Beyond Downward Spiral: The Diary of Syal Antilles - 2011 Dear Diary Challenge - Complete 12/31

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Lane_Winree, Jan 15, 2011.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Abeja Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    I'd lost two hours of my life listening to pre-written sales pitches from a dozen different employers looking for slave labor. I mean interns.

    Oh yes :p[face_laugh] That's so very true.

    Very interesting look at Syal here- it's intriguing to see how she came to be a pilot.

    There's no flying for me anymore.

    Oh Syal :([:D]

    Great update, Lane!
  2. karebear214 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 7, 2002
    star 4
    having fun and being able to make a living off of something you enjoy are two completely different things.

    Hell yes! That's why I got a degree in film production and I'm using it absolutely not at all now. I totally understand Syal's indecision - it takes a LONG time to figure out what you want to do with your life. For me, I think I've finally found my calling, and it's teaching, for her it's flying. Too bad she may never get to do it again... it's really sad, because all these memories that should be funny and happy and "haha, look how dumb I was as a kid," for Syal always come back to this overpowering loss.

    I'd love to see her be able to talk with Wedge about everything she's going through - I know it would be awkward, and uncomfortable, and they would both feel terribly guilty, but I think they've got the father/daughter relationship to make it work. If ANYONE would understand her feelings and be able to really help her, I'd think it would be him.
  3. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Briannakin

    As I high school student going straight to university with no idea what I am going to do, I'm kinda mixed about how I feel about this. It gives me hope that I'll find something, but I also don't want to put all my eggs in one basket and end up failing miserably and end up with a stupid cubical job.

    I went to a community college right out of high school because I had no idea what I wanted to do. Best decision I've ever made. Gave me the time to figure out what worked for me without costing me a fortune!Q

    Hazel

    That was a great trip through Syal's dreams. I particularly liked when she said that at 6 years-old she wanted to be a holostar - I think all girls go through that phase, it's either that or ballerina.

    Syal may be a tomboy, but even she went through her phases of total girl-ness :D

    Jade_eyes

    sounds like though when she gets out she'll have to rediscover something as fulfilling -- somehow connected to piloting/starfighters

    Well, Syal isn't going to take it laying down. She'll fight as hard as she can to save her career.

    Kat

    Wow. I loved that look at Syal - the floundering, the indecision. The worry about never completing something.

    She's got the same fears anyone else has. What am I going to dow ith my life?

    Also loved her 'gaming the system'. Haha! Perhaps the recruiters should have asked for her name, hmm?

    Well, as we all know, Antilles is a common name :D

    Nanci

    She definitely attends the same school of thought as one Mara Jade Skywalker.

    Staying on the ground is so stifling.

    Ugh, chemistry. I bet Doran liked that subject. You know - BOOM.

    Doran like big boom!

    Especially now, eh Syal?

    Now more than ever!

    And Uncle Wes being helpful? Somebody call the holopress!

    Uncle Wes is more than happy to be helpful if it furthers the cause of deviance!

    A little bit protective there, eh daddy?

    Juuuuust a touch.

    And what a good career it would have been UNTIL LANE WINREE GOT A HOLD OF YOU

    I'm such a jerk :D

    ::hits Lane:: ::hugs Syal::

    Ow!

    Draconarius

    I feel so sorry for Syal. She is likely quite right when she thinks she's never going to get inside a starfighter again (then again, since when has little words like 'never' or 'impossible' meant anything to an Antilles?)

    It's going to be a long road back, if it's at all possible for her. She's definitely going to fight, though.

    Luna

    Love how indecisive Syal is. But she beats herself up too much. She's too good of a pilot, and let's face it, her name won't keep her in a desk job for long.

    Her name will help, but that's a pretty grave medical flag to have. It's going to be really hard for her to get back to where she was :(

    Fels

    Syal Antilles part 2

    Absolutely :D

    Abeja

    Very interesting look at Syal here- it's intriguing to see how she came to be a pilot.

    A long, twisty road, but then again I don't think any of us know what we want to be when we grow up at six :D

    karebear214

    Hell yes! That's why I got a degree in film production and I'm using it absolutely not at all now. I totally understand Syal's indecision - it takes a LONG time to figure out what you want to do with your life.

