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Do we micro-manage our children?

Discussion in 'Archive: The Senate Floor' started by Epicauthor, Oct 10, 2002.

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  1. Epicauthor

    Epicauthor Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 2, 2002
    Today on Bill O'Reilly's radio show he had a topic regarding parent's micro-management of kids today. His basic opinion was that we need to let kids be kids and stop trying to make them understand sex, disease, AIDS, terrorism.

    I agree with this premise. When I was growing up, my parents would just let my sister and I just go. When Reagan was shot or the Challenger blew up, they didn't try to explain why it happened or try to make us understand the ramifications of it. They just told us that a bad man shot Reagan and that it was just a mistake about what happened to the Challenger. To this day, I'm glad they did that and didn't go into specifics with us. I agree with Reilly that parents are explaining too much to their kids.

    SO what do you all think? Parents, do you or don't you do this? Those of us without children, did your parents explain everything and will you do this to your children?

    If there is a thread like this somewhere out there let me know and I'll lock this one.

    Discuss!
     
  2. TK_Four_Two_One

    TK_Four_Two_One Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 17, 2002
    Yip- let kids be kids and let em worry about the darker sides of life later. Just let em know about right or wrong and not the reasons- they will discover the reasons as they get older for themselves.
     
  3. Tupolov

    Tupolov Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    May 24, 2002
    I disagree, I think that parents should tell their kids what is right and wrong so the, hopefully, incidents like the one involving Ronal Reagan the such have a lesser occurence of happening. If they disregard their parental duties, then they have accomplished little more than giving kids shelter.
     
  4. Saint_of_Killers

    Saint_of_Killers Jedi Youngling star 5

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    Feb 18, 2001
    Yeah, let's keeop the kids stupid.
     
  5. TK_Four_Two_One

    TK_Four_Two_One Jedi Grand Master star 5

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    Jun 17, 2002
    I disagree, I think that parents should tell their kids what is right and wrong

    Thats what i'm saying and i think Epicauthor is too. But there is no need to go into heavy details with the kid. Dont take their innocence away from them too early.
     
  6. ferelwookie

    ferelwookie Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Oct 4, 2001
    I'm not sure I understand what "mirco-management" means. Is this some p.c. term for "spend less time with", or something else? ?[face_plain] It sounds like a newspeak term and have no idea what it implies. Can someone enlighten me?
     
  7. Tupolov

    Tupolov Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    May 24, 2002
    They should be gradually told what not to do.
     
  8. Epicauthor

    Epicauthor Jedi Master star 4

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    Aug 2, 2002
    I don't want to keep kids stupid, but I do want to keep them innocent. I mean, do they have to know why terrorists crashed into the WTC? I think they need to know that it was a bad thing and that a "bad man" did it, but I have heard some parents try to explain US foreign policy for the last ten years to their 8 year old.

    I say keep 'em innocent and let them play.
     
  9. Tupolov

    Tupolov Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    May 24, 2002
    Yes, good rules for living.
     
  10. ferelwookie

    ferelwookie Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Oct 4, 2001
    I disagree. We shouldn't let children go through life with blinders on. Every kid is different (emotional maturity), but I think kids can handle sensitive information and are "tougher" than most adults give them credit for. I think it is very important that children (usually ages 8-12 to start) should be given a realistic sense of the sometimes cruel and greedy nature of people in the world that they will later inherit.

    Sheltering children just leads to ignorance in the long run IMO. I can definetly see some of your points, but I respectfully disagree.
     
  11. westford

    westford Jedi Padawan star 4

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    May 25, 2002
    The media encourages children to grow up too fast. You get 8 year old girls dressing like Britney Spears and stuff, and then their parents complain about paedophiles...
    I'm all for kids being educated about important matters, but do they need to have the weight of the world on their shoulders before they hit puberty? I'd rather kids today had the chance to play outside like me and my friends used to, rather than being scared to go out incase they get abducted or shot, etc.
     
  12. ferelwookie

    ferelwookie Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Oct 4, 2001
    I think "sexualizing" and dressing one's kids up like "slutty little adults" (sorry for the phrase but I find stuff like entering 5 year old girls into beauty pagents to be PERVERSE!) is different than intelligently discussing "how the world works" with an EMOTIONALLY MATURE child. Kids should NOT be allowed or made to dress like little pop-culture bimbo's. But, they should be given SOME knowledge about SOME of the realities and harshness of the world that surrounds them. Just my .02.
     
