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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Kim-kenobi, Apr 1, 2000.

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  1. Kim-kenobi

    Kim-kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 1999
    Part 8

    *Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together.
    Ephesians 4, 3-4

    Part Eight

    Obi-Wan had eaten, then been led through the city by Komota, the girl he had fought earlier. She never said a word to him until the palace was in sight; they hid in an alley so as not to be seen. "Here, take this, ya see that room with the large window?" she asked, shoving the small bomb into his hands.


    "Well put it right under the window, right against the wall. Then activate it and set the timer for one minute." She instructed. "You do know how to activate it don't ya?" she hissed, seeing Obi-Wan's confused expression.

    "Uh, no." he answered honestly.

    She gave an aggravated sigh, then went on. "You push that button on the side, then use these buttons to set the time." She explained as if talking to a child.

    "Alright, I'll be right back." He said, ignoring her tone.

    "Make sure you're not seen." She hissed as he hurried away.

    As Obi-Wan put the bomb under the window, and activated it, he thought, /Man I hope they see me putting this here. I feel bad enough blowing up part of the palace, yet if there are people near here, I'll never be able to forgive myself. /

    Obi-Wan had thought of telling Qui-Gon where the bomb was through their Master-padawan link, but he was too worried to concentrate. He did manage to say 'by a large window' though. Hopefully his Master had heard him.

    Once he was finished, he ran back to the alley. They backed up further so they wouldn't get hit by flying debris, then crouched and waited.

    Qui-Gon had heard his padawan's description of where the bomb was, so he told Chief Mettar. A few minutes after, his comm. link buzzed. "Yes?" he answered it.

    "He planted the bomb. It's under the conference room window." The voice reported.

    "Get the area evacuated. I'm on my way." The Jedi Master replied, already running towards the conference room.

    "Is everyone out?" Qui-Gon asked Chief Mettar once he arrived.

    "Just about." The chief turned towards his men. "Okay, everyone out of here, NOW!"

    Qui-Gon jogged with the chief far down the hallway so they could keep watch.

    After about ten seconds of waiting, they heard a loud 'BOOM.' It was nearly deafening; Qui-Gon could feel the floor shake beneath him.

    Obi-Wan watched as the bomb exploded. He tried to conceal the pain from knowing it was him who set the bomb off from his face.

    /I know it was necessary for the bomb to go off, but I can't help but feel bad that I purposefully blew up part of the palace. /he thought.

    "Well, you did it. Let's get back to the headquarters now." Komota said gruffly. She got up from her knees and headed back not even waiting for Obi-Wan.

    Obi-Wan ran to catch up. Once he did, they walked in silence. After a while Obi-wan decided to try and start a conversation.

    "Have you been a Kriff for long?"


    "Where did you live before you joined?"

    "My life before I became a Kriff is of no importance. All that matters is my life now." She snapped.

    "Alright then, tell me about the Kriffs." He suggested.

    "I'm the best fighter they have. I'm even better than those who are older than me. We have contests every now and then." She explained proudly.

    "How many people are there?"

    "Ya mean who are Kriffs?" Obi-Wan nodded. "Well a few hundred I think. What about you? Why did you come here?" she asked.

    "Well my brother and parents were killed in a speeder crash a few years ago, and I hate the princess, so I decided to try and find the Kriffs so I could join."

    "I see." She replied. After a few minutes of silence, they arrived at the Kriffs headquarters. Komota led him to an office.

    "Tandra sir?" Komota said so the women would acknowledge their presence.

    "Yah?" she asked, turning her chair around from her desk to face them. Obi-Wan recognised her to be the women who had watched their fight earlier.

    "Anoml did as he was asked. He set the bomb off, and it blew up what looked like a meeting room. It was great!
  2. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Oooh, that is devious! What is Qui-Gon going to do if they meet up again and Obi-Wan doesn't remember him? What's going to happen to Obi-Wan? I thought the name Anoml was suspiciously close to "abnormal"! When is Part 9 coming? Soon, I hope!
  3. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    MY GOSH! eek.gif Part 8 is already posted? Man I better finish writing part 10, then get typing! Good to hear from you all! Hope you are enjoying this story.
    Oh, and concerning Obi not having a memory...

    [This message has been edited by Tenel'Ka (edited 04-15-2000).]
  4. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 30, 1999
    Ack! Obi-wan's been brainwashed! Cool!
    Great story! I eagerly await more.
  5. Kim-kenobi

    Kim-kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 1999
    Tenel'ka could you be so kind to post part 9 your self? I lost my copy so please people reading this we must now start to beg Tenel'ka (LOL I am so mean).

