Before - Legends DARE CHALLENGE RESPONSE - Is That a Toothbrush in Your Pocket...? Author's Replies 3/17

Is That A Toothbrush In Your Pocket??
By: p_stotts
Before the Saga (JA) era
Rating: PG-13ish for sexual innuendo.
Word Count: Approximately 930.
Disclaimer: As always, I don?t own them. If I thought I could earn a living doing this, I would, but alas?.

The Dare: All OCs. Two Jedi, one smuggler, a missing shipment of toothbrushes, and one song-and-dance number. Any era, but it must contain at least one line directly quoted from the films.

Kowel leaned back in the chair beside his padawan?s infirmary bed and rubbed his hands over his face. Three-day?s growth of beard scraped against his palms. He didn?t see how this mission could descend any lower into the seven layers of Sith?s hell. Who was he kidding? It sank past the seventh layer the moment that Gungan mercenary danced his way through the firefight while stripping off his clothes and singing at the top of his lungs.

?Juica, juica? succuleeeeentaaaa? mambo, mambo, ma-ma-ba-bamboooo?? Double-step, toe-tap, pelvic thrust, swish! ?Hotsa! Hotsa! Meesa so hotsa!? Hip swivel, turn around, pelvic thrust, swish!

Kowel nearly cut the creature in half with his lightsaber just to spare everyone the sight of a naked and extremely aroused Gungan. The fact that said Gungan had accidently inhaled a cloud of pure spice dust moments before was no excuse for that tortuous performance as far as he was concerned.

He tilted his head back against the chair?s headrest and stared at the dotted patterns in the duraplast ceiling. How in blazes was he supposed to report this fiasco to the Council? Sithspit! Stuff like this happened to Jinn and Kenobi, not to him and his padawan.

He could envision the pulsing vein on Mace Windu?s forehead now. ?No, Master Windu, I had no warning from the Force before the crate exploded. Yes, Master Windu, you heard correctly. Zed was hit in the chest, hands, and face with toothbrush shrapnel. No, Master Windu, I have no idea what the mercenaries hoped to gain by smuggling arms in with the refugee supplies.? He sighed heavily. ?I?d rather kiss a Wookie.?

?I can arrange that.?

Kowel looked up to find a short, plump, human female leaning in the doorway. Flaming red hair stuck out all over her head like a sunset viewed through a hangover, and her hot-pink flight suit hung off her body in strategic locations that left little to the imagination regarding her ample feminine assets. Her Wookie partner towered behind her, his head tilted to the side as if he?d never before seen a crotchety Jedi master in desperate need of a shower and shave. Well, to be fair, he probably hadn?t.

Kowel waved the pair in. ?Hello, Lil? Jo. To what do I owe the dubious honor of your visit??

Lil plopped down in the empty chair against the wall. She pulled a small silver pouch from her hip pocket, rooted around in it with her fingers until she retrieved a pinch of spice to wedge between her cheek and gums then jerked her chin towards the bed. ?How?s he doing??

Kowel glanced at his sleeping apprentice. ?The healers say Zed will make a full recovery, but it was a near thing.?

Jo let out with a string of grunts and growls that Kowel was too tired to follow. ?What did he say??

Lil snickered. ?Jo said your apprentice missed out on a great epitaph. He could have been the first and only Jedi to be killed by an exploding toothbrush.?

Kowel sighed. If he weren?t so exhausted, he?d probably see the humor in all of this. ?That?s toothbrushes, as in more than one, and I think the illegal arms shipment hidden in the crate had more to do with that than anything.? He lifted one eyebrow. ?Of course, you wouldn?t know anything about how those weapons got there in the first place.?

Lil somehow managed an innocent look, a real feat for someone who dressed like a Huttese prostitute and cussed like a space pirate. ?You hired me to track down and retrieve the missing relief shipment, not verify the contents. Talk to the mercenaries who stole it in the first place if you h

 

Very enjoyable...nice job as always, Peggy.

 

Oh my, that just cracked me up. How embarrassing

 

ROFL!!! I loved the Gungan, and the line about how things like this should happen to Gui-Gon and Kenobi.


Great job!

 

My goodness, I'm going to be blinking the image of that Gungan out of my head for weeks. Not to mention the line about Jinn and Kenobi. The poor man has no idea...

Great job.

 

A dancing Gungan, doing a striptease.... I just got an idea. But I won't steal yours.

This was hilarious! Loved the reference to Qui and Obi!

BTW: Do you want to swap?! Mine's hard....

 

Too funny!

And yes, I loved the line about Jinn and Kenobi too, plus the conversation with Mace Windu he already played out in his head, poor guy

I admire very much how you came up with such a great story with the specifications the dare gave

 

Aww, that poor padawan, how embarrasing to be injured by exploding toothbrushes.

