main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends Descent Into The Dark (EU, Yoda 300 years before TPM)--*Complete* Replies 7/31- Link to EotD posted!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Souderwan, Jul 15, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    =D=

    Wonderful ending, Souderwan. I got the same sense of coming full circle that I did when I watched the end of ROTS for the first time -- we are finally given an idea of what shaped Yoda and made him the Jedi Master we saw in TPM. I haven't read any of the KOTOR stuff or any of the profic that deals with these early eras, so I don't know much about the Sith or what they were doing during this time, but I can clearly see the slow fade into the background, the way they would become figures of mystery, always working in the shadows.

    Yoda has learned firsthand the danger of attachment, but we also know how difficult it is for sentient beings with emotions to avoid becoming close to one another. It's a conundrum that the Jedi Order will never completely solve, unfortunately.

    I think you did a wonderful job with this, especially writing in an era and with a main character that I normally wouldn't have a lot of interest in reading. I'm also looking forward to reading the upcoming vignettes and seeing more of the marvelous way you tie all the threads of the Star Wars universe together.

    If you're ever out in Southern California, my friend, I owe you a drink! :D
     
  2. Lord_Zeron

    Lord_Zeron Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2005
    The perfect end to a magnificent tale! I can't believe that after all this time, it's over. It seemed like just yesterday when you posted that first chapter where we were introduced to a young Yoda on the fields of Migruna. And now... now we've been with him through love and loss, through good times and very very bad times. As entracing as the journey was, it's sort of bitter-sweet to see it end. On the other hand, I can't wait to see the vignettes, I'm sure they'll be wonderful as always. I wonder which scenes you're going to use...

    As for the chapter itself, it was far more imaginative and interesting the most final chapters I've read. The majority of stories end with a bit of resoluation and giving the reader an idea of how the main character will live "happily ever after." Yours, however, shows that this journey is just the beginning for Yoda (fitting with the chapter title) and adds (at least) two great connections to the future of Star Wars.

    I finally realized what you meant about the Sith getting inside each others' heads, I was just wondering if perhaps Rizza would be inside Kaine's head when I started reading the chapter. Turned out I was right; great connection to FotS. I expect Kaine will have a very... odd life living with his former Master listening to his every thought and giving commentary. I think that sort of torture would drive me crazy, though perhaps that's how the Sith ensure that none of their apprentices turn back to the light after killing their masters. To bad it didn't work, in the end.

    Count on the Sith to be truthful, yet liers, at the same time. I was even thinking that, if I was Yoda, I would check the ship before using it. I was thinking it might take him to Korun, but I quickly dismissed the idea, knowing that the story was almost over. But it seems that one final time, Darth Friegus underestimated Yoda, and because of it the Jedi legacy will continue.

    In a way, though, Kaine was right: he did send Yoda "home." Until you mentioned it, I never really realized just how much Migruna and Kashyyyk had in common. I suppose that's why Yoda likes it so much there, and it was great to see Tarrful beginning a long-time friendship with the Jedi Master. I know I'm going to think of that scene every time I watch Yoda leave the Wookies in RotS.

    The thoughts about fear were great insights into the mind of fallen Jedi, it shows us just how much harm a lack of self-confidence can cause.

    Have fun writing the vingettes; I'll be sure to read them. :D

    -Zeron

     
  3. Darth_Vastor

    Darth_Vastor Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2005
    They had not lost.

    They had won in the most unimaginable way. The Sith finally had the key to defeating the Jedi. Corrupt the Jedi from within. The political influences were already in place with the lobbying he had done to ensure the Jedi were funded?and overseen?by the Republic Senate. Seducing their best and brightest would be next. One or two would work. But more would be better. If enough Jedi were drawn to the dark side of the Force, the cracks in the Jedi Order?s armor would finally begin to show.


    This signals the start for a new age of the Sith, I believe. The Sith we are familiar with from the Saga. We can see the roots of the corruption in the Senate, and the seed of weakening the Jedi from within by drawing the greatest among them down the Dark Path. If Kaine were a canon character (and I consider him to be one since no one else I've ever read has explored this time period before), then he has to be considered the Father of the Modern Sith - more so than Bane.

    While the Jedi Order struggled to keep its precious Jedi in the light, the Sith would ensure the birth of the Sith?ari. Somewhere remote, far away from the prying eyes of the Seekers. And when the Sith?ari was ready, the Sith would lay claim to the entire Galaxy.

    Kaine smiled.

    Yes?

    Kaine nodded.

    Yes.


    We even get the hint of Anakin's birth and the propechy in there. Yet another tieback to the Saga and FoTS.

    The conversation was short. She seemed to sense the anguish that had wrapped itself around him. She took the loss of Migruna III far better than he ever would. She did not press for details, seemingly satisfied with the explanation that the super-weapon no longer posed a threat. She did not even question his request to erase the existence of Migruna III from the Jedi Archives. She merely nodded assent and agreed never to speak of the planet again?even to him. Yaddle processed the news in her own way and then?she let it go.

