Beyond - Legends Dawn of Fate.

In distant space a spaceship slode near the asteroids.
Over the asteroidfield was another ship;ship that was escaping the bigger ship.
Man in the bigger ship was obsessed to lure and capture the pilot who was now out of his hands.

This pilots name was Sharr Amarr,the student of Jedimaster Luke Skywalker.
He had single handedly destroyed 5 imperial corvettes...corvettes which the remnants of the imperial fleet had stolen from new republics dockyard locaded on the Sullust system.

 

His ship was type that hasn't seen ever before in the galaxy and his skills in piloting a ship was best known.
He's father was a scientist and he had creaded that ship.
Her shields are match to the heaviest stardestroyer-Had his father said him when she was given to him.
-It's a perfect ship for Jedi-His father said to him.
-And she moves like x-wing,her weaponry is heavy stuff too.She has proton torpedos,laser turreds,target seaking heat missiles,heatvision to scan lifeforms from other ships,planets and if you having a bad luck and would get yourself to an asteroidfield it would scan for you a safe route to make your way from asteroids.

That all was just an ansíent history,it was time before his family had been killed in a raid of Imperials and on his way to seeking revenge he came across Jediconvoy whitch took him under it's protection,he learnd the way of the Force from Jedimaster Luke Skywalker and he had abandon his anger,but on his jorney to...

 

Shatamlan system all of his anger had come up from deep withim soul.
The reason why it has happened was the very reason why he had chosen the path of anger for the first place,the beast who had slaughtered hi whole family and he had found him after all these years.

I will kill him-He had promised on his familys crave.
-He will pay Ill promise u that,even if it takes whole of my lifetime to track him...he will pay!
He had turnd his head towards the sky and screamed so that all of his surroundiness had disappered-YOU HEARD ME?I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU G'KAR ARMEDDA!

 

Intersting ideas. You have some real potential here. Reminds me of my first fic. Just to let you know though, even when referring to something someone said in the past you should put quoteation marks. "Like this" or 'like this'.

Anyway, I'm from the Reachout, which is older board members offer help to newer ones, so would you like some help? I'll help in anyway I can, although I'll be gone for a week,leaving tomarrow, you can reach me by pm me.

If you want to recruit more of us oldies, go ahead and post in the reachout thread in the Fan Fiction Writers Resource, with a link or URL to your fic. Then we'll all show up!

 

It all started weeks ago.
The morning was sunny and warm in Yavin4,some of the students had allready started their training,but Sharr was just sitting on the stairs of Jediacademy watching the birds,animals,listening how the wind whistled in the top of trees and he used the Force to sence all beings from the Junge.
He's training was at very end and soon he would be jediknight.
He had came to academy with his girlfriend,whitc had been good for him;to be chosen to come to academy with his love and for todays jedifilosophy jedi could get married and that he would do when he and she would be ready.

Master Skywalker had come to know that jedi could not marry in the old days,in the days of old republic.He thought it had somethin to do with the dangers whitc it would have...death of loved ones could easily change you and could lead you to anger and fear....and to the darkside.

 

His thoughts stopped quikly,when he senced ome one over his back.
It was Skywalker.
"Why aren't you at your trainings?"Asked he.
"I'm going to start them right away.I was just enjoying the sunrise and tried to sence as much from my surroundiness as possible for me. I think you can say that for exersise,now can you?"Sharr asked.
"Yes,I have seen you doing this many accotions in past few weeks.I sence that you want to conglude your training and go there...in the rest of galaxy and protect it from evil."Luke said.
"I'm also notised that you still want to find man who murdered your family,am I right?"
"Yes,I just cannot forget or forgive that"
"Then you are not capable to be jedi....I'v tried my best to teach you for ways of the force and to forever to give up your anger"
"I....
Look,there comes Saidanna.Lets talk about this later"Luke said sadness in his words.


Luke Skywalker had trained many capable jedi for years,but this one was stron with the force,but still he gept all anger inside him.
He hasnt shown any marks from recovering for his sad past.
Luke was also lost his loved ones,but he had overcome his anger and sadness.

 

Not bad Kyp. It was pretty good, I really enjoyed it.

 

Oh no! Sharr Amarr is going to turn to the dark side!! I love this story Kyp! [face-love]

 

Very good Kyp. Good plot, believable characters, nice job.

One critisisim though. Your English grammar. Its good, but its noticeable that english is not your first language.

Thats my only problem.