Dreams Die Hard -- JA (O/Q) **TEASER FOR NEW STORY ADDED 12/18**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Shaindl, Nov 22, 2002.

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  1. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Well I decided to post this, even though I just started it today and have no idea where it's going. I write when I can, which isn't often, so I can't promise regular (i.e. daily) updates. I will try for at least once a week. I have other stories in mind too, so if I decide to post those, the posts might get even slower. Comments and feedback are craved and greatly appreciated!

    No Obi or Qui in the first post - next time, promise! :D

    George owns 'em. I don't. I don't get a cent from this - just a lot of pleasant hours of writing.

    ******

    I don?t have an ounce of Force strength in me.

    Kind of odd for a would-be Jedi, isn?t it? Or at least that?s what I told myself when I was a child. My mother used to tell me stories about the gallant Jedi Knights, all of them tall, handsome and brave. I decided fairly early on in my life that I would be one when I grew up. I remember playing in the woods surrounding my house and holding out my hand in what I thought was a mystical manner and waggling my fingers at errant pieces of wood, willing ? imploring ? them to rise, even just a few millimetres.

    They never did.

    No matter, I told myself, the Force works in mysterious ways, and my time will come. The Force will explode n my in a way never before seen and I?ll be the best and the brightest of the legendary Jedi Knights. Songs will be sung about me, mothers will tell their children stories about me for aeons to come.

    Then the Jedi came to our village to test the children. I wasn?t chosen.

    I remember the testing so very clearly, as if it was yesterday. A few tall, handsome Jedi, just like my mother told me, one of them smiling down at me, a prick, another smile and a shake of the head. My mother picked me up ? that?s how young I was ? and began to walk home. I struggled until she put me down and I calmly went back to the Jedi, tugged on his robe until he looked down and told him in no uncertain terms that he had made a mistake. I was meant to be a Jedi.

    Dreams, especially childhood ones, die so very hard.

    I hope you?ll forgive the arrogance of those childhood dreams. I truly did believe, right down to the bottom of my three hearts, that I was meant to be a Jedi. And maybe a part of me still does. But reality eventually did set in, and if those stories my mother told did anything for me, they instilled within me a desire to help others, to believe in justice and to truly strive to be the best. Corny, perhaps, but true nevertheless.

    As I grew, my interest in the Jedi didn?t wane at all. I read all I could find on them, and watched everything that came on the holonet. I knew all the most important Jedi; Master Yoda, Knight, and then later Master, Windu and Jocasta Nu were all good friends thanks to the wonders of technology. I developed a picture of what they were ? strong and brave, although maybe not all as tall as I had once thought ? dedicated to preserving peace and justice throughout the galaxy. But another aspect of their persona seemed absolutely clear to me as well ? they were aloof, holding themselves apart from the people they served and, it seemed to me, from one another. They knew little of love, never having or sharing in it. It?s an idea that I suspect was shared by a great number of the sentients in the galaxy.

    I?m not sure when I decided that if I couldn?t be a Jedi, I would be the next best thing ? a mit?k?Shabar ? a police officer and a peacekeeper all rolled into one package. There weren?t that many of them ? just enough to keep Shabar running smoothly and peacefully. I studied and trained for years, working and striving towards that goal, and I don?t think I was ever as happy or proud as the day I passed my tests and was granted the title of mit?k?Shabar. I made sure, as I did my rounds and performed my duties, to not behave like the Jedi I thought I knew so well. I wanted to be seen as honest and forthright, a supporter of justice, sure, but I didn?t want to be seen as aloof, detached and unapproachable like they were. I wanted to be seen as someo
  2. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Interesting start. I've always wanted to do something like this. In the sense, that I wanted to have someone tell a story and 'chronicle' the events from their perspective, the only problem is that I can NOT do first person. I stink at it. And that's just the plain truth. Anyway, this lookes interesting. Hope to see more soon. :)
  3. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Very very interesting begining.
  4. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
  5. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks for the replies! They're so very appreciated!

    Arldetta - Isn't interesting how what one person finds relatively easy, another finds difficult? I hate writing third person, which seems so strange to me. First person comes so much more naturally. Maybe it's because when I write, I visualise the story as it's taking place, so I'm kind of "chronicling" it in my head. My mind provides the narration as I go along. That probably sounds kind of weird, but that's what works for me. I'm working on getting caught up on my reading after having very limited internet time recently - I just started one of your stories, so I'll be sure to reply when I get to the most recent post!

    PadawanKitara - Thanks! I hope I can keep you interested!

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi - Thanks for your comments - I hope to post more after the weekend.

