Do you/will you smack your child?

Discussion in 'Archive: The Senate Floor' started by Jedi_Jimbo, Sep 19, 2005.

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  1. Dark Lady Mara Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 1999
    star 7
    Diz - there is a world of difference between hitting another adult in anger and using corporal punishment as a learning tool in raising a child.

    But most adults I've seen hit their kids aren't doing it as a disciplinary tool - they do it because they're angry and they briefly lose control of themselves.

    In the case of my parents, especially my father, they could get frighteningly out of control when angry enough, or even when they just happened to be in a bad mood because of a rough day. There were times I was truly terrified of him... really, truly terrified of what he might do. He only actually hit me on a handful of occasions, but he had plenty of equivalent ways of being just as physically scary and potentially hurtful. Often the offenses on my part were rather minor. I wasn't at all a bad or disrespectful child; if anything, I think I was more obedient and submissive than most kids are. But he just wasn't rational about things like that.

    I firmly believe that the reason I'm a liberal is I'm reacting to my parents by trying to swing to the opposite extreme. In my case, at least, the only thing their rage and, at times, abuse (though it was generally more emotional than physical) did for me was leave me with no sense of self-esteem and a constant fear of trusting others lest they might violate my trust by hurting me.

    I'm all in favor of letting parents raise their children however they choose - but there's one caveat. You're only free to do what you want as long as your actions won't hurt anyone, and in the case of hitting children, there's a definite risk of the child being hurt in the long run. Not all parents can control themselves when they're angry.

    There are plenty of punishments other than hitting (or any other sort of cruelty that comes from the mind of an angry parent) that are quite effective. Give your kid a time out, temporarily confiscate a toy he or she likes, ground them for a while. My point is if you ever hurt your child or make them afraid of you, you'll risk damaging the mutual attitude of trust and respect that needs to exist between parent and child. When your kid gets older and you want him or her to tell you the truth about various things you'll be worrying about in their life, having maintained that sense of trust will prove important.

    Plus there's this:

    corporal punishment doesn't actually work as a learning tool. It's been proven again and again, so why do it even if you don't think it's any different?

    Precisely, because even if they're spanked for a legitimate reason, they only remember the spanking, not the lesson.
  2. MASTER_JEDI Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2001
    star 1
    No, I don't lay my hands on my child. I disciple her. I don't yell at her either. There are ways to get your children to do what you want them to do. First you have to be able to relate to your children. A lot of parents, mothers really don't have that close relationship with their children. And alot of kids are not learning certain values in the home which is why they end up being rebellious towards their parents because the parents aren't instilling the correct values and morals so how is a child with no values and morals going to behave? There would be no reason to strike your children with an opened hand if they were taught to be better children but that begins with being good parents.
  3. Special_Fred Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2003
    star 4
    Precisely, because even if they're spanked for a legitimate reason, they only remember the spanking, not the lesson.

    That is an extreme exaggeration of the truth. That may apply to some children, but for others (like myself), the exact opposite is true. I don't remember how many times I was spanked, how severe the spankings were, and what I did to deserve them--but that doesn't matter. Why? Because I remembered the lesson.
  4. BenduHopkins Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 4
    I don't remember how many times I was spanked, how severe the spankings were, and what I did to deserve them--but that doesn't matter. Why? Because I remembered the lesson.
    What was the lesson? "Don't do it or you'll be hit?" Who is going to hit you now that you're grown up? Did you really contemplate WHY what you did was wrong or even IF it was wrong?

    I think spanking just creates more people who are susceptible to faulty authority. Hence the reason that conservatism, spanking, and authoritarianism go hand in hand.
  5. Ender Sai Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 18, 2001
    star 9
    And generalisations? o_O

    E_S
  6. Robal_Krahl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2003
    star 5
    Without a doubt, I will spank my child. Why? Because it will get them to behave without them becoming a spoiled little brat.

    Indeed, it may teach the lesson of "don't do this, or you'll get hit." But you know what? That's all the kid needs to know. Many people who don't agree with me (Mind you, I'm not saying all) believe that the child has the ability to reason and think like an adult. In reality, they do not.
    Think about it this way; you need money. You see an old man with about $300 in his wallet, which he is digging through. Would you go over, knock him down, and steal his money? Hell no. Now here's where it gets strange; why would you not do that? Because there are consequences. You could be arrested, which is the same principle as spanking; "Don't do this, or this will happen." It is used to create order.