    So Yoda didn't tell her about Rizza? I can understand that, even if Yaddle and Rizza weren't really close. Yoda must feel like this is a burden he needs to shoulder alone.

    Yoda stared down at the NavComputer and confirmed the coordinates for Coruscant?home. He shook his head. No. The Jedi were his home. Attachments to physical places would only bring heartache and pain. Attachment to people only risks fear of losing them. It was fear, after all, that led him down the dark path.

    Yoda has definetely matured. This entire affair has really sahped him in ways that I knew were inevitable, but could not see how he would ge there.

    As the vessel drifted aimlessly, it occurred to Yoda that the Sith had never actually lied to him. In every case they had told him the truth, though never completely. Rizza had begun to seduce him the moment he had laid eyes on her. She told him the truth at every turn. That had been the power of the seduction. She had warned him about attachments, about letting go. He had never bothered to learn?.

    The Sith toyed with the truth in order to deceive?

    That was the power of the Sith.


    That just makes the Sith even more powerful. They have ways to percieve and strech the truth that the Jedi can never hope to match. Of course, I'm not sure if Palpatine fits that description - he blatantly lies to Anakin at times - but the root is still there.

    ?Repay the debt, I will.? Yoda struggled to sit up. As the father reached to push him back again, Yoda waved him off. ?But return to Coruscant, I must.?

    The father roared again.

    The words were beginning to take form in Yoda?s mind. ?Understand this, I do. Your son?Tarfful?under Jedi protection, he will be, for as long as I live.?


    Could this be why Yoda was the one to go to Kashyyyk during ROTS? He has a lifedebt to Tarfful? Nice ... :D

    As they sailed through the foliage, the fresh smell of the green trees filled the air. Wookiees could be seen in every direction. Working, playing, being together. They were a community?a family.

    They were alive.

    Yo
     
  4. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2001
    Like how Kaine is now appreciating beauty where before he didn?t notice it, and is puzzled by why he is thinking strange things. Liked how he is arguing with himself and having to persuade himself and how subtly this hints at what has happened when he killed Rizza.

    His plan sounds good, even without benefit of knowing how well it worked.

    Liked Yoda thinking Yaddle was a better Jedi because she seemed to manage to let the news go so easily. Could be that Yaddle was hiding her feelings until the channel closed. Could be that Yaddle has nothing to feel guilty for (or at least thinks she has nothing to feel guilty for, after all she was the one who mothered a Sith rather than a Jedi) and so the task is easier.

    Question is whether Yaddle being a better Jedi makes her a better person. Yoda?s failure to empathise with Anakin was significant, had he still been a worse Jedi and more inclined to feel things then the conversation might have been different. From this perspective the destruction of Migruna III and Yoda?s new determination to feel less fear of loss was significant to the success of the Sith.

    Spoke too soon about the ship being fully functional. I still think it would be relatively simple to divert the ship into a black hole as those would be marked as navigation hazards so their positions would be in the navicomp (same way as a naval chart shows rocks). Good insight from Yoda to realise that the best lies are the truth, I wonder if he taught Obi-Wan that lesson (from a certain point of view).

    Interesting way to tie Tarfful and Yoda together. Glad that Yoda decides that owing Tarfful his life and owing him a life-debt is not an ?attachment? to be let go of and ignored.

    Loved Yoda giving Tarfful a prod with his new stick.
     
  5. geo3

    geo3 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 29, 2002
    I have to say ? writing comments for this story has grown more challenging by the week, mostly, of course, because you have taken us down a deep philosophical path that demands (because it is worthy of!) a lot of thought. Then, of course, there are your readers, who have so many insightful things to say that they make that path even longer!

    So I always have to cogitate a bit before replying.

    It's worse this time, because it is more or less over. :_|

    The first thing I noticed about this post is the title (having learned my lesson well on other posts! [face_laugh]): Genesis. This, for a story that is ending. Because, it is quite clear now, this story is but a beginning.

    Then, of course there is are the parallels between the Jedi and the Sith that began so vividly in the last post with that wonderful image of the two of them crossing a threshold of sorts together and then going their separate ways. In this post the paralles are there, but their experiences of the recent events are quite different:

    ~Darth Frigeus leaned back into the plush pilot?s chair, his fingers steepled and resting against his lips? he realized that he had hardly even noticed beauty in anything throughout his life, let alone learned to truly appreciate it.

    ~The Sith would survive, and the Jedi would not know of their existence until the Sith chose to reveal themselves.

    ~The Sith finally had the key to defeating the Jedi. Corrupt the Jedi from within.

    ~Yoda had surrendered to the darkness because he was afraid. That was what must be exploited. Fear of loss. The Order?s fear of the loss of its Jedi to the dark side would be its undoing.

    Vs.

    ~Yoda leaned back into the hard-backed pilot's chair, his fingers steepled against his lips. He stared out of the viewscreen, unseeing.

    ~Tiny crystals of salt were left in their wake, embedded within the multitudinous wrinkles that marked the centuries of life behind him.

