Saga Darth Sidious Family Reunion (COMEDY) UPDATE - DARTH MOTHER ARRIVES! (12/24)

The evil Sith was sitting on his throne staring out at the galaxy outside. "Damn these rebels," he hissed to himself. "They are a thorn in my backside."
There was a buzz on Palpatine's communicator in his chair. The emperor pressed a button to receive the transmission. "Yes, what is it?"
"Lord Sidious, we have received a message from your brother Darth Perfidious."
The emperor raised an eyebrow. "Perfidious? After all this time? What does he want?"
"He wants to let you know that your family is going to come visiting the Death Star. All five of your brothers will be there.Darth Pernicious, Darth Nefarious, Darth Perfidious, Darth Treacherous and Franklin."
"No! Not Franklin!" The emperor screeched. "I can't stand him."
"Oh and Darth Perfidious wants you to know that Mama is also going to be there."
Mama? The only creature in the galaxy more evil than Darth Sidious? Sidious first thought was to jump in the bottomless pit his throne room and end it all. "No, I won't do it," he muttered. "I won't give the fam, the satisfaction."
What to do?
"Vader!" Sidious screamed into the intercom.
"Yes master," said the booming voice.
"Stop chasing Skywalker. I have more important plans for you."
"What could possibly be more important...."
"Don't you dare question me!" the emperor screamed. "All I want you to know is that my family is coming to visit."
"Nooooo!!!!"
"Yes!" the emperor screeched.
"Noooooooo!!!."
"Stop screaming, no. It's not becoming. You know how I hate it when you scream no. It ruins all of your mystique. I've told you this before."
"Yes, master."
The emperor could feel his hands shaking. 'My blood pressure is rising,' he thought. 'I must eat something!' He fumbled into the bowl of candy on the tray next to his throne and popped one of them into his mouth. He was so upset he forgot to chew and started to choke.
"Master, are you alright?" Vader said in the intercom. "I can hear you sputtering."
Palpatine gave a gasp and spat the candy across the room. "I'm fine!" he snapped.
"Be careful that you don't choke on your ambition...."
"Are you making puns with me, you little a$$hole? If I ever hear you make such a stupid un-Darthlike pun again, I'll.... punish you!"
"Yes, master."
"I liked Darth Maul better than you!"
"That's very hurtful, master."
"Now make sure the Death Star is ready. I want my family to be impressed. They'll all be here soon."
"All of them?"
"Yes, all of them."
"Even...Franklin?"
"Yes. Even Franklin."
"Noooooo!!!"
"What did I just.... oh what the hell it's Franklin. Nooooooo!!!"
"Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!"
They both yelled no for two minutes and then the emperor hung up. For all he knew Vader was still yelling no into the intercom, not realizing that Sidious was gone. Vader hated Sidious family. Sidious fiddled with his fingers. Everything was happening so fast.

He needed to think.


TO BE CONTINUED....

 

That's a ....very creative use of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

But beware of Darth Franklin, he's kind of be-***k-all and he's said to be good with lightning, inc. Force lightning.

* the starred out thing is a pun - figure it out

 

"She's here! She's here!" The word spread throughout the Death Star. The Emperor's family was arriving for a visit! A great throng of storm troopers and Imperial officers were standing in the landing bay awaiting the arrival of the most evil old lady in the galaxy. Darth Mother. The Emperor and Vader stood at the front of the procession. 'The Emperor looks nervous,' Vader thought to himself. 'Good.' Perhaps now would be a good time to plot Palpatine's downfall.

The skiff was allowed entry and landed in the dock smoothly. With a great hiss, the landing bay doors opened. Vader and the Emperor watched as stairs lowered out of the opening door and five figures stood in the doorway to the ship.

"I hate family," Vader heard Emperor Palpatine mutter.

Now Sidious family emerged. Vader could see Sidious brothers, Darth Pernicious, Darth Nefarious, Darth Perfidious, and Darth Treacherous. 'Where's Franklin?' Vader wondered. 'I don't see him anywhere. I hope they left him at home.' Even if Franklin wasn't there, Palpatine and Vader had a lot to worry about, for standing at the front of the Dark Imperial Family was Mama! Her eyes were shriveled and sunk in her ancient head. She had jagged yellow teeth and walked with a hunch. She had even more lines on her than Sidious. As she walked down the steps to the ship, Mama was holding onto Darth Perfidious arm. Darth Mama looked around her from the left to the right. "Huh? What?" she snapped.

"No one said anything," Darth Perfidious sneered at Mother.

"Be wary Vader," Palpatine whispered to the Dark Lord. "Mama doesn't hear well. She may misunderstand something you say and kill you!"

