DIVERGENCE- a fan fan script

Discussion in 'Toronto, ON' started by Darvin11, Jun 5, 2001.

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  1. Darvin11 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2001
    star 1
    DISCLAIMER: I am well aware they may be other fan-films with similar themes as this but this script was created with a simple intent in mind. As mentioned before I wanted to create a fan-film that was more than excuse for a kick-ass lightsaber fight. A film that had drama and acting.

    Be aware that this is a first draft. I wanted to put it out here for your edification and to see what peoples thoughts might. I think it is pretty good but it will not be made for quite some time as I simply don't have the funds to attack something of scope, even if it is shot on digital in front of a blue-screen.

    Enjoy and please let me know what you think.

    Robin T.

    P.S. this was formated in script format so its quite right here. If this is a problem, email me and I will email it to you.

    darvin111@sympatico.ca


    TITLES ROLL UP OVER STAR -FIELD

    DIVERGENCE - A STAR WARS TALE

    Soon after the Battle Of Naboo the Jedi Council, afraid
    of the resurgence of the Sith, elect to send envoys
    throughout the galaxy.

    The ranks of the Jedi Knights are spread thin, seeking
    out any trace of the Dark Lords, no matter how remote the
    location.

    A newly knighted Jedi is sent to investigate an outbreak
    of violence on an otherwise peaceful world, unaware of
    the machinations of the Jedi Council....

    EXT.THE CITY OF FLENTHEDAR - DAY

    A small Jedi craft slices through the atmosphere, slowing
    to hover and land over a platform.

    EXT. LANDING PLATFORM - DAY

    A Jedi Knight gracefully descends a ladder in the belly
    of the ship, stepping to the ground and forward, out of
    the ship?s shadow.

    The platform is deserted, a walkway extending to a large
    doorway. The hooded Jedi waits, hands clasped in front of
    him.

    The doors open with a hiss and a group of troopers stride
    towards him, lead by a stone-faced man in bright flowing
    robes.

    The groups stops a few meters from the Jedi. The leader
    meets the Jedi?s eyes for a moment, but his resolve
    begins to fail.

    Unable to fight it any longer he breaks into a wide
    laughing smile and steps forward to greet his friend.

    KALATHAR
    Stoic to the end, eh?

    The Jedi drops his hood to reveal a handsome young
    bearded man who is smiling as well.

    ABERDEEN
    Kalathar, my old friend. How have you
    been?

    KALATHAR
    Not so good as you, it seems. I cannot
    tell you how proud we all were when we
    heard of your graduation.
    (considers)
    A Jedi Knight! Never would have
    believed it.

    ABERDEEN
    It has been a long time.

    KALATHAR
    15 years I think.

    ABERDEEN
    That sounds about right.

    They start to walk towards the open door, flanked by the
    troops.

    KALATHAR
    Don?t mind them.

    ABERDEEN
    Because of the disturbances?

    KALATHAR
    ...that?s one word for it.
    (pauses)
    You know, I am quite surprised they
    sent you for this...

    ABERDEEN
    Will my parents be joining us?

    KALATHAR
    What?

    ABERDEEN
    My parents.

    INT. LANDING PLATFORM TURBOLIFT - DAY

    Kalathar is jarred to a stop. Stunned he presses the call
    button, thinking before responding.

    KALATHAR
    Did they not tell yo
  2. Cristalia Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2000
    star 3
    A nice first draft...just a few comments:

    1) Think about how you're going to communicate some of the non-dialogue stuff...I see how a lot might not get across.

    2) Try and take the role of "Voice of God" away from Kalathar...it'll make the exchanges between himself and Aberdeen more natural.

    3) Keep the voices in character, and consistent.

    4) Maybe move the part about his sister up to the beginning, otherwise it's really obvious what's going on.

    As I said, a good first draft, and I hope the comments help. :)

    Cris~
  3. Darvin11 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2001
    star 1
    Thanks for the helpful input!

    The non-dialogue stuff I am not worried about as I am a very visual filmmaker. The descriptive passages are there as a hook for myself and the actors to hang the performances on; a starting point if you will. It also helps the reader understand more than just the dialogue. I am a big believer in show don't tell.

    I know Kalathar is very expository but given the length of the piece I needed someone to get this stuff across quickly without being forced. I also wanted to have some comic relief as opposed to the typical stoic jedi.

    I suck at dialogue.

    Good idea about the sister. But as you now know the story any subsequent drafts will have no suspense.

    Thanks again.

    Robin
  4. THEREALSHMII Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 4
    Two things:
    Calling someone a great Nicompoop (while amusing) didn't work for me. Just not Jedish enough for me.
    Secondly, the name Maxmas reminded me of glutious Maximus and I couldn't it out of my head. The great Butt Jedi is just to easy to make fun of. Can the name be altered slightly?
  5. Cristalia Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2000
    star 3
    Robin - a good story will retain suspense no matter how many times you read/see it.

    Cris~
  6. Darvin11 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2001
    star 1
    I stand chatstized.

    I meant that now you know who the Sith is, no matter how many drafts I do, thats not gonna be a surprise again.

    Unless I change the story!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH


    Robin T.

  7. THEREALSHMII Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 4
    Are you going to Toronto Trek Robin? It looks like a big group goingt and it would be a good time to sit dawn and discuss it. (third weekend of July.)
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