Before Darkness Upon Us Creeps - Qui/Obi angst, COMPLETE 9/25

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by AthenaLeigh, Sep 13, 2004.

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  1. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    title - Darkness Upon Us Creeps
    author - Athena Leigh
    rating - PG, little bit of violence
    genre - angst, h/c, that stuff
    summary - Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have to figure out how to cope when in the clutches of the villains. How will they deal with the situation, and will they ever again know freedom?

    notes - This is finished, so don't worry about updates. Will have more soon. This was originally just some randomness that wasn't going to get posted, but I couldn't leave them there, and then I came up with plot, so now it's this. And yes, there is plot, it will show up in the second part. I'm really pleased with this, and to think it all came just because of an icon. So let me know what you think!



    Darkness Upon Us Creeps
    Clutches


    I brace myself as my back slams into the hard ground. The breath is knocked from me and I can barely keep my head from smacking the unforgiving turf. I feel the blast ripple through me. You lie beside me, my Master. Your eyes are closed; you are already unconscious.

    I crawl, maybe the better word is squirm to you. It takes a few minutes but I finally reach you before our attackers arrive. "Master!" I touch your cheek with a red-stained hand. "Don't let go." Uncaring steps emerge from the trees as I fall upon you, darkly asleep.

    My heart jolts as I wake and realize it was a dream. Then it drops into my feet when I remember that it was more than that and that we are in great danger. The cold, stone walls are tight around us. I can hear the other prisoners yelling and fighting. I am frightened, but I am a Jedi. I accept my fear and let it pass through me, as you would.

    I turn to look up at you, sleeping in the corner, arms folded around me protectively. You have taken the brunt of the punishments; I am just a child to them. You are the Master, the one in charge, the one they need to - want to - break.

    In your usual selfless manner, you've wrapped me in our only warmth-providing item. I do not know how you managed to retain your cloak. I brush my hand on your naked chest and arm. We should be sharing this cloak, but I am afraid that I will wake you if I try to remove it. Should I let you sleep, or can I risk letting you be cold and maybe getting sick? We need to be at our best if we are going to escape, so I decide I must cover you.

    I reposition myself and begin unwinding the dark cloth. You stir and I freeze, but it is too late. Your stormy eyes look at me, and I continue with my actions. You try to push it away when I lay it upon you, but I don't let you. "You need to be covered." The brown material is draped upon us.

    You sigh at your lack of strength and close your eyes, the midnight blue drained by this place to grey like these walls around us. You are so weak; I must take over as protector, but what hope have I of freeing us if you could not?

    I rest here against you, pressing my eyes shut, tears rising over the banks and spilling onto your supporting chest. I do not know what they are going to do next to us. Your rough hands cup my head; only the skin is rough, the touch ever gentle. "We will be all right," you say, a promise in this dark hole. I want to believe. You urge me to rest, and I do leaning against you.

    Suddenly I am pushed aside as you start coughing, doubling over in the fit. I feel I can hear every wound on your body as I watch you. You try to wipe the blood from your hand without letting me see, but I do. Force, Master, they're destroying you! I know what they've done to you, and I won't let them touch you again. I will get us out of here. That is my promise.

    I hear them coming. The key rattles and the gate opens. I charge and knock down the guard; he was not expecting that. I try for the next but he throws me against the wall. You are on your feet now and attack him, but in your state you cannot fend off his blow as he strikes you in the head. I watch in despair as your elegant frame falls, ever gracefully, to the floor.

    Fortunately for us, the guard was also watching you. Quickly, I recover and grab the first guard's weapon, smash
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I like the first person viewpoint. It isn't often done and gives an immediacy to the whole thing. Poor Qui and Obi. I like how they are trying to support one another. Hope it turns out all right in the end!

  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    WOW! Really loved this one. You've done a great job of getting inside Obi-Wan's head. I can't wait to see where you take it next.
  4. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ohhhh how touching!! And sweet!! :( Those poor guys!! But I sooo love the emotional angst there! Obi's view is excellent!!! Loving it!! Great work!!!!

    Love how he tried to help, but wasn't successful. And how Qui said why he smiled! [face_love] The love the two share is exquisite!

    Can't wait for more!!
  5. DreamOfKenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 2
    I really like the relationship you show between these two. I look forward to your updates!
  6. jeday Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2004
    star 2
    How can you do that? What? Smile! I smile because I have you. :)
    So sad, so sweet! :_| :_|
    Great start!
  7. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Agreed. The whole "I smile because.." bit was very touching, nearly brought tears to my eyes.
  8. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    *sniff* awww!! Loves it, you know I loves it, Athenyness!!

