Abq do you believe in soul mates?

Well I believe that if two people are both emotionally mature enough to commit themselves to making the best life for both then there is a special bond that makes what they have very special. It can not be onesided and each has to respect the other. If their essence is in the same place it will work no matter what other differences come into play.

 

I think rather than I soulless mate, I would much rather have someone with a lot of soul to counteract my lack of soul. Yes, that sounds much better. I could also use a lady who plays a fine game of StarWars Battlefront...
-Garra Kun

 

That second "I" should be an "a".

 

hense the excess of a soul leveling out the scales with one with none? makes sense to me...

 

I dont buy into the notion that another person completes me. I think when 2 wholes become one then they have a chance of making it.

 

Ditto! You should be "complete" before jumping in to a relationship. You have to be your own best friend first, before you can be a good partner to someone else.

 

not talking about being complete - talking about balancing out energies (at least for me)

 

That's exactly why I so often counsel young unmarrieds to just concentrate on BEING the right person instead of finding the right person. Being the right person means finding wholeness and balance with or without another. It means you have your own connection to the universe independently of anyone or anything else. And when that special someone does come along, you have all this wonderful stuff to share with them. Not out of need or compulsion, but just for the joy of it. For the same reason a Creator would create a universe. To make joy complete. Being "completed" by a special other doesn't mean you were not whole to begin with. It means having someone who can enter into that wholeness with you and share it and multiply the joy. Not in the sense of being perfected, but of being fulfilled, love finding its mark... in another.

Don't know if this reaches anybody or not. It's just something ole propgeek has thought about a lot.

 

I believe in soul mates. I married him too. However, I do think that you do need to be complete yourself before you find the one. There are too many people I know who married their soul mate, but had to go through hell and back in order to meet them. I think that one has to go through trials and hardships to grow as a person before your soul mate appears.

 

and I agree on that - my view on it is this: when 2 people swear their lives to each other be it thru handfasting, marriage, etc.... you become 1 (hence unity candles, etc) you have to be the full 50% and they have to be the full 50% to make the 100% of the new unit. you can't have to people who aren't at peace with themselves until then... but there are also energies that have to balance out in the new unit - hense the term opposites attract. No couple will succeed if you have one person taking all the time and the other giving. The giving and taking has to balance out. If both persons in the relationship have quick tempers and are constantly fighting its not balanced. You at times need to have at least one person who is there to calm and relax the other when their temper rages and can be the eye of the storm. You can't have 2 yangs make a successful relationship and you can't have 2 yins make a successful relationship. Like my example of the magnet - you have a positive and a negative, a yin & yang...

Am I making any sense?

Cause I believe that you have to be you and love yourself before you can love another but if you don't need anyone else in your life why get married because obviously that person isn't there because you have a need for them but just because. Love is a need. And your soul mate - be it the person you married or someone who affected your life in a way no one else ever will (I have met several soul mates in my life, the 1st being when I was a baby and I last saw him when I was 14) - its a person your soul connects with and you grow with. I only know from my own experience. When I met that person who seems to be able to look into my eyes and really see me - past the hurt and anger - the person who when I am with them I don't feel ugly, or hated or not wanted. I know who I am, I accept who I am. But there is that one guy who when I am in their arms it feels like nothing in the world can harm me and I know I am safe with them and I don't have to try with them. That I am home. And that is a feeling a soul craves - to not be wandering anymore but to be at home, even if it is in someone elses arms. Because everyone needs to feel that I think. So often, we feel lost and confused. Like we need an anchor to make us feel that we don't have to wander anymore. And I think our souls recognize that in another person. I am not saying that you have to have it to be happy with yourself - but it makes you be a better you. Your soul mate understands you and loves you thru it all even thru the fights. They don't define you - they just love you.

Maybe I am being romantic on the recognizing the soul mate - both my parents and my brother/sil knew they met their spouse the moment they first met and they didn't look back. Funny thing - both couples bet at a bar (parents at a wedding - my dad was the bartender- and my brother at a nightclub - he was standing at it).

 

I think one should have a relationship/partner to enhance their life, and one should be able to be happy without a partner at the same time. In other words, I don't think it is healthy for a person to "need" to be in a relationship. (I know several women who do) A fear of being alone leads to people staying in relationships sometimes when they should not - domestic violence situations, and bad relationships in general.

