Beyond - Legends Downward Spiral: The Diary of Syal Antilles - 2011 Dear Diary Challenge - Complete 12/31

You're really making my heart ache, Lane. Everything about this is spot on, and I could see Syal thinking all this.

I loved the Myri bit and I would love to see more sisterly interaction.

But that last post... wow. That is all!

Great job!

 

There are days when I feel like a terrible person.

We all have those days, it's perfectly normal (not that there's any such thing, not really), so don't sweat it.

The food is awful, the doctors and nurses constantly checking up on me is grating on my nerves, and half of the patients here give me the creeps.

Psychiatric wards or hospitals would depress even the most happy, well balanced person, so I can imagine what it's doing to Syal. She needs help, but she's not mad. I've often thought that with regards to mental health, the cure is just as bad --- if not worse --- than the illness or condition itself.

I know that sounds terrible to say, but there are some really broken individuals here.

Case in point. She's all too aware of how much worse everyone else is, and that's not helping her admit her own problems ... then again, the treatment and protocol of the healthcare workers could make anyone snap.

Some days it's borderline unbearable. I'm constantly aware that I am surrounded by very sick people, many of which probably won't be getting better any time soon. There are periods when it feels like I'm the only lucid one here.

Ugh! Poor Syal! *pats back* There, there, dear ...

I think what she needs is not so much a psychiatric hospital but an enforced vacation of indeterminate length with mandatory counseling sessions. Perhaps a stay with the Jedi? Might be tense, at this point, but would be a better environment.

Then again, she wouldn't be comparing herself to all the other "inmates" and realising just how bad others are. Of course, the extent of their illnesses helping her repress her own problems.

I'm nowhere near as ill as people like Elayne (not that I'm ill at all, mind you).

See? Catch 22.

A part of me sees all of this, recognizes how utterly out of place I am, and just gets mad. What do people think when they find out that I got committed to the mental ward of some VA Hospital? Do they think I'm being restrained by orderlies every night like Thaneo? Do they think that I'm sitting on top of a grassy knoll, expressionless and emotionally dead like Elayne?

Perfectly "normal" thing to think about.

That's just Syal Antilles, thought she could fly like her father but couldn't handle the pressure.



I've got a doctor who tells me not to worry about any of this, that I shouldn't worry about what people think about me. It's like the medical staff here forgets that I have a life outside of this damn place.

On the one hand, they want you to focus on you and get better. On the other hand, yeah, people on the outside do think these things.

The problem is that in the back of their mind, there's still a little voice that says "She's not quite right. She's going to go off the deep end again."

*nods* Sadly, she absolutely right ... and that applies to civilian life as well.

The guaranteed way to get disqualified was for there to be any sort of psychological flag. There must have been a dozen applicants I tossed aside because of one little entry that said they had been checked out by a psychologist at some point.

See above. *points up*

And now I'm confronted with that action, something I did without a second thought. Is that going to be me? Are my superiors going to toss my file aside after I get out of here because I spent a few weeks in a psychiatric hospital?

Some probably will. Some probably won't. It'll be a mixed bag, but it will be up to Syal how she handles it going forward.

... weekly "lunches" with Dap, maybe? Just to clear the air?

No, I'm just the girl that's too worried about what other people think of her.

I really am a terrible person.

No. No, you're not.

Lane, you have succeeded in depressing me and astounding me all at the same time. Your grasp of Syal is excellent!

 

Hi Lane! I fell back, but now Real Life has finally shut up and I have time to catch up on your story

Celchu's Astrogation Final of Doom.

That certainly sounds like Tycho.

There's a sick part of me that's grateful for it, a little voice in the back of my head that says at least you're not one of them.

Oh, Syal. Poor girl. But thinking like that is only human. And the hospital doesn't sound like the ideal place for Syal to be, I agree with Nymue.

The bit with Myri was nice (reminds me a bit of arguments with my little brother- oh, siblings ) and I can understand that Syal liked the normalcy of the conversation, considering she's trying to make conversations with people like Elayne who will probably never be back to being able to lead a normal life.


Great updates, Lane!

