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FF:NSW Dragons dawning, children drawing

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by Pigalek, Jan 31, 2002.

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  1. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    A couple of days ago I wrote some new poetry and I was upset that the Gecks one had been locked (understandably so tho) here the new one :)
    Same deal as before you can post your own or other peoples but you have to put who its by if it's someone elses, no parroting :p
    Also feedback and stuff helps Enna I'm calling on you for that :) but everyone else even if you don't know alot about poetry post what you think or if you have any submissions yourself would be great :)


    And heres one of the ones I wrote and finshed today

    I walk thru a shadowed past
    With no memory to last
    Someones haunted life surrounds me
    I yearn to reach out to this child
    To make him safe and to protect

    I wander thru painful memories
    Weeping in anguish of what I see
    And innocence lost, battered, abused
    What I see is blurred, hid, forgotten
    Coming back to haunt him in dreams feared
    Sleep offers no solace in this place

    I take this child into my arms
    And wipe away his frighten tears
    I do my best to sooth away the fear
    I cradel his exhausted body
    And whisper words of hope and heart
    & brick by brick I build a wall
    Between past and present

    I bid his eyes to close
    And give him dreams of peace
    I watch over his sleep
    Until the light of day


    Well that enough from me right now I have to try and finish this other one I only have two stanzas :(
     
  2. Syrix_Kahl

    Syrix_Kahl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2001
    I'm dog ass at poetry, but I might just point out that the reason why the old thread was locked was due to a war of vehement words between two people.

    ----

    Posting nasty poems is bad
    And if you do then you are... sad.
    So don't posty mean old poems, and then
    They'll not lock a poetry thread... again.

    :D

    I'm special
     
  3. Prodigiousman

    Prodigiousman Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2001
    Prodigiousman's first attempt at poetry:
    (sporting not Star Wars theme, although that genre will come!)

    A cricket game was played once upon a time,
    And with New Zealand winning it was a crime!
    However one brave wielder of the willow stepped up,
    His blade blazed like a fire on a mountain top.

    His name was Bevo,
    He didn't play the Chiello,
    But his incredible innings will live on,
    Heck, it might be remembered in song.

    Was this the start of an Australian revival?
    Could Bevo's innings catapault Australia to the top of the VB series table?
    Tugger has remembered how to bowl,
    and he will never throw in the towel.

    Is there a greater sport than the one played out on Tuesday night?
    I think not, but I think of the New Zealander plight,
    They might miss the finals now due to Bevo's brilliance,
    That would make it over five series since their last Australian summer one day finals appearance.

    To end this appalling ditty/poem/assortment of words,
    I look inside myself and find that we Australians should rally behind Bevo's wooden sword!
    Australia will make the VB FINALS in a gallant try,
    For if they do not I shall CRY*!



    * Given I have tickets to the 2nd Final if they don't make it I won't be just crying... I'll be forced to barrack for South Africa or the Kiwis... something I just don't want to do!


    Seeya
     
  4. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    lol thank you Syrix and Proddy well done for starters :)
    And I'm sure barracking for kiwis qont be too bad... Ok I lie yes it will :p
     
  5. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    Where my hope was failing
    And my spirit sinking
    Beneath a troubled sea
    Of which I could not be free
    You were there to light my way
    When thru my clouds there was no day

    You took me into your arms
    And whispered words to give me joy
    I found the strenght to spread my wings
    And with you towards the sun
    With a smile nestled on my face
     
  6. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    A wizard stood upon a hill
    Cursing the gods at will
    Some thought him mad, others brave
    Some thought he wished an early grave
    Down came the gods, in fearsome droves
    Their anger bloomed in a fearsome show
    "Why dost thou profane us?
    Where is thy love and neverending trust?"

    "It ended whence my son died!
    The source of my joy and pride
    Thoust allowed him to die
    So to thee i say fie!"


    Meh crappy but it was written a year ago out of boredom (and reading to many fantasy books at the same time) :p

     
  7. Already-Turned

    Already-Turned Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2001
    A peasant stood apon a plain
    Implored the gods to make rain.

    The crops were brown, the cows fell down
    Their hungry "moos!" made the peasant frown.
    He climbed up on the radio tower;
    "You stinkin gods, oi! make it shower"
    "Make it rain before I git's down"
    "Oi! come on gods, ay! make it piss down"

    A tranquil blue the sky remained
    So evermore the boy complained;
    "You stinking gods, I'm sick of this"
    "I will become an atheist!"

    At that the sky began to blacken
    Lightning flickering, thunder cracken.
    As the peasant saw the heavens open
    "Oh, bugger me" was all t'was spoken.

    The flood came down, all washed away;
    The cows, the grain, the piles of hay.
    The tractors all were swept aside
    And utes went floating on the tide.

    At last the tempest did abate
    So we return to our peasant mate
    He sits alone in a flooded tree
    Pondering on philosphy.
    As the flood debris begin to pile up,
    He smiles, cause he has made his mind up.

    "A new generation and safer theology!"
    "Don't question the bureau of meteorology"

     
  8. JediEnna

    JediEnna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2000
    AHHHHH! I wrote heaps and then hit a button and then it disappeared. :_|

    Oh well start again.

