Death Star Disco Lounge(AU, Post NJO, Humour)-Now on Ep. IV: The Posters Strike Back

Darth Vader and Darth_Guy, their feet up on the coffee table in Vader's quarters with a bowl of purple popcorn between them and ales in hand, flipped through the channels of the HoloNet.

"So, you got the Playjawa channel on this puppy?" Guy asked.

"No, but I do have Penthomestead," Vader said with a chuckle. But, he attention was captured by the image on GNN - the Galactic News Network.

"Is that Moff and Alman?" Guy said, sitting forward as he gazed at his friends. "They're going to bring you back."

"Was I gone?" Vader asked, confused.

"We better get to Mon Calimari, and fast," Guy said.

 

"I gather you know how to operate this thing?" Vader enquired.

"Er, actually, no," admitted Guy. "But there must be an operations manual around somewhere."

"Operations manual!" spluttered Vader. "I can't be bothered with that. Let's just hotwire it."

"You're the boss," Guy shrugged.

"I like the sound of that," smiled Vader. "Now, lead me to bridge, and find me a microadjuster."

"E.T phone - aahh!"

"This'll do the trick," said Guy grabbing the little creature and balancing it on his shoulder. "It's micro and I'm sure we can ram it into whatever needs adjusting."

Hmm. I find your ingenuity gratifying Guy, most gratifying. You and I make an excellent team."

Twenty minutes later the Death Star began to move, slowly at first, but then it gathered momentum and soon had approached light speed. In its wake, Vader caught sight of the mystery planet Zonama Sekot."

"Interesting," he mused, rubbing his chin with his long fingers. "We have us a convoy."

****

Omas approached the milling crowd and flashing lights, attempting to fathom out what was going on. Some of the people were familiar to him, but there were a number of faces he had never seen before.

". . . a breach of the rights of the common citizen," he heard Rebadams saying in her reasoned but authoritative tone.

"Down with bureaucracy!" several voices shouted.

"You can't ignore the will of the masses!" shouted somebody else.

"What's going on here?" demanded Omas. He sighted Moff_D and Alman, the two sign holders, and began to move towards them. Suddenly his way was blocked by a very angry Twilight.

"You lowdown piece of scum!" she hissed. "Ban the message boards at your peril."

Omas was about to reply when a little boy and girl skipped out of the grasp of two people standing just beyond the crowd.

"Daddy and Mummy!" they both shouted gleefully. They reached out their arms, and Omas saw a young man and woman emerge, equally joyfully, from the mass of bodies. He stared in total disbelief. The man looked like Anakin Solo - but that was impossible. He was dead. Wasn't he? Omas caught sight of the sign and its threat to resurrect Darth Vader. A few minutes ago he would have laughed at the stupidity of such a statemen, but now he wasn't so sure. Here was one Jedi back from the dead - who could say they couldn't bring another one to life.

"Who's that man?" asked the little boy, noticing Omas, who by now was standing by himself in a space in the middle of the crowd.

"That's Senator Omas, Rollo," explained his mother.

"Omas," said the little boy, regarding the Senator with amusement in his green eyes. "Oma, oma, oma!"

"Oma, omamamama," the little blue-eyed girl picked up the chant. "Mama!" she cried jubilantly, raising her arms above her head.

Han nudged Leia and grinned his lop-sided smile. "This is going to be good. Doesn't Omas know the rule about never appearing on camera with kids?"

 

Reb angled the camera to give just the right angle. Th Seantor seemed to loom mnacingly and the kids were, just adaorable - Han & Leia moved toward them
"The 'net will eat the kids stuff up" Han dropped drily
"They are Solo's - this is just their introduction to how our family seems to live" Leia commented
"Yeah, moving out to a country estate and watching things go isn't our style."
"No Kidding! flyboy" Leia mused hapily As they drew near the kids - Anakin turned and called
"Hey grandad!"
Han only grimaced slighly.