He tilted his head back against the chair?s headrest and stared at the dotted patterns in the duraplast ceiling. How in blazes was he supposed to report this fiasco to the Council? Sithspit! Stuff like this happened to Jinn and Kenobi, not to him and his padawan. I see their reputation preceeds them.

And that Gungan, oh my... Must...get..images..out of head...

I really enjoyed this Peggy, thanks for the PM! Please PM me again with any more dare responses, I'd love to read them too!

 

Very cute! Nicely done and well written, P.

 

Well done... So there are other Master Padawan teams who get the raw end of the stick.
Imagine exploding Toothbrushes.

Not so sure about naked Gungans

 

Nicely done, my friend! Bravo!

 

Nice little glimpse! Lovely, vivid characters. Some of them a little too vivid... I didn't know Gungan physiology was as such.

Also loved the attention to detail (Lil's use of spice, the Gungan's dancing etc.). I'll keep an eye out for your stories in the future!

 

Thanks, Val. Glad you liked it.

Yeah, I think the same situation might have most of us squirming in our seats -- or scarred for life.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Kidan. As for the Jinn/Kenobi reference... why should they have all the fun?

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Humor is a delicate thing to write... too strong and it comes across as forced, too subtle and it doesn't come across at all. I'm glad I could make you laugh.

It's really so much easier to ignore when it's happening to someone else. Perhaps now Kowel will have a little more respect for what Qui-Gon goes through. One can only hope.

Gungans are always good for a laugh. Quite frankly, I couldn't imagine that happening to any other species, although the thought of a Gungan mercenary was a stretch even for me.

Thanks so much for the lovely words, Seremela. I greatly appreciate them.

To tell you the truth, I had a hard time getting the image of the Gungan into my head. The two just don't seem to go together, but... erm... how else would the species multiply? The links to the other Dare Challenge stories posted so far can be found here on the last two pages of the thread.

*curtsies* Why, thank you, kind sir.

Thank you, Padawan. Your support means a lot to this old master. Glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, especially with how hard DRL has hit you in recent months. How are you holding up?

 

That was great, but now I'm afraid that I'll fall asleep with the idea of gungan burned in my brain-- UGH

 

How in blazes was he supposed to report this fiasco to the Council? Sithspit! Stuff like this happened to Jinn and Kenobi, not to him and his padawan.

Jinn and Kenobi can't have all the fun, it needs to be spread around a bit.

This was a fun and enjoyable read!

 

What an amusing read, p_stotts! I really got a kick out of it. the Skywalker/Kenobi comment was a nice touch.

But this had me laughing out loud:

Lil shuddered. ?I know what you mean. A Gungan high on spice while doing a striptease is not a pretty sight.? She snorted. ?He had impressive legs though? especially that third one.? She waggled her eyebrows. ?The shock value alone was more than worth it.?

You innuendo warning was right on target. Hilarious!

 

A singing Gungan striptease? That's...scary, yet hilarious.

Flaming red hair stuck out all over her head like a sunset viewed through a hangover,

Love this description!

I like how the explosives were smuggled in with toothbrushes, of all things. This was a really fun read, and you did a great job with the dare elements!

 

The gungan just popped into my head and I ran with it.

Yeah, why should Qui and Obi have all the tough missions? After all, they've gotta keep the healers busy when those two aren't around.

I just couldn't resist, and I do so love writing humor. No one could possibly take a Gungan striptease seriously!

Thanks, Amidalchick! I'd be interested in knowing what the creator of this dare imagined for a story. What would be even more interesting would be for the mods to issue a single dare challenge and then have everyone write a story that incorporated the elements of that one dare. It would be amazing to see all the different stories people came up with.

 

Aw man, what an image. A naked, aroused Gungan?
It did make me laugh. Still, not something I'd willingly want to see.

Wonderful response to the challenge. Exploding toothbrushes, huh?
Now that's an interesting idea.

Great job!

 

This had me laughing from beginning to end. I'm so glad I read this this morning instead of last night, as I really wouldn't be able to get a good night's rest with the vision of a stripping Gungan in my head.

 

Oh dear. Think it might be time to get the brain-bleach out again . . .

Seriously, brilliantly vivid descriptions and nicely drawn characters. Especially the dancing Gungan Well done!

 

*digs up thread* I read this at work and totally forgot to comment. But, as I was the one to subject you to this dare, I thought it only fair I come by and congratulate you on such a fabulous response. I really don't know what I had in mind when I wrote the dare up, but I can guarantee that a Gungan striptease was nowhere in my head. Kudos for that particularly scarring mental image.

This story was just really well-written, and a lot of fun. Great job!

 

I'm glad I could surprise you. It's interesting to see how the dare giver responds to the story. I'm happy to have provided a laugh for you.