  13. Saint_of_Killers

    Saint_of_Killers Jedi Youngling star 5

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    Feb 18, 2001
    Innocence is just a euphemism for stupidity.
     
  14. Obi Wan Bergkamp

    Obi Wan Bergkamp Jedi Master star 3

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    Oct 19, 1998
    Depends on the child. My son at age 3 decided that the animals were his friends and he would not eat them anymore - he still doesn't, whereas my daughter took til age 7 to make the connection between pigs and bacon - she still eats my bacon sandwiches. My daughter, now aged 8 will play with anyone regardless of skin colour as long as they are fun - she knows, and has known for a long time why different people have differnt colour skin, but skin colour does not matter to her. At age 8 my son was asking why his skin was a different colour to others and why people killed each other because of beliefs (why did that bearded man kill your friend? [Gerry Adams, not Osama Bin Laden before you ask]).

    Anyone who tries to learn parenting from a textbook will fail. They learn what they do when they do and it is your job as a parent to cope. My son is now 12, I have recently had to explain what a blow job is - his reaction was that it was yucky. My daughter is 8, she still thinks Santa will bring her presents this Xmas.

     
  15. ferelwookie

    ferelwookie Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Oct 4, 2001
    I wouldn't go as far as to say THAT. But, I believe a lot of people live in denial of a lot of the harshness and brutality in the world and shelter THEMSELVES from things they don't WANT to believe in the guise of "keeping the children innocent".

    I have a newborn at home who is everything to me. I cannot imagine letting him grow up in a world with an unrealistic view of life in general and a candy-coated view of humanity. I will discuss these things with him, when I feel he is ready and can handle this, and DON'T feel this will cause him to totally "lose" his innocence. If my kid was 13 or so and still believed that all things are simply black and white, good and evil, us and them, or never QUESTIONED some adults motivations, I feel that I will have FAILED him as a parent.
     
  16. Obi Wan Bergkamp

    Obi Wan Bergkamp Jedi Master star 3

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    Oct 19, 1998
    Exactly my point. When they are ready (i.e. when they ask) discuss it with them. If they can frame the question then they are ready for the answer.
     
  17. ferelwookie

    ferelwookie Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Oct 4, 2001
    I think that is the best way to handle it. I will do the same and use the proper termonology when/if my son eventually comes to me with questions on sex. I see NO reason for me to be "embarrassed" or insecure in discussing topics like this with MY OWN OFFSPRING! It amazes me how many American's, despite of all of their talk about being "progressive" seem to be very insecure and repressed when it comes to discussing important issues/topics with their own children.

    The best way to deal with these topics is clearly and seriously and NOT in a condesending manner to a child/young adult...and it should be done when the child is shows interest in or is READY to discuss.
     
  18. Devilanse

    Devilanse Jedi Knight star 5

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    May 11, 2002
    Yes...its the American way. Who needs personal responsibility, anyway?
     
  19. Darth_SnowDog

    Darth_SnowDog Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Sep 10, 2001
    Innocence is just a euphemism for stupidity.

    :D


    Someone else said they should be gradually "told" not to do certain things.

    This is the problem I have with conservative thinking... let's give them a fish, but not teach them how to fish.

    The focus seems to be on teaching kids what to think... and some parents, educators and politicians seem completely oblivious, or deliberately ignorant, of the importance of teaching kids how to think.

    The statement made earlier in this thread didn't seem to even consider parental involvement in the development of basic cognitive skills as a precursor to any other education.

    Just because we, as parents, are too afraid to have our children grow up and face the world on their own doesn't mean they're not going to face that challenge.

    Either you discuss these issues with your child like you would any other individual, giving them a sense of respect, and worth... and help them reach maturity so they are prepared to face the world... or you can sit on your thumbs as the world eats them up and spits them out. If you're afraid that they will not understand you... when do you think they will "magically" and "suddenly" develop that cognitive skill and psychological maturity? When the state issues them their driver's license? On the midnight before their 18th birthday? On their wedding night?

