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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Kim-kenobi, Apr 1, 2000.

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  1. Obi-wan's Padawan

    Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 11, 2000
    Wow, you dedicated this post to me? Thank you, I am honored. You are very talented.

    This story just keeps getting more interesting! I can't wait to see what happens to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Please do not make us wait too long.
  2. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Well, this is a short post, but I will try to get another one up later tonight, while my family is watching the Hockey game. (Can you tell we're Canadian or what?) Anyway's, ENJOY!

    Part E

    "I think we should take a sample back to Coruscant so they can try to find a antidote for it, but we could destroy the rest." Qui-Gon suggested.

    "All right, come on, I'll show you to the lab." Komota offered.

    After sneaking around so they wouldn't be seen, they entered the lab, which looked more like a storage room with chemicals, test tubes, and beakers.

    "It should be in cabinet number two. Let's just hope everything's labelled." To their advantage, Komota was right. The three checked the labels on all the containers.

    "Here they are." Obi-Wan announced, handing the half a dozen test tubes to Komota and Qui-Gon.

    "Now, Obi-Wan, we should go to the palace, and try to deactivate your chip." Qui-Gon told him.

    "Hey, you can't just leave me here. Don't forget, they were trying to do something to me, so I wouldn't tell anyone what I read in Tandra's files." Komota reminded them.

    "I suppose it would be best for the three of us to stick together for the time being. You'll have to come with us."

    "Weird, the one place I've hated for so long, and now I'm going there of my own free will." Komota said, pointing out the irony in the situation.

    As they were heading for an outside door, a guard ran through the hallway in front of them.

    "That was the guard to door three. That means the door isn't being guarded." Komota said as the realisation struck her.

    They made a dash for the door at the far end of the hallway the guard had ran through. Luckily the guards had been called for something, which the small group assumed was because someone had found the medic in Komota's cot, instead of her.

    As soon as they emerged from Kriff headquarters, they looked around for a moment to see which direction the palace was in, then took off again.

    Don't worry, that's not the end! And Bastet, I'll try to fit some more torture in, even though I finished writing the story, a little editing wouldn't hurt.
  3. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Sorry I never posted last night like I said I would, but we went to church then instead of this morning. Anyways, here is another bit to part 10.

    Part F

    While running, Qui-Gon pulled out his communications transmitter, and pushed a button.

    "Yes?" Jallist answered.

    "Jallist, we're on our way to the West Side door of the palace, could you meet us there? We can't stay long, but we have something that needs to be taken care of." Qui-Gon explained in a steady voice, despite the fact that he was running at the same time.

    "Sure, I'm on my way now." She told the Jedi Master, then ended the communication.

    It took fifteen standard minuites for them to reach the palace. Jallist saw them coming, and held the door open.

    "Master Jinn, Obi-Wan, I'm glad to see you in one piece." She said in greeting.

    The three entered the palace. "Obi-Wan, Komota, this is Jallist, she was of help to us while staying here." Qui-Gon introduced, then turned to Jallist. "Jallist, this is Komota, she was a Kriff, but is now helping us. If you will show us to a lab, or to someone who is experienced in electronics, I will explain more."

    Jallist did as asked. As they walked, Qui-Gon began telling her of what happened to Obi-Wan, about the chips put in the Kriff members, and how they are all in danger of being caught.

    Once they reached the palace lab, Qui-Gon told the scientist about the chip, and what it does. The scientist summoned some assistants, and got to work. It only took a minute to locate the chip in both Obi-Wan and Komota's left arms. Now they had to find a way to deactivate it.

    Qui-Gon, Komota and Obi-Wan pulled the half dozen test tubes of Sovero particles from their utility belts, and gave them to the scientists to dispose of. All except one.

    "Jallist, could you take this to my quarters, and put it in a safe place? Be careful not to break it though." Qui-Gon asked, handing the last tube to her.

    "Of course Master Jinn." She answered, and headed off.

