Beyond - Legends (DDC2017) Not so blind: The Diary of Teafa Phaidraig (OC, AU, Far Future, Angst) UPDATED 3/25

Title: Not so blind
Author: A Blind Prophet
Timeframe: 144 - 155 ABY
Characters: Teafa Phaidraig (Other OC's)
Genre: Angst, Adventure, Recovery
Series: Not so Blind
Warning: This is going to be dealing with the aftermath of a character that's been through hell, including torture, rape and other things for about a year.
Keywords: AU, Miraluka, Luka Sene, OC, Dear Diary Challenge
Summary: The diary of how Teafa manages to put herself back together after being taken by slavers, and eventually how she runs off to pursue learning more about the Force.
Notes: This is the diary of my OC for a pair of role playing games here on the boards, as such it's a bit on the AU side of things as well, but it'll mostly take place in such a way that that won't really matter too much. Teafa is a Miraluka, a species that doesn't even have eyes and sees through the Force. To those wondering how they would still use things like emoji's they can still see text on a screen/datapad, it is just much harder for them to do so. They still "see" everything that's around them, it's just not in the same way that we would perceive it, for instance when looking at someone they would see through the person's clothes, or can see through walls without much issue. They also have a Force order known as the Luka Sene. I've been wanting to explore her background a bit more, and this seems like a good way to do it, and get back into solo writing of some sort.
Disclaimer: Just playing in Disney and Lucasart's pond.

*****

Entry the First:

Finally. I'm home after weeks in the medcenter dealing with doctors and shrinks. Thought they'd never let me leave, though they did make me promise to keep this diary for them. Whatever, it isn't like I'm completely broken or anything, no matter what those scumbag slavers tried to do to me. Can't believe they made me spend my sixteenth birthday in there, though. Guess I'm just glad that they let me see my family and that Talwar came by. ^_^ He's a really great guy. Just wish he wasn't so old, but it's always good to have a friend in the Seekers.

So it turns out that basically nothing has really changed here on Alpheridies, other than everything being about a year older. Even Caras is still in the same class, and just as much trouble as ever. Mom really needs to get on her to be more on top of her schoolwork, but she is only thirteen so I guess I can understand. It's not like she has the same gift I do, an eidetic memory makes school so easy. Or holographic. Whatever you want to call it. Never have been able to find the actual difference between the two, not like you run into people with them very often.

Speaking of school, I really can't wait to get back to it and make up the time I've lost. A year is nothing to sneeze at, and it's seriously messed up my schedule of getting into the Luka Sene. It may be a forgone conclusion, but I do need to actually finish up all the basics. Maybe I can make it up, but two years in one seems like a bad idea right now. It would be my last year, but... I don't know. I do need some time to myself too. I am still having nightmares, but at least they aren't as bad as they used to be. Ashla, that was bad when I first came back. Poor nurses, I still can't believe I slammed several of them into the wall like that. Though the dent kinda says otherwise. Along with the memories. >_>

I should go see Talwar, talk to him about how he deals with some of the stuff he has. I know he's been hurt. And killed people, like those slavers. Hope he's not too busy or off world, I just feel so comfortable around him. Probably because he me got out of that hellhole. >_< I don't know why they took me, it's not like I'm anything special to look at. I don't guess, not like I can really see. Why is every other species so obsessed with looks? They're so irrelevant ultimately, they don't tell you anything about who a person really is. It's not like perceiving their essence or anything.

Ashla, they were the darkest beings I've ever seen, like pits of darkness. Almost like they wanted to swallow me whole and spit out some kind of obedient little shell. I don't really know how I managed to hold on so long. Guess that stubbornness is good for something... or bad for it... given how much they hurt me.

I'm getting lost in a memory, and I can't stop shaking. Hurt me so bad, trying to break me. Took everything they could, my dignity, my body, can't let them have my mind. My mind is mine. Can't let them have, can't.

I'm not there, not on that ship. Stop seeing, stop feeling! Please. Please. Memories go away! Need to get help. Ashla help me! Need to get mom. Nee-

Thoughts? Comments? Concrit?

