Toronto DIVERGENCE- a fan fan script

DISCLAIMER: I am well aware they may be other fan-films with similar themes as this but this script was created with a simple intent in mind. As mentioned before I wanted to create a fan-film that was more than excuse for a kick-ass lightsaber fight. A film that had drama and acting.

Be aware that this is a first draft. I wanted to put it out here for your edification and to see what peoples thoughts might. I think it is pretty good but it will not be made for quite some time as I simply don't have the funds to attack something of scope, even if it is shot on digital in front of a blue-screen.

Enjoy and please let me know what you think.

Robin T.

P.S. this was formated in script format so its quite right here. If this is a problem, email me and I will email it to you.

darvin111@sympatico.ca


TITLES ROLL UP OVER STAR -FIELD

DIVERGENCE - A STAR WARS TALE

Soon after the Battle Of Naboo the Jedi Council, afraid
of the resurgence of the Sith, elect to send envoys
throughout the galaxy.

The ranks of the Jedi Knights are spread thin, seeking
out any trace of the Dark Lords, no matter how remote the
location.

A newly knighted Jedi is sent to investigate an outbreak
of violence on an otherwise peaceful world, unaware of
the machinations of the Jedi Council....

EXT.THE CITY OF FLENTHEDAR - DAY

A small Jedi craft slices through the atmosphere, slowing
to hover and land over a platform.

EXT. LANDING PLATFORM - DAY

A Jedi Knight gracefully descends a ladder in the belly
of the ship, stepping to the ground and forward, out of
the ship?s shadow.

The platform is deserted, a walkway extending to a large
doorway. The hooded Jedi waits, hands clasped in front of
him.

The doors open with a hiss and a group of troopers stride
towards him, lead by a stone-faced man in bright flowing
robes.

The groups stops a few meters from the Jedi. The leader
meets the Jedi?s eyes for a moment, but his resolve
begins to fail.

Unable to fight it any longer he breaks into a wide
laughing smile and steps forward to greet his friend.

KALATHAR
Stoic to the end, eh?

The Jedi drops his hood to reveal a handsome young
bearded man who is smiling as well.

ABERDEEN
Kalathar, my old friend. How have you
been?

KALATHAR
Not so good as you, it seems. I cannot
tell you how proud we all were when we
heard of your graduation.
(considers)
A Jedi Knight! Never would have
believed it.

ABERDEEN
It has been a long time.

KALATHAR
15 years I think.

ABERDEEN
That sounds about right.

They start to walk towards the open door, flanked by the
troops.

KALATHAR
Don?t mind them.

ABERDEEN
Because of the disturbances?

KALATHAR
...that?s one word for it.
(pauses)
You know, I am quite surprised they
sent you for this...

ABERDEEN
Will my parents be joining us?

KALATHAR
What?

ABERDEEN
My parents.

INT. LANDING PLATFORM TURBOLIFT - DAY

Kalathar is jarred to a stop. Stunned he presses the call
button, thinking before responding.

KALATHAR
Did they not tell yo

 

A nice first draft...just a few comments:

1) Think about how you're going to communicate some of the non-dialogue stuff...I see how a lot might not get across.

2) Try and take the role of "Voice of God" away from Kalathar...it'll make the exchanges between himself and Aberdeen more natural.

3) Keep the voices in character, and consistent.

4) Maybe move the part about his sister up to the beginning, otherwise it's really obvious what's going on.

As I said, a good first draft, and I hope the comments help.

Cris~

 

Thanks for the helpful input!

The non-dialogue stuff I am not worried about as I am a very visual filmmaker. The descriptive passages are there as a hook for myself and the actors to hang the performances on; a starting point if you will. It also helps the reader understand more than just the dialogue. I am a big believer in show don't tell.

I know Kalathar is very expository but given the length of the piece I needed someone to get this stuff across quickly without being forced. I also wanted to have some comic relief as opposed to the typical stoic jedi.

I suck at dialogue.

Good idea about the sister. But as you now know the story any subsequent drafts will have no suspense.

Thanks again.

Robin

 

Two things:
Calling someone a great Nicompoop (while amusing) didn't work for me. Just not Jedish enough for me.
Secondly, the name Maxmas reminded me of glutious Maximus and I couldn't it out of my head. The great Butt Jedi is just to easy to make fun of. Can the name be altered slightly?

 

Robin - a good story will retain suspense no matter how many times you read/see it.

Cris~

 

I stand chatstized.

I meant that now you know who the Sith is, no matter how many drafts I do, thats not gonna be a surprise again.

Unless I change the story!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH


Robin T.

 

Are you going to Toronto Trek Robin? It looks like a big group goingt and it would be a good time to sit dawn and discuss it. (third weekend of July.)