Before Dead Onn -- Complete - 28-Mar-2008 - humor, sarcasm, Jedi mission -- Jedi OCs, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Mar 2, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    [face_laugh]

    Loved the update! :D

    Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi took their usual fighting stances, back to back, standing highest in the group on the steps. The only thing they lacked was a breeze to blow their robes back dramatically and a swell of background music. [face_laugh]

    Loved how Enling had been the first to act, but the last to draw his lightsaber. So, even though Enling had a blade longer than any of his elders, the weapon looked more like a light 'knife' than a saber in his enormous fist. [face_laugh]

    I loved this too- The room collectively gasped at this magnificent display. The group-think among the mourners reconsidered its anticipation of a long overdue brawl. . . .

    . . . for about four seconds.

    "Who do they think they are?" and "It's not their fight," grumbled through the locals while the off-planet attendees, seeing an opportunity, began discreetly moving toward the exits. The consensus among the would-be antagonists was that they were quite willing to fight the outsiders for their right to fight amongst themselves.
    Ah, those dang Jedi getting in the way. [face_shame_on_you]

    So everyone had weapnons after all, not surprising. But then they were throwing underwear?! :eek: [face_laugh]

    Good thing the cheering almost drowned out the chanting, people might have started rethinking having given up their weapons. [face_laugh]
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    again a very funny update [face_laugh][face_laugh] and underwear?[face_laugh]
  3. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi took their usual fighting stances, back to back, standing highest in the group on the steps. The only thing they lacked was a breeze to blow their robes back dramatically and a swell of background music.

    [face_laugh] I am still laughing trying to type this.

    I just know Obi-Wan hated giving up his lightsaber. Another amazing story.


  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi took their usual fighting stances, back to back, standing highest in the group on the steps. The only thing they lacked was a breeze to blow their robes back dramatically and a swell of background music.

    [face_laugh] =D=
  5. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Cole_Kenobi: Jedi should have background music. :D And while the funeral wasn't exactly a rock concert, undergarments seemed like an appropriate thing for the audience to throw once things got going. Thanks for the reply!

    Bastet: Thanks; glad you liked it! Those Jedi just get in the way of everyone's fights. And I suppose underwear could be considered a weapon. [face_mischief]

    earlybird-obi-wan: I suppose that once people started throwing things, they just got carried away. [face_mischief] Thanks for the reply!

    azizah: Well, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sort of poster-boys for the Jedi. All they need is background music. :) Thanks for reading!

    VaderLVR64: Thank-you! :)


  6. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    *<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>* - - - Part 5


    "He was disgusting!" Obi-Wan Kenobi exclaimed, exasperated with the unquestioning adulation that Zamtoe, Minee and Boraku spoke of Salabatio Onn with. "Masters, I accept that he did brilliant things. But he smelled bad, was constantly intoxicated, and he peed on my boots."

    "He peed on my boots, too," Boraku admitted.

    Five average sized Jedi sheltered by the base of the funeral bier with Enling's bulk and six huge arms serving as a protective wall from the revelry around them. Occasionally a shoe or cup or fashionable accessory would fall in their midst and they would toss it back out again.

    "And those clubs he and his cohorts went to were quite disturbing," Zamtoe added his own less-flattering remembrance of Onn.

    "He was disgusting," Minee agreed with Obi-Wan. "Even back then when he was at least physically attractive, when he could strip in public and get some admiring looks from members of his own species. But that was mostly youth. He reveled in his invincibility with the most poisonous substances. Not an ability that improves with age."

    Obi-Wan stared at them, astonished. Zamtoe, Boraku and Minee had only spoken of Onn in the most admiring ways.

    "You think we didn't notice that Salabatio Onn could be a walking pile of forshup droppings, youngling?" Boraku asked, her eyes glinting amidst her gray wrinkles.

    Obi-Wan refrained from saying anything about the 'youngling' remark.