 

Jade_eyes - It's really rough. Her entire career is in jeopardy and every minute she spends here reduces her chances of reclaiming her life

Briannakin - Thank you Poor Syal, she's really got a lot of uncertainty to deal with.

Luna

That was heartbreaking, and a very vivid portrait of how we treat individuals who have suffered some kind of mental issue. Mental illnesses still carry a stigma that physical illnesses don't. You really drew out her painful emotions clearly here. Lovely.

I've been on both sides of it here. Before I got sick, I often dismissed individuals with depression or similar ailments. After I got sick, it was an eye-opening experience to me. There were stretches where I felt just terrible about how I used to look at people suffering from mental illness.

In the process of getting better, you really do grow in a number of ways.

Hazel

I have to wonder if being among all those 'loony cases' would make anyone feel better? My guess would be no.

It's a double-edged sword. There's a bit of a negative feedback loop going on, but sometimes you really do need to be in these places, having a watchful eye over you.

FelsGoddess

A little denial maybe?

Oh, just a bit. She's a stubborn girl, and that only compounds her troubles

Her feelings on being cast aside for her mental health past are expressed perfectly and realistically.

It's a terrible thing, just another layer you have to worry about

Nanci

Getting a little bit testy, are you, Syal?

She's a proud girl. Staying cooped up in here is killing her

Yeah, lots of people were screwed up by the Vong. ::cough:: Jacen and Tahiri ::cough::

The devastating impacts of war

You really are mean to this poor girl, Lane.

I really do love her, though. Honest!

But even so, her reaction is very, very real. Nobody in her position would want to deal with possible mental health risks. It's not a good thing to deal with as a Commander (Kell Tainer, anyone?). So she really can't blame anyone for not being willing to take a chance on her.

It is going to be a long, painful climb back for her, but she's going to have to do some healing up before she can even consider reclaiming what was once hers.

Kat

Wow. It really is different from the inside of these issues, isn't it, Sy?

A change of perspective can really alter our worldview.

Poor Syal - her musings about how she might be treated after this is over - her musings on how she's treated other people in the past... ouch. And she really isn't wrong on either front.

She's got a more complete picture now. One has to wonder how that'll change her if she ever can reclaim a commanding officer position.

It's just that pesky 'certain point of view' dilemma. Before, she was only viewing it through 'command goggles' - who is best for this squadron - and judging it through personnel files. Now she's got on the 'now I know what it's like goggles... and it hurts.

Before this, she had never given those pilots a moment's thought. Now she has the time and the experience to reflect, and she's overwhelmed with guilt. How many careers did she destroy over a little psychological flag?

Maybe she should talk to Daddy about that second-chance squadron he made way-back-when... and the exact difficulties and trials that went with those with heavy emotional baggage.

Or maybe she should just talk to Daddy...

Oh, there will definitely be conversations with Wedge at some point!

Master_Jaina1011

You're really making my heart ache, Lane. Everything about this is spot on, and I could see Syal thinking all this.

This entire diary fic is probably the most painful thing I've written, simply because there's a whole lot of author self-reflection going on

I loved the Myri bit and I would love to see more sisterly interaction.

I can promise more Myri in the future

Nymue

Psychiatric wards or hospitals would depress even the most h

 

Log Entry: 05

Daddy really didn?t want me to be a pilot.

Not at first, anyways. When I initially brought the topic up, I was still a student at the University of Corellia. At that point in time I had all but burned out on academia and was ready to move on to other ventures in life. Force knows that I was done with midterms, homework, and finals. It seems like some people just aren?t cut out for life in continued education. I?m pretty sure that I fit into that category, but I?m not bitter. There?s a false belief out there that the only way you can make anything out of yourself is to seek out some sort of higher education.

Still, I can't blame him for being upset when I told him I was applying to the starfighter academy here on Coruscant. Well, eventually I couldn't blame him. Daddy and I got into a pretty heated argument that day. I need to put this in perspective, we rarely argue. I've always gotten along with him remarkably well, save for the rare days when I had a date with a boy. Back then I'd have to beg my mom to make sure he didn't call Uncle Wes and Uncle Hobbie to help him scheme through some sort of plan to spy on me while I was out (I think I could devote a dozen entries just to Daddy's over protectiveness of me growing up).