    This whole post is so excellent, so many dimensions, for a 1st person POV especially. And you write them all so well! *hugs it* You are greatness! *bows* ;)
  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    ::chin wobbles.:: You are so mean. I love you!
  10. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Talk about angst! :eek: Great first post, Athena, although terribly sad. I agree that there is a great sense of immediacy in this. Wonderful start. :)
  11. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    *sniff* You really shouldn't be doing this to me so early in the morning... that just about broke my heart. That is such a sad post.. but also beautiful in the emotions it contains. I'd noticed the line I smile because it hurts too much to frown in your sig and wondered where it came from... I like it all the more as it's from your own fic.
  12. SarkaVrae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    I want more! Very angst-full!
    Good job! I too like the 1st person view
  13. AnakinsHeir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2004
    star 3
    First person has always been a personal favorite of mine, and you do it very well. Lovely work.
  14. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    dianethx Thank you. I'm rather fond of first person. It works well for short stories, though this is the longest one I've done. As for how it turns out... we'll see!

    VaderLVR64 Thank you so much. I'm sometimes afraid of doing Obi-Wan in first person because he's hard enough in third. He's a complex character but I do the best with what of him I can wrap my head around. Glad you're happy with it.

    Thank you x2, Kynstar. ;) Yes, something just possessed me to write it in first person. I had no idea how emotional or angsty it would end up being!

    DreamOfKenobi Thank you, I love portraying their close relationship. Update coming soon!

    jeday Thank you! I liked that part too. ;)

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Oh, thank you very much. I wish I could remember how I came up with that part. Oh, just another of my random writings that at the time I didn't realize would be so emotional.

    Charms! I know you loves it. Lol, no bowing, your greatness. Remember, you are to blame for some of this story. Without your pestering, it wouldn't have gone beyond this point.

    DarthIshtar I am not mean! It wasn't me, it was the bad guys! All I did was relate the poor Jedi's story so we could all give them sympathy. But thank you, your love warms my heart. *glows*

    LuvEwan [face_blush] Thank you very much. Funny how random angst can turn into such an apparently good story.

    Healer_Leona I am so sorry, my dear. Thank you. :) I was told by someone (ok, it was Jess) that that was a good line. Is not my own vanity. ;) It seemed like a Qui thing to say.

    SarkaVrae More soon, promise! Thank you. I'm glad the first person view came out well. :)

    AnakinsHeir Thank you. I also like first person, I'm glad you approve.
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    You're mean for telling the story! (That's my highest compliment)
  16. Captain_Observant Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 2002
    star 2
    This is really great AthenaLeigh!!
    Very compelling, emotional and angsty...just the way I like it!

    I look forward to reading the rest, and finding out just how much of that dream is going to become reality!
  17. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
  18. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwww sorry I haven't replied to this sooner hon -- I thought I had already! That was sooo sweet and so sad. Poor Qui Qui -- "it hurts too much to frown." Poor thing. He needs some love and comfort methinks.....great job sweetie!
  19. jinny_badpad Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2004
  20. jinny_badpad Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2004
    WOW, this was just sooooo sad!! :_| Poor Qui!! :_| Poor Obi!!! :_| *wipes away her tears*

    Sorry I can't write more at the mo, but (thanks to my compi who likes to erase my posts...) it's nearly midnight by now and DRL is gonna start the hunting again tomorrow... *aargh, mesa hates week-ends, they're just too darn short*

    Huh? *turns her head* *listens to lecture slightly blushing* [face_blush] Yes Master, I know about this whole "Honor over hate" stuff...No, I really don't need any extra meditation...[face_batting] Yes, I will behave from now on..."

    Ok, really gotta go now before he changes his mind...
    Keep up your great work! :D
    Smiles,
    Badpad [face_peace]
  21. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    DarthIshtar Ah, then I am highly honored. ;) But wouldn't it be crueler to deprive you of the story? lol, oh I analyze too much. :)

    Captain_Observant Thank you, and love your name. :) Actually, the dream already came true. By more than a dream, that meant it was actually the memory of their capture. Yes, very unpleasant. I'm glad you enjoyed the first part.

    LilQui-Gon I know! Poor guy!

    Layren Hey, is ok. I already know how much you love it. ;) Glad you enjoy it so much to keep reading it. :)

    jinny_badpad Aww, well I'm glad you could enjoy this in the time you have. I know how that is. Thanks for reading, and behave for your Master. ;)
  22. AthenaLeigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2004
    star 2
    yay! more! enjoy! Thank you all for reading and replying. It means so much to me. :)


    Darkness Upon Us Creeps
    Last Gasp


    I smile as I look down at you. I understand what you meant; just being with you can make me smile. Perhaps I've stopped thinking about what might happen to us and am living in the moment, like you always try to teach me. Yes, if we could stay in this moment, just sitting here with your sleeping head in my lap, I would be very happy.

