Desperation (NJO J/J fic; UPDATED!! 3/21... yes, that's 3/21 2005!!)

Okay, this really needs a kick up............

 

can we please have a new post soon?

 

Hey guys,

Our loveable author is under ridiculous amounts of stress right now, and will try to get a post up within the next couple days.

She wanted to thank you guys for sticking with it, and to let you know that it means a lot to her.

-Storm

 

jeez sorry about taking so long to post. this is complicated or else im stupid...no wait don't say anything. anywayzzzz hey iella wat up? you should kno who this is. just wanted to say good job writing. i'd sponser you or something if i ever got rich but too bad you can't make that much money working at McDonald's. Keep it up.

post more often so i can have something interesting to do in comp. programming class. No but for real yor a great writer. Jaina's tight!

 

I would never drop this story and would have said so earlier if it wasn't for the fact that I've been under a lot of stress. I'm sure everyone understands.

 

i'm sticking around....... i always do.

 

Oh I realy like this.

 

JWY: Just a side note, great job with "Never Say Never" and "Hope Runs Strong"

tendra_217: Adumar will definitely be interesting.

JainaJag00, Leah-Beth, Drama_Princess87, LJS: thanks!

Goddess_Jaya: Thanks for the up... and for sticking around.

Khemist_Karla, collywolly: Good to see you here!

smelly_socks: Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to say much because I know you in RL

SK says: Socks: You have my sympathies.

Thanks to everyone for sticking around, and one more sorry for the long delay between posts.

*~*~*~*

Jaina paused slightly as she walked out the door of the pilot's lounge on her way back to her room from Wedge's office. Something had pulled her toward the door earlier, and she had stepped into the room hesitantly, finding herself in a small space devoid of any life. Without the loud chatter of obnoxious pilots filling the lounge, it had seemed to her to be just what it was - a small gray room without cheer.

Scattered around the room, though, there had been various reports and holos of the squadrons stationed on Borleias. She?d picked up the nearest pile - a holo of Lightning Squadron, a scouting report from Stallia Squadron, an X-wing evading a trio of coralskippers, a random pilot hopping out of his X-wing?

And one of her and Jag. She?d taken that one and stolen silently back to her room, where she now sat dejectedly at her desk before a magnified image, watching it, hoping it would move and show some sign of life. No such luck.

The picture captured him at a slight angle, showing the scar that ran from above his right eyebrow into the white streak of his hair. She was shown leaning against her X-wing, arms crossed in a defiant posture. On Jag's face was a slight smile - or was it her imagination? She wouldn't have seen it at the time the holo was taken ? or, if she had, she?d have assumed it was his usual arrogance - but now, a trace of humor seemed to touch his lips. Smirking at me, probably. But that wasn?t what it looked like. Smiling with her?

Abruptly, she slammed the holo down. It still hurt to think about him.

She picked it up again. A smile on his face.

He was human, after all? I should?ve known it, deep inside somewhere. But his arrogance ? no, mine - prevented me from seeing him as he really was. We could have been friends. Good friends. Too late. The feeling of guilt returned, if it had ever left at all. If she had done things differently, would his fate have changed? Would their fate have changed?

Absently, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and swallowed hard. The Force worked in mysterious ways sometimes - why had it brought her to this picture, now, instead of earlier? Jag was dead now, his clawcraft blown up, his burned body drifting somewhere in space. She had felt him die, Kyp had felt him die, Uncle Luke had felt him die - his presence, cut off suddenly in the Force. If the two greatest Jedi Masters alive both knew he was dead, why did she foolishly yet tenaciously cling to the hope that he was somehow still alive? Just for a chance to say goodbye to a crush? She and Uncle Luke had been over this this afternoon. He?d tried to comfort her. He had known Jag was dead without Jaina having to say a word. He had felt Jag?s death, more acutely because of Jaina?s attachment to him. He?d known how she felt, even if she hadn?t known. I felt him die, blast it! She threw the holo across the room.

Anger. More grief than anger. More pain than grief. But above all, a sense of bitterness. She?d give anything for a chance to take back her words and actions and, above all, her inactions.

In the silence of her room, as she collapsed onto her bed in the exhaustion of grief, she could hear his voice in her head. Lieutenant Solo. A word with you?

Please, please don't go. No, more than that.

Jag? Don't die, don't go, don't leave me here alone. Don't let me fail you. Don?t let me lose you. Please

 

Iella, you read my stories... gee, wow...thanks!

That was well worth the wait. (how's that for alliteration?) I wonder what this vision will bring for our young heroine?

 

wow, what a great post- and an interesting vision... can't wait to read more!

 

ooooh.... suspense. i wonder wat that vision meant (if it really was wat jaina thought it was).

 

*runs into thread on regular J/J forum surveillance*

Great story! I can't wait until the next post, but if it'll be a while, don't worry, I understand (this is called the "fellow writer empathy syndrome" and is common among forum writers). Your characterization is seamless, and the plot, while believable, is far enough away from the standard J/J sequence of events to keep me guessing. Keep up the good work!

 

**mouth opens and closes, with no sound coming out**

WOW.

Excellent post, Iella!

