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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

JCC Debo's Star Wars Memories Spectacular

Discussion in 'Community' started by Debo, Dec 12, 2001.

  1. skawookiee

    skawookiee Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 12, 2000
    [face_laugh]
    I'm crying. Ha! I can just see hat-boy now, screaming, clutching onto his ugly hat to save his life. Debo, you had me laughing harder than I've ever laughed at anything on the JC.
     
  2. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001
    You're welcome! :D
     
  3. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001
    Hey folks! Yours truly was asked to contribute something to the Dug's Report, and this is what I came up with.

    NEW SOURCES TELL OF "WORTHLESS" PANAKA

    For years, rumors were flying around about the fate of Captain (his actual first name) Panaka, the loyal bodyguard of former Queen of Naboo Padmé Amidala. Officially, and rather euphemistically as it turns out, the explanation for his disappearance was this:
    Ten years after the planet's liberation, the Naboo political structure had changed such that Panaka was no longer responsible for the protection of Amidala.

    Today, a decade after Panaka's vanishing from sight, we uncover the spectacular truth about the former protector's story. According to new sources, Panaka's fate was sealed when he was unofficially voted the most worthless person in the Galaxy.

    "He was utterly worthless," former queen Padmé Amidala confirms to us. "Whatever he said, whatever he did, was worthless. I hate to express myself in these harsh terms, but I can't find any other words for him. Utterly, utterly worthless."

    Insiders claim Panaka had a reputation for saying and doing exactly the wrong things.

    "There was an unspoken rule among us," an anonymous Naboo Security Trooper tells us, "that you had to do the exact opposite of what Panaka told you to do if you wanted to succeed. During a battle he would shout "Divide and move to the right!" and we would stay together and move to the left. It always worked."

    Says Amidala: "Yes, that rule did exist. In the midst of the Trade Federation conflict, he told me to stay on Coruscant and not go to Naboo, so I did go to Naboo. He dissuaded me from going to Tatooine, so I went to Tatooine. We called it "The Golden Rule of Panaka"."

    Perhaps the most dramatic consequence of that rule came when Panaka advised Amidala against taking on the Trade Federation's droid army. His actual words -- "I don't think this is a battle that we can win" -- convinced her to mobilize her soldiers and fight the droid invaders.

    "He actually pulled off something unique then," says another Security Trooper. "He managed to get captured by battle droids, who were known as the most ineffective warriors in the Galaxy, not counting Panaka. It was unbelievable. Thankfully, there were two Jedi to save us."

    One of them was the then Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. "I don't really remember him," an older and wiser Kenobi confirms exclusively to us. His revealing remarks come ten years after the two fought alongside each other during the Trade Federation conflict. Today, Kenobi, now a Jedi Knight, has just been assigned on a protection duty, which sees him meeting Admidala for the first time since the Naboo conflict.

    "I remember him warning me against the Hutts on Tatooine," Amidala continues. "'The Hutts are gangsters,' he cried, 'if they discover her...'. He then got so annoying that we decided to leave him in the Royal Ship while we went into town."

    Matters got worse after the trade route conflict. In an up until now secret Coruscant City poll, Captain Panaka was voted The Most Worthless Person In The Galaxy, beating such such strong contenders as Jira, the Tatooine food stand woman, and Ric Olié, former Naboo starship pilot. The latter remembers Panaka well.

    "He wasn't happy when the poll results came in," says the pilot with some obviousness. "He started to wonder how, what, why. He started to doubt his own decisions. One time he had to pee and decided to go to the bathroom, but, remembering the Golden Rule of Panaka, he did the exact opposite and stayed where he was. Realizing
    that decision had to be turned around as well, he did go, but then realized... et cetera. In the end he just peed in his pants and that was the end of him, really. Obviously."

    And so Captain Panaka, once the loyal protector of Senator Padmé Amidala, saw himself sacked from the Naboo Security Forces. He was followed by his nephew Captain Typho, who wishes not to comment on the matter.


     
  4. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001
    ...AND I think I'm going to search for some new pictures to replace the ones that are gone from this thread since collectstarwars.com kicked the bucket.

    Anyone that wants to help: check the entries, look for the missing images (broken links), find out what they were (can't be too hard) and search the Net for an alternative pic.