 

So, you did it! Awesome.

How does a Miraluka use smileys? What is their significance in a world where visual perception is not what we know, but something remarkably different? Do facial expressions have the same weight as they do in other places This is a 100% serious question and the first thing that popped to my mind. With Taifa's latter musing on physical assets not being important, it makes me even more curious.

Eidetic/holographic memory seems to be the kind of a gift that could be unexpected in a species like that. I love the idea of how that gives Taifa (and, apparently), Caras, advantage at school.

That said, poor Taifa! If I understood this well, she was captured by the slavers (are they related to One Sith, given the timeline and the Legends continuity?), Talwar (whoever he may be) killed them and then she spent time at a mental hospital over her trauma. And near the end, she seems to be experiencing PTSD-like flashbacks. I guess that her eventual acceptance to Luka Sene would require her to suppress them? Or not? Sorry, I have so many questions.

I also love how she swears by what appears to be the name of the Light Side of the Force, Ashla. Great attention to detail here.

P.S. You missed a verb in this sentence: Probably because he me out of that hellhole. >_<

 

Ewok Poet

So, you did it! Awesome.

Aye, I did. Now to see what comes of it. And thank you so much for reading, honestly wasn't sure if anyone really would given the combination of OC and me not being around like at all for years.

How does a Miraluka use smileys? What is their significance in a world where visual perception is not what we know, but something remarkably different? Do facial expressions have the same weight as they do in other places This is a 100% serious question and the first thing that popped to my mind. With Taifa's latter musing on physical assets not being important, it makes me even more curious.

Ok, so I realized that's a bit of something that i completely forgot to put in the notes. >_< So, miraluka still "see" the same things we do, like they see walls, clothes, etc, but they're like a pale shadow that's kinda not as real as say a living being, or especially someone that's force sensitive. They can also see the motions of energy, the direction that it's flowing along a wire for instance, especially if trained in that capacity, so they can see things like text on a datapad or computer screen. So while she can't really see what someone looks like the way that we would, she can still see a faint echo of it inside of their actual essence, and because of being able to see the flow of energy they can still see something like a droid or use a computer. Hope that helps clear that one up, and I added a bit to the notes for that. Because I can see that being a pretty common question.

Eidetic/holographic memory seems to be the kind of a gift that could be unexpected in a species like that. I love the idea of how that gives Taifa (and, apparently), Caras, advantage at school.

Teafa only, sadly. Caras is struggling because she tries to be kind of like her sister, but can't. More on that in upcoming updates. And yea, that would be pretty uncommon I'd think. Probably as uncommon as it is in real life.

That said, poor Taifa! If I understood this well, she was captured by the slavers (are they related to One Sith, given the timeline and the Legends continuity?), Talwar (whoever he may be) killed them and then she spent time at a mental hospital over her trauma. And near the end, she seems to be experiencing PTSD-like flashbacks. I guess that her eventual acceptance to Luka Sene would require her to suppress them? Or not? Sorry, I have so many questions.

Questions are hardly a problem, it means you're actually interested enough to have them and ask! As for being related to the One Sith, no it's not them. It's more related to a game in the RPF that I linked, that has an alternate continuity where the One Sith have already been dealt with and there's a new trio of Sith leaders (think like KOTOR II) that are in charge, and trying to establish a bit of loyalty in sort of like the Lost Tribe. That'll all come into play more in the far future though. Talwar is another miraluka who is a Seeker, the Luka Sene's version of the police/jedi, basically. They bring back miraluka that have started to fall to the dark side, and I've expanded their role a bit to more general purpose when you need someone a bit more capable. But yes, she's been in a hospital for both her injuries and then for mental help, and very much PTSD flashback type of things made that much worse because she has what amounts to a perfect memory and basically relives things. As for the Luka Sene, no, she'll be going eventually regardless, but more on that in the future. Can't give everything away right now, can I?

I also love how she swears by what appears to be the name of the Light Side of the Force, Ashla. Great attention to detail here.

