Death Star Disco Lounge(AU, Post NJO, Humour)-Now on Ep. IV: The Posters Strike Back

Fast Tahi. In more ways than one...

 

Darth_Flair walks into Death Star disco. Notes the ensuing brawl, turns around walks right back to starship and takes off for saner corner of the galaxy.

I hate disco.

 

ROTFL!!! *falls out of seat laughing*

Okay...i like this. the nutty half? Should I post to this thread with both my names, Moff_D?

****

Screams echo as the melee continues.

"Geez that hurts!" Twilight screams as Jacen slams into her. Growling, she slugs Jacen and kicks him in the head. She continual beats at him screaming. He yells as every blow hits him, but he nails a blow-knocking Twilight over. As he moves to jump her, Twilight kicks him back and throws herself to her feet. She then punches at him and kicks him hard in the chest.

"You stupid, stupid, stubborn brat!! This is for your lack of intelligence. This is because no one pays attention to my fics or posts!!! And this is for me cause its your fault being as dumb as you are!!!!"

Before she can get her hands around his neck, a strong pair of arms wrap around her middle and pulls her away from Jacen.

"Let me go!! That stupid brainwashed Jedi needs some sense knocked back into him!!!" Twilight screams. Looking behind her she finds her self face to face with Luke Skywalker. "Oh, by the Force. I'm so dead."

Moff_D, trying not to be taken down, ducks under the arm of Jaina Solo. She glares at him and leaps at him to bring him down. He easily dodges the attack and waits for to come at him again. Which she does. As she rushed at him, Moff_D simply flips her over her shoulder into the middle of a brawl behind him.

Hearing her cry of pain, he winces.
"Oooh, that had to hurt."

Over by the bar, he hears Twilight/Amidala screaming and another person yelling, and he curses.
//Wait at minute that sounds like she's angry as anything. Who is she killing?//

Running over he sees her taking down Jacen Solo and Luke Skywalker coming up behind her.

"Twilight!!!"

EDIT: I can't spell. Grrr...bitterness.

 

In the middle of the floor Jacen stood back to back with his twin, both of them fending off a now revived and enraged Darth Guy, and Darth Karde.

"These guys aren't half bad," commented Jaina, in between punches.

Jacen ducked a high lob from Karde. "You know what really hacks me off?"

"No," grunted Jaina, twisting to avoid a midriff kick from Darth Guy.

"Bloody Anakin. Look at him! Here's us having to fight for our lives, while he gets to lie down with four girls on top of him."

Jaina threw a quick glance over at her younger brother, who had not only Tahi and Satine on him, but now also Jedi of Twilight and her friend "Tahiri".

"Well that's the price you pay for being a stud," she replied drily.

"Why can't I get that sort of treatment?" bleated Jacen.

"Well," Jaina chuckled. "You can certainly pull the birds, Brother, they're just not quite the right sort of birds."

Anakin although apparently prostrate and powerless began to analyse the situation, and with his normal aplomb, came up with a solution. Two things were obvious: renegade moffs like Moff_D would have to be prevented from continuing to blow up planets, but at the same time, the peace with the majority of Imperials should be maintained. He turned his head sideways and cleared his throat.

"Um, girls. You know you can't win this by just sitting here, and that you're eventually going to have to get up and fight."

"We don't mind," said "Tahiri", "we'll just enjoy the pleasure while we can."

"We're not really into the exploding planet thing anyway," added Satine. It's a boy thing - we only came along because we'd heard the rumours that you were alive, and we though maybe Moff_D's activities might flush you out."

"And they did," said Twilight triumphantly.

"So you'll work with me?" Asked Anakin.

"Well, we've been keeping you alive in our stories, so we're hardly going to want to kill you now," said Tahi.

"That's logical," said Anakin. "Thanks for all the stories by the way."

"Our pleasure," chorused all four girls. "So - you're the man, what's the plan?" And they clambered back up to their feet, allowing Anakin to get up too.