 

Agree on that one. I know a few relationships that you wonder "Why are they togeteher" and it always comes down to one person in the relationship is afraid to be alone and will tolerate just about anything to keep from being alone.

There are worse things in life than being alone...

 

enhancing is what I am talking about, andromeda... but I can't always make myself clear on what I mean.

The need I am talking about is not the fear of being alone - if you can't be alone you will never truly be happy being with someone else. how many people can even go to the movies on your own? or out to eat?

its the connection of the "right" person not just any person. A person who makes you happy not miserable.

This is coming from someone who has not been in a relationship in over 10 years. I just don't get into any more relationships because I would rather be alone then just be with someone. I actually have no plans to ever get married or be with anyone ever again - but sometimes I can't help but be hopeful that one day, I might be worthy enough for someone to not treat like crap and I don't have to cry myself to sleep because I am so damn lonely and wish that someone would choose me over someone else instead of being the one left behind. Its even harder having experienced that connection with the right person and no longer have it

This is going to sound mean - but its always easy for those who have everything to say if you just do this you will be fine.

 

I wasn't addressing your comments specifically, just thinking about relationships in general, and friends of mine who have them.

I've been in one relationship after another since I was 16 - I know I'm not comfortable doing that!

Maybe they have everything because they know what they are talking about and have done everything "right"?

 

Well, OTF, speaking as one who definitely does NOT have everything, let me just say that you really do deserve to be the center of someone else's loving affections and not to be treated like crap. You are more than worthy!

 

andromeda - try going to movies by yourself. Its great! Truly it is, I don't do it as often as I used to because of money. But it is fun going by yourself - no need to make sure that someone else is happy. Just yourself.

liek I said - it was going to sound mean but it wasn't meant to be. Its like the sheep jumping the hedge. the one who has done it says to the one of the other side - come on its easy, just jump, you can do it. But the one standing there looking at the ledge is thinking, there is no way its going to happen. Yeah they did but it doesn't mean the rest of us can. Its easy when you look back but was it easy when you had to jump yourself?

propgeek - thanks, I can only hope thats true because it would be wonderful if it was.

 

OTF - The thing is, I love spending time by myself, too. I spend my whole day taking care of others sometimes - between the kids and spouse, so I really enjoy time alone!!! I think I just got used to having someone along at all times?

 

I'll admit I HATE being by myself. I bore myself to tears. I have to have someone around to talk to, even if it's just the dog.

 

I would go crazy if I had to take care of someone else all the time. But then I am on the opposite end, I am so used to being alone I love it when I am with someone else.

But I figure, if i am alone and never get married that means that is how it should be. Won't make my life any worse or better. There are more females then males on the planet and someone has to be alone. Heck, the older I get the less I want a relationship or kids. Gonna be the old lady at the end of the street with a bunch kitties - man, I knew I shouldn't of made fun of her when I was a kid! [face_laughter] Actually, I am the only single woman on my street and I am surrounded by families and couples and I have a cat, so not too far from the truth.

Question - do you find in marriage that you can have alone time but still have ssomeone else near you? I see it with my parents, they will be off doing their own thing but still be in the same room.

 

Yeah, I do find that you can be near someone and still have "alone" time. Happens here all the time. Ulic starts talking about computers, then I start hearing the Taos hum, and before I know it, I've watched an episode of CSI and he's still talking!

 

lol! thats funny... but now he will know your secret!

taos hum? I have heard that the place hums, is it true?

 

Unsolved Mysteries had a segment on the "Taos Hum". My brother and sister in law live there, and I've never heard anything. Some people say they hear it all the time and it drives them crazy.

 

thats where I first heard of taos was watching that show... may have to go check it out. Just a good reason to go, its better then going Roberts hunting.

people say alot of things and I usually never experience the same thing... like do you see the cross in my wall? um, no I see a dirt smuge from when your picutres used to be...

 

I need to go to Taos to test this out....I can hear a high pitched sound when the neighbors TV is on! Been like that since I was a kid!

 

Last I heard the hum left Taos and is in Los Alamos. They had it on the news a year ago?