Beyond - Legends Dazed and Confused- a H/L, L/M, A/T NJO AU Humor story. Helllo!! Updated 6/25

Not to be pushy, Amos, but any progress towards a new post?

 

That's not pushy, YK And I am working on it, YK(believe it or not ). I can't believe how horribly I've neglected this story. I truly suck

 

I guess my Christmas wish didn't come true.

 

Which means Santa knew you weren't a good boy, GK What did you do?

 

Nothing

I swears on......

...the precious?

 

This board has been kind of flat the last couple days. No one is posting Save us, Amos!

 

Actually, I intend to. I'm working on a double post(it makes more sense that way) and it uh... not promising anything but I haven't posted in a long time and I want to get this up before all of my faithful readers string me up by my sensitive parts for not posting in so long....

 

It's okay Amos, take your time

*picks nails with very sharp knife*

*then proceeds to sharpen very sharp knife*

 

<--- Is taking his time

But why sharpen a very sharp knife if it's clearly already very sharp?

 

You'll know soon enough

 

I'm sorry guys, I started school again, and well, I'll spare you excuses and promises that I can't seem to be able to keep Just know that I haven't abandoned this, am working(slowly) on the new post, and that I sincerely appreciate you all bearing with me here

 

I thought I told you to drop out a long time ago!

 

*sigh* I always pick unfinishable stories.

 

That's okay, pretty soon we're gonna get a mob after Amos so he'll finish his fic

 

YK: Somehow, I think staying in school is a better option ...

Ish - I WILL finish this, I promise that... not promising how long that'll take, but hey

GK-

 

Hmmm......

sharp knife or blunt club.....

hmmmm......

 

That's okay, pretty soon we're gonna get a mob after Amos so he'll finish his fic

*Grabs pitch-fork and torch*

 

*grabs Amos and hides him in her story*

Leave the man alone, he has school and he's a mod in the JCC. like the worst section on the site, give the man a break. If you can't do that, Bribery works better than threats i've found in getting new posts

 

My readers! Thank you all for being so incredibly patient and awesome! Also, thank you for the nominations in the FanFic awards, I really appreciate them. I have returned, and I bring a post, with another where that came from soon!

---

As Han watched his old friend buy Jacen's stalkers drinks, he turned to Jacen and said, "Son, as much as I love you? no wait." Han cleared his throat. "As much as your mother makes me love you? get out before someone here starts to think that you might actually be related to me."

"But daddy!" Jacen gasped. "I AM related to you!"

Han rolled his eyes at his son's stupidity. "No ?. really? I [i]never[/i] would have guessed! Thanks for letting me in on that secret, smart guy! Now get out."

"But? but daddy! I love you, and, and YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Jacen cried, pouting.

"I can, and I am, Jackie. And besides, don't cry, it'll make your mascara run. It's really not lady-like." Han joked, flashing his trademark smile.

If it was physically possible, Jacen began to cry harder than he already was as he turned heel and ran for the door.

Han sighed with relief when he was sure that his son was gone. [i]Maybe now I can enjoy a few drinks with some good friends, in peace.[/i] Han thought.

"REPENT!" Han heard a voice scream from the doorway. "REPENT all you sinners!"

Turning around, Han took a good look at this newest annoyance. A man, who Han estimated to be about six and a half feet tall, maybe 180 pounds, was standing in the doorway, hands stretched out as if reaching for the sky. [i]Why do I seem to attract the insane like a magnet?[/i] Han wondered.

"Oh crap." The bartender muttered.

"What? Who is that guy?" Han asked the barkeep.

"Some religious zealot. He comes by once a week, pesters my patrons for about an hour or so, then leaves."

"What good does that do anyone?"

"Hell if I know. But he's bound and determined to save us all from our "sins". Anyways, help yourself to anything you want, I'll be in the back for the next hour or so."

"Where are you going? You're not gonna leave us alone with that guy, are you?"

"Well, yeah. I don't want to listen to that guy's jibber jabber. Have fun." The bartender snickered as he walked to the back.

[i]Great. So much for a peaceful vacation from the wife.[/i] Han thought to himself.

Han jumped as the man came right behind him and yelled into his ear, "YOU THERE! You look like you have some repenting to do!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great, why don't you go make someone else repent?" Han said sarcastically.

"Because you have to be saved! Our job cannot be complete until we force everyone else to believe exactly like we do!"

