Dawn, Obi POV 10/11, twice

Summary: Obi-Wan's thoughts through the movies. (It's actually canon people. )
Spoilers: All the movies. Epi III I'm making it up on the most basic info I have, nothing major.
Disclaimers: *sigh* I wish I owned at least one of them, but I don't. Alrighty then.
Archive: All you need to do is ask.

No need to worry people, this is already finished. Has been for some time and I've been itching to put it up. So I hope you enjoy.
_____________________________
Dawn

After TPM

Dawn. A new day. Another day.

For most people just another day that gets blurred together with the rest of them.

Not for me.

Today is the first without my Master. This is the first dawn that he will never see again. The first one that I watch alone.

I?m sure the sunrise is very nice, if you?re in the mood for that. Which, of course, I?m not. I don?t really care how the red and orange blend together or how the clouds reflect the light and appear pink. What does it matter? What does any of it matter? It will all be gone in a few minutes anyway.

Or is that the point? Like life, like breath, it?s here one moment and gone the next? Is that why we?re told to cherish the few precious moments we are given because they are so fleeting? To remember the good ones to help get through the bad?

Whatever. I?m in no mood for anything that could be passed off as one of Yoda?s lectures.

I feel so empty. Alone. Lost. Unsure of what I should be doing and where I need to go. For so long I?ve been in my Master?s shadow. The lessons and duties given to me where the only things I had to worry about. I?ve often thought about what is needed to teach and instruct another but I never really worried about it. I had my Master. And even if I didn?t I didn?t need to worry about training a Padawan for at least some years.

Boy was I wrong.

The Council hasn?t given their assent yet but I?m sure I?ll be training Anakin. I?m pretty sure no one else will take him. He?s simply too old. Besides, I promised.

So what am I going to do with him? I was just a Padawan myself yesterday. Will I be able to teach him what he needs to know? He?s suppose to be the ?Chosen One?. I?m not sure about that but he is strong. Will I be able to deal with that? Maybe I can convince Master Yoda to take him.

Force Master, I don?t know what to do.

tbc

 

Nice start, TheSwedishJedi . Very nice start. Can't wait to see where this one goes.

Aunecah

 

Oh, I like it very much. Great beginning.

 

Oh, my, you've caught the exactly perfect tone for his thoughts, Swede - the timidity and the uncertainty and the fear of making the wrong step - and the deep, abiding, aching emptiness of a lonely soul.

Exquisitely (there's that word again) done. I don't always have time to comment - but I make time to read something that promises so much pleasure. Besides, where I post, rants frequently follow - and you might not enjoy that whole process.

CYN

 

TSJ...


This was great...glad you posted it...can't wait to read more...

And yes CYN..rants do tend to follow you..but its ok..we like that..

PT

 

I'm finally droping in one of your fics at the begining!


It looks really good. I always thought that would be what Obi-Wan was feeling upon being declared a Jedi Knight, and given a Padawan, and losing your own Master, all within a day.

 

Nice start, Swede.

 

Rants Cyn? What's wrong with them? I agree with PT. We like them. Though I don't see what you're going to rant about on this. And I'm always glad when you read my stuff.

Haha Sara_Kenobi. Nice isn't it.

So should I post more now or tomorrow? (I can more or less guess this one but I thought I'd ask anyway.)

~Swede

 

Let's try this again.

 

Now would be excellent, Swede. I just ranted myself out on my Almost thread - so I could use a good read.



CYN

 

If you insist.
Just to let you know, I don't really like this post much but I can't see how else to end it.
_____________________
After AotC

Dawn. Yet another day. Another sunrise. The sun peers out over the cityscape, lighting up the buildings and chasing away the shadows.

Too bad it can?t cast them all away.

Is there really a Sith controlling the Senate? And if so, how? Wouldn?t the Jedi sense him? Wouldn?t Master Yoda? And if there is, what do we do about it?

What can we do about it?

There are so many Jedi gone now. Yes, we might have been able victorious against the droid army but we paid a heavy price. But what about the future? When things get worst, as it seems they will, there will be even less Jedi to handle it. It looks like we will be relying on the clone army more and more as new problems arise.

I have a bad feeling about that.

And then there?s my Padawan. Anakin. Everyday I fear that he?s letting his emotions control him more and more. Being with the Senator doesn?t help things. Though I don?t mind their friendship I fear it will go beyond that. Even now Anakin is escorting Amidala back to Naboo.

But I trust my Padawan. Though he doesn?t always listen to me, I know that he wants to be a Jedi and so wouldn?t endanger that. It?s probably just a phase or such. He hasn?t seen the Senator in years and she is beautiful. But he is also a Jedi through and through. I know he wouldn?t do anything too reckless.

Sometimes I wonder if I?m doing this right or not. I remember my apprenticeship being a lot less? stressful then this. And less argumentative. I did disagree with Qui-Gon but I never did in front of others. Much. At least I don?t think I did.

Force Master, if I was half as disagreeable as Anakin, I?m eternally sorry.

tbc

 

Great posts Sweede!!