    Kim B
  6. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    You wanted it, so here it is!

    Author's note: / means thoughts, and * means talking through the Master padawan bond thingy.

    Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together. Ephesians 4, 3-4

    Part Nine
    Ever since he had woken up he had a strange feeling that something wasn't right. He had recited his name, and things about himself, but when he said these things, they seemed strange. "Anoml Min'Lu, orphan, street kid, owe my life to the Kriffs for saving me." He said to himself. /Something is wrong, I feel like something is missing, I can't explain it, but I know it was something important. / He thought, but never had time to dwell on it because someone had come to take him to Griffner and Tandra.

    "Okay, we will train you to be a fighter. It's your strong point so that's what we will focus on. You are a Kriff now. Your medical exam went well, you're perfectly healthy, except for that collarbone. I don't know how you broke it, or who healed it, but it's just about ready to have the brace taken off." Griffner told him.

    After they talked for awhile, Obi-Wan was taken to a kitchen where there were rows of tables for the Kriffs to eat at. He sat down at a table with only two other people, who never paid any attention to him, and ate his meal.

    Qui-Gon was in his quarters when he sensed it. /Something isn't right with Obi-Wan. / He thought, he got up from his sleeping pallet, and went to see the princess.

    "Yes Master Jinn?" the girl who answered the door asked.

    "I need to speak with the princess. It is important." He explained.

    "Alright, I'll go wake her. Please sit down." She said, letting him in.

    After a few moments, Princess Desmona emerged from her sleep room. "Master Jinn." She said as she seated herself across from the Jedi Master.

    "I'm sorry to wake you your highness." He told her, noticing she was in her robe.

    "Do not worry about it. What did you wish to speak with me about?" she asked.

    "I feel something is wrong with my apprentice. It's as if his presence in the Force has faded. It's not that he is ill, but something else, I can't explain it, but something is not right." Qui-Gon explained.

    The princess frowned slightly. She knew little about Jedi, but she knew the bond between a Master and apprentice was very strong. "I do not know what we can do about it though. It would be too difficult to send another person in."

    Qui-Gon was silent for a few minuites. "I will go. He is my apprentice after all."

    "But Master Jinn, if we must send someone, we should send a palace worker." Princess Desmona offered; not wanting to put both Jedi in danger with the Kriffs, after all the last Jedi team had been killed.

    "No, I will be able to sense him he is near, so it is best if I go."

    The princess knew she could not change his mind, so instead she said, "anything you need is at your disposal. Be careful Master Jinn."

    Next Qui-Gon went to Jallist's quarters. She answered the door almost immediately. "Master Jinn. What is it?" she asked seeing Qui-Gon's face that held a more serious expression then usual.

    "I need you to help me." He said, then explained what he had to do and why. So Jallist reluctantly went to the man who had made Obi-Wan's clothing and explained what type of clothing Qui-Gon would need. After the Jedi Master had been measured, he went to the demolished conference room to help clean up while he waited for his new clothing to be made.

    As Obi-Wan was eating, Komota came up and sat down beside him. "Hey Anoml. I heard about ya meeting this morning, how'd it go?"

    "It went well. I am a Kriff now. They just asked me to tell them about my past, then they said my blood tests went well, so I am in." he explained.

    "I wonder why they asked about your past. I thought you told them when you first came here wanting to join." She pointed out.

    "What do you mea
  7. Kim-kenobi

    Kim-kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 1999
    Tenel'ka, I am looking forward to the next part. I am wondering if you can post here directly(insted of sending it through me) I will keep my eyes open for an update on it too.

    Kim B
  8. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    More comments? Please? Still writing part 10, hope to post at least some of it next week. Sorry, I'm busy this weekend, my brother just came home fom Nova Scotia. Hope to hear more from you all soon!
  9. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    All right! Obi-Wan without a memory--one of my favourite subjects! I like the way Qui-Gon gets into the building by pulling a blaster on the guard, and the way he wonders that Obi-Wan never complained about the awful food. My favourite line was "I know I wasn't around much, but he didn't have to say he was an orphan!" Now I'm looking forward to part 10 and I hope you find time to post it soon!
  10. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Okay, I have to make this short, but here is part of part 10. Enjoy!

    Part 10a

    Komota peaked around the door of Tandra's office, only to find it empty. /Perfect. / She thought. /Now I can get to work undisturbed. /

    She went to Tandra's desk and began snooping through the drawers, after several minuites of an unsuccessful search; she turned on the holo-file at the corner of the desk.

