Saga "Days of our Droids" - Droids Meet Universe (HUMOR) Updated 1/09/04

The R2D2 and C3PO Show

Note: For the readers? convenience, Threepio has translated all of Artoo?s lines.

?Who is the Captain?


(R2D2 and C3PO are aboard a Republic cruiser somewhere in space, sometime during the Clone Wars.)

Threepio: Artoo, who is the captain of this vessel?

Artoo: <Correct.>

Threepio: What you mean ?correct?? What is his name?

Artoo: <No. What is the First Officer.>

Threepio: I don?t know.

Artoo: <I don?t know is the Director of Intelligence.>

Threepio: What?

Artoo: <First Officer.>

Threepio: Artoo, you are not making any sense. Let?s try this again. Where is the Captain?

Artoo: <Where is the navigator.>

Threepio: Why are you asking me?

Artoo: <I?m not.>

Threepio: You are too.

Artoo: <Yes, I am Artoo.>

Threepio: *sigh*
I know who you are. Please tell me the name of the captain.

Artoo: <Who is the captain.>

Threepio: That?s what I?ve been asking you! Really, Artoo. If you didn?t know the captain?s name; you could have just said so.

Artoo: *turns around and rolls away*

Threepio: Don?t roll away when I?m talking to you!

 

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(Artoo and Threepio are walking down a dark alley in the New York City neighborhood known as Hell?s Kitchen after being teleported there by a blonde stranger.)

Threepio: This is all your fault, Artoo!

Artoo: {It is not my fault!}

Threepio: It is your fault. You got us into this mess.

Artoo: bleeep

Threepio: Don?t you take that tone with me, Artoo. I told you that blonde fellow with the hammer wasn?t Triple H. You went up to him and asked him if he was Triple H despite my telling you not to. You insulted him.

Artoo: {Nobody held a blaster to your head and forced you to translate what I said.}

Threepio: ....

Artoo: {Besides, I do not think that is why he sent us here. I apologized and he accepted my apology.}

Threepio: Well smart guy, if that wasn?t the reason, then why did he teleport us to this place?

Artoo: {You were annoying him. Just like how you always annoy Captain Solo. I imagine if teleportation was an ability that Captain Solo possessed, he would be tempted to teleport you to some place far worse than this.}

Threepio: Why! I nev--
Uh, do you really think I annoy Captain Solo that much?

Artoo: {Yes.}

Then Threepio sees a masked man dressed in crimson. He approaches him.

Threepio: Hello sir! I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations.

Daredevil: You should really lay off the booze, man.

Threepio: But sir! I?m a droid.

Daredevil: Sure you are pal. And I?m a Wookiee. Go home and sleep it off.

Daredevil leaves.

Threepio: How rude! And he?s far too short to be a Wookiee.

*******************************

[This episode brought to you by the letter Q.]

Q teleports Thor to the Star Wars universe. Why you ask? Why does Q do anything? Thor finds himself about the Imperial Super Star Destroyer Executor. Darth Vader confronts the intruder. Vader ignites his lightsaber and approaches Thor. Thor casually slaps the crimson blade aside. Then regrets doing so.

Thor: Ahhh!!! Ye gods!!!

Vader: I can?t believe you did that.

Thor: Ow! Damn!

Vader: What kind of idiot would attempt to slap away a lightsaber with his bare hand?

Thor: Verily. I doth be a fool.

Vader: You?re lucky your hand wasn?t chopped in two at the palm. It?s strange that it was merely burned severely and nearly severed.

Thor: Merely!? Doth ye have any idea how much this does hurt?

Vader: Yes. I do.



.

 

This is cool! I liked Threepio asking if he really annoyed Han. And that bit with Thor at the end was great!

--later--
6669

 

Thanks

 

That's cute. Is the first bit off of 'Who's on First'?? I just heard the skit a few days ago for the first time.

Poor Thor, have Thrawn be his doctor. Then, every time he has a problem...

Thor: Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!!
Thrawn: How long have you been having these Disney spells??

yuk yuk yuk.

but really, can you imagine those glowing red eyes peering at you??
Thrawn: Does it hurt?
Thor: YE-of-course-not.



-Nio

 

You're right. The first part is based on Who's on First. In some ways, Artoo & Threepio remind me of Abbott & Costello.

Yeah, poor Thor. First, there was that humiliating defeat against Superman(in the JLAvengers crossover that's going on right now) and now this one.
Not to mention the minor embarrassment of Artoo thinking he was Triple H.