    Shaindl
  6. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Here's the next part. Reviews are really appreciated! Thanks to those who have replied already.

    * * * * * *

    I wasn?t completely stupid ? when I received the invitation to treaty talks, I realised that the government might not be completely devoted to the idea of peace between us. I insisted that the only way I would enter the city was if the Jedi would act as my security guard. What better way for me to guarantee the safety of myself and my people than to have the mediators escort me into the city. It also had the additional purpose of giving me time to size up the Jedi the Council sent to us. Not that I expected to learn much if they were as aloof and detached as I supposed.

    I agreed to rendezvous with them at a secret place outside the city known only to them and to me. When I received word that the Jedi had arrived I made my way to the place and they came out immediately to escort me to the capital buildings where the talks took place. When the hover car arrived and the Jedi stepped out, it was as if I was a child again. There they were in all their glory ? all two of them anyway. They were both tall, although the elder towered over the younger ? he was one of the tallest humans I had ever seen. They were, if I?m any judge of these things ? and who knows, maybe a woman would disagree with my assessment ? both handsome, and they carried themselves with unconscious grace and dignity. I had the impression that they were capable of springing into action at any moment, and becoming the dashing and daring knights my mother had told me about when I was a child. To this day, I remember how astonishing their physical presence was. I still wonder if all Jedi had that same impact.

    I was also a little surprised when they emerged as I had thought they would send a couple of Masters or maybe a delegation of knights. I didn?t expect them to send only a Padawan and his Master, although he was obviously a Senior Padawan on the brink of taking his trials. He walked a step behind and to the left of his Master as they approached, the proper place for a Padawan. They stopped in front of me and both sketched a deep bow. It was kind of surreal in a way ? these men that had filled the dreams of my childhood were now standing in front of me treating me with the utmost deference and respect.

    When the Master spoke, he had the voice I expected from a Jedi of his stature and rank: deep, gravelly, and eminently proper.

    ?Commander Rohal M?Atar. It is an honour to meet you. My name is Qui-Gon Jinn and this is my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.? He indicated the young man standing behind him, who once again bowed to me. I inclined my head in his direction, and turned my attention back to Master Jinn.

    ?Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, I am likewise honoured and I thank you for agreeing to act as my escort. I hope you?ll forgive my paranoia, but I have many reasons not to trust the government.? I fell into step beside him and we began to make our way to the hovercar they had arrived in.

    ?I understand, Commander. We, unfortunately, have seen too many of these situations. Your caution is understandable.? We reached the hovercar, and Padawan Kenobi climbed into the driver?s seat, leaving Master Jinn and I free to talk. We began our drive into the city, and although Padawan Kenobi concentrated completely on his driving, I had the impression that I was being assessed and judged by him in some way. How, I didn't know - yet.

    Master Jinn surprised me with his first words. ?Your service record with the mit?k?Shabar was most impressive, Commander.?

    I turned to him, my pleasure at finding out he had taken the time to look into my past undoubtedly written on my face. For some reason, I hadn?t expected him to do that, although any good mediator would want to be familiar with the lives of the people they were dealing with. Perhaps I had been struggling for so long against a government that didn?t care about my past that running into someone who did shocked me.

    ?Thank you, Master Jinn. It has been a long time since I thought of those days.? My
  7. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Very original.Haven't seen anything like it before.Can't wait to see where it goes. :)
  8. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    This is very intresting, I've never read a JA fic from the perspective from someone other that Obi or Qui

    Keep it UP!
  9. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I like the idea of a thrid party narrative. It is a refreshing change from the usual.
  10. Coota Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2002
    star 4
    What, no angry Irish(or the Star Wars equivalent) cop fighting terrorists at the top of tall buildings? Talk about no truth in advertising!

    Wait a second... ah, damn, it's "*Dreams* Die Hard" not "Die Hard." ;)
  11. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Obi_Ew - Thanks for the kind words. I don't know where this is going myself really. I'm going to be stripping an older story of mine for parts because it just wasn't working, so I have an idea for the next few posts, but after that, it's a nice big gray area. I'll likely be as surprised as you. :)

    Arwen_Jade_Kenobi - I hope I can keep it interesting for you!

    PadawanKitara - Thanks!

    Coota - :D - there's no angry Irish cops, but how about some angry, lightsabre-wielding Obi before the end, hm? ;)

    I might have another post before the end of the day - it depends on if I get a chance to do some rewriting of that old story I mentioned. Thanks for the reviews!
  12. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Sorry folks, it's the shameless self-upping in the hopes I'll get some more reviews. :D
  13. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Here's the next installment. I'm not as happy with it as I was with the first two posts, but I want to move on to the next part of the story. As always, comments and reviews (espically about how I can improve!) are really appreciated.