More right?

 

Oh, Swede - how perfectly charming! You've captured all the uncertainty, all the longing in his heart - all the uneasiness that senses the future - and doesn't really want to see it, although he can't really avoid it.

And you did it all without a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

Well done.

CYN

 

Arwen, sure you can have some more.

Unnecessary verbiage, Cyn? Is that another way of saying short and sweet?

Note: I'm just making it up for Epi III. No big spoilers here. The lava isn't a spoiler to anyone, right?

_________________________
After Epi III

Dawn. Red hot flames. Fear. Fire and rocks. Hate. Burning away until there is nothing left.

Death.

Force, what have I done?

I?ve failed. In the worst possible way. My Padawan is gone. Dead. And all because of me. I failed him. I failed them all. Padme, Yoda, Mace.

Qui-Gon.

It?s a new day. Ha, for who? Not me. For me it?s still the same hell I was in yesterday when I was forced to battle my student and friend. As I watched him fall to his death. I can still smell the sulfur, the sting and heat.

The burning hatred in my Padawan?s eyes.

How could I not see what was happening? I should have. I was his Master. I should have noticed the increased bouts of anger. The disregard of my authority. The way he only did what I asked if it suited him. I should have seen it all but I didn?t. And because of me the galaxy has lost one of the most powerful Jedi ever. He was suppose to bring balance to the Force.

Hutt?s chance of that happening now.

And the truth is out about the Sith. Force, he was under our noses the whole time and we never sensed him. The Jedi have been scattered, Palpatine?s army chasing them across the galaxy. We were weakened at the start of the Clone Wars. Now we?re being hunted and eliminated.

Oh Force, and Padme. What do I tell her? How do I tell her that the man that she risked so much to marry is dead? How do you tell someone that they have to hide simply because of who they know? For I?m sure Palpatine will come after her. One way or another.

Anakin, how could you have been so reckless? Didn?t you know that love wasn?t allowed? Didn?t you know the reason? It?s too much a risk for a Jedi. Too much of a luxury we can?t afford.

Love is quite simply too much emotion.

What a time for the Chosen One to die. Just when we need balance in the Force. The Dark Side rules over everything now and I don?t see much hope left.

Oh Master, I?m so sorry.

tbc

 

Oh, Kenobi - thy name is guilt.

I don't know if any of us will ever be able to fashion a history for him which will explain his willingness to accept the weight of ALL original sin - and maybe we're only seeing what we want to see in him - but, explained or not, it's so terribly sad.

One who accepts the blame for everything - since time out of mind - and others, make that OTHERS, who seem to be part duck; it just rolls right off.

How infinitely sad!

Nice job, Swede! You can keep right on going you know. There are, presumably, dawns throughout his life.

CYN

 

Oh, Kenobi - thy name is guilt.

Hey, I like that. Do you mind if I use that Cyn? And yes, Obi's feeling a little guilty but he did just fight Anakin and watch him fall into the lava. So I think it's a bit justified. And as for always taking the blame, isn't that just a personalitly trait he has? Or at least one that we've given him in making him more... huggable. I'm not sure how else to describe it. If Obi did just take the responsiblity given only to him without taking on more, and hence more guilt, then it wouldn't be as fun to write him. Angish is a very good thing.

Force, that almost sounded like a rant.

~Swede

 

Before ANH

Dawn. You could actually call it a double dawn. The two suns rise, heating the day and burning away those that can?t survive. I?ve watched this for years now. Two decades actually. Watching them, the sand and a young boy now almost a man.

I have a lot of time to think too. There isn?t much else to do out here. Watch the wind push the sand back and forth. Dunes are created only to be swept away again. Storms rise and destroy and create and if one were caught in a sandstorm, one would swear the world was ending and all was lost.

But then the wind dies down, the sand drifts back to the ground and you see that all is not lost.

Life is much like a sandstorm.

For almost twenty years I have hid away as the storm rages outside. Protected by mystery and suspicion I?ve been able to live through the wars that break time and again outside of this small, little planet. Wars that, while at the time seem all important, matter little since, in the end, things are still the same.

But not for long. I can feel it. The Force whispering to me that the time is almost near. The time for change and renewal. What it has planned, I have no idea but I was Jedi. Will still claim the title if necessary, and follow the ways of the Force. Regardless of where it will lead me.

It?s the least I can do.

I wonder what Vader would do if he found out I have been hiding on his old home planet all these years? It?s kind of funny, if you have that kind of sense of humor. Which I do. I don?t have much else left. Duty and patience and humor, for without it I don?t think I could have survived all this sand and heat and guilt. But to be here, where is all started, there?s a great sense of irony to it all. And who says the Force doesn?t have a sense of humor?

I look up and once again hear the Force blowing, whispering around me. It?s time.

Wish me luck, Master.

tbc

 

Great job, I'm lovin' this!


More!

 

Wow!
Those posts were all excellent.

Most especially the last. Your description of the barren landscape of Tatooine and the long wait was spot on.