    And if you don't care... Then get the hell out of this thread, sucker. :)
     
  5. Sandsturm

    Sandsturm Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2002
    [face_laugh] this thread is too funny [face_laugh]


    Debo your cool in my book :D
     
  6. Katya Jade

    Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2002
    "He started to doubt his own decisions. One time he had to pee and decided to go to the bathroom, but, remembering the Golden Rule of Panaka, he did the exact opposite and stayed where he was. Realizing that decision had to be turned around as well, he did go, but then realized... et cetera. In the end he just peed in his pants and that was the end of him, really. Obviously." [face_laugh]

    This thread never ceases to make me laugh. Thank God. :)

    Speaking of laughing, where's Rogue's next installment? I'm dying to know how searching for Debo is coming along. Maybe he'll run into the "angry-on-the-outside-but-a-teddy-bear-on-the-inside" Police Chief. :D

     
  7. falkcj

    falkcj Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2000
  8. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    [face_laugh] That Matt Rags installment is hilarious. We need a sound file of his death cry! :D

    Searching for Debo's next installment will be up this afternoon or tommorrow.
     
  9. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001
    I've been wondering what to do for the 1000th post. I'd like to do a special entry maybe, or perhaps a celebration of past posts.

    OR we could create a special new sock called "Millennium Memories", that we can all log into (i.e. share the password), so that we can put all our reactions, congratulations and celebrations in one giant 1000th post. That would be fun.

    Any suggestions?
     
  10. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    I think either of those ideas would be neat!

    Watch this though. I bet, after all this planning, some idiot who's never been here before comes in and takes Post 1000 by making a statement like '+1'. :D

    Searching for Debo

    JP-30 leaned over the desk, shaking his finger in my face. "I've had the last of you and you're breaking of the rules."

    "What?" I said.

    "You've beaten up your last prisoner," JP-30 barked in my face.

    "Hmm and the last one wasn't even that fun," I said under my breath.

    "I'll have your badge if you do it again. Understand?" JP shouted.

    "I see what you're getting at," I said.

    "And I'm also sick of you always ending your sentences with prepositions," he yelled.

    "Okay, I see what you're getting at, Jackass."

    "That's it! You're outta here!" JP stomped around the desk. "I'm gonna send you to the hospital to visit the last prisoner you put in there."

    "But I'm telling you. I didn't do that," I said. "Ask my partner. Ask Debo. He saw it. The guy slipped on a banana peel, struck his chin on the door handle, opening the door, fell out onto the highway traveling at seventy miles an hour . . ."

    "How much is that in kilometres?" JP asked.

    "Damn you. Carry the two . . ."

    "Never mind. Go on."

    "And then the truck hit him. And that's it."

    "What about the garden hose?" JP asked.

    "Rectum? Nearly killed him!" I responded.

    "What is this? A game to you?" JP asked.

    "Well . . ."

    "Because I don't want this to be some Death Star lame-o board game."

    "It's not."

    "Where you always lose the pieces because they're so damn small."

    "Really, it isn't."

    "And of course you had better not attempt to attach the second game to the end of it. You hear me? Understand?"

    "Yes to the first question. No to the second."

    "Get out of my office and bring me that garden hose as soon as you get it loose."

    "Actually, they're using it to feed him," I said.

    "Well, okay. Now, don't come back until you're sent for."

    "Preposition," I told him.

    "Damn!" JP said.

    I left him there. A tightly wound little man in a tightly wound little room. He didn't get results. I did.

    Only one question remained to be answered. Where was Debo and why hadn't he testified about the Kenner truck hitting my prisoner? I was taking the fall and Kenner Corporation was getting off scot free.

    No, I'd find Debo, clear my name, see justice done, zap the Kenner company, banish Satan from the earth and pick up some milk on the way home. I always forget the milk.

    Searching for Debo
     
  11. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001

    :D

    Great to have a serial story like this. I'm probably going to do an entry myself tomorrow. I just thought of something I haven't talked about before yet is a great memory.
     
  12. Katya Jade

    Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2002
    I'm addicted to this thread. Is that a bad thing? :D
     
  13. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
    Here's something that's been bugging me for a while - moreso since the recent OS update.