    I threw my first year of college out the door when I went from music composition/education to computer science and information technology. Definitely isn't unusual to take time to find out what it is you want to do!

    I'd love to see her be able to talk with Wedge about everything she's going through - I know it would be awkward, and uncomfortable, and they would both feel terribly guilty, but I think they've got the father/daughter relationship to make it work.

    Unfortunately, the first step for Syal is to admit that she's got a problem. Right now she's convinced the Galaxy is out to get her, when there are some very real issues she has to contend with. Perhaps after then a sit-down with her father would be helpful.



    Thanks for reading, a
  4. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Entry: 07

    My day really did not start off well.

    I'm tired of doctors. I'm tired of nurses checking up on me every five minutes. I'm tired of mess hall food. I'm tired of the stupid half-couch, half bed thing they make me lay down in. I'm tired of being surrounded by patients that are actually crazy. I'm tired of the endless barrage of pointless questions and conversation with psychiatrists. I'm tired of my room. I'm tired of the activity yard.

    I'm tired of this Force forsaken hospital and I want to go home.

    Every day it's the same routine. Wake up, get shuffled into the mess hall. The nurses and wait staff hover over you and make sure you eat your breakfast. What am I, six? After breakfast, I'm off to Doctor Lashiec where we spend an hour playing a futile game of question and answer. My favorite question? "How are you feeling, Syal?" I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I'm feeling rather annoyed that my time is being wasted. I'm feeling extraordinarily angry that while you take your sweet time trying to diagnose something that isn't there, my career in Starfighter Command is going up in flames. How's that for you, Doc? Can I go home now?

    Our sessions are usually filled with the good doctor carefully framing questions while I fire back some terse responses. I don't really have the time or patience to deal with this anymore, but I can only pin so much blame on the doctors. After all, I'm the one who agreed to come to this place. There are times I feel bad about how I react, but at this point the doctors have it coming. If they're going to insist on wasting my time, I'm going to waste theirs. At least I can provide myself a little bit of amusement as I continue to rot in here.

    An hour later, I leave with the poor doctor nearly as angry and frustrated as I am. Hooray for small moral victories.

    A nurse walks me back to my room and I do my best not to snap at her as well. I really don't need an escort, but they don't care. Blah blah policy blah blah for your own good. At least I've got a holonet terminal at my disposal so I can kill time, but then again, have you ever tried watching daytime holoshows? Nothing but talking political heads or, worse, five women in front of a holocamera blathering about the latest celebrity gossip. Gag me with a hydrospanner. It goes without saying that I can only handle so much of that before I give up and pull out my copy of Wingmates of Destiny and re-read it for the eighth time this month.

    A few hours of this and we're dragged off to lunch where we go through the song-and-dance of putting up with the nurses and staff making sure that I've eaten and that I'm not trying to starve myself to death or trying to slit my wrists with the dull plasticine table knives that aren't even sharp enough to cut through butter. After this point we're shuffled outside to get same air like children in primary school. At the very least, outside time is a merciful reprieve from the torture that goes on inside this damn VA hospital.

    Now, there isn't too much to do outside. There is, however, a running track and it's far and away the best way to blow off pent-up aggression here. It's also a good way to stay in shape, which I'll need to do if I ever plan on getting into a cockpit again. Everyone thinks that piloting is a low-impact job, but trust me, it's one of the most physically taxing things you can do. It pays to be fit, hence the four kilometers I put in on the track every afternoon.

    That's how the first half of my day usually goes. The second half involves more visits with doctors, another meal, and more free time that I can spend in my room or the rec room. For obvious reasons, I choose to spend all of that time by myself. And that's just what I was doing when my day took a decidedly strange twist.

    At about 1600 hours I was reading through Wingmates of Destiny (again) when I heard a knock on the door. I figured it was another nurse here to spy on me, so I ignored it. Unfortunately, whoever was at the door was persistent. After about five minutes of this I cave
  5. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2010
    star 4
    Awesome update. I really get a sense of how boring her situation is, especially if a new face and a new book excites her.
  6. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    I completely understood the length of frustration Syal's feeling about her routine.
    I hope this new girl turns out to be a friend for her.