Thanks, that's something that just really struck me as the sort of thing a lightside group that still ascribes to the ideas of Ashla and Bogan would probably do, as I believe that they're the last group that really does. I'd love to see that idea explored a bit more, where that came from, since that's so old, going back to the Dawn of the Jedi series.

P.S. You missed a verb in this sentence: Probably because he me out of that hellhole. >_<

>_< Thanks. Read over it four times, and still didn't see that little tidbit. Tis fixed now.

 

I'm so glad you're doing this for Teafa! Looking forward to more.

 

QueenSabe7 thanks sabe, I wasn't really sure if much of anyone would be seeing this or not, but i'm doing this more for myself than anything. which is kind of a first when it comes to writing. glad that you're going to be following along with this, hope you enjoy it.

HanSolo29 didn't really know I was going to until I did it, so... yea. made two of us. hope you enjoy, this is going to be going to some interesting places if the ideas i have pan out.

 

Entry the Second (Later the same day):

I think I may listen to Dr. Mandil, if what happened a few hours ago is any indicator I'm not anywhere near as well as I thought I was. Which in hindsight... is a bit obvious. What in the world was I thinking? Suppose you could say I was a bit too stir crazy, but it's been over a year since I've danced now, and I just want to move! I can't really blame the doctors, it's not like they really have a great space for that at the hospital, but it's just been so long. I have got to get back to classes.

Thinking about it, I'm really not sure how I feel about school right now. I'm not sure that I know what's... going to trigger things right now. >_< it's really annoying, but there it is. Maybe I should talk to my parents about getting a tutor for this semester. Or, well, I guess I could see about just taking a break, much as I hate that idea, but I'm starting to think that might be the best thing I could do. I mean, I don't really even have much of a concept of norm-

Okay heart, calm down. It was just dad bringing me some jubba juice. Now if I can just stop looking over my shoulder, maybe I can finish this entry.

So, concept of normal. I don't really have one, and dad coming in just kind of proved that. I'm going to talk to them about it tomorrow. I'm sure Caras will be upset, since she still has to go, but I don't think I'm mentally stable enough just yet. Ashla, this really sucks. Shame this thing can't record me sighing. Anyway, that's me for the night. Learning that I have a lot farther to go than I realized.

 

I'm actually jealous that you're 'character building' this proper. Glad Ravenous could/still can be a part of her journey.

 

there's nothing stopping you from doing it with ravenous, outside of time. i'd certainly read it. and yea, there's going to be some interesting stuff coming up when they finally run into each other again in game. i hope that won't be too long.

thanks for reading, btw.

 

Thank you, for the helpful explanation on, well, pretty much everything. Especially the emoji/smileys thing as that got me quite curious.

Teafa would probably be surprised to know that, though she does not perceive herself as "normal", her approach to everything that has happened to her is more or less age-appropriate, so is the way she writes. Therefore, she is pretty normal. Not that the story would be interesting if she knew that, but yeah.

 

Ewok Poet absolutely no problem. having confused readers is seriously counter-productive.

and i'm glad that i'm getting that right, given that i've never actually been a 16 yr old girl. that's probably the biggest challenge with this really, trying to make that come out right. and you're right, it wouldn't be as interesting if she did know that.

 

Whoever you tagged there is not me.

And...as somebody who was a 16-year-old-girl who kept a diary in 1999, I can assure you that you're doing it 100% right.

 

Ewok Poet that's someone i haven't seen around the boards since about 2008. oops. thanks for pointing that out.

always good to get it confirmed from someone that did it.

 

Of course I read you stuff, @Blind Prophet, because you have not been around for a while and I always liked your character building very much. So, here I am, keen for more.

 

Love to see you using your very interesting character.

 

AzureAngel2 so glad to see you in another one of my fics Angel, even when it's been like 8 years since the last one. thank you so much, i appreciate that a lot. hope you enjoy it more moving forward.

earlybird-obi-wan thanks, i'm enjoying working with her too. much more fleshed out than the last OC that I wrote about in these parts. those feel so cringeworthy now.

 

So here's a little bit more, I'll be doing three updates this month. Even short as this, I felt like it was necessary as when I tried to combine this with the next one it felt kind of off. Look for something a bit more substantial in the next few days.