    ~A better Jedi than I.... Yoda thought dourly as the transmission ended.

    ~ Fear?

    Anger?

    Hate?.

    Suffering?


    It seems as though the Sith leaves these events having had a better time of it altogether. He seems satisfied and even a bit triumphant, easily overcoming the whispers of doubt in his head.

    Yoda, on the other hand, suffers ? he suffers deeply. The lesson he has learned are hard-won indeed.

    Of course, Sith treachery being what it is, Kaine never intended for Yoda to survive with the knowledge he gained from these lessons. And yet, despite Yoda?s sorrows, you made the ending :_| to this marvelous journey of a story into something deeply poignant and?yes? satisfying.

    Kashyyk. How poignant that it reminds him of Migruna: When he awoke, he was on Migruna III again. No?the homes were similar, to be sure. He was on the balcony of one of them. The homes were built into massive trees, and vines hung from branches that stretched from one tree to the next in a complex interlocking pattern. No, not Migruna. Yoda sighed.

    How poignant that Yoda will forever have reminders of his descent into the dark, along with the task of battling any possible return to that place: Yoda glared at his knee, and bit back the sudden rage that erupted.

    How satisfying that the story ends as it began, not only with the beginnings of ?a beautiful friendship,? but with the experience of what is ultimately important in life: As they sailed through the foliage, the fresh smell of the green trees filled the air. Wookiees could be seen in every direction. Working, playing, being together. They were a community?a family.

    They were alive.

    Yoda smiled.



    I loved all the disparate threads that you pulled together which eventually will converge in what we know as the Saga: Yoda?s litany against fear. His friendship with the Wookies. And of course, this: The ship accelerated. Size matters not. Distance matters not, he whispered in his mind? the ship accelerated more. *happy sigh*

    When it comes to these converging threads, though, there is
     
  6. Baby_Death_Star

    Baby_Death_Star Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Ahoi there. I haven't been around for a while (family business & Easter holidays), so here's a "double update".

    I mourn for Migruna, but I liked the Sith/Jedi stuff at the end very much ... and Yoda's peek at another planet (yet) unharmed by the forces of evil.

    =D= , Master Souderwan!

    updated pdf:
    "Descent into the Dark" by Souderwan pdf, 610kB, 177pg, 14 chapters


    EDIT: geo3!!! Two suns?? :eek: This can't be true ... could it? Shouldn't it be deleted instead of re-named? But great, great idea!!
     
  7. Dymero

    Dymero Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2004
    Have read since the beginning, but am only posting now! Thank you for such a great story, Souderwan! I thorougly enjoyed it.

    Also, I searched the PDF file posted above. Several references to Migruna III having twin suns. ;)
     
  8. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Author?s note: TGIF!! Thank you all so much for your wonderful responses. I was talking to geo3 a while ago about how amazing my responses have been lately. Every time I think that I?ve officially received the best response I could ever hope for, I get another one that blows me away and makes my heart sing even more. I have the best readers an author could hope for! I?ve decided that I?m going to enshrine the lot of you in the Reader?s Posts Hall of Fame !! [:D]

    The first of the vignettes is written and is in the hands of my trusty beta, @};-GrandAdmiralV @};-. I expect to post later today. After much deliberation, I?ve decided it best to cut down the number of vignettes I had planned. As it stands, I think I?ll be done in four vignettes (vice 8) plus an epilogue. I?m sure many of you are sighing in relief! :p

    Now?on to replies! :D


    Arcalian: Yay! You got first post!! =D= *hands Arcalian the first post award*

    Kaine doesn't realize what's in his head yet.....

    I?m so glad you picked up on that. As you might recall, it took another certain Sith Lord quite a bit of time to realize what had happened to him. Needless to say, if one hasn?t read FotS, this little discussion might be a little cryptic. [face_devil]

    Ah, so Yoda's relations with the Wookies begins.....

    Yep! One of the 1,000 questions I remembered asking myself about the little green guy?

    And yes, lying thru honesty, Machiavellian, appropriate for the Sith.

    Truly, the most dangerous kind of deception is the one that is wrapped in the blanket of truth.

    Talon_Kenobi: Yeah I wonder if Rizza will get into his head. I guess he has too...to make the sequal make sense

    Yes, she would?

    In fact, if you think about DitD within the context of FotS, you?re likely to come to the conclusion that this outcome was probably inevitable?

    Darth_Lutgerous: Finally Kaine realized what he had to do to make the Sith the dominant force in the galaxy and how he could destroy the Jedi, through politics.

    Indeed. I think Kaine sort of knew this on an instinctual level early in the story as he had set that ball in motion, actually making the Jedi grateful for officially (and bureaucratically) connecting the Jedi and the Senate. True to his Sith nature, he used that as a double-pronged attack, getting him into a meeting with Yoda.

    Kaine's discoveries would soon become a reality when Sidious takes the title of emperor and declares Order 66 (or when Mace takes the title of emperor in Fall of the Sith). At last the Sith will rule the galaxy, and we shall have peace....