    Great update!
  7. JediMara77 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 4
    I'm tired of being surrounded by patients that are actually crazy.

    Oh, dear girl. You just keep on deluding yourself.

    I'm tired of this Force forsaken hospital and I want to go home.

    But that wouldn't help anything, Syal.

    An hour later, I leave with the poor doctor nearly as angry and frustrated as I am. Hooray for small moral victories.

    It might be amusing now, but you never know - you might be regretting this soon.


    At about 1600 hours I was reading through Wingmates of Destiny (again)


    What do I have to get you to do to write this, or at least a small excerpt from it? I want to read the GFFA version of trashy romance novels. :D


    A new novel to read. I could have hugged her.


    Ahh, books, bringing friends together since I was 12.

    It's very nice that Syal has made a friend...

    ...but as she's in a mental hospital, it has to be said...

    I have a bad feeling about this.

    Wonderful update, Lane. :)
  8. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Wow! You really put across Syal's pulling out hair frustration =D=

    I am glad she found someone she can converse with and connect to hopefully as a friend :D

  9. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Read this from the beginning and it's a nice backstory for your other exciting big stories.
  10. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    I'm glad it looks like she made a friend and got something new to do! Hopefully her new friend can help her sort out what's going on in her head so she can impress the doctors and get on out of there! Great update.
  11. FelsGoddess Game Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Sep 5, 2004
    star 5
    Sounds like this new patient may be what Syal needs. [face_thinking]
  12. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Guys I am so sorry about falling behind on the updates. The schedule has been a little wonky because I've been contending with so much school. Another five weeks and I'll be back to normal!

    Briannakin - She's got a lot of time to either think or distract herself. She's chosen to go with the latter option :(

    Hazel - Lahani seems like a good thing at this point, ne? :D

    Nanci

    Oh, dear girl. You just keep on deluding yourself.

    The daughter of two Corellians is waaaaay to stubborn to admit she has issues :D

    But that wouldn't help anything, Syal.

    No, it really won't :(

    It might be amusing now, but you never know - you might be regretting this soon.

    She's so caught up in her current anguish, she can't see what's best for her. It's a feedback loop of destruction.

    What do I have to get you to do to write this, or at least a small excerpt from it? I want to read the GFFA version of trashy romance novels.

    Oh man. No no no. I am NOT writing a GFFA romance novel. I'll do all sorts of crazy things for fic, but that is where I draw the line :D

    I've never even read a romance novel! Where do I even start? :p

    Ahh, books, bringing friends together since I was 12.

    Common ground, books :)

    It's very nice that Syal has made a friend...

    ...but as she's in a mental hospital, it has to be said...

    I have a bad feeling about this.


    Yeah, that and I'm writing this. Be concerned!

    Jade_eyes

    Wow! You really put across Syal's pulling out hair frustration

    Syal's got a low tolerance for time wasting ;)

    I am glad she found someone she can converse with and connect to hopefully as a friend

    And Syal really, really needs friends.

    Earlybird - Glad you're enjoying this! It's been fun to write :)

    Luna_Nightshade

    I'm glad it looks like she made a friend and got something new to do!

    Syal needs conversation in the worst way. Lahani will be good for that, I'm thinking

    Hopefully her new friend can help her sort out what's going on in her head so she can impress the doctors and get on out of there!

    She definitely needs to get her head sorted out, that's for sure!

    Fels - Human contact. Just what the doctor ordered!


    Thanks for reading all, and again I apologize for the inconsistent update schedule. I'm going to try to get another post out next Sunday as well to hit the two-posts for the month goal.

    New post below!

    PM List
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    Luna_Nightshade
    Hazel
    Briannakin
    Abeja
    Katana_Sundancer
  13. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Entry: 08

    Have you ever had one of those days where the stench of nostalgia is overwhelming? Where it bombards you and then sucker punches you for good measure?

    I was hit pretty hard with that around lunch today. My day started off like any other, too many hours going nowhere with a psychologist who is just as tired of me as I am of them. I believe I've forsaken the passive-aggressive approach and have resorted to outright hostility now. Honest, I can't help it. You grow up military and you just don't respond well to all of the delicate questions. Either get to the point or stop wasting my time. My doctors apparently haven't figured that out. How they got hired to work in a VA hospital dealing with a bunch of jarheads and flightstick jockeys like myself is beyond me.

