Deconstructing Jaina: A serious reflection upon the love life of Jaina Solo. *New Post: May 7*

Deconstructing Jaina

or

Days of Our Love


Disclaimer: All of these characters are unfortunately owned by George Lucas, though he seems rather confused as to the proper way to make use of them. Any resemblance to fics already in existence is coincidental and quite unitentional.

*cackles*


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Jaina strode quickly down the hallway, running her fingers through her thick, glossy brown hair that fell in flawlessly even waves to her shoulders. Her charmingly scuffed black boots made her footsteps heavy as she turned the corner and continued toward her quarters.

She had just completed a simming session with Twin Suns squadron, and wanted to take a shower and a nap before the strategy meeting that was planned for that afternoon. Wedge had requested the presence all of the Insiders, a group of which she was member.

She keyed in the security code for her room, and walked through the doorway. The corners of her full red lips turned up in a seductive smile as she saw the worn green shirt flung across her chair. Jag had been here last night. Her smile widened as she thought of the taciturn pilot.

She thought of Jag?s broad shoulders, his thick biceps, and his abdominal muscles, which looked as if she could take her dirty laundry, lather it with soap, rub it repeatedly over his stomach, and then rinse with water to find her clothes clean and fresh-smelling. In fact, his entire body was perfectly toned and seemed not to contain an ounce of fat, despite the fact that this was physiologically quite impossible.

She could almost see his beautiful green eyes hovering in front of her face, which would have been disturbing had they not been so undeniably perfect. His eyes were such a bright, vibrant green that they reminded her of the color that Jacen often turned after eating their mother?s cooking. She sighed in bliss.

She sat down on her bed and pulled off her boots tiredly. She had been working relentlessly as she always did, constructing brilliant new military strategies that impressed even the officers at the highest levels of the military.

This was rather surprising, since she was only a colonel and they were far older and had much more experience than she did, and one would expect them to be able to conceive of competent plans on their own. Fortunately, Jaina did not seem to need to sleep like normal people.

Yet she had felt inexplicably exhausted recently. She suddenly had a voracious appetite, and craved the strangest foods, like space-pickle ice-cream, which just happened to be the same color as both Jag?s and Kyp?s eyes. She had also been feeling very ill when she woke up. I wonder why I?ve been sick in the morning, she thought.

She shook her head and brushed the thought away. It was obviously nothing, and the combination of her strange appetite and morning illness was not indicative of anything in particular and merely coincidental. Suddenly a huge shadow appeared right in front of her. Why is there a massive, conspicuous, and completely unsubtle shadow before me? she wondered, terrified. But then it disappeared and she forgot about it immediately.

She rubbed her stomach again, wondering if she should make an appointment at the infirmary to have her mysterious and seemingly inconsequential illness checked out. She decided that she would stop by the medward on the way to the sparring session she had planned with Kyp for that evening.

Kyp. She sighed, and mentally repeated his name several times for the purpose of emphasizing her inner conflict in regards to this man.

Kyp.

Kyp.

Kyp.

Why was she thinking about Kyp? Was it because he had dark green eyes, that sexy ponytail, and had a big, long lightsaber that he always carried around in his pants?

Hmmm?

She considered his attributes for a moment, remembering the way that, during their last practice session, a single bead of sweat had dripped down between his shoulder blades, c

 

Oh my word, that was funny!

Perhaps?? the nurse began hesitantly, ?Perhaps if?well, I know this is going to sound crazy, but?? she paused again, then looked up at Jaina and said in a desperately hopeful voice, ?What if I just said it without the first name??

Jaina gasped and then answered urgently, ?Go ahead, quickly!?

?Padmé Amidala.?

There was a long, dramatic silence that was almost overflowing with foreshadowing.

While waiting for the silence to end, Jaina sprinted to the library, spoke with some historians, ordered some Ithorian take-out for her and the nurse, went and talked to her mother, had her hair cut, reviewed interviews with some ancient Jedi, made out with both Kyp and Jag in the same conference room, and memorized the entire secret history of the Old Republic.

One part of many that had me chuckling. And the 181st Space Navy Marching Band? LOL! I pictured a bunch of Soontir's clones walking around blowing horns and banging on drums.

Great job, LadyMairead!

 

*grins* Thanks Mira. There has been an epidemic of K/J/J fics lately, and they seem to have the same plot. *is mystified* I'm glad you enjoyed my spoof.


Incidentally, anyone who finds the Monty Python reference gets five points.

 

She had been working relentlessly as she always did, constructing brilliant new military strategies that impressed even the officers at the highest levels of the military.

