Don't Leave Me (a JA fanfic)

Oh boy. I have no idea if I'm even posting this right and I'm still a padawan, so please be kind. This is the first story I've ever written.
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He sprinted down the hall towards the sound of the battle, his boots pounding against the hard metal floor, his long gray streaked hair streaming out behind him like a cape. He rounded the final corner and stopped in front of a thick metal door. Heart pounding, he placed a hand against the cool surface, reaching out for the Force. Now he could feel-almost see-his young apprentice dodging and twisting away from his attackers; the boy was seriously outnumbered. "Obi-Wan!"
"Qui-Gon,"his padawan answered, desperation edging his tone,"I could use a little help here!"
"I know Obi-Wan, I'm coming." Qui-Gon ignited his lightsaber and drove the glowing blade thick into the metal. *I'll make my own door* "Hang on," he called, silently willing the lightsaber to cut faster.
He had almost cut all the way through when he heard Obi-Wan cry out in pain. "Qui-" Then silence.
"Obi-Wan?"he called, his mind reeling with panic. No answer. "Obi-Wan!" All he could hear now was hurried movement, the hiss of a door opening.
His lightsaber connected with the floor again;his outline of a door complete. Swinging back, he brought his leg up and kicked what was left of the entrance out of his way. Qui-Gon stepped into the room. There was no one there-nothing left of his padawan but his lightsaber. Bending to scoop it up, his keen gaze caught site of an open doorway leading outside. Qui-Gon leaped to the threshhold and swung himself out. He was just in time to see the landspeeder disappear over the horizon.....
The Jedi Master jerked awake, gasping for air. Slowly he realized that he was on a Republic cruiser, going home to the Jedi Temple.
"It was only a nightmare,"he told himself. Qui-Gon's eyes swept the room for Obi-Wan. He wasn't there. Numbly he was aware of the boy's lightsaber enclosed in his large hands, and he looked down at it. "It was only a nightmare,"Qui-Gon repeated, even as pain washed over him. He doubled over. "Please, Force, let it be a nightmare!" Qui-Gon knew it wasn't.

 

Welsome Tigris I find it hard to believe this is a first.

Great descriptions, I could easily see Qui-Gon running down the hall and I've very intrigued at what is going on. Where's Obi-Wan, why does his master have his lightsaber?

I look anxiously forward to more.

Post often, post soon.

 

YOWSA!!!! Don't stop there...PLEASE!
It has a strong beginning, can't wait to see if it was a dream or not.

Keep it up!

 

Very good work! Good descriptions, good action.

Welcome to the forum.

(A small tip however, which is always given to new members. When you post, it is a good idea to skip a line between paragraphs. Just makes it easier for the rest of us to read all the wonderful stories on the screen).

Keep up the good work! --AWK

 

Welcome Tigris!
Great beginning! Please keep adding and be one of those great writers who updates constantly!

 

Don't worry, I too am just a padawan! And I too have just taken tmy first step into the world of fanfiction! I'M WITH YOU!!! Besides, you're doing very well! Keep it up!

 

Obi-Wan's been captured? What a coincidence! So has my attention! I'm reading and enjoying this, so post more!

 

Wonderful start. Lots of action and suspense.

It is always a thrill to see a new writer on the forum and if this is any indication of your talent and most welcome addition you are!!!

Please post soon... I am very curious as to what has become of everyones favorite Padawan!! BTW.. what are the ages or did I miss something???

 

Great start! I'll be watching this thread for more posts!

 

I love it so far, but I hope this isn't another Obi is dead story, I can't take much more..Obi torture GOOD!!! Obi dead Not so Good. Please post more soon.

 

Someone actually read this?!? eek.gif
Thank you very much! I'll mention the ages and everything in my next post,(and whether Obi is dead or not ,)but my dad says I only have half an hour on the internet mad.gif I hate being 14 . The good news is that I have the whole night to write so expect a post tommorow.

 

I'm 13, Tigris

 

I'm not so sure about this post. I had trouble with descriptions,(not to mention spelling!! mad.gif )
*********************

Qui-Gon Jinn strode to the end of the cruiser's boarding ramp and stepped off onto the Temple's landing platform. Alone. For the first time in his life the Jedi cursed his solitude. Sighing, the weary traveler turned away from the ship and proceded through the doors of the main building. The Council had asked to meet with him.
***********************

He almost couldn't bare the look of pity on their faces.

"Still no clues,are there?" Yoda asked, his voice grave.

"No," Qui-Gon answered. He struggled to keep his tone steady. "They've been very careful about leaving few witnesses. All I was able to pick up was that they had moved him every two weeks, maybe sooner if they thought I was getting close to discovering their location."

"They 'had'?"

Qui-Gon looked down. "Yes. It's been over two months, and with the type of people that they are...." His voice trailed off. Qui-Gon turned his gaze on the sharp, silver towers outside the Council Room's windows. "It's unlikely that they let Obi-Wan survive the first week. I just refused to see what was right in front of my face."

Saesee Tiin spoke up, the softness of her voice forcing him to look at her. "Obi-Wan Kenobi is a very strong boy. There is still a chance."