I'm getting wildly off track here (after weeks in this place my mind tends to wander in search of something that might be intellectually stimulating). Suffice to say, unless there's a boy involved, Daddy and I never get into arguments. That's probably why the verbal sparring we did that day caught me by surprise. He was adamant I stay in school and work towards a degree of some sort. I told him I was just wasting our money, it had been almost two years and I had yet to select a major area of study. I was insistent that the University and I just weren't going to work out. Daddy was just as insistent that I needed to put more effort into it and make something out of my education.

(It's about here I realize that two Corellians arguing is akin to an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object)

At that point I terminated the holonet call while he was talking mid-sentence and stormed back to my room. It didn't take very long before I was feeling pretty guilty. Like a scolded child, I went back to the open student holonet terminals and placed another call, this time to my mom. I told her what had happened between Daddy and me and how I felt really, really bad about it (how I miss the days when the worst thing I had to worry about were arguments between myself and the parentals). Mom, as always, knew just what to say to get me to calm down.

She explained that for Daddy, seeing me go off to the starfighter academy was a failure on his part. He had worked so hard and gone through so much to ensure that his family, especially his children, would be able to lead normal lives. To him, normal would be his children going to school and finding work that was devoid of white-knuckle combat, explosions, and heavy loss of life. Normal was the exact opposite of what his life had been through the days of the Rebellion and the New Republic.

Normal was not going to the academy, climbing into the cockpit of a starfighter, and learning how to blow enemy targets out of existence while trying to avoid getting vaped yourself.

I was feeling pretty bad when mom said that Daddy wanted to talk to me again. He apologized for what he said and I apologized for cutting the call off (sidebar: one of the best feelings in the world is a mutual apology). I'm guessing mom talked to him too, because this time I was able to get a word in edge-wise with him. He asked me if I was serious about going to the academy and he listened intently as I laid out all the reasons that I wanted to go. School wasn't working out, I felt too confined on campus, and I thought that flying could be something I was good at.

I guess I convinced him. Daddy said that he wanted me to pack my stuff and come home. If I was adamant about this, he was going to ensure that I did it right. I was back the next day, and we

 

That was a great peek into Syal's beginnings as a pilot. I understand the reasons Wedge didn't want his kids to follow in his footsteps but I'm glad he understood that that was what made her happy.

 

A wonderful! entry!

I can so sympathize with Wedge's feelings -- who could ever think that normal is being a starfighter in a life and death struggle 24/7 against adversaries who are trying their darndest to turn you into so many atoms -- and it sure wreaks havoc with any kind of family life -- just ask the Solos who combined that with another life is not my own: politics.



Wedge is a deuced great pilot -- but he was drawn into the life more by circumstance as anything else and I'm sure able to understand why he'd want his children to have reliable safe jobs.
I am glad though they were able to reestablish their normal comfortable relationship and ease of communication.

I bet Syal is somewhere questioning -- maybe academics wasn't the answer for me, but maybe flying isn't either if circumstances of that led her to being confined.

 

Sweet update showing how Syal's daddy just wanted to protect her from everything. Love that they made up about it and were able to accept that she became a pilot. It must break her daddy up for her to be in this situation. Great chapter.

 

Daddy really didn?t want me to be a pilot.
Oh, Wedge. And oh, Syal I can understand why her father wouldn't want her to be a pilot. He has seen what that kind of life does to people and he would never wish that life for his daughter. But you showed very nicely, how she was able to convince him nonetheless- more than anything he also wants his daughter to be happy. To see Syal now in such despair must be hell for Wedge.

Back then I'd have to beg my mom to make sure he didn't call Uncle Wes and Uncle Hobbie to help him scheme through some sort of plan to spy on me while I was out (I think I could devote a dozen entries just to Daddy's over protectiveness of me growing up).
That one made me smile.

Great update, Lane!

 

At that point in time I had all but burned out on academia and was ready to move on to other ventures in life. Force knows that I was done with midterms, homework, and finals.

I know how you feel, girl. Sometimes I get the urge to go to law school. Then I think of homework. I think a Master's degree is enough for me.