    "Clumsy, clumsy. You shouldn't leave your files unlocked if you're not here." She said to herself as she flipped through the files.

    /It's just files on the members of the Kriffs. I wonder what mine says. / She opened her folder up, and began reading.

    As she read, her eyes opened wider, and her mouth hung open. It said: Komota Jowim, parents were the king and queen, who we killed. Only living relative is Desmona, now princess. Kidnapped while on a walk with a servant. Servant killed, they think Komota was murdered too. Chip implanted at age eleven.

    /This isn't right. What chip? I'm ...a princess? Oh my gosh. That means I was trying to sister! / Komota sat in shock, pondering over what this new information meant.

    "I better get out of here before I'm caught." she said to herself.

    Tandra had forgotten to lock her files, so she returned to her office to do so, when she heard Komota say that.

    /She knows. Well, I can't let her tell anyone." Tandra decided, hiding around a corner of a hallway.

    Komota closed the files, and left the office. Tandra stepped out of her hiding place, and nearly collided with Komota.

    "What are you doing out of your room? I told you to stay there...oh, never mind, I'll take you there myself." Tandra told her. /Then I have some 'bruises' to take care of./

    "Sorry sir. I...was hungry, so I went to the kitchen and got a snack." Komota lied, as Tandra led her to her room.
  11. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 30, 1999
    Oh no! What's gonna happen to Komata? And if Qui-Gon joins the Kriff's, won't they erase his memories too? Anyway, I am looking forward to reading the next part, and I definitely know how it goes when you can't find time to write. But don't give up, I love this story!
  12. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Only one reply to part ten? Come on you guys/girls, you can do better than that! Well, I guess I just won't post another part until I get some more comments. WAH-HA-HA!!!
  13. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    This part is dedicated to Laheara, and she knows why. I'll be looking for that post!
    Enjoy, and there is still more comin'!!!

    Part 10b

    Komota decided to wait a few minuites before going to Obi-Wan's room, so she wouldn't run into Tandra again. But before she had the chance to leave, a knock came at her door. "Yah?" she called out. One of the Kriffs who served as a messenger pocked their head in.

    "You're supposed to fight. Follow me." He told her, in a rather grumpy tone.

    "Yah sure. I'm comin'." She said as she got up from her bed. /I will have to talk to Anoml later. I just have to act like I don't know anything, for now. /

    She was led to the fight room. Then the two Kriffs parted. Komota entered the room, and walked over to Griffner and Tandra. "What about Anoml? Shouldn't you be dealing with him instead of organising a match?"

    "Don't question me Komota, go take your place." Tandra ordered, as Griffner handed Komota her weapon.

    A kid about a year older than Komota came in and went to the Kriff leaders. "Samill, here is your weapon, go take your place." Tandra instructed, handing him an electro-jabber.

    Once the two opponents were in place, Griffner ordered the match to begin.

    Komota and Samill walked towards each other then did a circle around the middle of the room. Komota lunged towards the boy and jabbed his left leg. Samill let out a yelp, but quickly refocused.

    Samill lunged next, but Komota used the move that Anoml had used on her, and rolled out of the way. The electro-jabber sparked as it hit the floor. Samill growled his frustration. Thinking he was still distracted, Komota lunged at him again, but the boy jumped out of the way and brought his jabber down between her shoulders. Komota gasped and fell to the floor.

    Samill waited for her to start getting up, but she didn't. He looked over at Griffner and Tandra after several moments. Griffner went to the fallen girl, and checked her pulse.

    "She's alive, but just barely."

    "Take her to the medical centre." Tandra ordered. So Griffner picked Komota up, and hurried out of the room.

    "I don't understand. I didn't hit her THAT hard." Samill said in a daze.

    Tandra walked over to him. "Let me see your weapon." He handed it to her. "It was set on level four. Three levels above the practice mode. I guess the equipment supervisors never checked this one. It wasn't your fault Samill. Don't worry." Tandra reassured him, concealing a grin.

    Well, what did you think? love comments, so keep 'em comin'!!!

    [This message has been edited by Tenel'Ka (edited 04-28-2000).]
  14. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    What a decious wench that Tandra is.I suppose if she killed Komota outright everyone might find out they're all brainwashed.

    Great story!
  15. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Very sneaky, Tandra! Now--what have you got in mind for Qui-Gon?
  16. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Hey Guess What!!!Late last night I finished writing 'Decisions' now I am working on typing it all up, anyway, here is some more of part 10...