    Look at this just up on the Official Site

    RA-7 Death Star Droid
    [image=http://www.starwars.com/databank/droid/ra7deathstardroid/img/movie_sm.jpg]

    This particular model of humanoid droid is characterized by a build very similar to protocol droids, but with a striking insectoid-like face. Models of these droids were found aboard the Death Star, leading to their informal moniker of "Death Star Droids."

    Yeah right! [face_plain] The only time it's ever seen it was in a blooming sandcrawler. Never the Death Star. Do we call 3PO a Blockade Runner droid because at least 2 protocol droids (that's 2 more than Death Star droids we see in the Death Star) are seen in the Tantive IV?

    The only reason they're called Death Star Droids is because that's what Kenner named them.

    [image=http://www.toymonster.com/action/esbdeathstardroid.jpg]

    So why doesn't Lucas rename it to something equally stupid (but less incorrect) as they have done with other bit players in the SW universe like Hammerhead, Pruneface, Snaggletooth etc?

    Is it the precident set by the adoption of the droid name R5-D4 (see thread in PSA), even though he's an R2 droid (as announced by Luke). Do all droids have their Kenner names kept?

    Is this fair?

    And how did that one "Death Star Droid" guy end up on Tatooine? That's the real mystery. Maybe he hooked up with R5-D4 in an Abbot / Costello vs Laurel Hardy type parallel, and helped save the galaxy from a different, yet equally powerful evil force?




     
  14. dArTh_wenley

    dArTh_wenley Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2001
    During production, the RA-7 servant droid was known as both the Death Star Droid and the Gold Insect Droid, the latter nickname reserved for the unit seen aboard the Jawa sandcrawler. The droid's design was developed in sketches by Ralph McQuarrie.

    Databank Entry: RA-7 : Expanded Universe

    I won't say any more










     
  15. UK Sullustian

    UK Sullustian Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 1998
    Now come on Wently, don't let the truth get in the way of a good rant.

    JP-30, I imagine that R5-D4 would be Bud and The Death Star Droid would be Lou.

    DEATH STAR DROID: "R5! You know when I said I saw something that I couldn't have saw? Well, I saw it!"

    R5-D4: "Ah, shuddup, you seen nothing! There's no little cloaked men kidnapping droids in this desert! Now get back to my motivator..."

    UKS: With apologies to "Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstien."


    EDIT: My headprod kept missing the right keys.

     
  16. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
    EU Schmee Poo, Wenley. Those droids are also referred to as "Death Start Droids" under the absolute canonical "The Movies" tab on the OS too.


    :p


     
  17. DARK_SCORE

    DARK_SCORE Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 26, 2000
    [image=http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/group1.jpg] [image=http://members.aol.com/GarikLoran/Holiday_Special_2.jpg]

    I have nothing to add at this juncture. I simply wanted to share these Star Wars Holiday Special pictures with you. I never saw the show on TV in the '70s (was it ever shown in the UK?) but I did watch it on a three-centimetre square Real Player screen about two years ago. I'm still squinting...

    [face_plain]

    Lumpy, Marla & Itchy...
    WTF? ?[face_plain]
     
  18. UK Sullustian

    UK Sullustian Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 1998

    That's scary.

    It reminds me of a film I saw recently*

    R5 And Death Star Droid Meet Chewie In A Red Ballroom Dress And Make-Up

    [image=http://www.bleechonline.net/images/r5anddsd.jpg]

    Obviously they have just seen Chewie in all his Stockings and Masacra majesty.

    Made in the 40's, and based around the "Abbott and Costello" film genre, this was some of Death Star Droid's finest work. However, the bitter and twisted R5-D4s decent into alcoholism soon reduced them to bit parts in shlock horror and cheezy Sci-Fi movies in the 70's.


    UKS


    *WARNING: This film does not exist
     
  19. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001

    [face_laugh]


    EDIT: Oops, forgot to add this link to the Dug's Report. You can find the piece about Panaka there.
     
  20. DARK_SCORE

    DARK_SCORE Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 26, 2000
    Hmmm, I really should be getting on with some work, but the sun's shining, I'm chilling after lunch and I really can't be arsed to get anything serious done.

    Instead, here's DARK_SCORE's blink-and-you'll-miss-it guide to STAR WARS KITSCH:

    [image=http://www.kitschinnnyc.com/assets/images/welcomeanimated.gif]

    This is kitsch. Classy isn't it?