Speaking of Thrawn, I guess Thor could ask Thrawn to help him fight Superman but Thrawn's "study his opponent's art in order to defeat him/them" tactic would probably backfire.

Thrawn: So where is this guy from?
Thor: Krypton. He's the last of his race.
Thrawn finds and studies Kryptonian art.
When he should be studying American art(and possibly other Earth art).
Thor loses again.

 

[image=http://www.angelfire.com/hero/agent_007/images/Who_s_On_First_Pic.JPG]

Very good. I like it when C-3PO told R2 "You are too." and R2 though he was just calling him by name.

 

I think that's my favorite part.

 

I think Costello is sooo cute!

So, any more coming....
Someone: Was that a hint??
Me: Oh, of course n....sorta...no no, notta bit.

-nio

 

More??

-LW

 

There will be more. Probably after I finish reading The Unifying Force.

 

"C3PO & R2D2 Meet Solomon Grundy"

(Setting: Slaughter Swamp outside Gotham City)

R2D2 and C3PO materialized in a swamp.

C3PO: ?Artoo, where are we? The last thing I remember we were on board a Star Destroyer watching Darth Vader fight that blond guy who looks like Triple H.?

R2D2: {Now you think he looks like Triple H. You didn?t think so before.}

C3PO: ?No, I never said that. I just didn?t want you to anger him by saying so.?

R2D2: {You worry too much.}

C3PO: ?You don?t worry enough. Speaking of being worried, where are we??

R2D2: {You already asked that question.}

C3PO: ?I know I did, but you never answered it.?

R2D2: {This place reminds me of Dagobah.}

C3PO: ?We?re on Dagobah now??

R2D2: {No, I merely said it reminds me of Dagobah. If it was Dagobah, I would not say that it reminds me of Dagobah.}

Then a monstrous looking creature came into view. It was almost 7 ½ feet (2.26 meters) tall, had chalky white skin and hair, and wore a tattered black suit that appeared to be several sizes too small.

C3PO: ?Oh my, Artoo! It?s a swamp wampa!?

R2D2: {That is not a wampa.}
C3PO: ?Then what is it??

R2D2: {I do not know, but it is definitely not a wampa. Wampas do not wear clothes and he really does not look like a wampa. Although he is massive by human standards, he is too short to be a wampa. Besides he does not have fur.}

C3PO: ?Well, maybe he?s a hairless wookiee.?

Solomon Grundy: ?Solomon Grundy am not cookie. Why are robots talking about Solomon Grundy??

C3PO: ?Oh?hello sir. My name is C3PO?

Grundy: ?Solomon Grundy not care what your name is, stupid robot. Tell Grundy why you talking about him.?

C3PO: ?We were just wondering what you are sir.?

Grundy: ?Solomon Grundy am swamp monster. You are stupid robot. Grundy am glad we got that cleared up.?

C3PO: ?Really sir, I must protest. We are droids. And I am not stupid.?

R2D2: {That?s what you think.}

C3PO: ?Hush, Artoo.?

Grundy: ?What did little robot say??

C3PO: ?He agrees with you.?

Grundy: ?Little robot am smart.?

C3PO: ?Uh?Mr. Grundy, could you tell us where we are??

Grundy: ?You am in swamp, stupid robot. Now you believe Grundy when he say you am stupid??
C3PO: ?I am not stupid?

R2D2: {It?s not wise to argue with a swamp monster.}

C3PO: ?I see your point, Artoo.?
(to Grundy) ?You?re right, Mr. Grundy. I am stupid. I apologize.?

Grundy: ?Good. Now, Grundy not have to rip your arms off.?

C3PO: ?Thank you. I wonder if you could be a little more specific about where we are. Does this swamp have a name??

Grundy: ?Yes. It am called Slaughter Swamp.?

C3PO: ?Could you help us to find our way out of the swamp? I?m so lost I feel like my sensors are upside down.?

Grundy: ?You not upside down.?

Solomon Grundy grabbed Threepio around the torso with one huge hand and lifted him into the air. Then Grundy flipped Threepio upside down by tossing the golden droid into the air and then catching him by one ankle. Threepio?s head was now just inches from the ground.

C3PO: ?Oh, dear!?

Grundy: ?Now you am upside down.?

C3PO: ?Please, put me down.?

Grundy: ?Okay.?

Grundy let go of Threepio?s ankle and the protocol droid fell headfirst into the mud. Grundy laughed. And Artoo made a sound that was the droid equivalent of stifled laughter.