    But I digress.

    I'm not ashamed to admit that I was actually looking forward to lunch today, if for no other reason than to chat with Lahani and have a conversation that didn't contain either a long, awkward blank stare or a long, awkward conversation about my feelings. Apparently Lahani had just gone through the same hell I did, because she seemed to be in as foul a mood as I was. For a moments I debated on whether or not I should sit down by her and talk, there was a part of her that looked like she needed her space. On the other hand, I needed sane conversation and I needed it now.

    She seemed to perk up as soon as I sat down, apparently needing a verbal distraction as much as I did. As conversations early in a relationship often do, things steered towards a common origin point. In our case, it was our military careers. Lahani was plenty forthcoming, explaining she had been with Crimson Squadron, a group of Eta-5 Interceptor pilots that specialized in providing space superiority for attack squadrons. A few years ago, I would have been jealous. Before landing with the Rogues, I had gunned hard for a spot with that unit. Of course, those were the days I thought speed trumped everything. Give me an Incom XJ7 X-Wing any day.

    As we soon discovered, we both attended the Academy at the same time. Here's where the aforementioned nostalgia comes in. We talked about astrogation theory with Uncle Tycho, the lousy mess hall food (if you weren't careful, what you consumed could get you pent up in the medical wing for a few days), the endless hours on simulator runs. Lahani reminded me of our old communications instructor, a human female known colloquially throughout the Academy as 'Commander Pink.' Oh the stories we had from that class. How an airhead from Coruscant became an Academy instructor was beyond us. I think we learned more about that instructor's sordid love life (she claimed to have had a fling with Han Solo, talk about delusions of grandeur) than we did about communication and hypercomm theory.

    Lahani mentioned at one point during our little trip back in time that she didn't remember hearing my name while at the Academy. I don't blame her for being confused. I don't mean to sound stuck up or conceited, but when you're in military circles and you mention that your surname is "Antilles," you inevitably are asked "Oh, are you related to Wedge?" Daddy, Tycho and I knew that would be a problem the second I enrolled, which is why I (temporarily at least) had my name legally changed to Lysa Dunter. That was rough for me, having to craft a new identity on the fly.

    Unfortunately, that paled in comparison to the struggles I went through during my first month in the Academy.

    It's really a good thing that I was there under an assumed name, because if my peers and instructors knew that I was Syal, daughter of Wedge, the expectations would have been enormous. Some would be waiting for me to fail because they assume I'm riding on Daddy's reputation. Others would expect the universe out of me, believing that I was coming to the Academy as a polished product and ready to fly combat. It was the latter that terrified me the most if people found out who I was.

    Daddy didn't let myself or Myri fly his X-Wing, but I've told this story before in
  14. Katana_Sundancer Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2009
    star 4
    Oh lovely.

    I love all these little snapshots of her life. Oh dear, her buying into her father's legend, whoopsie Syal.

    At least she had one person she could trust - it would've been absolute hell if she had no one to talk to. Anyone who didn't know her background would wonder why she was being so needlessly hard on herself.

    YAY JAMEE!

  15. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2010
    star 4
    "Syal, if you want this, you go earn it. Then go rub it in everyone's face."

    True words of wisdom.

    I love these little snippets of Syal's current life compared to her life at the academy.
  16. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Great look back and it was a smart thing for Syal to do - change her name during academy days [face_thinking] Yay for Jameee. It'd be nice to reconnect with her sometime during this current trial. @};-
  17. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    I believe I've forsaken the passive-aggressive approach and have resorted to outright hostility now.

    I?m pretty sure that is NOT a good plan.


    Innate talent only gets you so far, it takes practice to be able to harness all that.

    Practice makes perfect, Syal!


    I sobbed in the general direction of my roommate.

    Uncle Tycho had the presence of mind to room me with one person that we all could trust with my identity, a girl by the name of Jamee Farlander.


    JAMEE!!! The only person in that Academy Syal could really trust with everything. Nice thinking Uncle Tycho!