    I'm not saying to haul off and beat the kid senseless; that's brutal, inhuman, and just plain wrong. But the kid needs to know who is boss, and that he cannot break rules simply because he feels like it.
    Has anyone ever watched that Nanny 911 show? With the kids screaming at their parents, even hitting them? Now, what do all those parents have in common, besides out-of-control children? They say that time-outs don't work. They say yelling doesnt work. Have you EVER heard one of them say "spanking doesn't work?"

    Until a certain point, a child cannot reason like an adult. As such, you must handle them in terms that they'll understand. They do not understand why something would be wrong; they have to be taught that it is. Later in life, they will come to understand the real reason WHY something is wrong, and why they shouldn't do it.

    You don't have to knock the kid out, or necessarily spank im all the time. The kid only has to know that you're willing to do it, and they behave more than not. I am a prime example. As a kid, I was wild ith a temper like no other. I remember standing on a table, throwing glue bottles at people (even the teachers), and my dad walked in. Yea, I knew I was in trouble, because he got me good. But I never did that again. In fact, I didn't really do much after that unless provoked. Why? Because I knew my father was going to punish me if there was a repeat incident. Now, I can see why standing on a table and throwing glue bottles is not exactly good.
  7. Special_Fred Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2003
    star 4
    What was the lesson? "Don't do it or you'll be hit?"

    No. In general, the lesson was, "You were about to **** up big time, and this temporary sting will open up your eyes a little bit so you know not to [run in the street/tell your little brother to run into the street/touch dad's gun without his permission/attempt to fly using the garage roof as a diving board] ever again."

    Who is going to hit you now that you're grown up?

    No one. I already know the difference between right and wrong. I have more responsibilities as a legal adult, and I act accordingly.

    Did you really contemplate WHY what you did was wrong or even IF it was wrong?

    At the time, no. Later on, yes.

    I think spanking just creates more people who are susceptible to faulty authority.

    Everyone is susceptible to faulty authority. Everyone.
  8. BenduHopkins Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 4
    Think about it this way; you need money. You see an old man with about $300 in his wallet, which he is digging through. Would you go over, knock him down, and steal his money? Hell no. Now here's where it gets strange; why would you not do that? Because there are consequences. You could be arrested, which is the same principle as spanking; "Don't do this, or this will happen." It is used to create order.

    My parents instilled me with the value that I should not cause people suffering. They instilled me with behavior that would still be intact even if there were no law to punish me. I don't steal from old guys because I learned to consider how other people feel, and the consequences of my actions, not just for myself, but for others.

    A quick spank for walking in the middle of the road could be acceptable, but it was sufficient for my parents to describe in detail what would happen to me if I were hit by a car.
  9. SaeseeJim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 2003
    star 4

    EXACTLY! the majority of kids don't respond to the "So called proper form of discipline", where you're supposed to do something like talk to them and say "that's bad don't do it again" Because I know what would have been going through my, I would be thinking, "That's it's I guess it doesn't really matter if I do that again".

    However, my parents weren't that way. One spank on the bum(sometimes bare if it was a really bad thing I did), that let me know not to do it again because I know what will happen next time I do it.

    The other day I was at a store and the store and some kid was being bratty and his mom told him to be quiet and stop making such a fuss. and the kid said to the mother, "Make me you b$%$%, if you touch me I'll call the cops"

    I wouldn't even think of talking to my parents like that not when I was young not now because I would probably get kicked out of the house.
  10. Teegirloo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2005
    star 6
    Well i learned that you dont have to spank a child to make them listen to you. Kids will listen if your stern and are to the point now there is always an exception where they arent going to listen but you still dont have to resort to spanking.. Timeout in the corner does well and taking away what they love like a toy can also work it takes patience which most parents dont have and i think thats the key. You also need to make sure your not repeating youself all the time cause the kids will notice this and will take advantage cause they dont think the parent is serious. I raised my nieces and nephews and it was tough but it worked out in the end without spanking.
  11. Jedi_AnakinSolo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 24, 2005
    star 4
    I would never "smack" my child. But inorder to be an autority in your house you must make your child understand who is king/ boss of the home, so as a child if htey do something wrong and need to be taught a lesson then yes I would give them a little love tap, but never anything that is like a "smack" or a beating.
  12. DreamingIce Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2005
    star 3
    *shakes head at some comments*

    I am fifteen years old. Yes, I was smacked maybe three or so times (not including light taps on the hand when I was younger. I beleive that it did me good. I am not violent, I haven't broken any laws, my personality has not been "warped" (unless it's from my families sense of humour) I am not mentally ill. I am normal.