    If at the end of this story, you see a direct connection between DitD and RotS/FotS, then I will consider this story a resounding success! :D

    Yoda also had a revelation and became exactly how he was in Episode I, strongly believing that a Jedi should have no attachments and that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. When Yoda realizes this and changes his beliefs, it is obvious that it will have a deep effect on the Jedi Order and be central to the conflict Anakin faces in the Prequel Trilogy

    Dude! There?s nothing more to say! [face_dancing]

    Fantastic job Sounderwan! You have truly evolved Yoda from the rebel we met at the beginning to the Yoda at the end, who we all know and love. This transformation was done extremely well and because of the traumatic events Yoda experienced, it was completely believable and enjoyable to read.

    Thank you!! I would have been disappointed in this story if we didn?t see a natural arc to Yoda. I needed to see him grow and I?m happy that you saw it as well.

    GrandAdmiralV: I got the same sense of coming full circle that I did when I watched the end of ROTS for the first time -- we are finally given an idea of what shaped Yoda and made him the Jedi Master we saw in TPM.[/
     
  9. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2005
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Renovation~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The durasteel doors to the Jedi Council chambers were shut. Yoda stood before them with his hands clasped, resting atop his gimer stick, his eyes closed, and his face impassive. He stared at the durasteel doors, waiting. His rock-still position hid the turmoil within. Yoda contemplated the last time he had visited the chamber.

    He recalled the disdain he had felt for the Jedi Council. He remembered how he had despised what he had thought of as their elitism. He summoned the disgust he felt for how they were nothing more than a midi-chlorian club.

    He had thought them sycophants.

    He had thought them weak.

    He had been wrong.

    Yoda bowed his head and stared at the backs of his hands where they rested atop the twist of wood. At some unknown point in his life, his once-pristine skin had become spotted with darkened blotches. Veins now bulged from his wrist and ran like tributaries, branching along the green landscape. Wispy strands of hair that had once been a lustrous silver now had faded to a dull gray.
    Yoda frowned.

    He had grown old. How had he not noticed until now? With his age, the Council had seen experience. They had coveted his accumulated knowledge, but he had been too wrapped up in his own concerns to see it. The Council had not wanted him because he had the highest midi-chlorian count on record. They had wanted him because he was ancient. They had wanted him because they had thought him wise.

    Yoda nodded.

    Wise, I was not, Yoda considered. Great knowledge, I had, but no experience. Knowledge, without experience, a great waste, it is. A marriage, wisdom is, of knowledge and experience.

    Yoda raised his head and stared at the ornate designs on the cold metal doors. Distant sunlight glinted off them into his half-lidded eyes. Migruna III?s twin suns had sparkled off the discarded Iktotchi?s weapon as well.

    Yoda sighed.

    Closing his eyes, Yoda breathed in the calming energies of the Force, and the whispers of the dark side that nipped at the edges of his consciousness dissipated.

    Inform the future, the past should, Yoda considered, not dictate it.

    Sinking further into the placid waters of the Force, the ethereal form of Qui-Lek seemed to materialize in a distant haze of blue-white light. Yoda knitted his brow in concentration, trying to resolve the insubstantial image, but the impression vanished. Yoda could not be sure, but it seemed as though the Jedi Master had?smiled.

    Yoda contemplated the vision and the Jedi Masters who waited behind the two massive slabs of metal. They were not prepared for what awaited them. Perhaps his encounter with the Sith had been the will of the Force. Maybe the Force was telling him that he should use his new-found wisdom to make the Jedi stronger. Bound by his agreement with the Dark Lord, Yoda could not talk about his experience. Nothing, however, precluded him from imparting the lessons he had learned. Yoda tightened his lips into a thin line.

    The doors suddenly unlocked, and Yoda opened his eyes. He made his face an inscrutable mask and hobbled into the room.

    He would lead them.






    Master Secura?s right lekku twitched involuntarily. Yoda?s report had been clear, concise, and?incomplete. Surveying the gathered Masters in the Council chamber, she sensed their unease as disquieting tremors in the Force.

    The only eye on Master Redous?s reptilian head that was visible from her vantage point blinked incessantly. Tulook tapped his pale fingers against the side of his chair. Ji-Aba-Zin tilted his long conical head to one side but said nothing. Elyana?s gaze settled on Qui-Lek?s conspicuously empty seat.

    As expected, it was Fanzeh who finally broke the silence with a snort. ?What happened to this darksider who took Qui-Lek?s life?? The Klantooinian?s tone was harsh. The lips of his split upper jowls flapped as he snorted again.

    Yoda?s expression was inscrutable. That was abnormal, in and of itself, given that Yoda had nev
     
  10. Art_Of_War

    Art_Of_War Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2005
    And so the hero returns to his home, bruised and battered from hard won lessons and bitter sweet triumphs, a changed man. A burden now troubling his shoulders with all that he has seen and done that he will carry throughout the rest of his life, his wounded knee forever reminding him of what he lost and gained.