 

Someone in the back of the group, 'Tahiri' most likely, seized the moment: "Won't somebody please think of the children?"
Moff, seeing the opening, built on the idea. "Yes! The children! Kids like little Rollo and...the girl-"
"Mehitabelle." whispered Anakin.
"Mehitabelle," Moff added without missing a beat, "why it could mean the end of them--and everything!"
"What are you talking about? The Message Boards Law seems harmless enough. What's the problem?" Cal Omas looked puzzled.
"Cal," Luke started, "normally I wouldn't associate with people like this, " Luke jerked his thumb to point over his shoulder at the motley assembly behind him, "but heed their words. There is more here than meets the eye."
Omas appeared thoughtful for a moment. "I trust you Luke but you know I can't make any arbitrary decisions. Decide amongst yourselfs who should appeal to the Senate."
Shouts of support and derision rained out from the crowd of gathered onlookers, just as CeeWulf finally made contact with the group. He touched Obi-Wan on the shoulder, "Listen, there are some strange characters about. We should investigate."
Obi-Wan nodded his agreement. "Right then. We'll need some help...I'll grab Wes, WraithLead, Twilight and..."
"Darth Karde," CeeWulf cut in, "gotta have Karde."
"Fine." Obi-Wan had assembled the group in a few moments and apprised them of the situation. He got the attention of Moff and Alman and pantomimed their intent. Moff and Alman nodded in understanding...
--------------------------------------------

"You're driving me crazy!" an exasperated Jacen exclaimed. Mini-Yoda chuckled.
"What, no rhyme?" asked Jacen
"No point I saw, annoyed you are...ha ha!"
"That was even dumber than one of my jokes." Jacen muttered to himself.
"Although it's a shame, enough of these games. The time is closing for one not so chosen."
"Wha-? Oh, I get it. You're saying we'll be needed elsewhere, right?" Jacen looked at Mini-Yoda. Mini-Yoda nodded his head in agreement. "Alright, let's go."
"Don't forget our new found vassal. Peter you called him--the Dovin Basal."
Jacen winced. Mini-goof will turn me to the Dark Side if he keeps this up he thought...

 

Luke patted Moff_D on the shoulder and indicated to the remaining members of the group to gather round.

"OK, guys," said Luke in a low voice. "Omas has given us the OK to approach the Senate. Who are we going to send?"

"Your best bet is to pick people who can appeal to different sections of the audience," said Wedge sagely. "Rebadams has the political savvy, Anakin, Tahiri and their kids have pathos appeal, plus Anakin has the aura of war hero which will still count with some of the senators."

"Good point," agreed Moff_D. "Will that be enough though. Some of these NR politicians are pretty lowdown and snaky. We need someone who can create a bit of confusion."

Everyone looked thoughtful.

 

"Someone who can create confusion? Hmmm..." Tahi thought aloud, "Now where's Darth Guy when you need..." before she could finish, she was cut off by a blood-curdling scream.

As the mish-moshed group of EU fans and characters turned to see where the scream had origionated, the commotion around them grew louder and louder. Beings pointed toward the sky as an ominous shadow creeped its way along the ground.

"Look!" Moff D exclaimed, pointing and calling his companions' attention toward the sky.

"...him." Tahi said quietly, finishing the sentance she had started only seconds ago, as a smile of disbelief spread slowly across her face.

"Well, well, well," Han said, looking up and slowly shaking his head, "look who decided to join the party."

The EU fans, Rogues, Skywalkers, and Solos all adopted looks of mild amusement as the familiar outline of The Death Star crept its way across the Calamarian sky.

*********************************************

As the watery blue sphere of Mon Calimari expanded in the forward viewport, a smile forced its way to Darth Guy's lips.

"We're here!" Guy exclaimed.

"Home." Senator E.T. said longingly as he waddled over to the viewport and placed a thin brown hand on it.

"So, you want to go home, do you?" Darth Guy asked Senator E.T. enthusiastically, as if speaking to a child.

E.T. nodded.

"Well let's see if I can get you there a little faster!" Darth Guy yelled menacingly.

Before the alien could react, Guy picked E.T. up by the folds of skin at its neck and started for the airlock. Just as Guy was about to reach the airlock, he ran face first into an invisible wall.

"No," Vader intoned firmly, "the Senator may yet be of use to me."

"But..." Guy protested even as he dropped the little alien, who promptly scuttled off to take refuge at the far corner of the room. Guy considered for a moment, then decided that pressing the issue was not worth his life, "Yes Milord."