    "I am going to talk with the princess. Obi-Wan, use your communications transmitter to call me if they figure out a way to deactivate the chip." Qui-Gon instructed. Both the dirty blond haired boy and the brunette haired girl nodded.

    On his way to the princesses quarters, Qui-Gon was deep in thought. /How am I to tell the princess her sister who she thought to be dead, is alive and has been one of her greatest enemies for years now?"

    Qui-Gon rang the buzzer, and it was immediately answered by one of the princesses chamber workers. "Yes?" she asked.

    "I must speak with the princess. It is urgent."

    "Please come in. Have a seat, I'll summon her from her study." Qui-Gon did so.

    "Master Jinn, is anything the matter?" a voice asked from a door behind his chair.

    "Princess Desmona." Qui-Gon stood, and gave a slight bow. "I have some urgent business to discuss with you."

    "Please come in my office." She offered. After they were both seated, Qui-Gon explained that all the members of the Kriffs had a chip installed to change their memories, and how with the help of one of the Kriffs whom Obi-Wan befriended, broke into the files. Also how Obi-Wan's friend had been severely hurt in a fighting match, and was about to have her chip reprogrammed, but they knocked the healer unconscious. As well as how Tandra ordered Obi-Wan and himself to be disposed of. Then how they escaped and came to the palace in hopes of finding a way to disable the chip.

    "My goodness, that must have been quite an adventure. But am I to understand that it was just you and your apprentice who came here?"

    "No your highness, we brought Obi-Wan's friend with us."

    "A Kriff, here?" she asked, rather alarmed.

    "I wanted to discuss her with you, your highness. You see, we read her file, and found out she had been kidnapped several years ago, and brought to the Kriffs."

    "And?" Princess Desmona urged.

    "And, we found out she had been on a walk at the time."

    "Why does this concern me Master Jinn?
  4. Kim-kenobi

    Kim-kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 1999
    Sorry sometimes I forget to post but I am here and always checking.

    Kim B
  5. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 30, 1999
    Yay, there's more story! I hope they can find a way to get Obi his memory back, and Komata too. And don't worry about adding more torture if it will mess up your story, but thanks! I am eagerly awaiting more.
  6. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    It'll be interesting to see what Komota is like when she gets her chip out. I can imagine that one part of her will be a very young princess, and the other part will be a much older ex-Kriff, and it might be difficult for her to reconcile the two at first. Can't wait for more!
  7. Kim-kenobi

    Kim-kenobi Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 1999
  8. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Hey, I am really supposed to be doing a math test right now,(the joys of virtual schooling) but oh well, I like you guys better than my school work any day.
    Bastet, I will be able to fit a little torture in, but how about some mush? Do you think you would mind me making up for the lack of torture with a little mush?
    I hope to post tonight, but if not, I will definately tomorrow.
    Thanks for all the replies! It sure boosts my ego, and gives me motivation.
    Later Days!
  9. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    Mush? Mush? Yes, more mush.

    I could live on mush. Mush for breakfast, lunch, supper and more mush for a bedtime snack.
  10. Bastet

    Bastet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 30, 1999
    Go right ahead Tenel'ka! Mush is so good for the soul, I love it too! Can't wait for your next post!
  11. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Hey, so I am posting a little earlier, I don't think you will mind TOO much, your mush is comming up...

    Part G

    Just as the princess was about to speak, Qui-Gon's communications transmitter vibrated. He pulled it off his belt and answered it.

    "Master, they found a way to deactivate the chips, Komota's is already deactivated." Obi-Wan told the older Jedi.

    "I'll be right there." Qui-Gon replied. "Your highness, my plan is to deactivate as many of the Kriffs chips as possible, and then capture the leaders." He handed her the transmitter. "When this goes off, could you send reinforcement's to the Kriff headquarters? They can hold the leaders until you have decided what to do with them."

    "Yes, of course."

    Qui-Gon bowed, and went to his quarters to pick up his, and his padawan's lightsabers, then headed back to the lab.

    As Qui-Gon opened the door, he was met with Obi-Wan practically flying at him.