"Yeah, well good luck with that." Han said, wishing the guy would leave.

"Don't you think it's wrong to force [i]everyone[/i] else to believe [i]exactly[/i] like you do?" Luke asked.

"Wrong? Of course it's not wrong! We're backed up by, umm? at least [b]half of one verse[/b] in the Book of Berlkajdiuoja that we totally misinterpreted to give ourselves the mandate to convert the entire galaxy to our religion!"

"And what religion is that, exactly?" Wedge asked, skeptically.

"Bvwelwikjroid is the true way! Mnelksnoiekldsa demands that all worship him!"

"And who exactly is this Mnelksnoiekldsa fellow?" Tycho asked.

"Yeah, and why does he have so many demands and stuff? Doesn't he know he'll catch more flitnats with sugar?" Wes asked.

"SHUT UP, WES!!" Han, Wedge and Tycho said in unison.

"Aww, come on! I had a good point!"

"Suure, keep telling yourself that, pal." Tycho said.

"Mnelksnoiekldsa is god!" The man said. "And he demands that all worship and praise him!!!"

"Yeah, yeah, you already said that already." Han said irritably. "Does this guy have any other demands?"

"Well, not really. He just demands that you worship and praise him, oh and give him all your money and spend your life converting other people to the true path."

"Hmm, and what exactly does

 

My readers! Thank you all for being so incredibly patient and awesome! Also, thank you for the nominations in the FanFic awards, I really appreciate them. I have returned, and I bring a post, with another where that came from soon!



Congrats on the noms, Amos This is the funniest story on the boards.

"As much as your mother makes me love you? get out before someone here starts to think that you might actually be related to me."

Starts with a bang!

at least half of one verse in the Book of Berlkajdiuoja that we totally misinterpreted to give ourselves the mandate to convert the entire galaxy to our religion!"

I think this guy knocked on my door a few months ago

"Yes, I said it. But it's not true. We only say that because the PR people told us it would look good. The truth is, we only let Mnelksnoiekldsa love people who look like good, model citizens but who really aren't, and who give us lots of money, help us cover up our scandals,"



How could someone not love Twi'lek dancers?

"Captian Solo, Captain Solo!" Threepio exclaimed as he ran into the bar, arms flailing. "Something terrible has happened! Mistress Leia told me to tell you that she and the other women have gone to the hair dressers."
Han dropped his drink, as the other men stared at the golden droid in shock.
"Aww, damn!" Han exclaimed.

busted!

I'm so glad it's back... Great post, Amos

 

::Buries face in hands as she *snrks*, shoulders shaking.::

Oh, man, when I was a missionary, we ran into a lady JUST LIKE THAT who thought she was the prophetess and that god was only taking 2 people out of every family to be on the "ark" and be saved and that if we didn't cover our heads while praying, he would smite us dead right there...

Anyway, that hit so close to home. Loved it.

 

"Because you have to be saved! Our job cannot be complete until we force everyone else to believe exactly like we do!"

"Wrong? Of course it's not wrong! We're backed up by, umm? at least half of one verse in the Book of Berlkajdiuoja that we totally misinterpreted to give ourselves the mandate to convert the entire galaxy to our religion!"

NOT gonna say it...

*Bites tongue*

As a politically active person, let me say you just voiced EXACTLY how I look at certain...organizations...though which ones I will not say...

And I loved this, for exactly this reason...I can SO relate to Han and them having to deal with someone like that.

*wishes that the people she deals with would stalk away like that when she proves them wrong*

Loved it, Amos


Jes

 

I was in danger of having a bad day but I saw that a miracle happened!

"Yes, I said it. But it's not true. We only say that because the PR people told us it would look good. The truth is, we only let Mnelksnoiekldsa love people who look like good, model citizens but who really aren't, and who give us lots of money, help us cover up our scandals," The man said, ticking the reasons off on his fingers. Continuing, the man said, "People who have dirty blonde hair, conservatives, and people who were born on days that end in W."

"Umm, there are no days that end in W." Wedge pointed out.

sounds familiar........ dirty blonde hair......

"Hmm, well .. not according to the Book of Berlkajdiuoja!" The man said, pulling a massively large book out of his coat pocket.

"How can you possibly know that it says that in that book?" Tycho asked. "That book has to be 150,000,000 pages long!"

LOL

"It is, but like all the faithful followers of Mnelksnoiekldsa, I have memorized the entire book!" The man boasted.

