mean if I actually played sports?.....uhh..........I guess. Name a sport.
    Q: I uhhhh *takes a quick look at the script* How about voolyball?
    O: What's that?
    Q: I dunno.
    O: Okay, I like vooly ball.
    Q: That's my favorite sport to. Course I've never heard of it,


    O: ..............I think this training program's gonna get us both killed.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] :D :D :D :D :D :) :) :) :) :)

    that was BRILLIANT JJ! pure genius! LOL! i loved the whole thing!

    ~TJF
  3. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hey Rita! I'm glad you're liking it! Sorry it's been taking SOOO long to get it posted, but we've been real busy over here. We've got family visiting, getting a new dog from our visiting cousins, oh and then there's Christmas. You know, this and that. ;)

    Here you go!

    Next morning...............................
    Q: Good morning Obi-wan.'
    O: Go away. I want to stay in bed!
    Q: Nope! The manual I got says that you have to be up and out of bed bright and early! Plus, *looks at manual* Miss Theriss Noway who wrote it, is renowned as a good writer. I think I'll stick with her advice rather than yours.
    O: Well did it really mean 4:00 bright and early?
    Q: It's early enough to let you get up and get ready for the day at your leasure.
    O: Great....so come back in an hour or five, and I'll be ready to go.
    Q:No, no. Come on, get up.
    O: OH! This is going to kill me.
    Q: Don't fuss.
    At brakefast...................................

    Q: Okay, Obi-wan, here's your script.
    O: At brakefast?
    Q: The manual says that it's good to have worthwhile conversation during meals.
    O: Fine.
    Q: So son, what are you planning on doing today?
    O: Well, Dad, I think I'll have fun and be fancy free.
    Q: I see. That sounds like fun!
    O: Yep.
    Q: So, son, how are you likeing your brakefast.
    O: It's the discuting slime I've ever tasted.
    Q: Obi-wan, that's not in the script. You're supposed to say-
    O: Let me guess. Oh! I love this yummy meal! MMmmm! And I gulp it down with a stupid grin on my face, correct?
    Q: Well something like that, but since you said something else, I say...oh here it is. Son, that's too bad. I love this meal, and it huts me to know that you don't like it.
    O: Well too bad for you, but I just couldn't care less!
    Q; My dear son-
    O: Your what?
    Q: My dear son. You have been naughty. *Qui-gon reaches across the table and slaps Obi-wan's hand*
    O: Hey! What was that for?
    Q: You were bad. Now sit and eat your food quietly.
    O: Fine.
    Q:..........................did you just touch my fork?
    O: What?
    Q: You just touched my fork, your trying to give me germs.
    O: No I'm not!
    Q: Yes you are, because you just touched it.
    O: I'm not germy!
    Q: You touched my fork! And that's naughty!
    O: BrothER
    Q: Appoligize.
    O: For touching your fork?
    Q: So you admit you touched my fork!
    O: I did not touch your fork, your just touchy about your fork!
    Q: So now your saying I touched my fork?
    O: Well why wouldn't you?
    Q; Appoligize.
    O: Fine! Sorry.
    Q: Good..............................are you?
    O: No.
    Q: Obi-wan!
    O: All right, all right, sorry REALLY!
    Q: Thank you..............................you just touched my fork again.
    O: That's MY fork!
    Q: Then where's my fork?
    O: How am I supposed to know?
    Q: Now your'e taking my fork! First touching, now taking!
    O: Who cares if I am touching your fork?
    Q: The book says it's naughty!
    O: Ya, well the book says that coghing's a federal offense!
    Q: That's it, go to your room! The book says to send you to your room when you'r naughty!
    O: No!
    Q: Now!
    O: What about the fork!
    Q: Leave it here.
    O: You're going to use it!
    Q: No I'm not.
    O: Yes you are! You're going to use my fork!
    Q: Yes. No! /I'm going to use my fork!
    O: You lost yours!
    Q: No, you're holding it!
    O: This is MINE!
    Q: MINE!
    O: YOU need peranting!
    Q: I don't like you useing MY fork to eat with!
    O: You just ended that with a prepasition.
    Q: Go to your room!
    O: But-
    Q: NOW!
    O:....................fine. *starts marching off to his bedroom, then turns* But I'll get even, I tell you, EVEN!
    SLAM!
    Q:.........................I hate it when he says that.
    An hour later......................
    Q: Obi-wan? You can come out of your room. Obi-wan?
    O: He died.
    Q: Obi-wan....
    O: No, no no! I tell you he died.
    Q: Uhuh. Well just for the record, how'd he die?
    O: You really wanna know?
    Q: I bet I can guess.
    O: OK. Shoo'.
    Q: He died of bordom, and/or too much disapline.
    O:...................Nope. Guess again.
    Q: OK, he died of too much sappy scripts, and/or too much training.
    O: Huhuh. Wanna go again?
    Q: No, I
  4. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Whoopsies! Sorry, Alexandria, I thought you were someone else.

    Nice to see you! I'm glad you're enjoying this. Wow, you must be. You like quoted a whole bunch! :D

    It really shows how much you LIKE it! ;)

    I'll see you soon!
  5. Trickster_Jaina_Fel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2002
    star 5
    yeah...i was wondering why you were calling me rita...

    and i have a whole bunch of quotes this time too! ;)Q: So, son, how are you liking your breakfast.
    O: It's the discuting slime I've ever tasted.
    Q: Obi-wan, that's not in the script. You're supposed to say-
    O: Let me guess. Oh! I love this yummy meal! MMmmm! And I gulp it down with a stupid grin on my face, correct?
    Q: Well something like that, but since you said something else, I say...oh here it is. Son, that's too bad. I love this meal, and it huts me to know that you don't like it.
    O: Well too bad for you, but I just couldn't care less!
    Q; My dear son-
    O: Your what?
    Q: My dear son. You have been naughty. *Qui-gon reaches across the table and slaps Obi-wan's hand*
    O: Hey! What was that for?
    Q: You were bad. Now sit and eat your food quietly.



