Beyond Dazed and Confused- a H/L, L/M, A/T NJO AU Humor story. Helllo!! Updated 6/25

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by FamousAmos, Apr 23, 2004.

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  1. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks, Suzuki! I'm still working on the next part, hopefully it'll be around soon :)
  2. Rose_Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 4

    [face_laugh] gone to the hairdressers [face_laugh]


    I love the religious zelots, in fact i have one who comes to my campus regularly to preach to us. He stands at the tower in the middle of campus, and tells us all that were going to hell. That all women who wear pants are sinners and lesbians. That were all sluts, and drink to much. That all women should be in the home cooking and cleaning for our husbands, who should be allowed to beat us. That liberal education is the devil,etc etc etc. He's actually really funny to watch. Whats sad is that if he honestly wanted to convert people to his religion (which btw he doesn't actually have a church), he goes about it all wrong. Condeming us all to hell, is not the best way to get us over to his side. Oh man, one day a Muslim girl walked by where he was standing, and she just got reamed by him. So i actually can relate to the story.

    [face_laugh] poor jacen with his mascara running. that stuffs hard to get off :p
  3. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    Yeah, I'm anticipating that scene with great interest :D

    Oh man, that's terrible! We have one like that, but he's not that bad. But that was the inspiriation for that post, actually :D

    Yeah, the mascara running could be bad, I imagine. Probably worse because he wasn't wearning mascara :p
  4. YodaKenobi VIP

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    Member Since:
    May 27, 2003
    star 6
    Rose, what I do with my free-time on your campus, is not the business of the JC fan fiction boards :mad:
  5. Rose_Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 4


    It's my business to tell when you keep telling me i'm a whore! I already know that! ;)
  6. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    [face_laugh] You guys crack me up :D :p

    I'm working on the new post as I type this(well, not literally :p) and it will be up tonight or tomorrow, I think. :D
  7. YodaKenobi VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 27, 2003
    star 6
    It's my business to tell when you keep telling me i'm a whore!

    You completely misunderstood me [face_shame_on_you] It wasn't an insult. I meant that you probably traded sex for money :)
  8. Tahi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2002
    star 5
    Finally found this story again - been meaning too for ages.

    You write Han really well. I can practically hear him speaking the dialogue.

    "Something terrible has happened! Mistress Leia told me to tell you that she and the other women have gone to the hair dressers."

    Han dropped his drink, as the other men stared at the golden droid in shock.

    "Aww, damn!" Han exclaimed.

    ROTFL

    Oh boy - I think everyone has their own community zealot. My mother - who was never one to suffer fools gladly - poured a bucket of water over one once. But my grandmother emptied her chamber pot over one - so I think she wins the prize for best zealot-dampening tactics. :D

    Anyway - can't wait to see how it all pans out. [hint, hint]

  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    FA seems to have gone the way of politicians... Lying about results...
  10. Amos_Hand Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2005
    Amos never uses me to type this story anymore :(
  11. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    it's because I cut that one off...
  12. Yodas-evil-twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 5
    Very very funny.
    Now UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE.
  13. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    *walks into thread*

    Wow... this thing died, lol. Sorry 'bout that [face_blush]

    I wrote the next post :D


    As Jacen wandered out of the bar, depressed, crying, and alone, he wondered how this had all happened. Did his daddy not love him anymore? Why? Why couldn't he get his father to recognize that he was a beautiful human being and appreciate him for who he was? Jacen sobbed, caught up in a sudden fit of depression. It just wasn't fair! Jacen began to stumble into a wooded area, sloshing though the muddy terrain, paying no attention to the irreparable damage he was doing to his boots and pants, which was so unlike him - they were designer! After a few minutes, Jacen began to notice something that was bright and shiny in the distance. Ooh! Bright and shiny things are good. Yeah, let's go toward the bright and shiny thing!!

    As Jacen neared the source of the bright and shiny thing, a monster jumped out of the brush and tackled him headlong. Beating at the monstrous beast's hideous head, Jacen let out a bloodcurling, girly scream, "AIIIIEIEIEIEIIAIAIEIIEIAIAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

    Finally, the beast got off of Jacen, and said, "Oh, I?m so sorry. I didn't mean to tackle you like that."

    Finally recognizing the beast, Jacen said, "Oh my god! It's like, Imsouglyiscare Womenandlittlechildren!!! I love your work! The fashion police are soo awesome."

    Apparently recognizing Jacen too, the woman said, "Oh, why thank you dear. And you must be young Jacen Solo! So fashionable, and handsome. I love your outfit. Who is it, Velationea?"

    "No, it's Mcneiolseais, he's a Sullustian designer." Jacen corrected.

    "Ooh, foreign designs. How exotic!" The beastly woman said, suppressing a tear.

    Distressed by the woman's tear, Jacen cried, "Oh no! What's wrong Imsouglyiscare Womenandlittlechildren?"

    Bursting into tears, the woman said, "The Crappy Pawns Awards show owned by Big Business for Overpaid Crappy Celebrities is tonight, and as you know, I usually host the fashion police show that critiques all the extremely weird and expensive looks that the celebs wear. But tonight my daughter, Ivehadwaytoo Muchplasticsurgery is sick and can't make it! The show is ruined!!" The woman started to bawl again.

    "Oh no! How horrible! Wait ? I?m getting an idea!"

    Thirty minutes later, Jacen exclaimed, "Yeah, why don't you let me co-host the fashion police with you? I know lots and lots about fashion!"

    "Ooh! What a good idea. You must be one of those idea-thinking men! Yay! The fashion police are saved."