    And from this conflict, he becomes the progenitor of the heroes of tomorrow, those who will have to face a similiar darkness with courage and conviction. He becomes the living emobdiement of sacrifice and conviction, his bond with the Force staving off the darkness for many years.

    To say I'm amazed at your presentation of Yoda throughout this WIP would be a huge understatement. That you've been able to create such a headstrong and somewhat arrogant Yoda and then turn him into the humble Jedi master we know and adore attests to the ever growing magnificence of your prose.

    Thank you for this incredible piece of work.


     
  11. Talon_Kenobi

    Talon_Kenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 3, 2003
    Good ending and Yoda is finally Yoda.

    Well I was reading this I had a weird idea. Yoda was part of Anakin right? I think that is what happened in the last story. At the end, I visualized this as Yoda telling this to Anakin in his mind.
     
  12. Noelie

    Noelie Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2005
    There was something so beautiful about ending this tale with something so commmonplace but as fun as a water fight.

    It was sort of like Chiasmus, ending on a note of calm with water, echoing the beginning.
    Great Job!
     
  13. Arcalian

    Arcalian Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2005
    Yoda begins the long slow path to recovery.

    Though even now I wonder if Yoda should;ve led the Council. Leadership and responsibility are not the same thing. If he had been in some secondary position, keeping his eyes peeled for the Sith, things might've been different.....
     
  14. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    "The circle is now complete." ;)

    The true measure of a work that stays with us over time is the arc of a character through the piece -- how he suffers and changes and grows, just as all of us do. Such a contrast between the Yoda we saw at the beginning of DitD and the one who finally faces the Jedi Council, ready to lead it into an uncertain future. But without everything he suffered, he probably wouldn't be able to give the Council the direction it needs. Very well done! =D=

    But I have to say I breathed a sigh of relief at the end, when Yoda was finally able to loosen up a bit. Life does go on, after all. The trick with the water was priceless.

    And I'm looking forward to the viggies -- I want to see which elements you touch on, and why. It should make for very interesting reading!
     
  15. neoizchosen

    neoizchosen Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Ooooooh boy. It's been awhile since I've been here - about four months, lol - but I'm finally all caught up and I must say that you did a stunning job Souderwan. I especially like the implication that Migruna III eventually becomes Tatooine. And the way you're tying up a bunch of loose ends too is quite interesting. I look forward to reading more.
     
  16. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2001
    Interesting. Makes me unsure whether Yoda was deluding himself that he was still a stud-muffin in the first part of if his experiences have aged him (as Palpatine aged, or as they said Luke was ageing himself in the Dark Nest books when he drew too much power from the Force). Quite a change either way.

    As others have said whether being leader of the Jedi Council is the best place for Yoda to be for imparting the lessons he had learned is debatable.

    Liked Yoda being challenged on his evasiveness. Good way for him to get out of a more specific answer by ?just? overwhelming them with images in the Force which they would have difficulty interpreting. Glad that Fanzeh was not completely discouraged and continued to question Yoda.

    Enjoyed Elyana?s tactics. First wait and then give Yoda the sight of a bathing beauty to distract his thoughts, and then SHOUT!

    Also liked Yoda?s sense of humour coming back to him and him dumping the entire pool on Elyana?s head.
     
  17. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Author?s note: Hallo all! :D The first vignette (I?m calling them epilogues ?cause I don?t know what else to call ?em :p) will post when I get home later. Thanks for your continued support and enthusiasm!!

    On to replies?

    Art_Of_War:

    And so the hero returns to his home, bruised and battered from hard won lessons and bitter sweet triumphs, a changed man. A burden now troubling his shoulders with all that he has seen and done that he will carry throughout the rest of his life, his wounded knee forever reminding him of what he lost and gained.

    I love the way you characterize Yoda?s experience. Yes?once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny (note the title of Part III).

    And from this conflict, he becomes the progenitor of the heroes of tomorrow, those who will have to face a similiar darkness with courage and conviction. He becomes the living emobdiement of sacrifice and conviction, his bond with the Force staving off the darkness for many years.

    Indeed. But perhaps his experience will blind him to other options, as others have pointed out. Perhaps, in his determination to prevent others from falling to the darkness, he doesn?t see all the possibilities... [face_worrying]

    To say I'm amazed at your presentation of Yoda throughout this WIP would be a huge understatement. That you've been able to create such a headstrong and somewhat arrogant Yoda and then turn him into the humble Jedi master we know and adore attests to the ever growing magnificence of your prose.

    Wow! Thanks! :D If I?ve been able to show the progression of Yoda through this work, then I can consider this a success! You?ve made my day!


    Talon_Kenobi: Good ending and Yoda is finally Yoda. Yep! :D Though I?m sure he?s not done growing?none of us ever do.

    Yoda was part of Anakin right? I think that is what happened in the last story. At the end, I visualized this as Yoda telling this to Anakin in his mind.