    O: Who cares if I am touching your fork?
    Q: The book says it's naughty!
    O: Ya, well the book says that coghing's a federal offense!
    Q: That's it, go to your room! The book says to send you to your room when you'r naughty!
    O: No!
    Q: Now!
    O: What about the fork!
    Q: Leave it here.
    O: You're going to use it!
    Q: No I'm not.
    O: Yes you are! You're going to use my fork!
    Q: Yes. No! /I'm going to use my fork!
    O: You lost yours!
    Q: No, you're holding it!
    O: This is MINE!
    Q: MINE!
    O: YOU need peranting!


    O:....................fine. *starts marching off to his bedroom, then turns* But I'll get even, I tell you, EVEN!
    SLAM!
    Q:.........................I hate it when he says that.


    O: Actually, I'll stand-in until....Well I'll stand in. *Opens the door*
    Q: Good. Because we have to go to parenting.
    SLAM!
    Q: Obi-wan!
    O: Stand-in.
    Q: Fine. Obi-wan's stand-in!
    O: He's dead.
    Q: Not again. So how'd he die?
    O:...................Chicken Pox. Very sad.
    Q: OK. Fine. I don't want you to go.
    O: Oh well in that case *opens door* Lets go!
    Q: Good. Lets go.
    O: Whatta you mean, 'good'?
    Q: I want you to go.
    O: Well in THAT case-
    Q: Oh no you don't.
    O: Leggo!
    Q: C'mon, off to Peranting!
    O: Fine! I'll still get even.
    Q: Mhmm, I'm sure you will.


    :D [face_laugh] i LOVE this fic! it's hilarious! my sister made me read it to her cuz i kept laughing and she thinks it's hilarious too!

    can't wait for the next one!

    ~TJF
  6. LittleJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 4
    O: *whispering* Qui-gon? What am I supposed to do?
    Q: Walk up there.
    O: I'm gonna look silly, up there with no perant.
    Q: You look silly anyway, and I'm not going up there!
    O: Oh that's not nice!


    O:....................fine. *starts marching off to his bedroom, then turns* But I'll get even, I tell you, EVEN!
    SLAM!
    Q:.........................I hate it when he says that.


    [face_laugh] Oh that's classic! I'm loving this! :D

    LittleJedi
  7. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Okiday Jewel, I figured out what you meant on my story. I didn't realize you meant this was YOUR story, the one I'd been waiting for!!! *hugs her* Thankx. Too funny!!!!!!

    Jaina, I'm Rita, not sure why she thought you were me, it really confused me when I was reading it. *am I posting in my sleep, on someone else* :confused: :D 8-} You do quote a lot. ;)

    Good job Jewel!!! As usual.

    -Nio

    P.S.
    One thing that made this especially funny, was I'm listening to the sound track for Les Mis right now, so as I read about Obi 'n Qui being 'nice' to eachother, people are singing about drenching each other with blood for revolution. [face_weird] :D
  8. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Wait.....hold on. YOU'RE GETTING ANOTHER DOG?????????!!!!!!!!!!! [face_shocked] What'll Gracy 'n Teddy think of THAT???????????????????????????????!
  9. OBI_JEDI Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2001
    star 4
    LOL
    ROTFL
    LMAO

    I love.

    Oh J_J you must write more.
  10. _Lady_Wimsey Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Uppers. Jewel, that's just too funny words.
  11. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
  12. Lady__Skywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2002
    star 3
    ROTFLMAO [face_laugh]

    This is just too funny.
  13. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
  14. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hey guys! I'm reeeeeeeeally sorry, but my computer whent and deleated my file off, (for some stupid reason that only a brainless computer will know) and now I have to get it off of my laptop again, and I can't find my floppies!!!!!! :mad:

    *sigh* [face_plain] Oh well. I WILL post as soon as I can!

    I'm glad you're all enjoying it! ;) I'll be back soon!

    ~Chloe
  15. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    S'okay. I'll try and up it occationaly so it doesn't get lost in the deep dark secrect of the F.net where no one ever ventures. *huroic music building* Where brave posters have been lost for centurys, where people have given their lives more a better tomorrow, WHERE ONLY THE BRAVE AND STUPID HANG OUT!!!!!!

    And on a more practical note, I like it. :D ;) 8-}

    -Nio

    P.S.
    I'm going to go watch Monty Phython with Dad now, that's were only the semi-brave and very stupid go.
  16. jedi-thespian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2001
    star 3
    Oh, come on! you have got to write more! You just gotta! :_|

    I sat back and enjoyed the whole thing! LOL! I laughed so loud, I bet my mom thinks I'm crazy. ;)
  17. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
  18. BriaTharen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    i just found this and i am loving it! it is so hillarious!

    ROTFLMAO!!!

    ~bria
  19. OBI_JEDI Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2001
    star 4
  20. Trickster_Jaina_Fel Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2002
    star 5
  21. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    *slinks in as she occasionally will do to make the lives of her sisters miserable*

    *catches a glare from the author* What? I haven't done anything yet! [face_innocent]

    In fact, I just popped in to loan you one of my floppies so that you can grant another post to your poor readers, who so much want more. [face_virtuous]










    That, and to rig up this water balloon trap... [face_devil]

    Up!

    Sarah >^,,^<
  22. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
    Up. Still need more. :D Arn't I annoying??

    -Nio
  23. Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 2
  24. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    A Merry Christmas 'UP' for this deserving thread! Now if we could just unearth the author... ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  25. kasiaskywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2002
    star 3
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