Amph [Dear God No] Fifty Shades of Grey: The Movie

They actually found two people desperate enough to be cast in an adaptation of this pile of crap.

The worst part is that the male lead is Charlie Hunnam. I just hope they paid him a very, very big pile of money to compensate him for the fact he's about to put a substantial bullet in his career. He had something with Pacific Rim, not to mention Sons of Anarchy.

The female lead is apparently Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith's daughter. For some very unsavoury reason, this strikes me as having considerable serendipity.

Movie's for release next August, so this one'll have even less production values than Superman vs. Batman

Wonder how the tampon scene's going to be handled.

 

Isn't there, like, plenty of BDSM porn and fan fiction already? Are there bored, horny people who still don't know how to use the internet?

Oh well, I guess if something like Pacific Rim gets greenlit...

 

I surmise that a 40 year old Miley Cyrus will star in the inevitable reboot.

 

Emmanuelle was tremendously popular in the 70s. Nothing new under the sun. I guess it's time for the BDSMplotaition genre to return.

 

Oh for the days when Charlie Hunnam was a good actor. Nicholas Nickleby anyone?

EDIT: I suppose that isn't fair since I haven't been watching Sons of Anarchy; he may be really good on there, who knows? I was just surprised at how bland he was in Pacific Rim. And now this?

 

Couldn't they cast, like Actual porn stars for this?

 

They already tried making a mainstream movie with porn stars. Lindsay Lohan wound up Lindsay Lohan-ing it.

 

...so much so that James Deen turned out to be the best actor on the production, not to mention the most professional. Er...yeah.

 

I want the movie to fail only to spare us the tsunami of marketing, annoying stories in the media, etc. if its a hit.

 

Please, you know this is going to come with the full force of a tidal wave and explode everywhere due to popularity.

 

I hope there's a new toy line for these movies.

 

I get it! Like women being aroused.

 

Fixed that for you.

 

You use that site often Dan?

 

No, I'm just aware of it because a podcast I listen to shills a promo code for them, that's all.

 

Hmmmmm

 

Prequel comic or GTFO.

 

6 seasons and a movie?

 

Savage Lovecast? I love that one.

Anyway, I really hate this whole pop culture phenomenon. I fear female sexuality. I don't like to think about them having their own desires.

 

So will this be like Fatal Attraction where it's a horror film for males?

 

Doesn't it just make you so mad that so many hot single ladies choose a book series over lonely internet geeks. How dare they enjoy this movie that clearly won't even come close to porn because of the contents of the book which you didn't read but feel entitled to bitterly rage about!

 

But I'm a nice guy.

 

Hot single ladies? The people I saw reading it were middle-aged moms.

 

I'll only see this if George Takei narrates the whole thing.

 

As opposed to all the other piles of crap that's out there?

Some people aren't interested in watching adult films.

There's an actual porn parody, though it's not parody. It's even a subject of a lawsuit since it pretty much uses the book wholesale.

Yep. That's the difference between watching a film and reading a book, for women. Many a woman prefer the book as they can fantasize about being involved, whereas those that enjoy movies just enjoy seeing naked bodies, in ridiculous poses and filled with lots of grunting. It's why romance novels have been so popular for years.