This was rather surprising, since she was only a colonel and they were far older and had much more experience than she did, and one would expect them to be able to conceive of competent plans on their own. Fortunately, Jaina did not seem to need to sleep like normal people.

Yet she had felt inexplicably exhausted recently. She suddenly had a voracious appetite, and craved the strangest foods, like space-pickle ice-cream, which just happened to be the same color as both Jag?s and Kyp?s eyes. She had also been feeling very ill when she woke up. I wonder why I?ve been sick in the morning, she thought.

I can almost hear the subtlety clomping around, LM! Of course, Mira got here first and quoted the best part, *pouts*, but there's so much to choose from that I was hard pressed to pick a runner-up.

As you may or may not know, it's about six o'clock in the morning over here, so I have to tone down the laughter a bit, but rest assured, I laughed quite a good deal. And what's frightening: it actually is a good deal like many 'serious' fics I've come upon in my random browsing of the boards.

Running count: you've got two J/J 'shipppers on your side so far. I'll protect you! (I wouldn't want to lose my most interesting beta-reading job. )

Excellent work!

 

*smiles happily* Xaara! I'm so pleased you enjoyed my little jaunt through the foreordained Circus of Melodrama known as Jaina's Love Life. It was quite entertaining, and I think I'll be able to squeeze a few more posts out of this premise before I'm banned for flaming or assasinated. And thanks for volunteering to be my flame shield! Hugs to you, and I'll talk to you later!

 

Oh my god. It's like a harlequin romance or something.

Why was she thinking about Kyp? Was it because he had dark green eyes, that sexy ponytail, and had a big, long lightsaber that he always carried around in his pants?

Now now, size matters not ...

As usual it shows great promise. I can't wait for someone to stumble in and fail to grasp the sarcasm.

 

*bursts out laughing* that is a killer start- i can't wait to see where you take this!!

 

Hmm.... interesting.... Now that you've posted this, get back to Shades of Grey! j/k Good writing, not as favourable subject for me. ::hates love-triangles:: My mantra, however: Your fic, your rules.

I'm impartial in the case of the pairing, leaning on the J/J side.

::Cries over not finding Monty Python reference, is huge fan::

 

ROTFL!!!!!!

The silence was broken by the awed voice of the nurse, who said, ?Do you think it means something??
Jaina answered thoughtfully, ?I don?t know. It?s probably nothing, actually. It would be completely improbable that I would arbitrarily run into someone who happened to be intertwined with my family?s past and thus held the proverbial key to my destiny, along with a convenient answer to much of my confusion and angst.?

jaina -- and -- *laughs* kyp -- and chance padme -- amidala... *falls on the floor, laughing again*

brilliant job LM!

~TJF

 

?Fine, I won?t come to visit you at ungodly hours of the night with only elderberries, whipped cream, and a very small loincloth,? he shot back petulantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest
nut what a sight that would be

I love it!!!!!
But make it K/J pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

 

She thought of Jag?s broad shoulders, his thick biceps, and his abdominal muscles, which looked as if she could take her dirty laundry, lather it with soap, rub it repeatedly over his stomach, and then rinse with water to find her clothes clean and fresh-smelling. In fact, his entire body was perfectly toned and seemed not to contain an ounce of fat, despite the fact that this was physiologically quite impossible.

She could almost see his beautiful green eyes hovering in front of her face, which would have been disturbing had they not been so undeniably perfect. His eyes were such a bright, vibrant green that they reminded her of the color that Jacen often turned after eating their mother?s cooking.

Your description of Jag was doing crazy things to my heartrate then all of a sudden I was laughing like crazy at the Jacen reference.

Good job, LadyMairead.

 

LM, this fic es hilarioso!!

She felt so very full of tortuous, passionate angst, that she was surprised she hadn?t simply burst. Her mind was brimming with angst, and she was amazed that it didn?t gush from her like the River Angst and flow down the hallway to form little ponds of angst where small amphibians could take up residence.

Oh, wow...

*wipes tears from her eyes*

Why is there a massive, conspicuous, and completely unsubtle shadow before me? she wondered, terrified.

Heehee!!

I could go on quoting this all day, but unfortunamente, I don't believe you'd like to reread your entire fic.

Write more, please!!!!! Or I shall say "nee" to you again!!!!!

And I couldn't find the Monty Python reference... Woe unto me...

Oh, btw, I've always wondered something. Maybe you can answer. Do the Knights who say "Nee" say "Nee", "Knee", "Ni", or something else? (I know this is a crazy question, but I've always wondered... AND I'm crazy... So there you go! )

 

**frowns** JF06, dearest, I always thought it was "nih"....

Awesome viggie! **falls over laughing** Of course, I go for J/J. And I hope it will be staying that way!