 

Solomon Grundy bio

 

ROTFLMAO!!! This is soo funny! I love it! More soon!

 

Thanks.

 

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Artoo: {You worry too much.}

C3PO: You don't worry enough.

There, in a nutshell, is their characters mapped out and explained.

-Nio

~~happy turkey day!~~

 

Say, if the droids are meeting Soloman Grundy, does that mean they'll run across Grundy's nemesis, the original (aka Golden-Age) Green Lantern (alias Alan Scott)?

 

Yeah, I thought so too.

And happy belated Thanksgiving.

 

It could happen.

 

Grundy Confetti Green Lantern?


With much effort and after several attempts, Threepio eventually managed to stand up.

Solomon Grundy: ?You still have not told Grundy why you are in swamp. Did Green Lantern tell you to come??

Threepio: ?Sir, I do not converse with lanterns, whether they be green or any other color.?

Grundy: ?Good. Solomon Grundy hate Green Lantern. So why you here??

Threepio: ?I told you. We are lost.?

Then another person arrived.

Grundy: ?Green Lantern! Grundy crush you!?

But before Grundy can attempt to make good on his threat, Green Lantern encloses him in a cage constructed of green hardlight energy. Grundy pounds on the cage furiously attempting to break out.

Green Lantern(Alan Scott): ?I don?t think you?ll be crushing anybody anytime soon.?

Threepio(to himself): ?He doesn?t look like a lantern at all.?

Alan Scott: ?So are you Grundy?s new partners in crime??

Threepio: ?I beg your pardon, Sir. We are not criminals.?

Alan: ?Then what are you doing here??

Threepio: ?For the hundredth time, we are lost.?

Artoo: {You?re exaggerating.}

Threepio(to Artoo): ?We?re not lost??
Artoo: {No. I mean you?re exaggerating about the number of times we?ve been asked that question. It isn?t even close to a hundred.}

Just then Grundy succeeded in breaking out of the cage Green Lantern had imprisoned him in. Alan?s ring had a weakness against wood and Solomon was partly composed of plant material. Alan had known that Grundy may eventually break out of the cage but had not expected him to be able to break out so quickly and was therefore caught unaware. Grundy attacked Green Lantern and knocked him into the murky water. Grundy uprooted a large tree and swung it at Green Lantern as he was getting up. Alan attempted to dodge and partially succeeded but was caught with a glancing blow that knocked him into a nearby tree with sufficient force to knock him out. He fell to the muddy ground and lay there unconscious. Now, Grundy uprooted an even larger tree and prepared to slam it down onto the fallen hero.

Solomon Grundy: ?Grundy PLANT Green Lantern!?

Grundy then began to do just that but as he was bringing the tree down onto the fallen Green Lantern, the tree was transformed into confetti. Another Green Lantern had arrived. Hal Jordan, whose ring did not have a weakness against wood.

Grundy: ?What happen to tree??

Hal hit Grundy with a punch that staggered the monstrous golem. Then Hal imprisoned Grundy in a bubble of emerald energy and levitated the bubble high into the air.

Artoo excitedly vocalized a series of beeps and whistles. Hal understood what the little droid was saying because his ring also had the ability to act as a universal translator.

Hal: ?Don?t worry little guy. He won?t be breaking out this time.?

Artoo and Threepio were surprised.

Threepio: ?Excuse me sir, but how are you able to understand my companion?s language??
Hal: ?I had my ring translate it for me.?

Artoo: {I bet it isn?t as annoying as a certain protocol droid I know.}

Threepio: ?Why, I never!?

Artoo: {No, you often.}

Now, Alan Scott was regaining consciousness. He opened his eyes and sat up, confetti falling off of him as he did so. He saw Hal standing there and noticed an imprisoned?and very frustrated?Grundy hovering in the air.

Alan brushed some confetti out of his hair and said
?I?m certainly glad to see you, lad.?

 

pic of Alan: http://www.paratime.ca/v_and_v/pics/alan_scott.jpg

pic of Hal: http://www.emeralddawn.com/images/glstat2.gif

 

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Love the post.

I always wondered how Grundy was able to give Green Lantern (Alan Scott) so much trouble. I never thought that Grundy was partially made of plant material and thus was able to take advantage of Alan's ring having a weakness against wood.

Nice touch bringing in Hal Jordan. (To the non-comic fans, he's the Silver-Age Green Lantern). Heh-heh, I wonder if Threepio will irritate Hal at all? Too bad for Hal that his ring won't work on Threepio. (As Hal's ring won't work against anything yellow).