    The absurd thing? I miss those early days at the Academy. I miss having a goal like that to strive for and putting in the work to reach that mark.

    I believe you Syal.

  18. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Loved seeing a little bit of Syal's past in the academy when she was Lysa, and that feeling of getting the wind knocked out of you when you realize you're not as good at something as you thought you should be. I hope that her new friend turns out to be as good as Jamee. Great update!
  19. FelsGoddess Game Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Sep 5, 2004
    star 5
    Jamee insists she could have beaten me but she had a cold. I knew, however, she was just hungover
    [face_laugh] Like many a student.

    Great entry!
  20. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Nice update with life in the academy and her musings about being an Antilles and keeping that a secret
  21. JediMara77 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 4
    Have you ever had one of those days where the stench of nostalgia is overwhelming? Where it bombards you and then sucker punches you for good measure?

    Yup, and then I get depressed that I'm getting old.

    Either get to the point or stop wasting my time.

    Syal, honey, you're the one who's wasting people's time.

    Lahani reminded me of our old communications instructor, a human female known colloquially throughout the Academy as 'Commander Pink.' Oh the stories we had from that class. How an airhead from Coruscant became an Academy instructor was beyond us. I think we learned more about that instructor's sordid love life (she claimed to have had a fling with Han Solo, talk about delusions of grandeur) than we did about communication and hypercomm theory.

    [face_laugh]

    Daddy didn't let myself or Myri fly his X-Wing, but I've told this story before in this damn journal. Long story short, he wasn't about to let his girls fly a multi-million credit war machine.

    Awww, Wedge, you should have let them get in a simulator...but then they might have found that they enjoyed it and wanted to follow in your footsteps, huh?

    Of course no one ever mentions that Uncle Luke grew up on Tatooine and flew Skyhoppers on an almost daily basis from the moment he was old enough to grasp the control mechanisms. He'd been piloting Incom ships for years before joining up with the Alliance. I'd later talk with both him and Daddy about that. Both of them made it very clear that they logged an unhealthy amount of time in the simulators to refine their flying skills. Innate talent only gets you so far, it takes practice to be able to harness all that.

    This is very, very true. You don't stay on top by resting on your laurels.

    Uncle Tycho had the presence of mind to room me with one person that we all could trust with my identity, a girl by the name of Jamee Farlander.

    1. Of course he did, he's Tycho!
    2. Yay Jamee!

    (Jamee insists she could have beaten me but she had a cold. I knew, however, she was just hungover)

    I get the impression that Jamee was always hungover.

    All I could think about was how much I wished Jamee was here so I could sob in her general direction.

    Knowing how you're acting, she'd probably slap you across the face and tell you to shape up already.


    Great update!
  22. SWpants Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2004
    star 4
    Even with only 8 entries (plus 00) there's a lot for me to catch up on. Here's my review of the first 5:


    Log Entry: 00, ADDENDUM ENTRY ADDED 31-5-44

    Dathomiri witchcraft they insist will ?help? me).

    [face_laugh] I wonder how many use that phrase ;)


    I?m about as Corellian as you can get.

    HAH this is true. It?s one reason why I love her, or at least your version of her. You stay true to the Corellian culture while making Syal her own person.



    I grew up during the Vong war. There were days where I thought my parents were dead and days when I thought I was going to be next.

    :( I can?t even imagine that fear.



    Log Entry: 01. Created 12-2-44

    I'm fine.

    I keep telling everyone that. So, why am I still here?


    Um, hm, let?s see?.Oh, because you?re not fine?!


    I know this is just standard operating procedure on their part, but there's a part of me that can't help but be resentful.

    Can?t blame her. But at least she understands why they do it.


    I'm fine, it's those headcases on the bleachers that need help.

    Just ?cause a person?s not a ?headcase? doesn?t mean they don?t need help.


    I try not to think of that day too much, not so much because of daddy (he came home after all), but because I hate to see mom upset like that.

    That breaks my heart. There are times I remember as a kid that I wouldn?t want to relive because of how my parents reacted, not how the situation panned out.



    Log Entry: 02. Created 18-2-44

    Can you believe it? The doctors actually assign homework to the patients.