"Oh yeah?" Wes challenged. "Then tell me what the 329th word on the 29,856th page is!"

That is kinda like saying "oh yeah?" I challenge you to a duel!

"I can't." The man answered.

"Ha! You are sooo busted, man!" Wes said, starting to do his victory dance.

Tally one for Wes!

["But that's only because page 29,856 does not exist!"

Wes took the Book of Berlkajdiuoja and opened it to the 29,856th page. "Come again?" He asked, starting his victory dance again.

The man quickly tore the page out of the book, shoved it in his mouth, and ate it quickly. Clearing his throat, he said, "Like I said, page 29,856 does not exist."

Tally one for the paper eater!

Wes raised his eyebrow. "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, eh? Then tell me what the title of chapter 269,812 is!"

The man looked deep in thought. "Is that, 'Chapter that lists really overrestrictive rules that nobody can really follow but we magically expect everybody but of course ourselves to follow numbers 100,000-199,999'?"

"NO! That is incorrect!" Wes exclaimed. "The correct answer is, 'Chapter for the training of religious zealots, aka how to be really over the top, obnoxious, rude, and offensive!"

"Damn! That was my second guess!"

Tally two for Wes!

"What's this? Cursing? Mnelksnoiekldsa would not be pleased." Wes said, patronizing the man.

"That's it! I'm leaving!!!" The man said as he marched out.

Three strikes your out!


"You know, Wes, I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, and I know I'll never live it down, but good job." Wedge said.

"Do you, do you really mean it, boss?" Wes asked, tearing up.

Wes looked like he was going to vomit. "Yes, I mean it."

Greatest thing ever when someone has to force a compliment.

"Captian Solo, Captain Solo!" Threepio exclaimed as he ran into the bar, arms flailing. "Something terrible has happened! Mistress Leia told me to tell you that she and the other women have gone to the hair dressers."

GASP!!!

Han dropped his drink, as the other men stared at the golden droid in shock.

"Aww, damn!" Han exclaimed.

I'm pretty sure Han was exclaiming over his dropped drink.

Thank you Amos
*drops knife*
All is forgiven.....
.....so far.

 

Yoda: Congrats on the noms, Amos happy This is the funniest story on the boards.


Thanks

laugh Starts with a bang!

Yup

I think this guy knocked on my door a few months ago tongue



How could someone not love Twi'lek dancers? tongue

Clearly a sign of insanity

laugh busted!

You don't even know

cry I'm so glad it's back... Great post, Amos grin happy

I know, me too

Ish:

::Buries face in hands as she *snrks*, shoulders shaking.::

Oh, man, when I was a missionary, we ran into a lady JUST LIKE THAT who thought she was the prophetess and that god was only taking 2 people out of every family to be on the "ark" and be saved and that if we didn't cover our heads while praying, he would smite us dead right there...

Anyway, that hit so close to home. Loved it.

Yikes, sounds like this lady was a real character... I'm glad you enjoyed it

Jes:

NOT gonna say it...

Why not?

*Bites tongue*

As a politically active person, let me say you just voiced EXACTLY how I look at certain...organizations...though which ones I will not say...

Hehe, that's awesome, I know what you mean

And I loved this, for exactly this reason...I can SO relate to Han and them having to deal with someone like that.

I think we all have at one point or another.

*wishes that the people she deals with would stalk away like that when she proves them wrong*

Hehe, definitely

Loved it, Amos

Thanks for reading it

GK:

I was in danger of having a bad day but I saw that a miracle happened! grin

w00t!

laugh sounds familiar........ grin dirty blonde hair......




LOL laugh

Thanks

That is kinda like saying "oh yeah?" I challenge you to a duel! grin

Yup

Tally one for Wes! laugh

Hehe,

Tally one for the paper eater! laugh

If you must

Tally two for Wes! laugh



Three strikes your out! grin

I love baseball!

Greatest thing ever when someone has to force a compliment. laugh

Hehehe, but what else can you do with Wes?

GASP!!! shock

You have no idea Or do you?

I'm pretty sure Han was exclaiming over his dropped drink. grin

Probably a combination of both

Thank you Amos
*drops knife*
All is forgiven.....
.....so far. grin

So far?

Thanks for reading, GK!


Guy, guess what? Next post is Jacen, and I think you'll all enjoy it

 

Lol! That was great, Amos. I loved the memorization part.