"Well, the first thing for me to do is to rescue Tahiri from your amorous friend," Anakin began. But just as he began to move over to Alman, the two began negotiating their way past a tangle of bodies being thrown around by Luke and Mara.

"You OK?" Anakin reached out to squeeze Tahiri's arm.

"Actually I'm fine - Alman's been telling me about the next story he wants to write about us - wanna hear it?"

"Later," smiled Anakin. "Right now we need to formulate a plan to foil Moff_D. Any ideas?"


Well - any ideas? What will they do?

 

Ohh this is too much fun. I have to find a way over....wait !
Rebadams7 contacts her Sensei - who agrees to hold down the fort so she & her healer better half can finaly get to dance.

They slide into the doorway
"Rats, my dance foiled again"
"Relax hon, they'll play Lady in Red after the "floor show", just wait."
"But they're my Friends!"
"Help them you can, but all you dance for would be lost..."
They hunker in the doorway, watching

 

You're all completely free to ignore this, but I'm just in a silly mood.


~~~

It came, sniffing.

It could smell its prey.

It had to kill it.

Sniff...sniff... Ah! There...

~~~

Jaina and Anakin watched in a rather baffled fashion, along with Twilight, Satine, Tahi, and everyone else, as a big cow attacked Jacen.

"Ahhhhh!" Jacen yelled. "It's a big cow -- "

Before Jacen could say whatever he was going to say about the big cow, he was knocked over by the raging animal and fell unconscious.

No one made a move to help Jacen as the cow sat on Jacen and proceeded to chew on his head.

Instead, Jaina found a holocam and started to film the cow. "Jacen would never forgive me if I didn't," she explained to the others. "You know, all that 'love the animals' stuff."

Everyone nodded in sudden enlightenment and continued to watch the big cow chewing on Jacen's head.

"That cow's gotta be evil," Twilight muttered as they all watched blankly.

Vergere suddenly ran in and then stopped abruptly, her facade becoming one of serenity. "There is no evil."

Suddenly the big cow got up -- at an amazing speed -- ran Vergere down, and then sat on her too. The big cow chewed on Vergere's leg.

"Ah no you don't," Vergere said, pointing a stick-weapon at the big cow. From the stick-thing, a portable Embrace of Pain emerged and tortured the big cow.

The big cow mooed in pain and passed out, because being a cow, it wasn't really made for that kind of torture-device.

Everyone breathed in relief that the cow wasn't concious.

Tesar Sebatyne ran in suddenly, cut the cow down from the Embrace of Pain, and proceeded to drag the cow away towards the kitchens, hissing "Dinner!" and laughing, although no one else really found it that funny.

Jacen eventually woke up and had to be treated for several broken bones and a concussion, but nothing unfortunately that a bacta tank couldn't heal.

Vergere later had a run in with Tesar Sebatyne, and was sadly knocked out and cooked for the next week's meal ("KFC!" hissed Tesar).