Vader did not reprimand Guy for hesitating to do his bidding. Instead, he coldly regarded the little alien Senator that sat trembling in the corner. Yes, the Dark Lord thought this one may prove very useful.

Behind his mask, Darth Vader allowed himself a small, humorless smirk.

 

*sneaks in a hides behind the bar*

*looks at the insane goings on and leaves*

 

It's not that insane! It has a plot and everything now. Del Rey will soon be knocking on the door...

 

*peaks back in*

i meant insane in a good way.....huh?

but yeah, i'd love to stay and see what u're all up to, but i gonna sleep i think

 

Where did this name come from: Mehitabelle?!!!???!!! Rollo was bad enough.LOL Anyway, this was on page 3.

********************************************

The crowd takes advantage of the temporary confusion to work toward their goals. Oddly enough, for more than a few of them, this included sneaking to the nearest hangar and stealing a blastboat to visit the Death Star.

WraithLead was heard commenting on the way, "Something about the Death Star seems less frightening when you know there is someone on board perfecting a recipe for fried Fosh. And he's a bartender, too..."

"And we did start off at a bar," Wes chimed in. "Besides, we can investigate better after a shot of the liquid confidence."

CeeWulf and Obi-Wan, desiring to keep a clear head, decided to start the search right away.

"We'll only be a few minutes, and you have a cell phone if anything happens."

Cell phone? What's that?" asked an obviously confused Obi-Wan. After a brief explanation, he decided, "That won't work here."

"Don't worry about it. The plot needs it, so we'll do it."

With that Wraithlead headed to the blastboat, paving the way for anyone who wanted a drink before the brughaha. They took off not knowing their mission would have a deeper meaning.

******************************************

Meanwhile, on the deathstar, Darth Guy was complaining. His frustration with his new 'Lord' was starting to wear away his optimism. "Last time I made drinks, everyone stared straightfaced at me," he said. "You know, I just might not make anymore drinks then. I might just take my blender and go home."

Seeing the Darth Guy's descension into the depths of anger and depression that took so much of his own liveliness, Vader looks on silently. With the passing of time, he starts to have a bout with that loathsome 'goodness' his son found in him. He realizes what is happening, but isn't the best person to comment on the pitfalls of such emotion. He also knows what's at stake, namely enjoyable dining, fast convenient service, and the drinks everyone has come to rely on.

(The plot thickens...)

******************************************

Back on the planet, CeeWulf and Obi-Wan were closing in on their prey, and waiting for the reinforcements that should only be 15 minutes away.

 

WaithLead! Your D_G stuff
(Don't take it personally D_G, it is funny)

BTW, there is a bit of a story behind Mehitabelle. Not much of one but it involves my father...although I forget exactly where the name comes from...Cats maybe? Something like that.

 

"Who, exactly, are we looking for?" Obi-Wan asked CeeWulf.
"I'm not quite sure. Two shady types in hoods. They watched me closely when I left the Falcon...creepy, actually." CeeWulf shivered.
"Odd. Why would anybody watch you?" pondered Darth Karde. "You are quite unremarkable."
"So's your mother." CeeWulf shot back.
Wes watched the exchange and then cut in, "the problem is that half the people on this planet have hoods. What do we do about that?"
"Just point me at 'em!" exclaimed Twilight. "I'll take them all on."
"An interesting approach, but I think stealth is of more use at this time," reprimanded Karde.
WraithLead nodded agreement. "What can we go on, CeeWulf?"
CeeWulf winced, "Uhhh, we'll know them when we see them?"
Obi-Wan sighed as he looked up. "Amateurs..."
--------------------------------------------

Moff D could not believe what he had just heard. "Could you repeat that, Guy?" he asked while looking at his comlink.
Guy appeared frustrated. "I said Darth Vader is with me and some weird planet is following us."
Moff thought through the scenario quickly. "Listen, keep Vader occupied but don't let him be seen. We might be able to use this. Later." Moff switched off and waved Luke over. At least this explains the sudden silence from his family. "Listen Luke, somehow, someway, your father is on my Death Star."
"Yes, I could sense his presence, I just couldn't figure out how."
"Time for that later," said Moff. "Right now we can turn this to our advantage. Let the others know, but keep it quiet."
"Will do," responded Luke.
"What's with the secrecy?" Han asked suspiciously. "You two aren't the huddle type."
Luke explained. Han's eyes went big, matching the rare look of shock on his face. "Well, I'll be a son of a Bith!" he whispered breathlessly...

