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DarthPhilosopher's Concept Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by DarthPhilosopher, Jan 24, 2011.

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  1. DarthPhilosopher

    DarthPhilosopher Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jan 23, 2011
    Hey guys and gals,

    I?m new here so I?m not exactly sure where to post this, however I would like your opinions on some of the concepts I have for my ?fan stories?. Essentially these are just the basic outlines of the concepts and how they fit into the Star Wars universe... essentially all this is meant to fit seamlessly into the current universe. So if I could get your general honest opinions on these concepts I would be greatly appreciative. My apologies about the poor writing... wrote this fairly quickly... Also, any cool names ? if you have them ? which could be used instead of ?Spartans? please share.

    The Spartans ? Overview

    Originating from the world of Sparta in the Mid Rim the Spartans were a warrior based ? although passive ? society. The Spartans, although genetically identical to humans, had clearly developed independently due to the entire species being collectively force-sensitive; this in term caused the term Sparti-Human to be attributed to the species. Once contact had been established with the Republic and Jedi Order the Spartans expanded their society once more, creating a philosophical-passive-warrior based society; something which was notably unique within the galaxy. The Spartans themselves were regarded to more exceptionally beautiful than a standard human much like the Hapans, while their precents was regarded as commanding power and conveying majesty wherever they were. Their personalities were also regarded as kind-hearted and larrikin nature, paired with a bold outspokenness against species such as the Nemoidians and the Hutts, despising their greed and exploitation. The Spartans also held the nature of their planet in high regard leading the Jedi Master Dooku to describe it as:

    ?A majestic meld of ancient and modern architecture, supplemented and complimented with the elegant unity with the environment.?

    For all intents and purposes the Spartans and their society were considered idealistic and a unique occurrence within the galaxy. Throughout much of galactic history the Republic looked to Sparta for democratic guidance, believing the Spartans to harbor knowledge about how to create an idealistic society. Despite these views from the outside galaxy however, the Spartans never regarded their society in the same vein, always finding faults with it.

    Historical Outline

    In the years prior to Republic-Spartan contact the Spartan society was plagued with continual war and in-fighting between the various nations which ruled throughout the planet. Eventually, after a final and devastating war (and the development of space travel), the Spartan nations united and the two Royal families which remained of these many nations merged into a collective Royal Family of Sparta. Under a new federal constitution the unified Spartan state flourished and the infighting and corruption which had plagued the species for millennia faded into mere memory. Over the next hundreds of years the Spartan state developed into a wholly new culture centred on the defence of themselves as a people and their connection to a new mystical energy field they regarded as ?Ashla?. As such an unorthodox meld of militarism, pacifism and ?humanism? took hold in Spartan society as the Spartan King and philosopher Commodious II described:

    ?Our culture is a unique occurrence. Our military is strong and every civilian is trained to be a soldier yet we are not aggressive militarists or warmongers; we are taught to be passive in conflicts and seek neutrality, yet we will not cower from war; we cherish and protect our nature, yet we do not deny ourselves urban expansion. We are a free kind hearted people which will defend ourselves viciously if need be.?

    The government of the new Sparta was based upon a hereditary constitutional monachal system with the designated monarch ruling as head of state and an elected government ruling in the monarch?s interests. In truth the monarch however held little real power within the Spartan state with the government maintaining and operating all the leavers of power. Despite
  2. Mechalich

    Mechalich Jedi Knight star 4

    Feb 2, 2010

    I'm not going to bother with reading the rest, I'll say only this: You've created super-people. This is inherently uninteresting and unbalancing.
  3. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    Hey, DarthPhilosopher! Welcome to FanFic. :D

    I applaud your enthusiasm and thoroughness in this thread, however, in Resource we don't allow threads discussing a single story, unless it's larger collaboration.

    There are places you can discuss your story, though, and I highly encourage you ask your questions there. :)

    For discussion about any original characters: [link=]The Essential Guide to OCs[/link]

    If you want a beta for anything you've already written: [link=]Beta Reader Index[/link]

    For world building: [link=]World Builders Society[/link] (note: this one is old and locked and quite possibly defunct, but has some good posts in it. Let me or any of the other mods know if you'd like it unlocked and bumped for discussion.)

    Good luck with your story!
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