Jaina got the whole event on film and then sent it into "The Galaxy's Funniest Holovids" and they all won an award for the vid entitled "Attack of the Cow."







~~~

I think that's enough of that. Sorry that was weird. I'm in a really silly mood and I think at least half of you know that I hate cows. I don't know why, there's just something about cows that makes me not like them....

Oh and I normally don't write this bad. It's just... taking a very blunt and curt tone when you're telling about a cow attack seemed to suit it...or something. Anyway... This is me, shutting up...

 

*is sad he did not get to have the KFC*

 

*spews Pepsi*

Okay, this is freakin' hilarious. You've got my attention. Keep going!

 

"not the right kind of bird" LOL Tahi

This is going quite well...now to add to it.

Sure I have more important things to do but this is way more fun...

 

ROTHLMAO!!!!

If I was the fictional character me I would put:

I was ON him! Ahhh! I've died and gone to heaven. *happy sigh*



A cow !!!

 

Moff_D crawled out from the mass of bodies on the floor. He noticed two regulars who had yet to join the fray. They were sitting at the bar and calmly drinking.
Moff straightened his tunic and staggered over.
"Well, well...Nightbrother...Rogue Ten...glad to see you're here. I hope this little affair isn't disturbing your evening?"
"Not at all," replied Nightbrother, "I'm enjoying the atmosphere actually."
"Yes," concurred Rogue Ten, "we're waiting until you need the big guns."
"Oh, really...in that case..." Moff turned to the doorway and its two newly arrived occupants, "Hey Han, Leia, these two guys here say that Chewbacca was the biggest, dumbest, smelliest, cowardly wookie who ever lived...and the Millenium Falcon is nothing but a bondo bucket!"
"Moff! You dirty bas--" Rogue Ten's exhultation went uncompleted as four bodies went tumbling over the bar.
"Hehehe," Moff laughed to himself while brushing his hands together, "big guns my a--," and was promptly met by a swift kick to his midsection. "Oooo, " Moff whined while looking up, "I should have known--Tahiri, the Tatooine Tart!"
"Tart?!" exclaimed Tahiri. "Tart?! I'll have you know I'm more than a tart why Anakin and I have been friends forever and we have been on so many adventures together and we've always done so well together it was destined for us to be soul mates and then we had to come here to your stupid Lounge because you're blowing up stupid planets and you destroyed the cottage and made every one mad and..."
Moff grew dizzy under the barrage of words and slowly looked down. Aha he thought, now's my chance! He slowly raised his right foot and slammed it down on Tahiri's bare left foot. Tahiri's stream of consciousness ceased in mid-sentence, replaced by her sudden hopping up and down on one leg.
Across the way Darth Karde slipped on the puddle of saliva surrounding an unconscious Jacen Solo's head. An odd development thought Karde. He rose to face a laughing Jaina, who for some reason had been filming the whole thing. "Prepare yourself, Force Witch!"
Jaina stopped laughing and put the camera down. "You're kidding, right?"
"Not at all. I am more than a match for the likes of you."
"Oookkkaaayy. You're funeral pal." Jaina started towards Karde only to be sent flying by the chair that was broken over her back. CeeWulf stood holding scraps of chair in both hands.
"Nice work, Ollie!" said a smiling (???) Darth Karde.
"You're welcome Stan." replied CeeWulf. "Look there," he pointed to Anakin and his collection of groupies, "the women are up to something!"

 

The women are up to something

Hmm. Wonder what that can be!

 

*Taps Moff D on the shoulder, but then punches him when he turns around*

It'll take me some time to regenerate that arm I lost to Han. Let's see if you can regenerate your arms, shall we?

*Falls on Moff D, pummeling him with remaining fist*

 

Well, I didn't know about this place, but since I've been so frequently featured in this little opus, I thought I'd add my two cents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CeeWulf and DarthKarde watch as the women, clinging to Anakin as if he was the Dali Lama himself, wiggled their way through the malee. Their bodies pressed closely to Anakin, the heat of the disco causing them to sweat through their tight clothing.

"Hey, Karde, you noticing the temperature in here?" CeeWulf asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yes, now that you mention it," Karde said, looking around at all the others in the room. Everyone was sweating.