    I always knew what I had done was wrong, and was diciplined accordingly. Other taps (and I mean that, barely a touch along with a "look" and a few words) on the hand was when I was a little more common.

    I love my parents. They are the best, and tell them pretty much everything. I look around me and I see maheym, hell one of my classmate left end of second term because she was pregnant!

    Reason: there is no dicipline! Where I am you hear more and more stories about parents who are to afraid to dicipline their kids, there are cases of 12-yr-olds running away just because they don't want to do chores! And you know what, the parents can't stop them cause 'it's against the law'.

    There is a difference between "dicipline" and "abuse". My parents have never abused me. My mother however, was abused as a child (not that shw saw that then) She would be belted with a belt for no legitimate reason, THAT is abuse. Not well-earned taps on the wrist/hand!

    ~Misha
  13. RavenKing Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2005
    star 1
    I agree with Ice. Our problem in this country today isn't that people are hurting their children too much, it's that they are not using enough disipline. I hate to be the one to smack you in the face with reality, but sometimes kids don't response to anything but pain. A swat on the behind does 1000% more good than shaking a finger and saying, "Now Johnny, you know you're not supposed steal stereos. I want you to sit on you time-out chair and think about what you've done. That's a good little Johnny."

  14. DreamingIce Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2005
    star 3
    Thankyou, Raven.

    You cannot always reason with young child, and they remember, if not the pain, but the shame. Not that shame should be a major part of everyday life for young children though.

    ~Misha
  15. motisfortiva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2005
    star 2
    ...and why do you guys keep trying to turn this into 'this leads into pummelling the next guy'?

    Its not so simple as that. Yet it is. You let a child get away with 'murder' they will grow to think they can. You teach and dicipline a child to respect and earn that respect(not simply by beating)by being an actual parent, you will know what it is to actually accomplish something. Ive been through plenty of threads where survival of the fittest was the topic. Ive been through enough threads where superiority was key.

    I was raised through 'Corporal punishment' as it were. I am neither violent nor a flag burning dissident. How so? Because I have respect. I have boundaries. I know what my actions precede.

    Dicipline.

    Weak parenting? Tell that to your ancestors. Id say they did a good job up till now.
  16. Darth Mischievous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 6
    Discipline is inherently one of the most important things a child can learn, along with taking responsibility and understanding the consequences of one's actions.

    Sometimes, I do believe in 'spare the rod, and spoil the child' sort of thing for children, as long as its on the behind and not on the child's body or anywhere else.
  17. SaeseeJim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 2003
    star 4
    I think this is a good way

    1. Spank them/punish them
    2. Send them to their rooms
    3. have them try to think what it was they did
    4. When things have cooled down talk to them and explain what they did was wrong and explain to them why it was wrong and make them aware what will happen next time they do it.

    For example

    I'm part of the Sarnia Ontario Big Brothers Association, this is an association where there boys of single moms who don't have a dadlike figure at home we spend a couple hours each week doing stuff like play sports or video games, and watch movies.

    Our first year of being paired together there was a Christmas party and he was six at the time so he was excited, but he was running around kicking people for no reason so I gave him a spank on the butt and we went home. Understandably he was sad/mad. The next morning I went over to his house to see how he was doing and he was doing ine and he had thought about what he had been doing and now he knows what will happen if he doesn't behave. The one we went to last year he was like a little angel because he knew what would happen if he wasn't behaving, now he will never forget that(and he still had fun)
  18. darth_paul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2000
    star 5
    Why the behind, though? What makes that area of the body in particular okay, and all others not? I suppose there's more padding, so you're less likely to do serious injury, but assuming you don't cause a serious injury, what does it change where you hit?

    -Paul
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