    I can understand the frustration. Yet the journal, at least, is great therapy IMO.


    Squaring off against a dozen hostile targets isn't the most relaxing thing in the Galaxy.

    Heh, no, I wouldn?t imagine it being so.


    Dabbled a bit with music (that was a failed experiment) and art (let's not even go there).

    *snerk* I can?t see her doing either.
    Very cool (and a bit odd) how she enjoyed the writing courses.


    Daddy was never all that fond of the cold and the snow (something about tauntaun stew

    [face_laugh][face_laugh]

    The place sounds gorgeous and incredibly relaxing. I really hope she does see it again, some day.



    Log Entry: 03. Created 6-3-44

    Whenever she's here we usually just spend a half-hour awkwardly rubbing the backs of our necks and trying to find something to talk about.

    That makes me very, very sad.


    In step two, I calmly tell her that I think she can do better. Well, I think it's calm anyways. Mom and Myri always say I'm too harsh. Daddy's in my camp, though.

    HAHAHAHAHA oh of course she (and Wedge) would be too harsh.


    (You know it's a shame Daala hasn't let Valin Horn out of carbonite yet, Myri used to eye him during get togethers and I'm convinced he's just the boy for my sister)

    :D :D

    Psh I?d worry less about her hair than the current guy she?s dating.


    We made a terrible scene, scared a number of the orderlies and patients, nearly got security called in on us, and simply made fools out of ourselves.

    It makes me just as happy as Syal (although probably less so) that she and Myri had a ?normal? conversation. I hope that when Myri visits in the future it?s less awkward because of it.



    Log Entry: 04. Date: Hell if I know.

    I'm constantly aware that I am surrounded by very sick people, many of which probably won't be getting better any time soon.

    It?s incredibly sad.


    What do people think when they find out that I got committed to the mental ward of some VA Hospital?

    I hope they don?t think she goes psycho-crazy or tries to kill herself with a plastic fork or anything.


    Even if those issues have been tended to and resolved, that flag remains in place.

    *nods* It?s like a police record or anything when going for a job. It won?t necessarily disqualify you, but there?s a large chance you?ll
  23. SWpants Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2004
    star 4
    Log Entry: 05

    Daddy really didn?t want me to be a pilot.

    Can?t be TOO surprised with that.


    (after weeks in this place my mind tends to wander in search of something that might be intellectually stimulating).

    [face_laugh] Mph I can?t imagine


    (how I miss the days when the worst thing I had to worry about were arguments between myself and the parentals).

    Right? *sigh*


    Daddy said that he wanted me to pack my stuff and come home. If I was adamant about this, he was going to ensure that I did it right.

    That makes sense. And who best to teach her than Wedge? And Tycho.


    Even though he had agreed to this, the mere fact I was learning how to fly constituted a failure on his part. Seeing me here was uncomfortable for him.

    I?m extremely happy that Syal was able to remind herself of that. Poor Wedge. *hugs him*
    Ah, I hope this helps her realize too that she?s NOT a failure either.


    We're both pilots, and damn good ones if I do say so myself.

    AGREED!



    Log Entry: 06

    When I was six, I was convinced that I was going to be a holostar.

    *snerk* oh, that?s cute.


    It was the first time in my life I had been in a classroom that wasn't full of military children, coming and going as their families were transferred from assignment to assignment.

    That must have been a very odd change for her. But it?s also good IMO.


    By the time the event was over, I'd lost two hours of my life listening to pre-written sales pitches from a dozen different employers looking for slave labor. I mean interns.

    *rolls around cackling*


    When I was fifteen, I tried out for the school plasball team. Now that was fun, taking out your aggression on a flying ball of plasma with a durasteel bat.

    [face_laugh] At least she had fun with it, for some while.


    Of course, having fun and being able to make a living off of something you enjoy are two completely different things.

    This is true, but if you want it that bad then you can do it.


    Being the good little Antilles girl that I am, I decide to game the system.

    BAHAHAHAHA I love it.


    as I got older I realized just how much I loved flying. I realized that this was my calling and there was nothing else in life I could possibly do for a living.

    See? There?s a way to make it work.