"Think we should be concerned?" CeeWulf said.

"Naaah," Karde responded. "Wanna get a beer?"

CeeWulf shrugged. "Sure."

***

Jaina walked over to her twin and helped him up. He had removed his shirt and wiped the thick, gelatinous saliva from his face. "Thanks a lot, sis," he said, annoyed.

"No problem," Jaina chuckled at her brother. She then grabbed her shirt and pulled it from her skin, cooling herself in the process. "What's with the heat?"

"Don't know, I've had my head stuffed in a cow's mouth for the past twenty minutes," Jacen said.

***

Anakin and the girls worked their way across the Disco Dance floor. The women stayed close to him, very close. "Don't worry, Anakin, nothing's going to happen to you," Satine said. "You died once, but you're not going anywhere now."

"Thanks," Anakin said. "Oh, by the way, I like that school girl uniform."

"Okay, so what's this plan of yours?" asked Tahi.

"Well, it's a little complicated, but we're gonna need two bottles of Rum, a screw driver and a midget with a camera," Anakin said.

"Will an Ewok do?" Tahi asked.

"Sure," Anakin said.

"Well, look who just walked in," Tahi said, pointing towards the door.

 

Midget with a camera? CORRAN HORN!!!

 

The schoolgirl outfit! Good call CeeWulf

 

LOL - Corran Horn! Omigosh - two bottles of rum and a screwdriver - now that's got me thinking!!! OK - here goes nothing.


Anakin narrowed his ice blue eyes and regarded the ewok closely. "Vaping Moffs - it's Lieutenent Kettch." He grinned his famous grin, making the girls clinging on to various parts of him go weak at the knees. "And where's there's Kettch - there's . . . Wes Janson."

As if on cue, Janson walked into the room. He threw a glance around the room and took in the various clusters of people: Jacen covered in some indescribable foamy fluid, and Jaina laughing uproariously and filming a hopping Tahiri, who was being followed enthusiastically by a train of newcomers. Obviously they thought she'd invented a new dance, and so they had formed a long train behind her and were mimicking her hops.

Janson turned his gaze towards Anakin, and approached. "Well, well," said the cheeky pilot. "Look who's climbed back out of the woodwork. They say you can't keep a good man down, and by the looks of it they're right." He gave Anakin a sly slap on the shoulder, and leaned close to whisper something in his ear.

Anakin blushed a little. "Well you know how it is Janson - all these girls hanging all over me. I mean, I'm only human."

"So what's the plan again, Anakin?" prompted Satine. "And why do we need two bottles of rum?"

"Make it three," said Janson cheerily, "and count me in."

"I'm very curious about the screwdriver," murmured Tahi.

Janson grinned widely. "So am I."

 

Two bottles of rum and a screw driver? Is that anything like two turn tables and a microphone? (Where's it at?!)

EDIT: I wonder how many of you, (if any), got that reference.

 

Beck...He's the DJ.
(The Bith of course, not the Human)

 

Satine rushed off and returned with three bottles of rum. "OK" she said. "We have the rum and we have the ewok, or at least we had the ewok . . . " She looked around curiously.

"There he is," said Twilight, pointing. Lieutenant Kettch had joined the danceres behind Tahiri. But when he went to pass by Jacen, he stopped, went rigid, and began to sniff him all over.

"Er, Jaina," said Jacen nervously. "Why is this ewok sniffing me."

"Dunno," said his sister, foussing the holocam on her brother again. "Maybe he thinks you're a cow, or maybe it's the odour of chicken he likes. Maybe you should give up on the animal influence, Jace. It seems to cause you a lot of trouble."

 

Tahiri knows my secrets! AHHHHHH!!!

And you only think that exchange was innocent...

 

This is all in fun, right? Okay, here goes. BTW, I figured some others needed some screen time, even if it was just a cameo for now.






*Suddenly WL stands down from fighting position.

"Hey, why aren't you fighting," asks a confused Satine.

"I think I told you, I'm a lover not a fighter(not disco I know, but still a cool line). Must have been those two drinks," he remarks as he walks over to the bar to talk to CeeWulf and DarthKarde. "Man, they're right, never mix light and dark. I don't even know why they're fightin. They should be dancin, yeah."

"Join in the fun. Have a beer," Karde says.