There?s a false belief out there that the only way you can make anything out of yourself is to seek out some sort of higher education.

Definitely not true. Look at your dad, and Luke, and Mirax, and Karrde...need I go on?

Back then I'd have to beg my mom to make sure he didn't call Uncle Wes and Uncle Hobbie to help him scheme through some sort of plan to spy on me while I was out

That sounds SO unlike them!


(It's about here I realize that two Corellians arguing is akin to an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object)

Yes. It's a miracle that Corellian marriages don't all end in divorce.

It didn't take very long before I was feeling pretty guilty.

It does seem like Wedge Antilles would be a hard person to stay angry at.


She explained that for Daddy, seeing me go off to the starfighter academy was a failure on his part. He had worked so hard and gone through so much to ensure that his family, especially his children, would be able to lead normal lives. To him, normal would be his children going to school and finding work that was devoid of white-knuckle combat, explosions, and heavy loss of life. Normal was the exact opposite of what his life had been through the days of the Rebellion and the New Republic.

This is so sad, and so true. All of that generation was fighting so that the next generation wouldn't have to. It's a kick in the gut when you realize that the fighting will never truly end, even if there is peace.

I took to it quickly, and even though he wouldn't admit it, I could see that there was a bit of pride bubbling up inside him.

Dawwwwwwww

(I don't care what you say, the 181st pales in comparison to the Rogues)

I agree! (Although I'd still love a 181st book series what)

Instead, he agreed that it was time I go to the academy and he was going to make sure that I studied under the only person in the known Galaxy he trusted to teach me: Tycho Celchu.

Double dawwwwwww

Now, though, the two of us have a bit of something in common that we can discuss whenever we're on the holonet together.

We're both pilots, and damn good ones if I do say so myself.

And cue Nanci with a huge grin on her face.

Wonderful entry.

 

Daddy really didn?t want me to be a pilot.

Oh, no. Not a Daddy post! I'M NOT GOING TO CRY, I'M NOT GOING TO CRY. I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES!

Okay, so I may have a FEW Daddy issues.

(I don't care what you say, the 181st pales in comparison to the Rogues)

This line needs a HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!


Wonderful chapter. This must be hard for Wedge.

 

Daddy really didn?t want me to be a pilot.

I can see that, especially the reasons why. It's interesting to contrast that, though, with Luke, who wanted his son and his niece and nephews to be Jedi despite everything he'd been through. You could argue that it's not the same, but it really is when you bust it down to brass tacks --- can you see Luke having been content to train them and then let them go do something else and never be part of the Order ever after? He might have done so, had things been different, and would have eventually come around but, like Wedge with Syal, he wouldn't have wanted it.

Of course, should he survive FotJ (and I don't care what Del Ray has said, I'll believe it when they DON'T kill somebody off) that's probably exactly what he'll be facing with Jaina --- if not immediately, then a few years down the road.

Eh, now that that tangent's over ...

At that point in time I had all but burned out on academia and was ready to move on to other ventures in life. Force knows that I was done with midterms, homework, and finals. It seems like some people just aren?t cut out for life in continued education. I?m pretty sure that I fit into that category, but I?m not bitter.

Well, this would explain why that topic has been on your mind. It's the truth, though, as I know you know.

It's interesting, though, that very few of the children of the OT era characters (not that there are all that many) attended university. However, I suspect Jedi education is incredibly comprehensive which could explain a lot; and no doubt the Solo kids got quite the education at home, too.

Back then I'd have to beg my mom to make sure he didn't call Uncle Wes and Uncle Hobbie to help him scheme through some sort of plan to spy on me while I was out (I think I could devote a dozen entries just to Daddy's over protectiveness of me growing up).

Oh, I'm sure he was no different than any other Corellian father with daughters. They know what boys are like, after all.

I was insistent that the University and I just weren't going to work out. Daddy was just as insistent that I needed to put more effort into it and make something out of my education.

Well, it is a reasonable argument for Wedge to make. For all either of them knew, she could have just been burned out and needed a semester or a year off. Been there, done that.