Vader gulped.

Palpatine walked forward to the old lady. "Welcome Darth Mother," he said in his bravest, deep evil voice.

Mama glared at him. "Huh? Who are you?"

"I'm your son!"

"Oh. Where's Plaguis?"

"You ask me that every time I see you. For the last time, I betrayed and killed him!"

"So he's dead?"

"Yes, he's dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Your memory is so pathetic."

"Oh. He was a nice boy. I liked him."

"He was not a nice boy. He was the Dark Lord of the Sith!" Palpatine groaned.

Imperial troopers now ran to get the Dark Family's luggage. One official was shouting orders. Palpatine now gestured to Vader to come close. "Mother," Palpatine said proudly. "This is my apprentice, Darth Vader."

Vader bowed.

Mama looked at him suspiciously. "I don't like him," she said. "Is he a robot?"

"No," said Vader. "I am not."

"Yes you are," said Mama.

"I assure you I am not," said Vader.

Mama looked at Palpatine. "He's a robot," she said.

Palpatine shook his head. "No, Mother."

"Don't contradict me. He clearly has metal arms and legs. He's a robot and he should apologize for lying!"

"Okay then," Palpatine groaned. "He's a robot. Apologize to my mother, Vader."

Vader sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'm sorry."

"I don't have to forgive a robot," Mother said.

Out of the corner of his eye Vader suddenly saw a tiny figure scrawling a rude swear word with chalk on the side of a Tie Fighter. Franklin! Vader pointed at him. "Stop it, you prankster! No touching!"

"Excuse me?" Darth Mama said enraged. "Did that robot just say his rancor needs loving?!"

"No Mother," said Sidious. "Vader doesn't have a rancor. I'm fairly certain it was all burned up at Mustafar."

"Hey!" said Vader. "I resent that!"

Darth Mama was shaking with rage. "Did you just say my thighs are fat?!"

"No one said anything about your horrible thighs," Palpatine said with a shudder. The Emperor now noticed Franklin was writing a message on the TIE fighter. PALPATINE IS STUP...

Palpatine immediately gestured to Franklin. With the force he pulled the screeching evil ten year old away from the TIE fighter and levitated him back over to the group. Franklin was hovering in the air, kicking and screeching as Palpatine dropped Franklin next to Darth Mama. "Oh come on!" Franklin said. "Please? I never have fun!"
Darth Mother was furious. "Did you just ask me to squeeze your bun?!" She started zapping Franklin with force lighting.

"Gooood Mother," Palpatine said approvingly watching his mother blasting Franklin. "Kill him. Kill him now."

"Don't be silly," said Darth Mama. "Franklin was created out of pure evil. Force lightning can't kill him. Which is why one day he will be the most powerful Sith ever!"

"Impressive," said Vader. "Does the boy have any weaknesses?"

"Very few," said Darth Mama. "I'm just glad he's not allergic to peanuts like some people." She looked at Emperor Palpatine with a sneer.
"Please dont mention peanuts mother," said Palpatine. "It's the one thing that could instantly kill me if I ate it."

Palpatine's evil brothers hadn't even spoken to Palpatine yet. As soon as they had arrived in the Death Star, they had looked all around at the walls with evil delight. "I will enjoy ruling the universe from here," Darth Nefarious whispered to Darth Pernicious.

"Patience brother," Pernicious whispered back.

They now went to dinner. It was a very somber affair. Darth Vader stood at the back of the room watching as the Imperial Family sat around the table eating in silence, except for Franklin who was noisily slurping his soup. At the middle of the dinner, the Emperor suddenly started choking. Everyone looked at him askance. "My dear brother, what is the matter?" said Darth Treacherous. "Are you alright?"

Palpatine was turning greeen. He got up from the table, took two steps and fell over. Vader instantly walked over and bent by Palpatine. "Is he dead?" Vader thought hopefully. 'That would make me Emperor now.'

Palpatine opened an eye slightly and looked at Vader. Vader instantly understood that Luke. It meant, 'No I'm not dead. Get me out of here.'

Vader gestured to the Imperials entering the room. 'Take the Emperor to the Medical Bay at once,' he said.

"What's the matter with him?" Darth Mother said.

"Nothing," said Vader. "We will return to you shortly."

In the sick bay, Emperor Palpatine grasped Vader by the arm. "Peanuts!" he hissed. "Thank goodness, I smelled it before I tasted it! It's as I feared. My family is here to take over the Empire!"

 

Hey, get back to our comments, you piece of Darth.

And of course, the MOTHER is the authority here, just like on Mortis.