"Nah, too many calories. I'll be healthy and have the usual. Hey DarthGuy, double of Absolut on the rocks, with a slice of lemon on the side."

CeeWulf looks at WraithLead quizzically. "You know, a few more of those, and you'll be no good to your friends back there. They say, Absolut power corrupts absolutely."

Just then a couple more people walk into the lounge.

"Hey wahts going on. Logn time no see," the first one says.

"Hamtaro...What are you doin here? Hey isn't that Cheklev walking by outside?" Wraithlead gets a cruel sense of humor after a few drinks, people notice. He laughs as Hamtaro runs out of the lounge and disappears for a few more weeks, and WL nearly falls out of his seat.

Then the second person runs up to Rogue Ten at the other end of the bar. He's apparently screaming at the top of his lungs, though nobody but Rogue Ten pays attention except to not that he was pretty obnoxious. After the unnecessarily loud new character leaves CeeWulf, DarthKarde, and WraithLead walk over to Rogue Ten.

"What was that all about," CeeWulf says.

"Some guy claiming his name was JohnWilliamsFan. Said he loves the taste Spam. Canned meat of some sort. I tried it, liked it for a while, got tired of it." Rogue Ten galnces over at the fight, still going surprisingly strong after all this time. "How long they gonna fight anyway?"

"I thought it was almost over when Anakin and Wes started talking, but now they seem more interested in finishing the rum instead of the fight. Who knows," came WraithLead's answer.

"I do," said someone previously minding his own business. "I just got word from an insider, one of the regulars over at the FASFO thread who, of course, wants to remain nameless. He said that Corran Horn was on his way. Since he knows everything, including all of Anakin's faults and weaknesses, he could put an end to this fight real quick-like. My insider said Corran was going to--"

A loud thud renders the man unconscious. DP4M stands at the bar, as the informant's tale was ended prematurely. "NO SPOILERS." Then a flash of the badge. "Spoiler Police. Nothing to see here people. Back to your drinks."

"Wait, don't you want to stop the fight?"

"Out of my jurisdiction." With that DP4M was walking out of the bar, dragging behind him the mystery informant in stun-cuffs, muttering to himself. "If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times....."

With that bit of amusement over, the patrons of the bar turn their attention back to the fight.

 

"What did you - hic - need two bottles of rum for, Anakin?" asked Twilight curiously.

"Well - hic," admitted Anakin, "I actually - hic - only needed one. But I thought we could drink the other as a gesture of bon - hic - homie to celebrate our getting together - a very important concept in the NJO - hic." He nestled Tahiri, who had fallen asleep, against his shoulder.

"Oh - hic. Then what did Janson order the extra bottle for?" asked Satine, lazily raising her head from the table.

Janson swilled his last mouthful of rum, and let the contents slip down his throat slowly, savouring the glow it caused. "That was for us to celebrate me arriving," he grinned. "OK. What's the plan?"

Anakin regarded him with narrowed eyes as if trying to remember who he was. "What plan?"

"Your plan - to - hic - foil Moff_D," explained Tahi. "Or was it to soil Moff_D?"

"Perhaps it was to boil Moff_D," said "Tahiri" helpfully.

"It might have been boil," said Tahi thoughtfully. "Perhaps we were going to boil him in rum, but then why would we need the screwdriver?"

"Or the midget with the camera?" asked Twilight.

"Perhaps we were going to produce a recipe book - a sort of version of the Naked Chef, especially for people who are vertically - hic - challenged," suggested "Tahiri".

"Moff_D kebabs soaked in rum," murmured Tahi dreamily. "That would explain the screwdriver." She jumped in surprise as Lieutenant Kettch appeared beside her with Jaina's camera.

"OK. We have the midget and the camera. All we need now is the screwdriver," said Twilight. "Alman - any ideas where we can find one."

"I . . . " he began, but stopped when a stocky figure suddenly loomed over the table.

"I should have known I'd find you here Janson. Wherever there's trouble, there you are."

Janson leapt to his feet gleefully. "Corran! Long time, no see!" He pumped his hand and then thumped him on the shoulder.

Corran turned his attention to the table. "What's the big idea, Anakin? Do you realise the trouble you've caused pulling off this fake death?"