(It's about here I realize that two Corellians arguing is akin to an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object)



for Daddy, seeing me go off to the starfighter academy was a failure on his part. He had worked so hard and gone through so much to ensure that his family, especially his children, would be able to lead normal lives. To him, normal would be his children going to school and finding work that was devoid of white-knuckle combat, explosions, and heavy loss of life.

This also applies to parents with "blue collar" jobs who push their kids to go to college, even if the kid knows it's not gonna work out. All parents want better for their children but, in many cases, better is in the mind of the beholder.

Daddy said that he wanted me to pack my stuff and come home. If I was adamant about this, he was going to ensure that I did it right.

That sounds like Wedge ... *sigh*

(I don't care what you say, the 181st pales in comparison to the Rogues)

HOOOOOOOYAH!

I'm fairly certain that if Uncle Tycho didn't agree to it, Daddy would have sent me right back to the U of C.

*nods* I can see that. Not that Syal would have gone quietly, if at all, but I can certainly see Wedge responding that way.

As time went on, I think we both come to terms with how the other felt. He realized that this was my calling in life and I accepted that he was scared for me.

As will happen in any good parent-child relationship, each has to come to terms with their expectations for life --- and how those may differ.

We're both pilots, and

 

Wow!

I've always liked Syal and you really get into the ups and downs of her psychological state in a believable, yet still captivating way. It feels very real and normal the way you write her, so that I'm tempted to agree with her when she says she's fine, she doesn't deserve to be grounded or in a mental hospital. But then you can also see the little cracks where it's obvious that she needs help and feels like she can't ask... It's very hard to feel that way and I can only imagine nearly impossible to write it in another character's voice, but you pull it off beautifully.

 

Yay! Wedge!

Actually, I'm sure Wedge would have loved for his daughter to be a pilot... of a cruise barge, or a freighter... just not a starfighter.

I really love the way you've set up their relationship - two peas in a pod, as it were. I can totally see family game nights splitting into two teams; Wedge and Syal one side, Iella and Myri the other.

The fact that they almost never argue means that when they *do* argue, it cuts twice as deep. Imagining how Wedge reacted when Syal cut off the call - I'm sure that he felt guilty just as quickly as she did. Poor Iella acting as translator for them. But she, of course, knows Wedge better than he knows himself.

(It's about here I realize that two Corellians arguing is akin to an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object)

Totally. But in this case... which is which?
(And JediMara - Corellian marriages don't all end in divorce for the same reason - they're so incredibly stubborn, and don't want to budge!)

Loved the hints at shenanigans when she went out with boys - it definitely echoed Wedge's statements and sentiments in Exile.

Really loved this update. The bonds between the Antilles family have to be the strongest in that GFFA. And I love the way you show it.

Excellent, Lane.

 

Wedge is such a great father. His belief that he was a failure makes so much sense for him. You've written her admiration for Wedge so well. She's definitely Daddy's little girl.

Great update!

 

Hazel

I understand the reasons Wedge didn't want his kids to follow in his footsteps but I'm glad he understood that that was what made her happy.

It?s so hard for Wedge. He knows first-hand what the dangers of flying bring, but he also has to trust his daughter to make her own decisions. It?s a no-win for him

Jade eyes

Wedge is a deuced great pilot -- but he was drawn into the life more by circumstance as anything else and I'm sure able to understand why he'd want his children to have reliable safe jobs.

That?s really it in a nutshell. He went into piloting because there weren?t many options for him. He?s watching Syal make a choice to fly despite the fact she really does not have to. There?s a lot of cognitive dissonance involved.

I bet Syal is somewhere questioning -- maybe academics wasn't the answer for me, but maybe flying isn't either if circumstances of that led her to being confined.

Oh, there is definitely a lot of second-guessing going on. You?ll see that in the next post.

Luna

Love that they made up about it and were able to accept that she became a pilot. It must break her daddy up for her to be in this situation.

Wedge and Syal respect and love each other too much to let things linger, I do believe. He definitely didn?t have an easy time watching her go off to the Academy, though ?

Abeja

But you showed very nicely, how she was able to convince him nonetheless- more than anything he also wants his daughter to be happy. To see Syal now in such despair must be hell for Wedge.