    Childhood doesn't have an expiration date on it. It's a gradual process... either you help your children grow up, or they will find themselves "losing their innocence" (i.e. ignorance) abruptly and unprepared... maybe they'll get lucky... maybe, just maybe, they won't lose their innocence staring down the barrel of a gun... then again maybe not.

    Are you willing to take that chance?
     
  20. tenorjedi

    tenorjedi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 17, 2000
    short answer: yep we do

    Long answer: sometimes SOK kids don't need to know the whole story. They don't want to know and arguably they shouldn't know. As time goes on you learn the realities of life, but some things take emotional maturity. I believe in being honest with your children but not verbose. When asked where babies come from I'll tell my kids "an act of love". No stork but no step by step explination of the process either. Also there's a difference between innocence and stupidity. I want my kids to grow up like me. I knew what was going on but I wasn't made to spend my life fearing the bomb, cancer, AIDS, terrorists and on. They were a concern but I was innocent of the dire effects they could have on my life.

    I was without the emotional maturity to handle that impact and it could have effected my childhood. And I loved my childhood. Very Calvinish except my friends weren't stuffed tigers. I wouldn't want to deprive my kids that same chance of a life without worries. The knowledge of the state of the world will come with time.
     
  21. FlamingSword

    FlamingSword Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2001
    Teach kids things when they're ready. Like tenorjedi said, be honest with your children but not verbose. Not all children learn at the same rate or are ready for things at the same rate.

    I think it's vitally important to teach children how to think, analyze, and react to things. Then they will be capable of handling information.

    If you keep the lines of communication open as much as possible, you will have a good idea of when they're ready. Maybe not 100% perfect, but no parent is :)

    Personally I do think too many parents mico-manage their children. They provide toomuch information too fast, too much direction, and tell their kids how to do things too often. Give kids a chance to struggle with something for a while to try figure it out. Be there for them, but also give them room.
     
  22. Valiowk

    Valiowk Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 23, 2000
    I agree with this premise. I feel that all that parents need to teach their children is the basic morals - what is overall right and overall wrong. Beyond that, the character of the parents will naturally spill over into the children and influence the children subconsciously.

    Children are capable of making their own opinions. It is necessary for them to do so as part of the growing up process, and not for their parents to do it all the time.
     
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  23. TheScarletBanner

    TheScarletBanner Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 19, 2002
    Teaching children what is right and what is wrong, but not giving reasons for it, is the exact opposite of what I'd propose to be a good way of raising children.

    Most 'good' or 'bad' things are immediately obvious (killing is bad) - those that aren't are pretty quickly picked up (you shouldn't eat with your elbows on the table). I'd say tell children what the outcomes of their actions are, and then allow them to decide for themselves what the best course of action is.

    I don't know many kids who would take a 'this thing is bad' at face-value and not question it, especially if there was no reasoning behind it.

    - Scarlet.
     
  24. Mastadge

    Mastadge Manager Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 1999
    "micro-manage"? Give me a break. Basically, when it comes to dealing with kids (not infants, who definitely do need lots of attention), I just remember: they're not some other species; they're just not fully formed people. And so I treat them like people. When they ask, I answer. When they do well, I let them know. When they do something bad or stupid, I let them know why. I don't dumb things down for them. Respect goes both ways, and if you treat kids like "kids" instead of like people, they know it. We don't need to "teach" kids morals -- they'll pick up morals from life. What we need to do is teach them how to think, how to use their brains to think for themselves, rather than how to just blindly accept other peoples' thinking.
     
  25. Kuna_Tiori

    Kuna_Tiori Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 20, 2002
    I agree with Mastadge here. If I was a parent and Al Qaeda destroyed the WTC, and my kid asked why, I would tell him/her that they hate us and wanted to kill people and blow up the towers. S/He could either drop it and go watch TV, or continue to ask me questions. If s/he picks the first line of action, so be it, and if s/he picks the second, so be it; I'll answer them.

    But as far as a kid's opinions and way of thinking, I think the kid should develop them on his/her own.

    Btw, when I first saw the title of this thread, I thought that we would be talking about how parents make every decision for their kids. Not that I'm disappointed or anything, just a little confused. ;)
     
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