*****

Entry the Third:

Ashla that was a bad nightmare. >_< I haven't had those for the last two weeks I was at the hospital, I don't know why they're coming back. It isn't fair. I'm supposed to be getting better, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I mean, I'm back home. I'm with my family. I'm safe. I don't understand.

Dr. Mandil said that I should be writing any dreams I have down, especially nightmares, but I don't want to remember it. >_> Especially with how close to reality it was.

I'm just going to go back to sleep. Too tired for this.

 

Teafa's got to be patient with her healing. She can't get better overnight. Nobody can. And the anxiety-ridden brain does not understand the term "safety".

 

Short, but intense! I almost bit into one of the sofa pillows. Wow!

 

okay, you two get the award for fastest response ever.

Ewok Poet so very, very true. i know about that far too well myself, but as you noted she's still learning. still a lot of that for her to do.

AzureAngel2 thank you. might want to have your pillow handy for the next one...

 

Okay, will prepare it!

 

HanSolo29 true, a lot can be said in little. yes, she does very much have a long road. i'm... about to get out of the first week in writing, i think things will start spreading out a bit from there. was just a lot i wanted to cover in the initial return to "normalcy".

 

Entry the Fourth

Thirty minutes later...

Can't sleep. Could really use a sleeptab right about now, but they didn't see fit to give me anything like that. Don't understand Dr. Mandil, I had sedatives when I was in the medcenter, why can't they let me have them now? They afraid I'll get addicted to them or something? (-_-) This really sucks. I'll talk to him about it, maybe there's some reason I don't know about.

I'm going back to sleep, too tired to deal with this right now. (=_=)

Twenty minutes later...

I'm not going to sleep until I deal with this am I?

Five minutes later...

Kriff.

Fine. Maybe getting it out of my head will help.

I was back there. I'm still not really sure where there was, since I was asleep when Talwar carried me back to his ship. Well... passed out more accurately. I think it was a ship, but I can't really be sure. And Talwar won't actually talk to me about that. Secret training that he's not supposed to share with a non-Seeker? Sure. But not that.

Kinda think he wants me to join the Seekers, but I dunno. I mean, I want to help people. Especially anyone that gets grabbed by slavers, but... that's a lot of stress. Guess I have some time before I have to make that kind of decision, but it does sound like a good life. And I'd get to learn more stuff like field detection. It is so cool to be able to see what's on my datapad more clearly. Or a computer screen. Or hologram. I'll have to think about it. But I'm kinda off track right now.

So I was back in that... that... room. Grimy metal walls, the broken cot, drain in the middle of the room for whenever they decided to wash me off. I'm still not sure what that slimy stuff was on the walls, but it was gross. And the smell... can't believe I ever got used to that. And it was always too cold. Especially since they never let me have any clothes, other than that stun collar. Couldn't use the Force with that.

One of them, I called him Fatso, came in and started kicking and screaming at me. But that's... wrong. It wasn't him in real life, it was Hobnose. He always kicked harder than any of the others, left me with broken bones more than once. Can't believe how hard he kicked for a human.

But since they couldn't permanently damage the merchandise, they always patched me up for another round. Ashla I wish I could have killed him. All of them. Torturing a defenseless fifteen year old.

I just felt my nose, and it's still crooked. Like, really crooked. Think I might need surgery for that. What a mess. Just... everything is such a mess!

Ten minutes later...

Had to clean up the glass I threw against the wall. Can't believe I just did that. Then I had to explain what happened to my dad. He said that he understood, and I believe him. Kind of useful to have the Force for that, can always tell when someone's trying to deceive you unless they're really frelling good at hiding.

And then he tried to hug me goodnight.

I can't believe I jerked away from him like that. My own dad, a man who has never done anything to hurt me, and I'd trust with my life. I couldn't even let him touch me right now, even though I kinda wanted a hug. It's not fair! What did those monsters do to me? Q_Q

 

I really feel with your character here. This is very intense, but well written stuff! Cannot wait to see where her character development will go to. Especially since she mentioned the "Ashla".