The happiness of his family trumps all for Wedge. It?ll force him to do some difficult things, but he will let them do what they have to do.

Nanci

I know how you feel, girl. Sometimes I get the urge to go to law school. Then I think of homework. I think a Master's degree is enough for me.

Homework. Ewwwww.

Definitely not true. Look at your dad, and Luke, and Mirax, and Karrde...need I go on?

They all seem to have done rather well for themselves

That sounds SO unlike them!

There are entire fics that can be told there

All of that generation was fighting so that the next generation wouldn't have to. It's a kick in the gut when you realize that the fighting will never truly end, even if there is peace.

I could go into a rant about the current post RotJ EU, but many of the problems tie right into this.

And cue Nanci with a huge grin on her face.

Like father, like daughter

Briannakin

Oh, no. Not a Daddy post! I'M NOT GOING TO CRY, I'M NOT GOING TO CRY. I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES! I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES!

Okay, so I may have a FEW Daddy issues.

Oh man. I?m going to have to give you a warning for a post I?m planning on putting up in July or August

Wonderful chapter. This must be hard for Wedge.

Thank you! Hard on Wedge? Brutal

Nymue

It's interesting to contrast that, though, with Luke, who wanted his son and his niece and nephews to be Jedi despite everything he'd been through.

Definitely an interesting contrast, one I considered when writing this. In the end, I think I see Wedge as someone who wants nothing more than normalcy. Luke is fighting to save the Galaxy, Wedge is fighting to make things normal.

He might have done so, had things been different, and would have eventually come around but, like Wedge with Syal, he wouldn't have wanted it.

I think Both Wedge and Luke wants what is best for their families, the trick is they have different ideas of what that means. There?s valid reasons for both approaches, definitely.

Well, this would explain why that topic has been on your mind. It's the truth, though, as I know you know.

Bingo!

It's interesting, though, that very few of the children of the OT era characters (not that there are all that many) attended university.

This is really why I started zeroing in on the idea that Wedge is trying to give his family

 

Log Entry: 06

Before settling in on piloting, I really had no idea what I wanted to do with myself.

Don?t get me wrong, I do love flying. It provides a certain amount of freedom many people never feel in their lives. Having the skills to command your own ship allows you to go anywhere at any time. I know all of this now, which is why I can't imagine doing anything other than climbing right back into a starfighter when I get out of here (any day now, doctors). Still, I didn't decide on piloting until I was about twenty-one. Before that point? Oh, there were so many things that little Syal wanted to be when she grew up.

When I was six, I was convinced that I was going to be a holostar. Oh the innocence of youth. I admit it, I did all the usual things. Break into mom's wardrobe and makeup, get dolled up, and convince myself that I was walking down the carpet to some sort of awards show like I saw on the holonet. At last mom found the act amusing. Dad always got this wistful look in his eyes whenever I played dress-up. Didn't find out the story behind that for a number of years.

By the time I was fourteen I had mercifully grown out of the cute clothes and makeup phase. The Vong War was over and I had the chance to settle into a normal life. Well, as normal a life as someone like me is afforded. We moved to Corellia and both Myri and I were enrolled in a regular school. It was the first time in my life I had been in a classroom that wasn't full of military children, coming and going as their families were transferred from assignment to assignment. It was a change of pace from what my life had been up to that point, but I wasn't going to complain about the tedium too much.

I remember there was one day at school where one of those career days rolled in. We all were funneled into the athletic building and were giving marching orders to mill about and visit the various booths and stations that had been set up. Personally, I was just thankful that I had an excuse to miss fifth and sixth period. Walking about and killing time was preferable to sitting at my desk and listen to a teacher drone on about chemistry. Now that was something I was quite certain I would ever be, a chemist.

I spent about two hours just aimlessly wandering through the stalls, hoping that something would catch my eye. Physician? No, I really despise doctors. Hate them. Structural engineer? Thanks, but no, I've got better things to do than stare at schematics all day. Beautician? Definitely not, though six-year-old Syal thinks that's the best idea in the whole universe. By the time the event was over, I'd lost two hours of my life listening to pre-written sales pitches from a dozen different employers looking for slave labor. I mean interns.