    "Master!" Obi-Wan exclaimed happily, hugging Qui-Gon tightly.

    "I take it you had your chip deactivated." Qui-Gon said with a slight grin as he returned the embrace.

    "Wow. It's really strange. I remember my memories the chip gave me, but they are blurry, kind of like a dream. But then I remember my real past, and it's so clear!" Obi-Wan explained, taking a step away from his Master.

    Qui-Gon was very relieved, more than he showed. 'His' Obi-Wan was back.

    Well, what did you think? Did you like the mush? Will try to post more tomorrow.
  12. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    No replies? Oh well, here is the next part, only 2 left!!!

    Part H

    Qui-Gon turned to Komota who stood sat on a stool against one wall. "I suppose you will want to see your sister?"

    "Are you kidding'? Of course, but we have work to do. There are a LOT of Kriffs, so we better get started, we have chips to deactivate." She answered with determination.


    The scientist went up to the small group, and handed out several small round objects. "All you have to do is wipe it over their left arm, and it will send negative charges into the chip, which will permanently disable it." She explained.

    "Great, lets go." Qui-Gon said.

    Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Komota went to the same door they had left Kriff headquarters from. Komota looked inside, and saw that the hallway was empty, so she signalled for her friends to follow.

    All three kept the chip deactivators at ready. As they turned the first corner they spotted a guard. Obi-Wan sprinted toward towards the man before the other two had a chance to react. Using the Force, he leapt over the man's head. The guard turned to face Obi-Wan, but as he did so, the padawan wiped the chip deactivator over the guards left arm. The guard fell to the floor, overcome with the sudden rush of memories.

    Qui-Gon and Komota came and helped the man up. They explained that the Kriffs were using chips to brainwash the members, and that they were trying to stop the Kriffs. The guard followed them down the hallway, willing to help if needed.

    They searched a few hallways and many rooms before they came across a group of people in one of the rooms, standing in a circle. Obi-Wan heard them mention Komota, and that they had to find them.

    Qui-Gon motioned for Komota and Obi-Wan to get the people on the right side of the room as he took the left. Komota stayed near the door to keep the group from escaping.

    "What do you think ya' doin' in here?" one Kriff asked, noticing them. "It's them!" another shouted, causing the whole room to be in an uproar. There were around thirty Kriffs assembled there, against one ex-Kriff, and two Jedi, but the Jedi knew they could take the group on.

    Seeing the Jedi had no hesitation of taking such a large group on, Komota regained her confidence.

    Only some of the Kriffs had weapons, but the others put up a good fight. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan took on the members with weapons first, as Komota took on the others.

    Komota had little trouble knocking down her allies due to her being one of the best fighters among the Kriffs.

    Obi-Wan was trying to knock the weapon out of the hand of one woman. He didn't want to hurt her unless necessary. The women shot at him, but he rolled out of the way. As he stood back up, he sensed danger from two directions. He jumped out of the way of one shot, but a man shot from another direction. He never had time to get out of the way.

    Well? What did you think of the last 2 posts?
  13. Obi-wan's Padawan

    Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 11, 2000
    Those last two posts were great. I haven't been responding because I have final exams this week. Yuck! But I am definitely still reading your story. I am looking forward to your next post.
  14. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    Don't know how I missed that first post, but I'm here to say it was great, I enjoy seeing the boys together and happy.

    Now that last post left us with an awful cliffhanger. I need to know what happened, soon.
  15. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Wait a moment, is there really only like three people reading this?

    Hey, I will try to post is the morning, or early afternoon tomorrow, because I am going to a 'Bif Naked' concert in the evening, in the Largest mall in the world! (the great things about living in Alberta Canada.)

    Hope more people speak up before I post tomorrow, that would really make my day!

    [This message has been edited by Tenel'Ka (edited 05-10-2000).]
  16. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Don't forget me! I'm reading this, and I just love it when Obi-Wan goes down! Well, as long as he gets back up again eventually. Obi-Torture, hooray!