    * * * * * *

    The first and until now, only time, I had been face-to-face with Elad Prathar, I had wondered if his parents had been blind. An ancient custom of our world was for parents to name their children after things in nature they resembled. Prathar?s name was ancient Stizian for a majestic wildcat native to the soaring mountains of our planet. I don?t think Prathar could have been any further from resembling the great feline. Since the time of our last meeting, I had been debating whether he more resembled a reptile or a rodent. It was a close vote, but I decided his beady eyes, the greenish tinge of his skin and the way his tongue darted out of his mouth when he was thinking was more reptilian than rodent-like. Mind you, I had thought then, that comparison is rather unkind to reptiles.

    When we had entered the room, Prathar had reacted predictably. He fawned over Master Jinn, was neutrally and warily courteous to me and ignored Padawan Kenobi even when the young man bowed and greeted him with the utmost politeness. Prathar, upon his assumption of rule, had instituted a rite of passage from ancient times that had been eradicated several hundred years earlier. Until a child passed Shabar?s mekah barat ? the rite of passage that marked the transition from childhood to adulthood at the standard age of 25, they were to be virtually ignored by all save their parents. Not having reached that age yet, although he was close, Padawan Kenobi wasn?t worthy of Prathar?s regard. I thought that I saw a shadow of irritation flicker over his face at the snub, but it was gone almost as quickly as it had come. My first clue that the Jedi were not all that they seemed, although I didn?t recognize it as such at the time.

    I saw Master Jinn glance at his Apprentice briefly, almost as if he had seen the young man?s face when Prathar ignored his greetings. A rumour I had read once in a lurid ?exposé? of the Jedi unexpectedly floated into my mind: ?Sources close to the Jedi inform us that when a Master takes an Apprentice, they are mentally linked in some way. Little information can be found on this phenomenon, but it is speculated that a good team can read each other?s minds ? and feel each other?s pain.? The book had bored me, the information that wasn?t out-and-out lies being old news to me, but that throwaway sentence had stuck with me for some odd reason. I guess I found it an amusing bit of nonsense that added to the Jedi?s legend, but now a voice at the back of my mind whispered that maybe it wasn?t so nonsensical after all.

    I shook off the voice, dismissing it out of hand. Another clue, and I didn?t realise it.

    After the initial greetings, we all took our places around the table, Padawan Kenobi coming to rest behind his Master?s chair. I had told Master Jinn that I wanted to get the talks underway as soon as possible so that we could establish peace quickly and set about repairing the damage that had been done to Shabar, so we didn?t take the time to rest but set about negotiations immediately.

    They didn?t progress well. We went back and forth, each side trying to feel the other out to see where the strengths ? and the weaknesses ? were. Master Jinn stayed mostly silent, letting us do the talking, deftly moving the negotiations along when we reached an impasse but were unwilling to give up the point. Padawan Kenobi stood still behind his chair, and like the time we had spent in the car, I had the impression that he was listening closely to everything that was said and was silently assessing all of us. I wondered again if he was somehow in contact with his Master.

    After several hours, we hadn?t gotten anywhere except extremely frustrated. It had long since grown dark outside, and when Master Jinn stood up to bring the talks to a close for th
  14. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    I just found this, and I have to say that it is really, really interesting. A different perspective, from an "ordinary" person in the gallery, so to speak.

    Speaking as someone who is writing a long fic that is all first person, you are doing an excellent job with the style. :D

    More, please! :D
  15. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    I can't think of anything you need to improve on.You allready have cliff hangers down ! Can't wait to see what these two thought of eachother! Don't leave us hanging too long! :D
  16. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Please- no encouragement about the cliffhangers :)

    I have no complaints at all about that chapter. Well Done!
  17. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks for the reviews!

    Jedi_Suzaran - welcome! Thanks for replying. Speaking as someone who is writing a long fic that is all first person, you are doing an excellent job with the style. - That's really kind. You know what I have the most problems with? Keeping my tenses straight, especially when my narrator switches between speaking of the past and speaking in the present about his thoughts of the past. I'm looking forward to your story so I can see how someone else handles the style - there aren't too many first person stories around (or maybe I just haven't found them?).

    Obi_ew - You allready have cliff hangers down! [face_laugh] I didn't think I was too bad yet - there are plenty of other writers here - yourself included, incidentally :D - who are much better at leaving cliffhangers. Mind you we haven't gotten to the point where Obi-Wan...I'll shut up now.