 

forceaddict sits in the disco lounge drinking some beer and eating some fried fosh reading all of this and laughing histarically

it is really great guys keep it going

 

Well, I'll be a son of a Bith!

Mini-Yoda piped up in the back of the crowd, "You will be...You will be."

 

Moff_D could track the progress of the news about Vader's presence on the Death Star by the exclamations and changes in the expressions of the people in the group.

"Wow!" he heard Anakin say.

". . . Tarkin's lapdog . . ." that was Mara.

"Alive!" Leia sounded shocked, and she hugged Mehitabelle close as if to protect her.

Moff_D and Alman exchanged thoughtful glances.

"Doesn't it strike you as funny that Vader turns up just after we write a sign threatening to bring him back to life?" asked Alman in a low voice.

"Funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?" asked the Moff.

"I dunno. Which of us thought up the idea? I can't remember."

Moff_D shook his head. "Neither can I." A shiver coursed down his spine, but there was no time to spare it any more thought. The group was almost at the Senate Chamber.

"Okay, guys. Simple strategy - divide and rule," said Anakin. He bounced his son up and down. "Ready to help Daddy and Mummy, tike?" he asked.

"Yeah," Rollo's lop-sided grin looked astonishingly like his father's.

Moff_D grabbed Anakin's shoulder and placed his mouth close to the younger man's ear. "Guy's on his way. Don't know if you'll need him or not, but I'll send him in when he arrives."

Anakin nodded and gave the Moff the thumbs up. "You take the lead Rebadams," he said, "and we'll back you up."

Rebadams nodded, straightened her shoulders and led them into the Chamber. At the sight of Anakin and Tahiri the Chamber erupted into whisperings and general expressions of incredulity.

"Ah, politics," sighed Rebadams contentedly taking a long sniff of the atmosphere. This was her bag.

"Order!" called Omas. "Let these people have their say. They've travelled a long way and they have a mandate to represent the views of their group."

"What's their grievance?" demanded Fyor Rodan.

"We want you to reconsider the No Message Boards Law," stated Rebadams firmly, stepping forward and settling her forthright gaze on Rodan. "They're the last bastion for freedom in the galaxy."

"Freedom," sniggered Rodan. "Freedom to incite trouble you mean. They're nothing but a meeting place for malcontents and stirrers to gather together and preach their subversive ideas."

Out in the hallway Moff_D, Han, Leia and the others all stared at one another. "Malcontents and stirrers!" repeated "Tahiri" and Satine.

"Give me a wooden spoon and I'll show him some stirring," said Tahi.

"Ssshh!" warned Moff_D, holding up his hand.

"Do words frighten you that much, Senator?" asked Tahiri. "Surely the Message Boards work both ways - they let people have their say about the way things are going in the New Republic, but they also let you see what the people are thinking. I would have thought that was a good thing."

Tahiri's words were followed by cries of approval and a few Senators clapped.

"My dear girl, I'd hardly call undermining, and in some cases rewriting, the works of canon a good thing. And by the way isn't it time you grew up and started wearing shoes? This barefoot and pregnant image doesn't exactly give you much credibility you know."

Tahiri's green eyes flashed and Rollo, sensing with his developing Jedi senses that his mother had been insulted, twisted himself round in Anakin's arms to face the Senator.

"You're a nasty rude old man," he said, "and you're not allowed to talk to my mummy like that."

"I refuse to put up with such rude children," spluttered Rodan, and he turned to two guards standing nearby. "Take them away."

"No, no!" screeched Mehitabelle, poking one guard in the eye as he reached for her.

Rollo leapt out of his father's arms and landed a well-aimed kick at the second guard's kneecap.

"Hmmm," mused Anakin to Rebadams, "I see you've been continuing the training well."