When I was fifteen, I tried out for the school plasball team. Now that was fun, taking out your aggression on a flying ball of plasma with a durasteel bat. It's a remarkably simple game, see the ball, hit the ball, throw the ball, catch the ball. Maybe I was good enough to take this to a professional level. Wouldn't that be great? Making a living by playing sports? Well, that dream didn't last long. I caught the attention of some scouts for some smaller, outer-rim schools, but I couldn't quite hack it (literally) as a plasball player. By my first year of higher education I had flamed out.

And then there was college. Honestly I have no idea how some of my friends just settled in and graduated in four years. How in the wide open 'verse did they figure out what they wanted to do? I started off undeclared, gravitated towards the sciences, drifted towards communication. That was just my first year! I think I was starting to settle into something by my second year. Writing courses seemed to be the ticket for me. I had fun, especially with the more open, creative writing pieces my instructors assigned. Would it sound wrong if I said I actually looked forward to setting down and doing homework for those classes?

Of course, having fun and being able to make a living off of something you enjoy are two completely

 

As I high school student going straight to university with no idea what I am going to do, I'm kinda mixed about how I feel about this. It gives me hope that I'll find something, but I also don't want to put all my eggs in one basket and end up failing miserably and end up with a stupid cubical job.

Poor Syal

 

That was a great trip through Syal's dreams. I particularly liked when she said that at 6 years-old she wanted to be a holostar - I think all girls go through that phase, it's either that or ballerina.

I loved to read about how she decided on being a pilot.

Great chapter, Lane. Loved it!

 

very real to life meandering around syal did before settling on a career path

sounds like though when she gets out she'll have to rediscover something as fulfilling -- somehow connected to piloting/starfighters

 

Wow. I loved that look at Syal - the floundering, the indecision. The worry about never completing something.

Also loved her 'gaming the system'. Haha! Perhaps the recruiters should have asked for her name, hmm?

Lovely update.

 

Don?t get me wrong, I do love flying. It provides a certain amount of freedom many people never feel in their lives. Having the skills to command your own ship allows you to go anywhere at any time.

She definitely attends the same school of thought as one Mara Jade Skywalker.

Dad always got this wistful look in his eyes whenever I played dress-up. Didn't find out the story behind that for a number of years.

Oh damn you.

Walking about and killing time was preferable to sitting at my desk and listen to a teacher drone on about chemistry. Now that was something I was quite certain I would ever be, a chemist.

Ugh, chemistry. I bet Doran liked that subject. You know - BOOM.

Physician? No, I really despise doctors. Hate them.

Especially now, eh Syal?

Of course, having fun and being able to make a living off of something you enjoy are two completely different things.

Oh never have truer words been said.

And this is the reason I don't make a living writing fanfic.

Being the good little Antilles girl that I am, I decide to game the system.

Heh. Of course she does.

And Uncle Wes being helpful? Somebody call the holopress!

Daddy was never keen about letting me see how his own X-Wing worked.

A little bit protective there, eh daddy?

For the first time in my entire life, I saw a career path that held some sort of a future for me.

And what a good career it would have been UNTIL LANE WINREE GOT A HOLD OF YOU

I've been here long enough now that everyone who looks at that flag is going to assume that there's something very, very wrong with me.

Perhaps there is, Syal. Perhaps you should just learn to live with that fact. Running away and pretending isn't going to help anything.


Maybe I should have stuck around at the University instead.

::hits Lane:: ::hugs Syal::

 

I feel so sorry for Syal. She is likely quite right when she thinks she's never going to get inside a starfighter again (then again, since when has little words like 'never' or 'impossible' meant anything to an Antilles?). Loved seeing how she decided to become a pilot.

Great update, Lane.

Draco.

 

Love how indecisive Syal is. But she beats herself up too much. She's too good of a pilot, and let's face it, her name won't keep her in a desk job for long. But she's got to believe in herself to do it. Great update!

 

I was convinced that I was going to be a holostar.
Syal Antilles part 2

a dozen different employers looking for slave labor. I mean interns.
Ain't THAT the truth.


Syal and the Recruiter

Great update!