    But it isn't that way. It won't stay like this. They will come and take you and beat you to the very brink of death, then draw you back and fling you in this cage to recover for the next round of blows, and I will be here to watch you bleed and be your pillow. The ground is so hard, so cold; you would never let me rest my head on it, so I do the same for you.

    You stir, slightly, and curl your sweat-laden brow against my bare stomach. I grip my fingers gently in your long, unusually tussled hair; I know you're sick, Master; you can't fight off illness in your condition. You're only getting worse. You won't last much longer, but I have a plan, a good one this time. I thought it through and it will work. It has to.

    Your body seizes up in another coughing fit. When it stops, you sit up and look at me. Those deep pools gaze at me with so much meaning, love I could never forget, fear for me, so many emotions swirl in their depths. Then suddenly you embrace me, bruised arms hugging me close. You let go and look at me sadly.

    "What was that for?" I ask.

    "Just in case I don't get another chance."

    "You will, Master," I inform you and whisper to you my plan.

    When next they come for you, I sit near the entrance, eyes shut in feigned rest. A simple Force projection leads the gullible jailer to perceive it as more than a trick. Across from me, you sit alone, waiting for this time. You fail to get up when he orders you to go with him, just as we planned. He stands expecting you to comply, while I sneak behind and lift the keys from his belt before returning to my position. Just then he steps forward and kicks you; I try my hardest not to jump and attack him. That would be all we need to foil our plan, to keep us entrapped forever. I stay as I am, and you stumble to your feet, not part of the performance just as your reluctance to get up was not wholy.

    I sit and wait for your return. I wish I could have devised a better plan, but you were more than willing to sacrifice to the pain one more time, if to make it the last time. At least we have fulfilled our duty. The Senator got safely to the signing, and instead we his decoys were captured. Knowing an attempt would be made to stop the unification of the lands of this world, you and I took the delegate's place in his caravan while he took a safer, less trumpeted route. Despite our preparation, not all went well for us and we ended up here, but that is unimportant. The Senator is safe.

    The wait seems to grow. It must be this empty, quiet box that makes it seem like you have been gone too long, but I grow concerned. I have to get you out of here as soon as I can.

    My eyes are wearily closing, I am so tired, but I hear your voice in my head. Obi-Wan?

    Master! Where are you?! Are you all right?


    The reply is slow in returning. I feel over our bond how tired you are.

    I'm in another cell. They... decided it would be best to separate us.

    Master, I've still got the key.

    Good, you should... go on without me.

    No! I'm coming, just tell me where you are.

    I... don't know.


    I move to the gate and reach through the bars, unlocking the door and freeing myself. Outside the cell now, I start to call to you. "Master!" I do not hear you respond. Call back to me so that I can find you.

    I start to walk around. The other prisoners start to shout at me as they see I am free. At first I am afraid they will call the attention of the guards, but then I think that if the guards dismiss the noise as usual prison chatter, it will be good cover for my search.

    As I move down a row of c
  23. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    ooh...

    ooh...


    ooooooooooooooh man...

    i love that obi's working so hard to defy the man who defies everyone, that his way of caring for his Master is what his Master would do himself. I love that they're getting some help.
  24. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I;m glad to see that Obi-Wan was thinking clearly enough for both of them and that they are still a team. Obi-Wan forcing the older to make the extra effort to escape. And finally rescued. About time, poor things. Although it is ironic that they are rescued as they escape....

    Keep going.
  25. The_Hutt Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2004
    star 1
    Oooh, I like this! Usually I don't like the third-person as much, but I really think that you have done well with it.

    You sense my presence and open your bloodshot eyes, a ghost of a smile touching your lips. I frown. "How can you do that?" "What?" Your voice is hoarse from the brutal treatment you've received.
    "Smile." My eyes start to pool again. "How can you smile in this place? How can you smile when we are probably going to die here?" The corners of your mouth never turn down. "I smile because I have you." You try to speak and your voice cracks. "I smile because I know that if I die, I will be with you. I smile because it hurts too much to frown."....I can't help crying, but I know it doesn't matter because I am with you. I will get us out. I have to. I can't let the galaxy lose someone like you.


    Oh man, that part almost had me bawling. Very beautifully worded. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of angst, but that section was just dripping with despair. It was very sweet, but the hopelesness of the situation just made the sweetness contribute to the sadness, if that makes any sense to anyone else. Oh man. I love what you've done with it. Please post soon!
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