    [This message has been edited by Jane Jinn (edited 05-11-2000).]
  17. Kelly Kenobi

    Kelly Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 23, 2000
    I'm reading!!!!!! Sorry for not responding sooner, I only recently found this story and have been a bad person and not let you know how good it is and how much I am enjoying!!!

    Look forward to more, sorry to hear it is almost over. You are an excellent writer, I hope you have more tales to share with us
  18. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Thank you so much Jane Jinn, and Kelly Kenobi for writing! And you did make my day.

    Kelly Kenobi, actually, I do have a shorter story on the side I had started about a month ago, perhaps I will have to finish it.

    Bastet, this scene where Obi is shot, wasn't in the original story, I wrote it just for you, therefore, I dedicate that scene to you!

  19. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    This is the last part, well actually there is an Epilogue, so there is technically one part after this one. I dedicate this last part to all of you who have taken the time to read the words I put together to make this story, not just on this site, but on the sites where this is archived as well.

    Part I

    Obi-Wan felt the shot hit his right leg. He crumbled to the floor.

    The man was just about to shoot Obi-Wan in the chest, when Komota kicked the man's hand. The weapon went sliding across the floor. Komota wiped the chip over the man's arm, causing him to fall to the floor putting his hands to his head as the rush of memories came.

    Komota went to Obi-Wan's side. "Are ya' alright?" she asked.

    "Yes, it just hit my leg."

    Komota ripped a strip of cloth from her shirt and tied it around Obi-Wan's wound.

    "Thanks." He said.

    "I can only fight so many of these Kriffs at a time." Qui-Gon reminded them.

    Komota grabbed Obi-Wan's hand and hauled him to his feet, and they resumed the fight.

    After they knocked out all but the two Kriffs who were killed from being in the way of a blaster the Jedi and Komota had dogged, they set to work on deactivating all the chips.

    Once that room had been taken care of, they worked their way through room after room, until they entered what appeared to be another office. Inside Griffner and Tandra were deep in a discussion, unaware of what had all happened in their building.

    "What do you three think you're doin' in here?" Griffner demanded.

    "You will find the chips have been deactivated on about two thirds of the people here. Now, where is your leader?" Komota asked, glaring at the two Kriffs.

    Griffner looked utterly shocked, but Tandra still held her hard expression. "I don't know what you could ever mean." She replied.

    "Try...Tituck. Does that name ring a bell?" Obi-Wan spoke up with sarcasm.

    "I am the leader here. And I'm not gonna let a limping kid interrogate me." Tandra shot back.

    "Stop flappin' your gums, let's just kill 'em!" Griffner interrupted, drawing his blaster, and before anyone had a chance to react, he stepped forward, grabbed Komota and held the blaster to her head. "One move and I kill the girl." He warned the Jedi.

    Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood still, considering their options to this situation, but before they could take action, a shot rang through the room.

    "Nooo..." Obi-Wan yelled, but then realised Komota was still standing, and it was Griffner lying on the floor.

    "Wha...?" he asked no one in particular, then spotted the shattered glass by the window. He looked up to the window, and saw Jallist looking into the room.

    "Opps." Jallist said, pretending she never meant to shoot Griffner. "I hope we're not too late. We came even though you never signalled us. We figured that you might be too busy to. The place is surrounded, and the rest of the Kriffs chips are being deactivated right now. We had some more deactivators made." She explained, then asked, "Is he alive?"

    Obi-Wan nudged Griffner, who was laying face down, with his boot. The Kriff groaned in pain. "He'll live." The padawan chirped, then said with a sly grin, "You really don't spare a moment do you?"

    Several soldiers came in, and took Tandra and the injured Griffner for questioning.

    As Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan headed back to the palace, Qui-Gon put his arm around his apprentice's shoulder. "We'll have to have that leg checked as soon as we get back to the palace, padawan." Qui-Gon commented.

    Obi-Wan groaned. "Not the healers AGAIN, Master. Please!"

    Qui-Gon chuckled. "We can have that brace taken off of your collarbone at the same time if you like."