    "Yay!" Jacen exclaimed, as the Beauty and the Beast ran off to host the 49,000,000th Fashion Police Show.

    Twenty minutes later, Jacen and the woman were set up on a podium, ready to host the fashion show. As they went on the air, Imsouglyiscare Womenandlittlechilren said, "And welcome to the 49,000,000th annual Fashion Policy show! I am Imsouglyiscare Womenandlittlechildren, and yes, I really do scare women and little children. This is my special co-host, Jacen Solo. You're looking hot tonight, Jacen."

    "Thank you, Imso, it's Mcneiolseais! Isn't it stylin?" Jacen said, spinning around.

    "Absolutely. Now let's go down to our field reporters, Highpitchedfrillyannoyingvoiced Orangemonkeywoman and Overlybitterandsarcastic Angrylittleman! Guys, how is it down there?"

    "Oh my god oh my god OH MY GOD it's so amazing!" Highpitchedfrillyannoyingvoiced Orangemonkeywoman said enthusiastically. "I'm ready to hand out citations for fashion infractions!" The annoying woman said, whipping out a notepad and a pen, and adjusting her fake policeman's cap.

    "This is the worst job ever." Overlybitterandsarcastic Angrylittleman said in a dull and angry tone. "I hate all of you."

    "Oh, Overlybitterandsarcastic Angrylittleman, you are SO cute!" Highpitchedfrillyannoyingvoiced Orangemonkeywoman exclaimed, pinching his cheek and squealing gleefully.

    "You know you didn't have to sell your soul to the Sith for a nose job, right?" He responded.

    "Oh, I d/>
  14. YodaKenobi VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 27, 2003
    star 6
    *rubs eyes with disbelief*

    *Then steals first reply* [face_mischief]
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    That's scary. I can recognize all of those characters. I loved "Hott"
  16. YodaKenobi VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    May 27, 2003
    star 6
    First, I'm so glad this is back [face_laugh]

    paying no attention to the irreparable damage he was doing to his boots and pants, which was so unlike him - they were designer!

    I knew that was coming :p

    Ooh! Bright and shiny things are good. Yeah, let's go toward the bright and shiny thing!!

    Is Jacen on the "shinycouncil" too? :confused: :p


    But tonight my daughter, Ivehadwaytoo Muchplasticsurgery is sick and can't make it!

    [face_laugh] :_| [face_laugh] I can probably guess who these two are supposed to be :p

    "This is the worst job ever." Overlybitterandsarcastic Angrylittleman said in a dull and angry tone. "I hate all of you."

    [face_laugh]

    "Really? You know you're supposed to get something in return for selling your soul, right?"
    "Are you serious? People will give you stuff for those things?" Highpitchedfrillyannoyingvoiced responded, shocked.


    Yeah, I sold my soul for a brownie once... it was a good though.

    "I can see you're a real intellectual heavyweight." Overlybitterandsarcastic responded in a deadpan voice.
    "Oh. My. God?.. did you just call me fat?" Highpitchedfrillyannoyingvoiced cried, distressed.


    [face_laugh]

    The woman stopped sniffling immeadeatly and exclaimed, "Ooh! Shiny! I LOVE shiny things. Thank you thank you thank you! Yay!"

    More shiny council members :p

    "Ookay, and here's our first celebrities!" Imsouglyiscare Womenandlittlechilren announced. "Imtryingto Makeasocialstatement in that ?? garbage bag, and his wife, ImwithStupid Noseriously, in a designer dress."

    [face_laugh]

    "Two words, fashion.disaster." Jacen exclaimed.

    [face_laugh] :_|

    "Yo, dat cool. Dat muzak stuf is cool, ya hear? We laike? dew the wrappin' and stuf. And then the peeple, they sendz da money. Keep a'sending da monay, yo?"

    [face_laugh]

    "Right through that door over there is a cliff overlooking some very sharp and pointy rocks. Why don't you go jump off of it?"

    :) I like Overlybitterandsarcastic.

    "That's hot."

    Indeed. A very hot post, Amos :D I think Jacen found his calling :p Lots of laughs as usual, I hope this is a sign you'll be writing regularly again [face_praying]
  17. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    Ish: That's scary. I can recognize all of those characters. I loved "Hott"

    Hehe, yep, I figured you would. Thanks :D


    Haha, thanks YK. Jacen has many true callings, I think :p I am trying to write this more frequently, but my summer session ends next Monday(monday after this coming monday), so I probably won't have much time to write before that. Just a heads up. :p
  18. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Heck, we already waited 4 months, why not 4 months more?
  19. FamousAmos VIP

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2003
    star 6
    Nooooo, not four months more. I don't want to have it take me that long to write one post again.
  20. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
  21. Yodas-evil-twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 5
    Hi. I discovered this story around April and all I have to say is LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  22. Amos_On_A_Stick Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2005
    I think I'll just hang around until Amos posts again.
  23. Rose_Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 4

    OMg [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    *tackles Amos* Oh how i have missed you! [:D]

    This was by far the funniest thing i have read in a long long time. You have celebrity fashion right down to a tee. Jacen is too priceless in this scene. I'm so glad your back! Now if we could get regular updates i'd be happier ;)


    And thats not an insult how? :confused: Do you really think this is going to bring me over to your religion :p
  24. RowanMayfair Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2005
    [face_laugh] This is one of the most amusing FanFicts that I've read so far! Can't wait to see how it ends. :)
  25. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    And yet it's been 2.5 weeks...
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