Saga Destiny

Here's chp 1 of my first fanfic ever...just thought I'd get some feed back. Let me know if you'd like to read more and I'll get it posted.....


The room was quiet now. It was peaceful once again. Completely dark except for the single green lightsaber illuminating it, the only noise left that slight hum that lightsabers made. And the heavy breathing of one Jedi.
Dozens of clone troopers lay at his feet. Some missing limbs, all dead. He couldn't even see them all. The dim light his lightsaber provided wasn't enough.
Seconds ago they had turned against him, completely unprovoked. They hadn't given him the slightest bit of warning, they had just sprung into action as they had numerous times against the droids of the trade federation. And so had he. He'd felt a distrubance in the force, sensed the danger-
and then it had begun.
He had no idea how long it lasted, all he could remember was the sounds of blaster fire, the agonized screams of the troopers- troopers that had once fought alongside him- as his lightsaber cut through them. He could feel the life fade from each of them, every single one. Now they were gone, and all that remained was the question: why?
He struggled to contain his emotions. He felt the force flow through him. There was danger approaching, but it was far off. He could use the time to calm himself.
Why? Why did they-
No.
NO.
Asking why wouldn't help him now. Even without the force, he knew that he was in great danger. If he wasted his time dwelling on tthe question, he might never live to find the answer.
First, he needed to leave. He turned to face the door, only to find it sealed shut. He knew better than to try and open it. He had pried it open with the force himself just minutes ago, and the fact that it was now shut again meant that someone had closed it on purpose. Someone was trying to trap him. The emergency lights flared to life, and he could see what remained of the clone troopers in full detail. What he had done to them. What he had to do.
Though they had tried to kill him, seeing them laying there made him feel sad. And sick. He couldn't stand any more of this. He took a deep breath, and plunged his lightsaber into the floor.

 

Awesome start! Nicely written. I wonder who this lone Jedi who carries a green lightsaber is? Please continue.

 

Great start

 

I would like to sincerely thank you guys for the feedback, and for reading. I want to be a writer, this is the first things I've ever really put out there. Here are 2 more chapters, the rest will follow soon.



CHP2


"Please, if we don't get going soon, they'll dock our pay and I have eight children to feed!"
Commander Tyne looked down at the interpreter droid. Then he looked over at the small Sullustan male standing nearby it. Maybe others would be irritated by this, but not commander Tyne. He felt nothing except determination. Determination to follow his orders. He wasn't going to let some sniveling little Sullustan, or anyone else, stop him. He walked up to the Sullustan, forcing the sniveling little alien to take an involuntary step back. Then he bent down, the rain soaked visor of his helmet an inch from the Sullustan's contorted face:
"I don't care if your children starve. You're not leaving until my men finish searching your ship."
The Sullustan quickly muttered something, and Tyne could tell he had put the fear of a lifetime into him.
Good.
"My master wonders if perhaps it would speed up the search process if you were to tell him what you were looking for?"
Tyne didn't budge. Not an inch.
"That's confidential."
The Sullustan began to say something else but was interrupted by the sounds of blaster fire. He and Tyne turned to look where it had come from.
A group of clone troopers stood over a dead corellian pilot. Their blaster rifles were smoking.
"What happened over there?" Tyne shouted. The Sullustan next to him shrunk back behind his interpreter droid.
One of the troopers jogged forward slightly, then stopped and saluted.
"Nothing major, sir. This cargo pilot tried to resist us."
Commander Tyne nodded his head slightly. "Carry on."
He looked back to where the Sullustan had been a moment before, then saw him cowering behind his interpreter droid. Now he had had enough.
Tyne grabbed the droid and threw it to the side. As soon as it had hit the ground Tyne had already drawn his blaster. As the Sullustan shrieked in fear, Tyne filled the helpless interpreter droid with enough blaster bolts to render it unrecognizable.
"Commander Tyne, sir!"
Tyne turned. Five of his men stood behind him, in front of the Sullustan's ship. "We found nothing ,sir, the ship's clean."
"Good. Proceed on to checking the others, and keep your guard up. I'm going to escort this pilot down to the holding area. If we can't find the Jedi, I'll have to interrogate him."

CHp 3

Tyne slammed his fist down hard on the desk. The Sullustan in front of him yelped in fear.
"I don't care if you understand basic or not, you're going to answer my question! . Tyne lifted the Sullustan out of his seat by his shirt and dragged him across the room. He then hoisted the little alien up and grabbed him around his large cheeks, shoving his face close to the holoprojector in front of him. It displayed an image of a Jedi Knight.
"Shen Traskul! Jedi Knight! Have you seen him !?"
Tyne was about to grab the Sullustan's cheeks and start squeezing when the door burst open.
"Sir! A ship has taken off, and made it's way off planet. It has entered hyperspace."
"It must be him. No one else could have gotten past us. Order the pursuing ships-
"They were all shot down, sir. One managed to com in the hyperspace jump before his engines exploded."
"Then we're leaving. We have to-
"Sir, all of our remaing ships have been sabotaged. The troopers guarding them have all sustained what appear to be lightsaber wounds. Fatal ones."


Shen Traskul finished inputing the coordinates into the ship's navicomputer. He saw the stars in front of him stretch and blur, and he entered hyperspace. He knew he should try to get some rest, but sleep would not come. Not after what happened. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Slowly he let it out.
Now was the time to think.

he had no idea what would happen to him. He had no idea what would happen to his brother and sister Jedi. He worried for them. He worried for the

 

A very, very cool first three chapters. Awesome writing, L.

If it's not too much trouble, could you toss me a PM when you update?