    AT, that was hilarious! [face_laugh] . That's rural life all right. And a rollicking ballad in the style of good ol' Banjo. Smooth rhyme, rhythm and syntax which is impressive because it's hard to do. I never even try - I just write free poetry!

    Prodigiousman: woe! woe! For Australia lost by the basest means. Bummer. But it's a good poem, made me laugh. THe rhythm falters but as I said before that's one of the hardest things to manage so you did well. I take it you're going to barrack for SA?

    Pigalek: I envy the way you can write and write. For some reason I didn't connect with the first poem, I think because it's so anguished, and tries to build a sense of maturity which the writing doesn't show? I'm not sure. It's hard to explain. Perhaps it's the first two lines, which don't match rhytmically and put me off. I like the second stanza though, and the way you stack your adjectives up. Very rich.

    I liked the second poem much more, it's lighter and less laboured. There's a real sense of hope in it which I really like. ANd the water-to-sun imagery works really well. The only thing I object to is "nestled". A smile "nestled"? Nah. It's a little too pretentious for the lightness of the poem. THat's a personal opinion though. :)

    Your third was actually my favourite. The first stanza has a real sense of grandness, of epic mythic proportions. The second stanza does seem a bit trite though - I think that come from both the lines and the stanza being shorter than the first. Perhaps you could expand on the wizard's plight? And what happens to him for his defiance? I'm curious! But I did really like the last line. Fie, damn you, fie! :D

    As for me, I've written a few bits and pieces recently but I'm at Scream's and they're at home. So I will have to inflict them on you some other time. :)
     
  9. Syrix_Kahl

    Syrix_Kahl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2001
    :( What about me!!!

    Oh... yeah, it wasn't serious...

    ----
    despite my efforts
    once again
    poetic justice
    leaves me pain'd
    ---
     
  10. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    Thanx enna :)
    The first one don't ask me about it i don't think i can really explain properly, as for the second one nestled was the best word i could think of that and thought stuff it I'm going to go by syllables instead of rhyming which is what i usually do. And the thrid one was a bit longer but I really didn't like the parts i didn't put in so i culled it :) I do plan on finishing it when i get some time but you guys will have to wait for that :)
     
  11. Already-Turned

    Already-Turned Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2001
    Thanks Enna!! (insert smiley signifying a poet-laureate waving to his adoring audience)


    Actually I just chucked that down as a piss take to the first couple of lines to Pigaleks "wizard on a hill"

    What I think of the other poems? A poem..
    _______________________________
    I
    don't like huge
    poetry critics

    Crunching and chopping and disecting and discussing
    They get lost
    They see not

    Poetry is like
    Life
    If it feels good, do it

    Smiley
    _________________________________
     
  12. Kalor_Voe

    Kalor_Voe Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 10, 2000
    One I wrote a long time ago:

    I asked God "Give me eyes to look into,
    for that is my desire"
    But he gave me eyes to look through,
    and that took me even higher.
     
  13. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    Kalor you write good stuff i want more from you!! :p
    And enna hurry up with yours!!! :p
     
  14. JediEnna

    JediEnna Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2000
    Syrix, I did like yours.

    A-T, if you don't like feedback, I shall withdraw. *sniff*.


    *sniffle*


    :_|
     
  15. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    *pokes Enna*
    None of that!
    You're our Guru of poetry analysis
     
  16. Syrix_Kahl

    Syrix_Kahl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2001
  17. Pigalek

    Pigalek Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 23, 2001
    hee hee :)

    These aren't mine but I like them anyways :)

    'Hymn to the Night'

    I heard the trailing garments of the Night
    Sweep through the marble halls!
    I saw her sable skirts all fringed with light
    From the celestial walls!

    I felt her presece, by its spell of might
    Stoop o'er me from above;l
    The calm majestic presence of the Night,
    As of the one I love.

    I heard the sounds of sorrow and delight,
    The manifold, soft chimes
    That fill the haunted chambers of the Night,
    Like some old poet's rhymes.

    From the cool cisterns of the midnight air
    My spirit drank repose;
    The fountain of perpetual peace flows there,-
    From these deep cistern flows.

    O holy Night! From thee i learn to bear
    what man has born before!
    Thou layest thy fingers on the lips of Care
    And they complain no more.

    Peace! Peace! Orestes- like I breath this prayer
    Descend with broad winged flight
    The welcomed, thrice prayed for, the most fair
    The best beloved Night!

    By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow




    'I saw two clouds at morning'

    I saw two clouds at morning,
    Tinged by the rising sun,
    And in the dawn they floated on,
    And mingled into one;
    I thought the morning cloud was blessed,
    It moved so sweetly to the west.

    I saw two summer currents
    Flow smoothly to their meeting,
    And join their course with silent force,
    In peace each other greeting;
    Calm was their course, with silent force,
    In peace each other greeting;
    Calm was their courxe through banks of green,
    While dimpling eddies played between.

    Such be your gentle motion,
    Til life's last pulse shall beat;
    Like summer's beam and summer's stream,
    Float on, in joy to meet
    A calmer sea, where storms shall cease,
    A purer sky, where all is peace.

    by John Brainara






    Don't even ask me what is with all the exclamtion marks in the first cos i have no idea :)
     
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