    Actually, Anakin already has that knowledge. In FotS, Yoda transfers his knowledge and experience to Anakin, not his mind, per se. Yoda?s consciousness is not in Anakin?s mind. That being said, it may take a few years for those very ancient memories to surface?

    Noelie: There was something so beautiful about ending this tale with something so commmonplace but as fun as a water fight.

    I?m glad you liked it! Thanks!!

    Arcalian: Though even now I wonder if Yoda should;ve led the Council. Leadership and responsibility are not the same thing. If he had been in some secondary position, keeping his eyes peeled for the Sith, things might've been different.....

    Indeed. Sometimes, a 3rd option is worth considering. Someone with Yoda?s wisdom could either lead or advise?it is hard to do both. An advisor has the advantage of not being in the thick of things; being able to provide insight; being able to ask the right questions. Alas?things didn?t quite work out that way.
    GrandAdmiralV: The true measure of a work that stays with us over time is the arc of a character through the piece -- how he suffers and changes and grows, just as all of us do. Such a contrast between the Yoda we saw at the beginning of DitD and the one who finally faces the Jedi Council, ready to lead it into an uncertain future. But without everything he suffered, he probably wouldn't be able to give the Council the direction it needs. Very well done!
    [face_blush] Thank you so much! I really wanted to show the effect of Yoda?s experiences on him so there is no higher compliment than to hear that I was successful in that endeavor! :D
    But I have to say I breathed a sigh of relief at the end, when Yoda was finally able to loosen up a bit. Life does go on, after all. The trick with the water was priceless.
    Me too. I remember thinking throughout the PT that Yoda really ought to smile a little more. One of my favorite scenes was the scene with during the lightsaber class with the younglings. He really looked
     
  18. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Epilogue?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Suffer the Children~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ?Yes, yes. Feel the Force!? Yoda whispered into his Padawan?s ear as he clutched tightly to the boy?s sinewy shoulders. The young man took a hard turn to the right before leaping thirty meters into the air and landing fleet-footed on a two-meter-wide stanchion in the training room. The teenager?s breathing was heavy and labored. He was slowing down. Yoda dug his nails deep into the Padawan?s shoulder.

    ?Ow!!? the boy yelled.

    Yoda pushed himself off his apprentice?s shoulder and flipped over the young man?s head. Yoda had already pulled his weapon to his hand, activated it, and was twisting the blade in the hapless student?s direction before he landed. When Yoda swung the blade toward his pupil?s head with a new leap, the boy managed to duck at the last second and rolled to the other side of the platform.

    When the learner stood again, his azure blade was out and ready, angled down to the right in preparation for another attack. Yoda pushed off the metal grate. The boy moved his blade to his left.

    The student?s eyes widened, his mouth open. Yoda landed on the wall to the boy?s left, and the Jedi Master began to run along the bulkhead, his blade a green blur. A twist of his body to the right in a tight circle kept the apprentice?s head attached. A flick of his lightsaber in a smooth arc deflected Yoda?s assault and forced him off the wall.

    The Jedi Master gave no indication that the boy had accomplished anything remarkable. Instead, he deactivated his weapon and pushed off the stanchion with his hands, hurtling toward the startled boy, feet first.

    Taken aback, the teen angled his blade vertically and brought it in close in obvious desperation. The Jedi Master pulled the weapon free with the Force. As the boy watched his weapon freefall over the railing, the Jedi Master?s feet pounded into his chest. The boy landed hard.

    Yoda stood atop his Padawan?s chest, his face impassive. ?Better, that was, Dooku.? The Jedi Master frowned. ?But remain focused, you must, even when tired.?

    Dooku nodded blankly. Blood rushed to his already flushed face. Blinking a bead of sweat out of his eye, he glared at his Master. Yoda raised his right eyebrow, and then the corner of his mouth turned upward in a lopsided smile.

    The apprentice?s lips contorted into an instant snarl, and he pushed hard.

    Yoda?s eyes went wide as he sailed over the railing and fell toward the marble floor below. Whatever surprise the Jedi Master had experienced was instantly put aside as Yoda righted himself, extended his hands to either side, and called on the Force to slow his fall. As he landed, his discarded gimer stick flew to his hand.

    Dooku landed two meters behind Yoda, his recovered weapon high above his head as he charged in, his teeth gritted and bared.

    Yoda raised a hand.

    The boy screeched to a halt, crashing hard into an invisible wall.

    Yoda balled his raised hand into a fist.

    The weapon deactivated in Dooku?s hand, and then crumpled around its crystal. The student stepped back cautiously from the dismantled weapon as the fuel cell, and then the crushed hilt, fell to the floor with a dull metallic thud. The dismantled chrome hilt, now nothing more than a distorted metal globe, rolled unevenly about on the floor before stopping at Dooku?s feet. The discarded fuel cell glistened in its pristine state a meter away.

    Yoda turned.

    Dooku bowed his head, but kept his eyes on the Jedi Master. ?My apologies, Master Yoda. I forgot myself for a moment.?