"Yeah, sorry Corran. But I was finding it a bit difficult being surrounded by Jedi, you know, getting into my head and second-guessing me all the time. Think back to when you were getting it together with Mirax - would you have wanted Jedi around, poking their noses - hic - in all the time?"

Corran scrutinised him shrewdly. "I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone in that locker. I've had a bad feeling about that ever since."

"Oh cobblers, Corran - hic," said Tahi. "That was the best moment in the whole NJO. Now quit pontificating and sit down and help us. After all, you're ex-Corsec, so this is your bag, baby." She grabbed him by the collar and turned his head towards Moff_D. "Planet-killing Moff on the loose." She twisted his head the other way. "Ewok with camer. One and a half bottles of rum. With the helpful addition of a screwdriver, how can we stop Moff_D and save the galaxy?"

Corran stared at her levelly for a long moment, and then calmly poured himself a drink. "Good question," he said cryptically.



Will they really turn Moff_D into kebabs? Will Anakin remember his plan? Does Corran like strong women? Answers anyone?

 

Healer and Reb(Rebadams7)
strolled over to the group.
"Rum, huh, at least its the good kind. Healer began to eye Jacen's injuries and then Tahiri's foot.
"Gonna need to ice that, girl your not gonna stand on it for a standard week otherwise." He saunterd to the bar and ordered a buket of ice and a shot of Ouzo.
Reb peered over the group, "I heard call for a scredriver. Phillips or regular?"
Anakin looked surprised at the woman in red.
"You're not MARA are you?"
"Nah"
"But you carry screwdrivers around in bars?"
"Nope, but in my transport, outside. I just want to make one trip, that's all"
"Choose and act!"
Healer plunked the ice at Tahiri's feet and ordered "Put that foot in here young lady!"
Tahiri giggled"Whats the shot for?"
"Me, you try taking out a lady for an evening and she allways finds something to tinker with!"
"In that dress"
"She pays no mind till the job is done."
Just then the music starts again and a few couples move to the floor.
"Anakin, let me know what kind you wa..."
Reb's voice trailed off as the healer picked her up and caried her off to the dance floor
"We did want to dance? isn't that why we came honey?"
"Mmmhumm" as she buried her head in his shoulder. They swirled slowly out of range.

 

ROTFL-oh this is too good. HMMM, let's see....
****

"Okay, we're drunk, we need a screw driver-we don't have one right? Also need-hic-um...what do we-hic-need-?" Twilight stops as she gets up too fast and falls on Wes, who smiles. The others roll their eyes hoping she'll come back to her senses. She's much more deadly when she actually remains conscious.

"We need a plan on how to-hic-take down Moff_D," Tahi reminds everyone looking enivously at "Tahiri" still asleep on Anakin's shoulder. "Corran, are you sure you-hic-can think of-hic-something."

"Give me a few moments, I'm thinking...I'm thinking," he replies stroking his chin thoughtfully.

"Think harder," Satine says, looking like she's in heaven, as she looks into Anakin's eyes as he gives her a drunken smile.

"Okay, we can do this-hic-just need the screwdriver, right?" Anakin says looking a Tahi.
"You said that before," she replies looking at him curiously.
"So I did."


Moff_D watches Wes, Corran, Anakin, and Anakin's groupies warily, knowing they are up to something that doesn't bode well for him. He glares at the four women.

"Bloody traitors, and I was so hoping I could use Twilight to take a few people out. She was doing pretty well hurting Jacen until Skywalker decided to step in and send her "after" Anakin. What to do, what to do?"

The others at the bar look at him confused at his sudden musing. They shrug and look at the door wondering if Dp4m will come back. He certaintly took care of spoilers rather harshly.
//Well it sucks to be him// CeeWulf thinks with a grin. He turns to Moff_D agin when he starts laughing wickedly.
"What the-?"


"Uh, oh. Why is Moff_D laughing?" Tahi says looking over at the bar.
"He's going to come after us-hic- isn't he?" Satine says. Corran frowns looking subltly at Moff_D, wondering what he's up too.

"That's not good," Twilight mutters still on Wes lap, glaring at him for she would rather be on Anakin's lap.

"We have to-hic-think of something!" Anakin cries.

"What?" Wes asks looking at him.