 

Really? Thanks so much, Saber, bestest!!

You can't imagine how many nights I've lain awake contemplating that one little word...

 

I thought it was just "ni". . . hmm

That was the funniest thing I've read in such a long time! There were so many overused plot elements (catching Jaina in the shower, an unplanned pregnancy - Jag or Kyp? ) This was absolutely hysterical! I was crying by the end, it was so funny . . .

She sat back down on her bed and sighed, preparing herself for another round of simplistic introspection.

Jag.

But Kyp.

Jag. Kyp Kyp Kyp.

Jag and Kyp.

Jag Jag Jag, Kyp.



She felt so very full of tortuous, passionate angst, that she was surprised she hadn?t simply burst. Her mind was brimming with angst, and she was amazed that it didn?t gush from her like the River Angst and flow down the hallway to form little ponds of angst where small amphibians could take up residence.
That was the best paragraph ever!

 

*grins in wonder* Wow, I didn't think anyone would actually read this. I wrote it to entertain myself because I was stuck on my other fic. Thanks to everyone!

Utuu: Now now, size matters not... If that makes you feel better, dear... Unfortunately, everyone seems to have gotten the joke thus far. How disappointing.

jags_gurl: Thanks. This was actually supposed to be a short one-post vignette, but I'm enjoying writing it to a frightening degree. I think there will be a few more posts before it's no longer funny.

ROP: Somehow I knew that you would be in here reprimanding me for daring to write something other than SoG. But fear not! The next post is halfway done. Er, well, so maybe you should be a little afraid because I haven't made much progress on it in the last week. But I'll get to it eventually, I promise. I would never leave you hanging like that.

TJF: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hail_Jaina: That thought crossed my mind as well when I was writing those lines. *leers at Kyp* Thanks.

jagsredlady: I'm glad you enjoyed that analogy! I had quite a few in mind that I thought of using, but that one seemed to be the most disturbing.

Jaina_Fel_06: You picked out my favorite quote! The one about the "River Angst," I mean. I actually thought of that one right as I was going to sleep one night, and I almost fell off the bed laughing myself silly. I flipped open my laptop and wrote it down right away before I forgot it. So I'm glad you appreciated it.

SOL: Well, thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it.

TSM: Again, my favorite quote. Do you know when you write something and it sounds terribly amusing at the time, and then later when someone else reads it, it just sounds bizarre? I had expected most of this vignette to be that way, but apparently more people share my peculiar sense of humor than I ever suspected. Thanks.


And for everyone who was wondering, I shall now reveal the Monty Python reference...

?Fine, I won?t come to visit you at ungodly hours of the night with only elderberries, whipped cream, and a very small loincloth,? he shot back petulantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Elderberries are my all-purpose Star Wars foodstuff. Good for sauces, cakes, and strange midnight rituals.

Thanks again to everyone.

 

While waiting for the silence to end, Jaina sprinted to the library, spoke with some historians, ordered some Ithorian take-out for her and the nurse, went and talked to her mother, had her hair cut, reviewed interviews with some ancient Jedi, made out with both Kyp and Jag in the same conference room, and memorized the entire secret history of the Old Republic.




that was hilarious!


though i might have to kill you for the Kyp/Jaina thing...

 

I almost fell off my chair laughing! THis is hilarious! I love it! Post more soon?

Hoya

 

LtJS: Thanks! Not to worry, there will be some J/J snoggage coming up soon.

Hoya: Thank you. I will be posting again, as soon as the inspiration strikes me.

 

another post!!! Hopefully soon

 

::Looks at MP reference, then says to LM:: What a strange person! j/k

 

*dies laughing*

So funny!

~Rogue

 

*eyes widen*

Why was she thinking about Kyp? Was it because he had dark green eyes, that sexy ponytail, and had a big, long lightsaber that he always carried around in his pants?

*eyes widen more*

?Just because we had that one-night stand those seven or eight times doesn?t mean that I?m here at you beck and call,? she said huffily.

?Fine, I won?t come to visit you at ungodly hours of the night with only elderberries, whipped cream, and a very small loincloth,? he shot back petulantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.


*eyes start to tear from not blinking*

Jaina blew out a breath of annoyance and stood up, but not before she took the opportunity to wiggle around, run her tongue over Kyp?s chest, and kiss him steamily for a few minutes.

*finally blinks but passes out from lack of breath*

Jez

PS i saw the ref. to MP but then you had to go and give it away before i could get the 5 points!

 

That was so funny! It's about time someone wrote a fic like this! Post soon!

 

Hehehe! You just made my morning! Thanks

I think the "River Angst" was my fave. That and Jaina wondering what her "mysterious illness" could be, LOL!

more soon?

Astro