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Deep thoughts

Discussion in 'Jacksonville, NC' started by jkg_vader, Jun 13, 2005.

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  1. jkg_vader Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    Jack Handy had some great Deep thoughts, but also feel free to post your own or any others. Here are a few to get us started:

    If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

    It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

    A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
  2. eddie-wan-kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2003
    star 4
    I always loved those Deep Thoughts, but its been awhile. So I will post one I read on a shirt:

    "Its always funny till someone gets hurt. Then its hilarious!"
  3. jkg_vader Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    That is a good one!

    Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
  4. jkg_vader Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

    I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
  5. eddie-wan-kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2003
    star 4
    Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

    The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

    If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.
  6. jkg_vader Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

    OH MY GOSH That one made me laugh out loud!

    I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

    I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
  7. eddie-wan-kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2003
    star 4
    "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."

    (in honor of The Pie thread) "When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy."

    "I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it."
  8. jkg_vader Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 4
    Pie heavan, mmmmmmmmmm, yum!!!

    "I'd rather be rich than stupid"

    "When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. "

    "Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."
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