Excellent, SwedishJedi!

 

Very nice, the emotions you portray are beautiful.

*MM*

 

You have caught Obi-wan's thoughts so well, and I love the concept, how each post is both a beginning and an end, a dawn. Very cool.


~~Aanix

 

Thanks everyone.

___________________
After TESB

Dawn. The insects buzz around the swamp planet as I keep Mater Yoda company after our last hope left.

He knows. They both know. I knew it was only a matter of time but Sith, the way Luke learned the truth couldn?t have been worst. But then Vader was probably most pleased to be able to use Luke?s fear and anger against him. I?m only grateful that he paid heed to Yoda?s teachings and was able to stay in the Light. Force, what would have happened if we lost him too?

It?s so different here, in among the Force instead of being a part of it. I knew that my time had come on the Death Star but I didn?t expect to have to keep my watch over young Luke even in death. Will I never atone for my failure? My sins?

Qui-Gon is here, somewhere, along with the other Jedi. But I can?t join them yet. My duty is not finished. Plus I?m not all that eager to meet them and face their judgment at having failed to keep the Chosen One from the Dark Side. I know I?ll have to sometime but I hope to hold that off for as long as possible.

Luke is on his own now. This is his Trials, to see if he can meet with Vader again and defeat him. The first time, though Yoda and I both protested it?s timing, was to let the young man know what he was getting into. I can continue to guide him, and I have the feeling that he will be coming back to confirm what he has been told, but I can?t interfere again. Not like I did when he destroyed the Death Star or on Hoth. He must find his path on his own.

I watch Mater Yoda as he hobbles around his home. He leans on his cane more then I remember. His movements are slower, stiffer. It wouldn?t be long now before he too joins our fallen colleges. Again my irony rears its head. I remember Master saying that it wasn?t his gift with the Force but his stubbornness that kept Master Yoda alive. I?m really wondering if there isn?t something to that. He beat everyone else who were hundreds of years younger. Even now Yoda wouldn?t give up until Luke has finished his task.

It?s rather sad though for with the death of Yoda the old Order really is gone forever. Luke will have to build it from scratch with little to go on. There is still so much he doesn?t know and there will be no one there to guide him. What is the Force doing? How could I have let this happen? This can?t possible be the right way. And what happens if Luke is unable to succeed? Anakin was supposed to bring Balance. Could Master have been wrong about him? Is it really Luke or were we all overeager to claim a place in history by saying we had found the Chosen One and neither are? In life, I always thought that when I finally joined the Force that all my questions would be answered but now that I?m here it hasn?t happened. In fact I only have more.

Master, I need your guidance.

 

Wow. That is all i can say right now Just...WOW!

 

Well, I'm going to be gone this weekend so you're lucking out and getting the last part.

________________________
After RotJ

Dawn. The Force sings. Anakin has come back to the Light and the Chosen One has finished his duty.

He, Yoda and I watch silently over the slumbering group of rebels and natives. The celebration had gone long into the night and only a short time ago did the last of the revelers finally stopped and took their rest. I know we?re not needed any more but I just want to stay for a little longer and watch Luke and his sister. The resemblance to their parents is uncanny.

I?ve seen many dawns in my life, but I never thought I?d see a dawning. I understand now what the Force had planned. It only saddens me that it had to come to pass.

The old Order had to pass away. It had become to ingrained in tradition and rules. Master Yoda said once that the Jedi had become arrogant. At first I hadn?t agreed but now, now through the eyes of long years, and the Force, I see it. We, the Jedi, had become arrogant, too sure of ourselves and that we would not fall. That our will was the best and pasted it off as the Force?s own. If left to be I?m sure the path would have slowly led to the Dark Side and instead of one man ruling the universe it would have been a whole corrupt Order of warriors. No wonder the Force had to start over.

That wasn?t the only thing though. The Senate too had become immoral. Whether because that was the influence of Palpatine or if it started before him, I don?t know, but it had gone past anyone?s ability to correct without massive amounts of money and will power. And any attempt would more then likely have been made to look like a take over of the government.

But enough of politics. That is in the past. And as my Master always reminded me, keep your focus on the here and now. The here and now is Luke and Leia. The rebuilding of the New Jedi Order and the rise of the new government they chose. I?m sure that both will have an extensive hand in both affairs, one being a favored hero the other a strong leader. So much like their parents.

The Force calls. I?m not quite finished yet but almost. I?m almost done. Then I can rest. And see the others that have left before me once again. How I?ve missed them. I?ve come to terms with my part in history and now only fear what their reactions will be. Not that I fear much, I?m sure most will understand. And those who don?t, well there isn?t much else I can do. Besides Anakin has returned and the Force is in balance.

I watch as Anakin and Master Yoda melt into the peace of the Force knowing I?ll see them in just a little while. But as I watch a new figure appears. One that I haven?t seen in what seems a lifetime but one that I?ll never forget. He smiles warmly at me in greeting and I can?t help but smile back.

?Hello Master.?

The End

 

AWWWW!!! Great ending. That's all i can say...