    [image=http://www.serial-design.com/images/lava_lamp.gif]

    Now, I know it's hard to imagine that any Star Wars licensees could have taken, ahem, certain 'liberties' with matters of taste in the 1970s. But, believe it or not, like anything else in that glorious decade, there were rare lapses in the Star Wars universe:

    [image=http://www.toysrgus.com/images-speci/kitsch/images/magazine.jpg] [image=http://www.toysrgus.com/images-speci/kitsch/images/shoes.jpg]

    But, then again, what did you expect froma decade that brought us these fashion disasters:

    [image=http://www.northampton.gov.uk/Museums/images/History_of_shoes/20th%20Century/Fashion/hist8.jpg] [image=http://www.johncornicello.com/images/76hair.jpg]
    [image=http://www.enjoy.ne.jp/~harrys/ad5510%20bell%20bottom.jpg] [image=http://www.circumstitions.com/Images/Famous/abba.jpg]

    But, having said that, the 1980s weren't much better. Have a look at these Star Wars faux pas:

    [image=http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~lightsabre/beach.jpg] [image=http://www.toysrgus.com/images-speci/kitsch/images/tshirt.jpg]

    That decade also brought us this 'toss dressed up as class':

    [image=http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/tv/images/programs/harttohart.jpg] [image=http://www.roadhouse.co.uk/limahl%205.jpg]

    Erm, I threw that last one in for UKS, who I know was a big fan of Look In back in the days. That's 80s Brit popster Limahl, by the way...

    Well, I'd like to be able to say that my search for Star Wars kitsch was long, thorough and searching, but in truth, I just had a quick look during lunchtime.

    Anyway, it brightens up the page and simultaneously annoys people with crappy 56k modems so I hope you like 'em and can find some kitschey Star Wars crap to add to the list...

    the SCORE :D
     
  21. Darth_AYBABTU

    Darth_AYBABTU Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 8, 2001

    Hey! What's so bad about Abba??

    Voulez-voooooous, a-ha!

    //closet Abba fanatic

    AYBABTU?

     
  22. UK Sullustian

    UK Sullustian Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 1998
    Look-in Rocks.

    Limahl Rocks.

    "Neverending Stooorrrrrrrryyyyyyyy, Ahhhaaahhhahhhaaaahhhhhaaaahhhh!"

    UKS
     
  23. Debo

    Debo Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2001
    Must....play.....Beatles album....

    I think I'm going to do a BIG clean-up for the thread; i.e. restoring lost images. Anyone that wants to help me (and I need your help), PM me. When we reach the 1000, I want the thread to be in perfect condition.

    So if you care about the thread -- let me know! PM me.
     
  24. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    [face_laugh] R5-D4 and Death Star Droid. I think they'd do great with Death Star Droid as Stan and R5 as Ollie:

    DSD: B . . . but R5 . . .

    R5: Quiet. I happen to know what I'm doing. Yoohoo! Over here, fellows!

    DSD: A Jawa sancrawler?

    R5: SanDcrawler. SanD. Ddd. * makes circular motion near mouth* Ddd.

    DSD: Oh, sanD.

    Apologies to Sons of the Desert. :D
     
  25. B'omarr

    B'omarr Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2000
    I do remember that after the early 80's R5 and DSD got back together to co-star in a Burt Reynolds/Dom Deluise all star comedy/action spectacular. The movie was about a group of rapscallions who all enter a contest to see who can race across the country first and win the million dollar prize.

    [image=http://lonestar.texas.net/~ginapp/starwarsv/figures/anh/r5d4.JPG] [image=http://www.popculturestore.com/dashop/images/nails/00269t.jpg] [image=http://www.burtreynolds.com/mpics/theend1_sm.jpg]

    R5 and DSD use the clever ploy as dressing up as cops, and of course hilarity ensues when they are picked up by real cops:

    Policeman: "Okay, both of you, out of the car"

    R5: "Hey buddy, we're kind of in a hurry here."

    Policeman: "I want you out of the car with your hands on the hood, shorty"

    R5: "He called me shorty, why'd he call me shorty?"

    DSD: "Because you're small, small, S - M - ALL" *drinks martini*

    R5: "Oy!"

    I refuse to make apologies to Cannonball Run