    Yoda?s face was stern, a marked look of concern embedded on his wrinkled face. ?Indeed,? he replied. Yoda hobbled slowly toward his pupil. The sound of his gimer stick pounding the floor with each step echoed loudly in the large empty chamber. ?With anger, you attacked.?

    Dooku nodded. ?Yes, Master.?

    ?Great care, you must take.? Yoda stopped directly in front of his apprentice and stared intently into the boy?s eyes. ?Anger, fear, aggression -- of the dark side are they.?
     
  19. Cobranaconda

    Cobranaconda Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Chills :p

    Sorry I haven't been able to post recently, lots of stuff, time to read but not time to reply. All I'll say for now is that you're still something for us younger writers to aspire to, Souder :p Honestly, this is great, good work :)
     
  20. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 26, 2001
    Glad that Yoda didn?t claw Luke in ESB.

    A twist of his body to the right in a tight circle kept the apprentice?s head attached. ?Sounds like Yoda doesn?t believe in training sabers or training settings.

    Good judgement to give Dooku the smile and provoke the response. Impressive strength and skill to deal with Dooku?s assault so easily. Liked the touch of removing the power cell before crushing the lightsaber as otherwise it could have been a rather explosive result. Poor Yoda though, Dooku seemed more impressed with the display than embarrassed at having required it.

    Not so sure about Yoda?s judgement with harping on about the Dark side with Dooku. The more Yoda warns Dooku the more the possibility that he will fall will be kept in Dooku?s mind.

    Ah, the Jedi baby-snatchers. I suppose that the ?anti-attachment? training is not so bad, advice to parents has sometimes been to let the baby cry and only feed / attend it at set times (though I don?t remember any advice about scurrying around with a ?clipboard?). Liked the contrast between how the manipulative cold-hearted ?seeker? referred to the new arrivals and Yoda?s reaction to this, Syndaar seems to regard the babies in much the same way as the Kamino regard the clones they produce.

    Mace was so cute when he was little. Like the idea of him happily giving up the rattle but being quick to retrieve it.

    Shame Yoda was proven right about the effects of the Jedi baby stealing.

    Liked his reaction to learning that the baby was from Haruun Kal and their chieftain was still called the Ka?heen. Agree that Yoda would have a lot to think about.
     
  21. Arcalian

    Arcalian Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2005
    Dooku and Mace. Very good, especially in light of FOTS.

    The Jedi "baby snatchers" are bad juju. Blech.

    *highfives the Wan that is Souder*
     
  22. Lord_Zeron

    Lord_Zeron Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Warning: I've been up since 5:30 this morning, so if I make any typos or if something doesn't make sense, that's why.

    Hello again! I can't believe I forgot to read the final chapter. I noticed the PM late at night and thought hey, it'll give me something to look forward to when I wake up tommorow. Then I went to bed, and without the "New PM" message to remind me, I totally forgot. But anyway, here I am and great conclusion. I was under the impression that the previous chapter was the last, and though it was great, I was sort of wondering what would happen when Yoda returned to the Jedi. And now I have an answer! The meeting was excellent, and great descriptions of the emotions they were all feeling. A few thoughts:

    Wise, I was not, Yoda considered. Great knowledge, I had, but no experience. Knowledge, without experience, a great waste, it is. A marriage, wisdom is, of knowledge and experience.

    As soon as I read that, I knew it sounded familiar. Finally I reallized that I had been reading it all this time in your sig! I think you slipped one in FotS too, and once again I agree with it completely. It takes an understanding of how something is done, and what it feels like to do it, if one truly wishes to master a skill, and I guess the Force is no exception.

    Inform the future, the past should, Yoda considered, not dictate it.

    Wow, that's deep. I think you forgot the "/" in one of the tags though. Nevertheless, it seems that Yoda thinks that his actions should affect the future instead of dominating it, and I can hardly blame him. If I had made the mistakes he had, I wouldn't want anyone to know about them either.

    ?I am here,? Yoda replied.

    ?No, you?re not.?


    Great lines, for some reason that reminds me of how I feel in Chemistry class.

    He would lead them.

    Yes he will. The entire meeting with the council was excellent, I could really see how Yoda was beginning to become a part of them even as he taught them the lessons he had learned. Though he had to learn them the hard way, I'm sure his sacrafice greatly helped the future Jedi of the Order.

    The entire contents of the pool hung in the air two meters above, contained in an invisible bowl.

    I wish I could use the Force as well as Yoda. Heck, I wish I could use the Force period. Then I could just levitate the remote or a bag of chips to me without getting off the sofa. Though I suppose that wouldn't be very Jedi-like...

    On to today's post:
    Excellent viggie. *slaps self in forehead* Maybe it's just the fact that I'm mentally exhausted, but it was a total surprise that the padawan was Dooku. The relationship you developed between him and Yoda was fabulous, it was easy to see the personality changes they both made. Yoda seemed a lot different than the younger Yoda from the main story, and Dooku was a lot more innocent then his current self, though I could see a few seeds of doubt already starting to grow.