"Darn tootin'," she grinned. "You want to see them tackle?"

Anakin cocked his head on one side and thought for a moment. "Let's save that move for the moment," he chuckled.

"Er, Senator Rodan," Cal Omas's voice rang out over the hubbub. "I can't help feeling you're

 

Rebadams motined to Anakin & Tahiri. "Now, the circle is complete...and once they are fed a bit they will listen with much more receptivity. We must remind them that the cost of loss is much higher than they can bear"
"What?"
"What?"
"If we cannot communcate - ...the harder you squeeze - the more of us will slip through your fingers!"
Together "OOH"
"Now, lets go find your Grandpa - has he met your wife?"

 

CeeWulf, DarthKarde, Obi-Wan, WraithLead and Twilight arrived in the square on the trail of the hooded figures.

Only to find the entire square filled with hooded figures.

"Trust in the Force, huh?" CeeWulf said to Obi-Wan.

"Hey, it usually works," Obi-Wan said with a shrug.

"What do we do now?" Twilight asked.

CeeWulf scanned the square, when something caught his eye. "Come with me!" He quickly darted into the crowd, with the others in hot pursuit.

 

I do take it personally!

 

As Darth Guy struggled to balance the tray of delectable Fosh meat while the frenzy of senators swarmed him, Senator E.T. waddled out from behind him.

"E.T. old boy!" the senator from Commenor exclaimed as he caught sight of the little alien, "When you didn't show up to the asembly yesterday, I was quite worried. And today, what with this horrid message board business, well," the rotund councilor stopped to bite into another bit of Fosh, "I was down right concerned that you weren't here to support Fyor, after all the work the two of you did to bring the No Message Boards Law into being. He sure could have used you help when those ruffians brought thier horrid child into... E.T.? E.T old boy, where are you?" But the little creature had already wandered off.

*********************************************

The guard who had been poked in the eye sat in the corner clutching his face and muttering. "Horrid brat..."

He looked up to find a brown and wrinkled alien in a senator's robes staring straight a him "Oh, Senator!" the guard exclaimed, quickly getting to his feet and snapping to attention. "How are you Sir?"

Instead of responding, E.T. motioned for the guard to come crouch down. Reluctently, the guard complied. The guard was thouroughly confused when E.T. finally spoke, "Ouch," E.T. said finally, pointing to the guards now swollen eye.

The guard responded with an even more confused look.

"Ouch," E.T. repeated.

"Oh, this?" the guard said, pointing to his eye, "Its nothing. The swelling is going down and-"

"Ouch," E.T. said again, this time more insistant. His finger began to glow with a yellow light. Before the guard could recoil, E.T. poked him in his damaged eye.

"Ow!" the guard exclaimed, "Senator, what was that for? That really hurt!"

E.T. just stared at him, seemingly puzzled, as if the alien had expected the guard's eye to miraculously heal. "Ouch!" E.T. said again, even louder and more insistant than before, while simultaniously pokin the guard in the eye once more.

"OW! Sir, I am going to have to ask you to stop. That cannot be good for my vision," the guard said firmly as he stood and brushed his pants off, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you, or-"

"E.T...." the little alien hesitated "give up," he finished his proclaimation, and wandering off as he did.

"And so do I..." the guard muttered under his breath as Senator E.T. disappeared into the crowd of senators once again.

*********************************************

Senator Fyor Rodan banged his head on the desk for what must have been the hundreth time since that nerf-herder type with the platter had burst in.

He brought his head back up to find a face that, though it familiar by now, he could never get used to.

"E.T.!" Rodan exclaimed, "Where have you been! These foolish message board people forced an audiance with the Senate! I tried to block their request but-"

"Elliot," E.T. stated in his usual monotone voice.

"E.T., I told you, my name is not Elliot," Rodan said in an exasperated tone, "My name is Fyor. Fyor. Is it so much to ask that you call me by my actual name? It shouldn't be that hard for you. I mean, sure, my name is spelled a bit irregularly, what with the 'y' following an 'f' and all, but it shouldn't be that-"

"Elliot," E.T. interrupted, insistence entering his voice.