    Part 10c

    Obi-Wan was in his room for hours, and still nobody had come for him. /Why is it taking so long to figure out what to do with me? / He wondered.

    A knock came on his door, bringing him back to reality. "Yah?" he asked.

    A female Obi-Wan recognised that he had seen in the kitchen, stuck her head in. "I thought I should tell ya that Komota was in a accident."

    "What? Is she okay?" Obi-Wan asked.

    "She was hurt bad. She's unconscious, I don't know anythin' else, other than it happened during a match. I've seen you two talking, so I thought someone should tell ya." She explained.

    "Thanks." Obi-Wan replied. The girl then left, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

    /I gotta go see Komota. / He decided.

    A knock came at Qui-Gon's door. "Yes?" he called out.

    Obi-Wan stuck his head in. "Mr.Ji...I mean Master?"

    "Yes Obi-Wan?" Obi-Wan entered, and shut the door behind him.

    "Master, I was just told that Komota, a girl I am sort of friends with, had an accident during a match. She's unconscious, but I wanna go see her."

    "I am sorry to hear that. May I go with you?" Qui-Gon asked, knowing his apprentice still didn't remember him.

    "Sure, but I'm supposed to be in my room, so we can't be seen."

    "Alright, let's go."

    Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon made their way down to the medical centre. At the door, Qui-Gon stopped Obi-Wan, then reached out with his Jedi senses to see if anyone was in the main room, luckily it was currently vacant.

    When they entered, only one of the two rooms had a closed door, and they could see the other was empty. Obi-Wan crept up to the closed door and leaned his ear against it. He couldn't hear any movement, so he slowly opened the door and peaked in. It was empty, except for the still figure on the cot.

    The two Jedi went up to Komota. Obi-Wan stood beside the cot with an unhappy look upon his face. Qui-Gon saw this, and got an idea. Using the Force, he found that she was close to consciousness, so he gave he a mental nudge to wake her up.

    Komota let out a groan as she opened her eyes. This startled Obi-Wan. Seeing her friend by her bed, the information she had read in Tandra's office returned to her memory.

    "Who's that?" she asked, motioning to Qui-Gon.

    "This is my...father." Obi-Wan explained.

    "Can I trust him?"


    "Okay...Anoml, something weird is going on, I read Tandra's files in her office, and found out my past is different than what I remember. So whatever happened to you, happened to me too. And get this...I am the princess' sister! They thought her sister was killed, but they kidnapped me, and did something to me so I wouldn't remember. It said something about a chip." Komota said in practically one breath.

    "Wait, slow down. So you're saying you are actually the princess' sister who was reported to be murdered?" Qui-Gon asked.

    "Yes, and when I was coming out of the office, I started walking down the hallway, when Tandra walked around the corner. She then told me I was supposed to be in my room. She took me there, but I was called to fight in a match before I had to tell all this to Anoml. I was struck down, but it wasn't like usual, you usually get a small cut and a shock, but I was knocked out. I think Tandra must of seen me coming out of her office, and is trying to make sure I don't tell anyone what I saw."

    "I want to see these files for myself. Could you tell me how to get to her office?" Qui-Gon asked.

    "No, I'll take you there, and show you what I found." She saw Qui-Gon was about to protest, so she added, "I feel fine, and by staying here, I might be in danger." Qui-Gon reluctantly agreed.

    "I have to go make sure she is still unconscious, and give her somethin' that will make her stay that way for a while." The medic told Tandra, and headed for the medical centre.

    Just as they we
  17. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    I'll hazard three guesses:

    1. Obi-Wan and Komota get married. Nah, Komota Kenobi just doesn't sound good.

    2. Komota turns into a dragon. Nah, wrong name again. Now if she'd been named Komodo, this might be a viable possibility.

    3. They go to the office and discover the chip planned for Qui-Gon, upon which is imprinted that he hates little green creatures with gimer sticks.

    Am I getting close yet?
  18. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    (laughes at Jane Jinn's)- now who was it that said humor wasn't her strength?