    "With pleasure!" the boy agreed.

    "It's good to have you back to your old self again." Qui-Gon said, as he pulled the hat off of Obi-Wan's head, allowing the padawan braid to fall back to it's rightful spot.

    "Don't I know it...don't I know it." Replied Obi-Wan with a relie
  20. padawan feline

    padawan feline Jedi Master star 3

    May 26, 1999
    WAIT!!!!! I'm reading this too! Actually I'm in the process of reading it. I have it all saved in Word Perfect, and as soon as I'm finished reading I'll give ya feed back! I just want you to know I am reading! Keep posting!
  21. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    All right! Good ending! I like the way Qui-Gon calmly reminds them that he can't fight all the Kriffs by himself, and the way that Jallist pretends to be sorry about shooting the leader of the Kriffs."Ooops." Also, Obi-Wan's wail of "Not the Healers AGAIN!" was so heartfelt! Good story, and I'm looking forward to the epilogue already.
  22. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    Darn, over so soon. It's been a wonderful read Tenel'ka and I look forward to more (and the epilogue, of course)

    Nothing quite finishes a story as
    Obi-Wan ay the healers.
  23. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    Incase any of you are wondering, the concert was GREAT!!! But I am glad to be able to breath clean non-smoke filled air again, and am glad that I don't have to have people rubbing shoulders/sides with me any more.
    Well, here is the final part, the Epilogue. I want to quickly thank my sister, for doing some of the editing on my story, and my best friend Lisa for loving this story, and inspiring me to continue to finish the story. And of course all of you who Love Star Wars, and took the time to read my story. And most of all George Lucus for giving us this universe to write about. Now, on with the story!

    After all the Kriffs had had their chips deactivated, Princess Desmona had given a generous sum of credits to each; in order to start a new life.

    Tandra had been bribed with a lighter sentence if she gave the whereabouts of her leader, Tituck, which she agreed to, then was forced to work in the palace. The princess had sent Tandra along with some of her best guards to capture him. But Somehow Tandra slipped some poison into his drink, and killed him right before he was captured, in order to save his secrets, and to get him back for not having a foolproof plan.

    Just outside the city, a shuttle was sent from the Jedi temple, waited.

    "Thank you for all you have done, and been through to help us. I know a simple thank you isn't much, but you won't except credits, so it is all I have to offer, except that you are welcome to come back at any time." Princess Desmona offered the Jedi.

    "Thank you. Though, knowing this city is at peace is reward enough." Qui-Gon replied.

    "Yes, thank you for everything! There is so much to thank you for, but so little time." Princess Komota said. She didn't wear the fancy clothing her sister wore, but wore nice looking pants and shirt.

    "Goodbye Master Jinn, thank you." Jallist hugged the Qui-Gon, despite the fact that he was a Jedi, then she turned and gave Obi-Wan a hug also. "Good bye Obi-Wan, and thank you. I hope we all meet again, but under better circumstances."

    After saying their good-byes, the Jedi boarded the shuttle, departing for the Jedi temple on Coruscant.

    Well, in the words of Bugs Bunny, That's all folks! Hope it was worth your time, and I hope to continue to hear from you. I will check back every now and then to see if anyone has replied to it. THANKS AGAIN!

    [This message has been edited by Tenel'Ka (edited 05-13-2000).]
  24. padawan feline

    padawan feline Jedi Master star 3

    May 26, 1999
    Great story Tenel'Ka! But, not to sound picky...but one thing I noticed that needs a little work is your tenses. I saw you having different tenses sometimes in the same sentences. What I mean is like past and present tense, most peeps stick with past tense, so choose one and stick to that same one and you'll do great! This story was very good, I enjoyed reading it! Hope you'll write more soon!
  25. Tenel'Ka

    Tenel'Ka Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 5, 2000
    There, I fixed some of the 'tenses' in the Epilogue. I wrote that part late at night, so don't judge me too harshly.

    [This message has been edited by Tenel'Ka (edited 05-13-2000).]
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