Rodan sighed, "Very well, but we must speak in private. My chambers should be safe enough. Follow me."

*********************************************

Soon thereafter, Rodan had led E.T. to his chambers. Senator Rodan was careful to shut and lock the door, as well as close the blinds.

Fyor nervously began a quick check of the room for listening devices. E.T., however, had already homed in on a little jar of multi-colored candies on Rodans desk.

"Yum," E.T. uttered, staring longingly at the jar.

"Hm?" Rodan grunted, "Oh, yes. Help yourself."

And help himself E.T. did.

When the jar was empty, Fyor chose to begin, hoping to speak before something else caught the small being's attention

 

Edited on request of Big Brother.

 

EDITED because without Darth_Guy's post mine didn't make sence.

 

Oh sure, use all of the E.T. jokes in one post

 

Hey, that's your fault. E.T. has been fair game for several pages. None of you took advantage of my idea, so I had to work it in. Your loss!

 

"Easy kids, easy!" Han Solo had one child draped on his back and another sitting on his outstretched leg. "Grandpa-" that still sounded odd to him-"ain't as young as he used to be." He smiled and winked at Leia.
"I don't know, the look suits you," an utterly bemused Leia said to Han.
"Funny, considering you guys sucked as parents for us." Jaina looked stern. "I mean we were raised by a droid, a wookie, a white haired broad and a bunch of Jedi. What's up with that?" Jaina's tirade was cut off as Rollo and Mehitabelle jumped her.
"Aunty Jaina, play with us!"
Aunty Jaina? I hadn't even thought about that!" Jaina's argument melted away.
"That ought to shut her up." Han said quietly to Leia. His gaze turned to Moff and Alman who were standing in front of the transparisteel viewport of the apartment Cal Omas had found for them.
"So far, so good," Alman said as he looked into the blue depths of the Mon Calamari ocean. "We have their attention and we have even forced a vote on the issue."
"Yes," agreed Moff, "but something isn't right. Did you see Rodan's reaction when E.T. showed up? Something is going on there. We should be vigilant." Alman simply nodded his head, deep in thought on the recent developments.
Meanwhile, Luke was engaged in conversation with his father. "Patience father. There is good in you, I can feel it."
"Deja vu boy!" Darth sounded agitated. "Evil, good, evil, good...I feel bi-polar up here. And you're saying I can't even reveal myself yet? Most disturbing."
"All may depend on your role. Reveal yourself too early and all could be lost. Timing is essential." Luke was trying to sound conciliatory. "Besides, we are trying to determine the role of the E.T. senator."
Vader's interest suddenly piqued, "Oh yes! Those little botanists. I've much to settle with them...much to settle..." Darth trailed off, chuckling ominously.
Everyone's attention turned to the door as Jacen made his way in with Mini-Yoda and Peter. "Boy, you guys are harder to find than a lost dreadnought fleet! And this goof is driving me nuts with his stupid rhymes, not to mention this dovin basal sucks." Jacen stopped to collect and centre himself. "So, what'd I miss?"
--------------------------------------------
CeeWulf stood at the vendor's booth, owned by a particularly cranky Rodian. "Look!" he said to Obi-Wan. "It's an evil meter. That should help us. Our two subjects wear cloaks and sneak around, ergo they must be evil."
"Makes sense to me." Obi-Wan replied. "Anybody have any money?" he asked.
"I've got two pounds," answered Karde.
"What are pounds?"
"Never mind...can't you just use a Jedi trick or something."
"Well, I could, but being a good Jedi you don't want to prey on the stupid all of the time."
"Oh, for the love of-" Twilight grabbed the Rodian by the scruff of his neck, "give it to us or we'll kill you!" The Rodian handed the device over and then decided to close for the day. "Now that's diplomacy!" smiled Twilight.
"May I see that?" WraithLead asked Twilight. She handed him the device.
CeeWulf looked around the area. "Well I guess we may as well get started. Lot's of hooded folk about."
"It seems I may have found them!" a startled WraithLead said. The evil meter was flashing and beeping in his hands, pointing across the square. The group turned to look at two hooded figures staring back at them, a good meter in their hands pointing directly at them...

 

Whoa, this really needs some upping!