    Entry: 07

    I'm tired of doctors. I'm tired of nurses checking up on me every five minutes.

    [:D] <-- super tight


    I don't really have the time or patience to deal with this anymore, but I can only pin so much blame on the doctors. After all, I'm the one who agreed to come to this place.

    Still?:( Poor Syal.
    How much longer are you going to keep her in there?


    Now, there isn't too much to do outside. There is, however, a running track and it's far and away the best way to blow off pent-up aggression here.

    Hey, it?s something. I?ll bet it gets boring after a while though too.


    [b[I could have said something polite. Under normal circumstances, I probably would have, but weeks of being trapped in this place had eroded my patience and manners.[/b]

    But it?s not like this person?s a nurse!
    It?s great that Lahani ignored Syal?s behaviour and mentioned the novel(s).


    "I noticed you've got a copy if Wingmates,"

    Should be ?of Wingmates?


    I just couldn't get over the fact that she was so incredibly lucid. I was having a conversation with someone that (mercifully) was as sane as me.

    I think Syal needs that more than she needs a new novel. That?s really, really great :D



    Entry: 08

    Just completely ignoring dates now? :p

    Have you ever had one of those days where the stench of nostalgia is overwhelming? Where it bombards you and then sucker punches you for good measure?

    :( I hate that. Especially if it?s about a dead friend.


    You grow up military and you just don't respond well to all of the delicate questions. Either get to the point or stop wast
  24. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Bad news, I only got to one update last month :(

    Good news! School has settled down and I'm back to a normal updating schedule, which means a new post!

    Kat

    I love all these little snapshots of her life. Oh dear, her buying into her father's legend, whoopsie Syal.

    Even the best can fall for the hubris :(

    Anyone who didn't know her background would wonder why she was being so needlessly hard on herself.

    No one expects more from Syal than Syal herself.

    YAY JAMEE!

    I do love Jamee :D

    Briannakin

    I love these little snippets of Syal's current life compared to her life at the academy

    Sometimes it's a lot of fun to explore where a character came from. I've definitely enjoyed doing that in this fic :)

    Jade_eyes

    Yay for Jameee. It'd be nice to reconnect with her sometime during this current trial.

    Oh, I think Jamee will be making an appearance :D

    Hazel

    I?m pretty sure that is NOT a good plan.

    Yeah, probably not :p

    JAMEE!!! The only person in that Academy Syal could really trust with everything. Nice thinking Uncle Tycho!

    That Tycho is a smart man :D

    Luna_Nightshade

    Loved seeing a little bit of Syal's past in the academy when she was Lysa, and that feeling of getting the wind knocked out of you when you realize you're not as good at something as you thought you should be.

    It's brutal to think you'll just cruise at something and discover that you're going to have to work for what you want. I like to think Syal responded to the challenge, though :)

    FelsGoddess - Ah Jamee, such a good pairing to Syal :D

    earlybird - Glad you enjoyed! These reflective sections are fun

    Nanci

    Syal, honey, you're the one who's wasting people's time.

    And she just doesn't see it :(

    Awww, Wedge, you should have let them get in a simulator...but then they might have found that they enjoyed it and wanted to follow in your footsteps, huh?

    And that's the last thing Wedge wants, for her girls to grow up just like him.

    This is very, very true. You don't stay on top by resting on your laurels.

    And Wedge and Luke were not ones to rest on their laurels!

    1. Of course he did, he's Tycho!
    2. Yay Jamee!


    I really do love that everyone likes Jamee so much :D

    I get the impression that Jamee was always hungover.

    Jamee was a party girl, that's for sure

    Knowing how you're acting, she'd probably slap you across the face and tell you to shape up already.

    Syal really could use Jamee right now :(

    SWpants666

    HAH this is true. It?s one reason why I love her, or at least your version of her. You stay true to the Corellian culture while making Syal her own person.

    I love to envision Syal as the fireball her father and mother are :D

    Um, hm, let?s see?.Oh, because you?re not fine?!

    Oh man. She most certainly is not.

    There are times I remember as a kid that I wouldn?t want to relive because of how my parents reacted, not how the situation panned out.

    And given how connected Syal is to her parents, those are horrid memories :(

    I can understand the frustration. Yet the journal, at least, is great therapy IMO.