    No guesses for me.
    Just happy to hear the story is written. Does this mean we could get a post a day?
  19. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Hey, thanks for writing!
    In reply to you Jane Jinn, keep guessing, but I really liked guess #3!
    And you Healer Leona, Not me! I will try to give you at LEAST an update every two days, due to school work that is waiting to be done, but I hope to give some more often!
  20. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Hey, if you all want, I could post a little more tonight, it doesn't end in the greatest spot, but it could be worse. Tell me what you want. Love hearing from you all!
  21. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Is nobody reading this? I'm nt going to post the next part unless someone tells me if they are actually reading this. I don't mean to be a grinch, but just want to know if you like this, and are reading it. This is after all my first Fan fic. Hope to hear from you soon!
  22. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    May the Fourth be with you!
    rolleyes.gif (you know...May the 4th, the date)

    yes I know it's corney, but my mom heard it on the radio today, and I thought you all could use a groaner. If nobody writes, I will post tomorrow anyway, though I would love to hear from you!
  23. Obi-wan's Padawan

    Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 11, 2000
    I am reading this. Please post more.I have a bad habit of lurking, but I will try to respond more.
  24. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Thank You Obi-wan's Padawan for speaking up, I was getting depressed since nobody was answering me,so this part I dedicate to you.

    Part D

    As they were walking, Qui-Gon's communications transmitter vibrated. "Yes?" he asked quietly.

    "Master Jinn, what's going on?" Jallist asked.

    "I can't talk now, but I will say either we're about to catch the Kriffs, or they're about to catch us." He ended the communication before Jallist could protest.

    They stopped outside the office door and listened. They heard Tandra's voice.

    "Tituck sir, we have to get rid of Anoml Min'Lu and his father. They know something is going on. Anoml knows two different conflicting stories of their past. We have to dispose of them before anyone else finds out. We already reprogrammed Komota's chip."

    "Yes, dispose of them immediately. We can't have them interfering with our plans." A deep voice replied.

    /It sounds like a holo-communication. / Qui-Gon thought. /Now if only we could see who this man is. He has to be a superior to Tandra because she called him 'sir', but I was told Tandra is the there is a secret leader. Interesting. The princess will find this interesting. /

    Tandra shut off the holo, and went to see Griffner about how to dispose of the two Min'Lu's.

    Komota, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan ducked down a side hallway, out of view as Tandra went past.

    Once Tandra was no longer around, the three ducked into her office, and shut the door.

    Komota went to the desk and rummaged around. After checking several drawers, she announced, "I found it!" she pulled the file out and placed it on the desk. "It's locked." She said gloomily.

    " it the type with a word or numbers as the password?" Qui-Gon asked.

    "A word, why?"

    "Well, Tandra wouldn't want anyone to be able to guess the word, so..this is a long shot, but if nobody knows she has a leader, maybe it's his name." He suggested.

    ""Good idea. Lemme try it." Komota typed in the name 'Tituck' and waited for a reply. After a few seconds, her eyes went wide. "It worked!"

    Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood behind Komota and read over her shoulders. She opened the file on her, and let them read it, then she opened the file on Obi-Wan, under the name 'Anoml'.

    After Qui-Gon read this, he started thinking about what all this could mean. "When talking about your past, they mention a 'chip' was installed, then they say something about your 'new' history. So in other words, the chip must change your memories...I assume they did the same thing to Anoml." He said, considering this. "That means, if you both have a chip...most of the Kriffs would have them too."

    "I guess so." Komota said, frowning.

    "Check if there are any files about Tituck. Maybe it could tell us who he is, and why he started the Kriffs, and more about them." Obi-Wan suggested.

    Komota searched the files, and found one called 'the main layout of the Kriffs'.

    "Not very smart to give it a name like that. What if someone was to break into the file." Komota pointed out.

    "Like we're doing." Obi-Wan said with a slight grin.

    Qui-Gon was surprised to hear him say that. It sounded like the 'old' Obi-Wan, the one that was blocked, and hidden away by a chip.

    They read the file, and found out Tituck had founded the Kriffs after being kicked out of the royal family. Apparently, he had been the second oldest child, therefore, not entailed to the throne. He didn't like this, so he hired some men to kill his older sister, so he would be the next king. But something went wrong with his plan, and he was caught. His parents banished him from their family, and the palace, so he started a group so he could get rid of his family and resume the throne. He put a former palace worker that had been kicked out for not following orders, in charge. Over time, they kidnapped palace workers, guards, and even the princess' sister to join. But to be sure they did as told, a chip was installed in everyone to change their memories,
  25. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 30, 1999
    Very cool! I'm glad I finally had time to read this. Lately it's either been update my story or read everyone else's, I haven't had time for both. Bummer.
    But anyway, I just want to say again that this story is really good, I am enjoying it. So please hurry and post more! I forgot about those particle thingies that kill Jedi. Ooh, ooh, do I sense more Obi or Qui torture coming up? I eagerly await your next post!
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