 

great post! can't wait to find out what happens!

 

That was beautifully written Iella. I don't know whether to be depressed from Jaina'a feelings of failure or happy for the love between Jag and Jaina.

 

Oh...wow...that just...wow. That totaly blew me away. I loved the emotion. It was just...really great. Keep it up!

 

Man Iella... I'm at a loss for words!



I just loved it! It was brilliant.

 

wow that was really good. i never knew this side of you iella. [face_shocked] very nice

 

oh yeah and you can't make jag dead. he's cool and cool people are not allowed to be dead. that's just the way the world works so sorry he's not dead. heh.

 

JWY, jags_gurl, JainaJag00: Visions are interesting... [face_mysterious]

Xaara: glad to see you! hilarious sig, by the way

SoL: Thanks Keep it up with A Fleeting Glimpse

LJS: Thanks

Goddess_Jaya: Yes... it's rather sad that Jag died before Jaina could realize that she loved him, huh?

Asha, D_P87:

smelly_socks: I suppose you can pester me about it. My mind is made up, though.

*~*~*~*

Kyp gazed with wonder at the fierce woman before him. He was acquainted with countless females, but none so baffling as Jaina Solo.

"Adumar... Tsavong Lah... wh- what?!"

"Go to Adumar to take out Tsavong Lah."

"One more time, please?"

Jaina rolled her eyes at him. "Stop fooling around Kyp. Can you lead Twin Suns for a week or two?"

Kyp shook his head. "No."

"No?" Confusion spread across her features. "You led your own squadron for more than - "

"No," he interrupted. "What are you talking about, going to Adumar? Walk straight into a Vong infested planet and think you're going to walk out again? You better think again, goddess, because you're not invincible, and I'd hate for you to find out the hard way."

"Shut up and listen to me, Kyp." She shook her head in annoyance. "What happens to me is irrelevant. The fact is this. I have a chance to deal a major psychological blow to the Yuuzhan Vong, and I'm going to take it. Ultimately, what might or might not happen to me pales in comparison to what I could achieve if I pull this off successfully."

"Weigh the odds, Jaina," he insisted. "What's the probability of survival? This is a suicide mission."

Her eyes darkened. "I'm Corellian. Odds don't apply to me."

Kyp merely continued looking at her.

Jaina turned away to control her frustration. "Why does everyone think I'm so intent on killing myself? I happen to like being alive. I just want to take that pleasure away from the Vong. I'm a fully trained Jedi Knight, Kyp. I can handle myself, whether you want to believe me or not. I've dealt with Vong before, and I'll do it again, with or without your support. Can you command the squadron or not?"

Kyp considered. She was set on going, that much he could tell. And she was right... even if he locked her in her room and grounded all the ships on Borleias, she would find some way to make it to Adumar. "Still no."

"No?" A look of confused disappointment made its way into her expression.

"No," he repeated. "If you're crazy because you're going to Adumar, you're even crazier if you think you're going without me."

"Oh." The disappointment was replaced by... sympathy?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He didn't like these types of conversations with Jaina Solo, didn't like them at all. When she was stubborn, she was... well, stubborn. But this time, he had already conceded a point to her. Without a doubt, there was no way she go on this mission without him. This, he would not let her argue.

"I can't let you go." Her face contorted into an expression of pain. "It's too dangerous. I can't ask you to take the risk."

"You're not asking me to do anything, shavit!" he exploded. "You think you're not risking your life pulling this little stunt? I'm demanding to go with you. I'm not letting you go without me."

Her eyes hardened. "You don't even know what I plan on doing there."

He snorted, his countenance returning to its usual sarcastic self. "I highly doubt you know either." He watched her out of the corner of his eye, waiting for her reaction. When she finally responded, he was pleased with the result.

"Fine," she conceded, her anger dissipating slightly. "I don't know very much. I just want to kill Tsavong Lah."

"You're going to need more than just me. Tahiri, too, I imagine. You're going to have to talk to the Vong without translation. She can teach you. A weapons expert, maybe a Wraith - "

"Whoa, whoa, wait," Jaina interrupted. "You and Tahiri, I can maybe deal with, now that you point it out. But I don't

 

Great post, Iella.... Can't wait for more....

 

I love reading about Kyp and Jaina bickering. You hit them dead on too.

[face_eyeroll] What's Jaina doing now? I think Kyp's right - she is trying to go on a suicidal mission. I can't wait to find out who the last member of the strike team is. A wraith is good though - Kell or Face or even Wes.

Great post Iella!

 

Great post! I liked the interaction between Kyp and Jaina. What exactly does Jaina think she's doing? Het plan to go to Adumar to take out Tsavong Lah seems a bit nebulous at best. [face_puppydog]Will she find Jag there?[/face_puppydog]

BTW, thanks for the comment on my sig. I've always been a Corellian at heart.

 

awesome post! can't wait to see what happens on Adumar!

 

**blinks**

Jaina is going to risk herself and probably kill herself, causing everyone to grieve and go crazy and such?

Why am I so unsurprised?

Excellent post, Iella! You like my story?

I love it when Kyp is bickering with Jaina- I always make him do that in my story