    "I have only heard you speaking about Onn's accomplishments. I was not sure that you were aware of his. . . .failings."

    "Aah! How could anyone not notice?" Minee scoffed and tossed a long damp article of clothing that had landed on her knee back out to splat on the floor behind her. "He drank three wim-beers with breakfast, sampled other people's medications for amusement, without asking permission, and he would inhale anything."

    "But, but why would anyone wish to be with someone like that?" Obi-Wan asked. A small, cool soft something bounced off his head, but he ignored it.

    "Because he loved living so much. And he made other people feel the same way, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon answered with a smile. "He made people laugh, he entertained them and he enjoyed everything he did, with his whole being. And that is very attractive. I know you sensed it."

    Obi-Wan nodded reluctantly. When he wasn't insulting or cursing them, Onn had been a popular comrade to of the streets, the dingy cantinas and living blocks of the nearby city. He seemed to have a fantastic ability to sympathize with their lives, almost as if he were clan mates. They had laughed at Onn's stories and cheerfully given him handouts. Onn had been a natural performer, living in the moment of his actions with complete sincerity, though Obi-Wan had not found much of his humor very funny. Gossipy tales of anatomical incompatibility and rude hand gestures were not to his taste.

    "It wasn't his inspiring oratory that allowed Salabatio Onn to stop a war, though it certainly helped," Boraku said. "He knew all the antagonists and commanders in the conflict. Through his intellect and connections to the Citadel, he knew them. He dined with them, sponged off of their generosity, got completely pissed with them, had sex with them and their families. When Salabatio Onn spoke, they listened because they knew him and he knew them. And their vices."

    Obi-Wan well remembered the prefects, commissioners and officials who had cringed in horror when Onn jumped onto the negotiating table two years ago, his trembling finger pointing at each one as he eloquently hinted at what he knew about each of them. Qui-Gon had tried to stop him, but Onn had oiled his limbs earlier for a body weaving game with two stout Humans and a tall thin Quertminati. Qui-Gon, his hands covered with globby, golden grease had been unable to catch himself and had fallen crashing into a table of refreshments. Onn had later bemoaned the loss of so many fine liquids and semi-solids and had tried to lick off some of the exc
  7. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    WOW [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh] a nice ending to a funny story. Great job.
  8. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Aw, that was great! :D

    That was funny how all the Jedi were huddling behind Enling in the beginning, but stuff kept dropping on them anyway. Eww... [face_sick] [face_laugh] Poor guy, this was his first mission?! [face_laugh]

    I loved the description of the Jedi as a brown cloud of sobriety, too funny. [face_laugh] Good thing the drunken revelers had them around to help out afterward. 8-}

    Great ending, ardavenport! Thanks for sharing this story with us! :D [face_love]
  9. Cole_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2005
    star 2
    Ahah. This story in it's whole was quite humorous and enjoyable to read. Splendid job.
  10. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    A great ending! A perfect story! [face_laugh] I had to laugh at this because it brought back a funny memory:

    "He peed on my boots, too," Boraku admitted.


    I once met a really nice guy when my puppy peed on his shoes. :D We dated for almost a year. This brought that right back. Thanks for a little trip down memory lane. ;)

    =D=
  11. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    This was a great story. I loved the bar scene at the end. Your imagination must run 24/7 to come up with some of this stuff, it is wonderful.

    azizah
  12. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    I'm really late replying here, but costume season is done for now and I'll get caught up eventually.

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks so much! :)

    Bastet: Thank-you! Enling did well on his first mission and I'm sure all the others appreciated the extra-large padawan. Jedi don't seem to me to be party animals and in a group they would just tend to reinforce that.

    Cole_Kenobi: Thanks and thanks for reading!

    VaderLVR64: Aaaaaah, puppies can actually make peeing on boots cute. Glad the story brought back a good memory. :) Thanks for the reply!

    azizah: Thank-you! I have lots more material that I need to put into stories. [face_mischief]

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.