Saga Diary of an X-wing (ESB humour) -- Chapter 2 is up! 10/28

Have you ever wondered what happened to the X-wing that Luke left at Bespin after his confrontation with daddy? No? Well, neither had I, until I found myself in a sauna at a party and for some (insane? drunken? overheated?) reason the subject was brought up and discussed in depth for approximately two minutes. As far as I can remember, no certain conclusions were reached from this discussion.

Anyway, the question kept bugging me so in the end I decided to write the poor starfighter's story myself. And here it is, in all its glory; the fate of a forgotten hero, as told by the X-wing itself. The plan is to update once a week. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the X-wing, Luke or any of the other Star Wars characters that are mentioned in the fic. I'm just borrowing them for a while.


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Chapter 1


DAGOBAH


Crashlanded in swamp. Great. Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse: splash! And I though being stuck on a bloody ice planet for half a year was bad. I wonder if he has any idea of how much that landing hurt? Probably not, he didn't even apologise. He just grabbed his stuff and left me lying here, hurt and soaking wet. To top it all off, I think I'm stuck in this slime hole. What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

***

Yep. I'm stuck alright. This mud is really going to mess up my generators.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Yep, still stuck. Haven't seen my pilot or the R2-unit for days. They probably left me for dead. Well, I'm as good as dead anyway. Maybe I should just let go and sink down into the slime... speed things up a bit. I mean, there are far worse ways to go, right? Imagine being blown to space junk by a Star Destroyer; that's bound to hurt like a <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED>. Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

Farewell, cruel galaxy!

***

Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface. Did my poor excuse for a pilot try to save me? Of course not. He just sat there on a rock with his mouth open, staring at the frog. Anyway, looks like we're about to leave this place. Thank Incom. That little frog is really starting to freak me out. Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

***

Oh my <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED> flap! A snake! A bloody snake just crawled up my engine exhaust! Man, that was freaking scary. If my pilot isn't ready to get me out of here in 10 minutes, I can't be responsible for my actions. And if he thinks that pulling that snake out of my engine somehow makes up for everything he's done to me, he's wrong. Anyway, decided against messing with the flight controls again. The sooner we leave this mud hole of a planet, the better.

 

I loved this. It was really quite funny. I assume that you'll be taking the x-wing all the way to Bespin?

 

Don't know which line I liked more, "Thank Incom!" or "Goodbye, cruel galaxy!"

Really ORIGINAL humor, Lynx! I'm kind of hoping the poor thing ends up at the battle for the second Death Star; I can just imagine how it would feel about that...

Updates only once a week?

 

Oh my stars, this is hilarious!

What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

That's as good an answer as any, actually.

Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

Farewell, cruel galaxy!

ROTFLOL!!!

Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

*giggles* The secret lives of starfighters and droids. This is great!

 

Somehow, the repetitive image of the poor X-wing saying "still stuck in the swamp" just has me giggling. This is so funny to see it from the POV of an X-wing!

* thanks Gabri for pointing out this fic *

Great job, JediLynx!

 

"OH my fricking flap!" Are you from Utah, little X-wing? Oh flip, fetch, scrud! Just kidding. Anyway, this is hilarious. I've never read a piece of humor from the car's POV.

 

OOoh, funny! Poor X-Wing. But a funny story nonetheless.

Nice job, JediLynx!

 

Oooh, it's up! Wonderful!

Looking forward to the next parts, Lynxie-grrl...

 

LOLOL!! Very Cute and original!!

 

this is good Lynx!*clapping my hands*

 

This is priceless!

 

Wow, I never expected so many replies! Thank you! I'm almost blushing here...

Yes, we will be following the little drama queen all the way to Bespin, and beyond. As for wether or not he (she? it?) will end up at Endor, well, we'll just see about that.

Sorry about not updating more than once a week. I'm a slow writer, and have a pretty busy life. I just don't want to make any promises that I can't keep.

 

*still laughing maniacilly*

 

rotflm*o

I think its a great job! can't wait to read more

 

Cool!!

I feel really sorry for the poor X-wing!!

 

This was really funny!

Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface.
Life (and the Jedi) are cruel, aren't they?

 

Hee hee this is really funny!

 

Very funny! I wonder if the poor thing is jealous of the attention that Han gives the Falcon. Luke does leave trail of X-wings behind him, doesn't he? (Does he still have one sitting on Nirauran?)

Looking forward to the rest.

 

Ah hahahaha! I loved it!

Very funny, JediLynx.

More, more!

 

Still giggling- especially <INCOM AUTO CENSOR ACTIVATED>

 

Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

Absolutely hysterical! I ADORE this story!! *still laughing with gusto* Can't wait for more of the "little drama queen"'s adventures!

 

More soon?

 

Frog? That's what Yoda is a frog! This is funny.

 

*falls over laughing hysterically*



To top it all off, I think I'm stuck in this slime hole. What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

Yoda claims to be the "Father of the Jedi" so in some freakish way, you're right. Yoda for a relative. O_O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *RUNS AWAY*

Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

*laughs hysterically* GO X-WING!! FRY THE LIL' TROLL!!!

Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

Farewell, cruel galaxy!

*falls off chair* Oh my goddess.....


Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface. Did my poor excuse for a pilot try to save me? Of course not. He just sat there on a rock with his mouth open, staring at the frog. Anyway, looks like we're about to leave this place. Thank Incom.

*snickers* "Poor Excuse for a pilot"?

That little frog is really starting to freak me out.

Who doesn't he freak out? [face_uneasy]

Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

*rolls on the floor laughing*

Poor Artoo!!!

]***

Yep. I'm stuck alright. This mud is really going to mess up my generators.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Still stuck in swamp.

***

Yep, still stuck.

*tries to breath but can't; is laughing too hard*


Oh my <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED> flap! A snake! A bloody snake just crawled up my engine exhaust!



Man, that was freaking scary. If my pilot isn't ready to get me out of here in 10 minutes, I can't be responsible for my actions. And if he thinks that pulling that snake out of my engine somehow makes up for everything he's done to me, he's wrong.

Woohoo!! Vengful lil guy.

Anyway, decided against messing with the flight controls again. The sooner we leave this mud hole of a planet, the better.

I agree. I most heartly agree.


I loved it. I still love it. I want - no, I NEED more of it!!

This is priceless.

 

Yay! A Mormon X-Wing!!!