    It really is. The journal gets thoughts down and helps you from internalizing it all.

    Very cool (and a bit odd) how she enjoyed the writing courses.

    I see writing as being a bit of a release for Syal. An escape, if you will.

    The place sounds gorgeous and incredibly relaxing. I really hope she does see it again, some day.

    It would be a shame if she didn't :(

    HAHAHAHAHA oh of course she (and Wedge) would be too harsh.

    Gotta look out for that loose cannon Myri!

    It makes me just as happy as Syal (although probably less so) that she and Myri had a ?normal? conversation. I hope that when Myri visits in the future it?s less awkward because of it.

    Those two are always capable of normal conversation. They've just got to get used to their various circumstances first :(

    I ho
  25. Lane_Winree Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2006
    star 4
    Entry: 09

    I was fine. Just fine. Right up until lunch.

    I don't know what caused it, but right now I'm curled up in bed and there's an orderly pounding on the door and telling me it's time to go see the shrink. I'm not going to get up. I don't want to. I can't. There's something wrong and I have no idea what it is, all I know is I don't want to look at anyone. The only thing I want is to just be left alone, but the orderly is still knocking. I'm tempted to tell her my stomach's bugging me and I need to get some sleep.

    Sleep. That would be nice. I haven't gotten much of that lately.

    Orderly is gone now, told her something from the mess hall made me sick. It's a very believable excuse, the mess hall food probably is considered cruel and unusual under Galactic Alliance laws. At the very least, it's a crime against gastrointestinal functions.

    I'm getting scared. When I woke up this morning, I was okay. At least, I was as good as you can possibly be while locked up in this horrible place. I went about my business as usual, morning session with a therapist to play our usual game of "try to psychoanalyze me while I insult your intelligence," shuffled off to breakfast, spent an hour in my room reading the novel Lahani lent me, spent another hour idly surfing the holonet terminal next to my bed for some kind of distraction, then I left for lunch.

    And that's where it all went sideways.

    I was hoping to talk to Lahani, as I've been doing regularly for a few weeks now. When I showed up, she wasn't at her usual table, or anywhere to be found for that matter. I swallowed my pride and asked one of the nurses if they had seen her because, quite honestly, lunch with Lahani had become a very important part of my daily routine. She's a touchstone of sorts, a merciful voice that talks to me like I'm not crazy. Someone I can have a normal conversation with. Unfortunately for me, the only answer I got from the nurse was that she was in treatment at the moment.

    So I went on with my day. I thought a run on the track outside was in order, but the moment I stepped outside one of those damned Coruscant rainstorms showed up and trapped me back inside. With nothing left to do, I went back to my room, shut the door, and tried to read my novel again. Emphasis on tried. I think I managed to sit down and focus on the words for ten minutes when something went wrong. I'm not even sure how to describe it properly. Chest tightness, increased pulse, a bit of a cold feeling.

    I hadn't quite noticed that my thoughts had drifted away from the novel. At that moment, I was consumed by something. It felt like a cold vice had been cinched down around me, squeezing the air out of my lungs. My brain seemed to go onto autopilot and I could only think of one thing: my career is over. I've been clinging onto hope for so long that these damn doctors are going to let me go, but as I sat in my room the realization hit me. There's no coming back from this.

    Even if I can get a clean bill of health (and that becomes more and more doubtful with every passing moment I spend here), I'll never get my command back. Hell, I'll never sniff an active duty starfighter squadron again. No CO would ever take the risk on someone who has a big flag in their file showing that they spent this much time amongst the clinically insane. The only thing left for me in Starfighter Command would be some sort of menial paper-pushing job.

    The point of no return had passed and that means I'm never going to fly for the military again.

    The more I turned this horrible realization over in my mind, the tighter my chest got. I was never going to fly again, to do the one thing in life that I was genuinely good at. My reputation had been damaged beyond repair. I was ruined, and it was all because I wound up trapped in this damn hospital. How did I get here? How the hell did I let this happen? Why didn't I fight harder? I just let these doctors walk all over me, I let my family convince me there was something wrong. I should have stood up for myself but I didn't and I h
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