    As much as I loved the first part, the second was even better. Master Syndaar was a very well-developed OC for such as short piece (at least I guess he was an OC since I've never heard of him, but correct me if I'm mistaken) and I liked the little corrections Yoda made to him. Always a teacher to an Order that never stops learning.

    I knew the vignette was leading up to the introduction of a character as a baby, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out who it was. And it should've been so obvious too, I almost hit myself when it turned out to be Mace. I was thinking maybe Dooku, though I thought it was strange that you'd post the parts in reverse-chronological order, or perhaps Qui-Gon. But Mace makes a lot more sense, and it seems that I was right about Kaine's descendants. I remember back to when you first introducted Dorran and said he was from Haruun Kal. I thought you had just done that as a reference to your favorite character, but I see now that you had much more planned for his background. It's all these many layers that make your storie
     
  23. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    I have to agree with _JM_ that Yoda constantly telling Dooku to be wary of the dark side is problematic. After all, it's human nature that the more you tell someone not to do something, the more they're going to want to do it. But, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

    One can see why, even though the Jedi have done so much for the galaxy, that Palpatine was able to sway public opinion against them. After all, even if it's a great "honor" to have your child chosen to be trained as a Jedi, I would think it's cold comfort when you consider you'll never be able to see your child grow up or share in the million and one little moments that make up the parenting experience.

    Well, now we know why Haruun Kal ended up with all those impressive Force-users. Fascinating that Mace comes from Dorran's line, not Dooku.

    I agree that it's difficult to decide what to call these gripping little pieces of history. I guess "Epilogues" will do for now.

    Bring on the next one! :D
     
  24. Darth_Vastor

    Darth_Vastor Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2005
    I have been very busy these past few days but I'm glad I finally was able to tear myself away so I could read your last two updates. I'm sorry I didn't respond to them earlier, because they were excellent.

    Wise, I was not, Yoda considered. Great knowledge, I had, but no experience. Knowledge, without experience, a great waste, it is. A marriage, wisdom is, of knowledge and experience.

    It's astounding how much Yoda has matured in this story. At the begginning, I barely recognized the Yoda you presented as the one in the movies. It made me all the more eager to delve into your story to find out what could cause such a shift in his character. I think I've already mentioned how much of a brilliant job you've done, but I'll say it again anyway. :D

    He would lead them.

    You tie up another loose end with Yoda joining the Council, and the agony of his burden was crushing to witness. It's unlikely that anyone but Yoda could bear it and remain strong.

    A moment later, Elyana was drenched and water gushed onto the floor, pooling around her ankles. Her clogged ears didn?t drown out the welcome sound that emanated from her friend.

    It started low, like the rumble of a distant cloud?

    It grew louder and more insistent by the second?

    In spite of herself, Elyana grinned and sighed inwardly with relief.

    For the first time in the three months since his return, Yoda laughed.


    :D And at last, the healing has begun.

    Yoda screwed up his face briefly. Then he let out a loud breath. ?In time, Padawan. Patience. Strong you are in the Force. Focus and training, you need, to realize your full potential.?

    Dooku straightened. ?But I will never realize my full potential, will I??

    Yoda lifted his chin and pursed his lips. His eyes lost focus, and he gazed out through lidded eyes. Finally he focused his stare on his young Padawan. His ears drooped low. ?Dangerous, this line of questioning is, Dooku,? Yoda replied. He raised a hand and pointed one of his gnarled fingers at his Padawan. ?To the dark side, it will take you.?


    Love Yoda's perception here! Even from such and early age, he can sense the discontent in Dooku that will drive him to Sidious and ignite the first full-scale war the galaxy has seen in a milenium. You characterize both Master and Apprentice perfectly.

    Yoda returned his attention to Syndaar. ?Their chieftain??

    ?Yes. They have a tribal system of government, centered on a fairly powerful Force-adept who acts as a healer. He claimed that the child was from a long line of healers and could not leave the planet.?

    Yoda frowned. ?His name??

    ?The boy?? Syndaar asked. ?His name is Mace Windu.?

    ?The chieftain. What was his name?? Yoda pressed, his throat tight.

    ?I?m not sure, actually. His people called him Ka?heen, though I believe that was his title.?


    This is another great tie-in. I recall reading the recollection about Mace and the rattle in Shatterpoint, and wonder if you would address his coming to the Jedi Order in your story. I'm very glad you have! And it sounds like Mace is a descendent of our old friend Kaine's line. I was hoping for an appearence by Kaine in one of your vignettes, but this is just as good.

    Thank you for two great updates, Souderwan! I eagerly anticipate the next installment.
     
  25. Art_Of_War

    Art_Of_War Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2005
    Yet another excellent vignette, Souderwan.


    A great action scene that almost reminds me of the duel in AOTC...

    Purely coincidental, I imagine.:p

    This passage really brings me back to the chapter in which Yoda is taught the meaning of the lightsaber by Rimariss. And in essence foreshadow's Dooku's revolt from the Jedi...

    And if this wasn't enough magnificent prose you give us this...


     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.