"I can't feel him through our bond anymore," Qui-Gon mummered, his pain seeping into his tone.

"And you believe him dead?" Mace Windu sighed, leaning back into his chair. He took Jinn's silence as his answer. "Obi-Wan was a promising young padawan. You're not alone in your loss, Qui-Gon. Kenobi will not be forgotten soon."

"I know," Qui-Gon whispered. Bowing, he exited the room, feeling the Masters' eyes trailing after him.

Qui-Gon paused outside in the cool corridor, making a feeble attempt to squash down his sorrow. Movement danced across the edge of his vision. Turning, he spotted Bant Eerin, Garen Muln, and Reeft, Obi-Wan's closest friends, gathered at the end of the hall. Hopefullness etched their features as they waited for Qui-Gon to give them some sign that their friend was alive. He shook his head. Quietly he watched as Bant's siver eyes filled with tears, as Reeft's face wrinkled in pain. Together the two children took off around the corner, but Garen hesitated.

"Is the search being called off?" he asked Qui-Gon. "Is Obi-Wan dead?"

"Yes," he croaked. Garen slipped after his friends, tears sliding down his face.

Qui-Gon turned and headed in the opposite direction, towards Master Tahl's room. He had so much he needed to talk about, and his friend had always been willing to listen.
*************************

Together he and Tahl sat, watching as the last golden rays of light played over the shining surfaces surrounding them. Qui-Gon leaned back and stared at the ceiling of Tahl's quarters. "I remember the last time we were really able to talk. It was after Obi-Wan came back from Melida/Daan, when I couldn't decide whether or not to take him back." He looked over at Tahl, smiling softly.

"Ah, yes," she said. "I still have that cup."

"You made me realize that rebuilding our bond might not be painful. That it could be satisfying." The smile disappeared. "You were right. It was."

Tahl turned her green and gold eyes on him. They were sightless, but Tahl was now so used to being blind that she no longer needed her droid, TooJay, to guide her movements. "How long has it been since you last saw him?" she asked gently, knowing that he needed someone to help him remember the boy.

"Exactly? Two months, three weeks, five days, eighteen hours, thirteen minutes, and-" he looked at the chrono mounted on the wall "- Thirty-six seconds. I feel every moment he's not with me. Somehow it's worse then when he stayed behind on Melida/Daan. Then, I could always return, and see him. Talk to him. I knew what was happening, and i would've heard right away if he had been killed. Now I know nothing! I have no idea where he is, or if he's really d

 

Bad?!?!? If that is your idea of bad I can't wait to see when you post what you consider a good post. The emotions are very powerful and you are conveying them beautifully. Please continue to post!!!

 

Trouble with descriptions? My heart was in my throat. Wonderfully written Tigris

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Silently he watched as the sun set on Coruscant, and the time he had with Obi-Wan Kenobi

So sad, so beautiful.

 

Ohh my another JA fanfic to keep up with, and a VERY good one too. You write wonderfully. Really

 

TEARS!!!!!!!! This is SOOOOOOOOOOO SSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!! topies!

 

I know the title is don't leave me but ....... don't leave ME here(along with others) this is SO~~~ good.

Kim B

 

This is a good story and I like it. Also I am only 11 years old so I am younger than you.

 

THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY!!! My parents and sister read like one line of the whole post and started makeing fun of me! mad.gif Talk about your confidense booster. Oh well. I'll just blow them off. It's not like I don't do it all the time anyway. They haven't even read a single starwars book and I just barely got them to see episode 1, so what do they know? BTW: My dad is looking for a new job (he's retiering from the military) so I can't be on the internet that long. Am I just being stuped, or is there some way that I could type this on a word processer and paste it here? Either way there will be a new post tommorow.

 

Don't worry Tigris. My family doesn't understand either. (My mom fell asleep watching Episode I after 10 minutes, and she was looking through a mail-order catalog at the same time!) Maybe if she had actually paid attention long enough to see the Jedi take their hoods off . . .

Actually, most of us do write our stories in seperate word processing programs and just cut/copy & paste. (Sometimes if paste doesn't work, try to use the keyboard command, which is usually ctrl/V or apple/V). This method makes life a little easier, not only for revising and spell-check, but also in case the server eats your thread (known to happen) or in case you want to archive your story or post is somewhere else (or just keep it for when your family comes to their senses).

You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work! --AWK

 

Tigris take heart, most of us here have gone through the teasing and eye rolls of those who don't understand our wonderful obession.

That's why we come here. Please continue with your story, I here and enjoying it immensely.

Alli-Wan you made me laugh. I find the movie doesn't even really start til the Jedi remove their hoods.

 

Just started to read this today!! Do not doubt yourself. Your doing great I'm hooked. Keep it up.

 

This is really good!! Keep it up, I'm looking forward to more!

 

ROFLOL
Of course, of course, the movie just starts getting exciting when they take off their hoods.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Helllooooo NURSE!---Anamaniacs cartoon.

LOL if you have never seen that cartoon you wouldn't understand.
If you have,LOL