    PadawanKitara - Thanks for staying with the story, and thanks for all the reviews!

    I hope to have another chapter up today - but I'll see how work goes (I'm Canadian - no Thanksgiving for me today, ours was last month). Hope you all (if you're American) have a great holiday!

    Shaindl
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Wow - this came out a lot faster than I expected. Have you ever had a post you were completely happy with except for a paragraph or two? Jeez, I had this ready 30 minutes ago, but these two paragraphs just weren't working for me. Since I'm sick of them now, I'm posting it - I could likely be here all day editing and rewriting.

    Anyways, if I get lucky, I might be able to get another chapter up today. I'll do my best! Hope you enjoy this!

    * * * * * *

    ?Traitor!?

    Over the next few days, the talks didn?t really progress any further.

    ?I?d rather be a traitor to your government than a slime-ridden kja bug like you, Prathar!?

    In fact, they had degenerated into name-calling.

    On the sixth day of negotiations ? if they could be called that ? I saw Master Jinn close his eyes and rub his temples. Somehow I knew it was an outward show of irritation, frustration and tiredness in which Jedi didn?t often indulge. Over the days of the discussions, both Jedi had seemed to settle into a grim determination to see the talks through until their bitter end. They entered the negotiation room every morning silently, the circles under their eyes growing more pronounced with each passing day. I wondered how late at night they stayed up discussing strategy and new tactics to try in order to bring the talks to a successful conclusion.

    The young Padawan showed the effects the talks were taking even more than his Master. His increasing frustration at our inability to reach a compromise on even the smallest issues was written across his face and was evident in his expressive eyes. The fact that he couldn?t take a more active role in the talks made it worse for him, and his irritation built up to an even greater degree. On the seventh day, it finally bubbled over.

    Prathar and I had regressed to name-calling again, glaring at each other like mangy prikta dogs that were squabbling over their territory. Obi-Wan moved out from behind his Master?s chair without either of us noticing, and slapped his hand down with a resounding crack on the table. Prathar stopped mid-diatribe and looked at him in shock. I took a pleasurable moment to think about how long it had been since anyone had dared interrupt him ? especially by someone of Obi-Wan?s age.

    ?Both of you are acting like children,? he said mildly, ?and I suggest that it stop if you?re both serious about reestablishing peace on Shabar. Do you think it possible to restart the talks without the name-calling??

    I looked away, embarrassed that it had taken a young man of no more than 22 standard years to remind me of behaviour befitting a man in my position. Was this how I hoped to make my world livable again? To make it a safe and happy place for people to raise their children? I immediately sat down, breaking the nose-to-nose contact I had had with Prathar.

    ?Padawan Kenobi,? I answered, properly and completely abashed, ?you are wholly correct and I offer my humblest apologies.?

    He nodded, and turned to Prathar who still looked like a fish out of water. His lips moved but no sound came out, and his eyes bulged as he tried to come up with a response. I was saddened, but not truly surprised by what came out of his mouth. I knew Prathar was a louse, but I guess I hoped ? dreamed, I suppose ? there was still a shred of decency in him. Another dream soon exploded.

    ?Who do you think you are, you pathetic, sniveling little pup? Do you know where you are and who I am? I am the High Premier of Shabar,? my eyebrows rose at the addition of ?High? to the formal title of Shabar's ruler as Prathar?s voice sank to a low hiss, ?and here, boy, here, your Jedi tricks mean nothing.?

    He stopped abruptly, as if he had said too much. For a few moments, I watched Obi-Wan stare at Prathar with eyes that had turned to ice chips. I suspected that he wanted to tell Prathar exactly what he thought of him and it occurred to me that insults coming from Padawan Kenobi would likely be more cutting, varied - and, coming as they would in that cultured accent - totally mor
  19. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Is it just me, or are the boards really quiet today?

    UP!
  20. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Everybody is off with family stuffing themselves with turkey ,mashed taters and stuffing!I know I for one am ready to throw up! [face_plain] I am really enjoying the way you write both Jedi.I can almost visualize both Liam and Ewan.Great work and keep the posts a coming! :)
  21. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    *waves*

    Here I am! Took me a while to be coherent without the food interfering. :D

    Great chapter. I like the way you're showing Jedi interaction by a "normal". It makes them seem much more human. :)

    You know what I have the most problems with? Keeping my tenses straight, especially when my narrator switches between speaking of the past and speaking in the present about his thoughts of the past.

    Yeah, I hear you about that. It's a tricky part of doing it that way. I actually write better in first person, but that's me. :p

    I'm looking forward to your story so I can see how someone else handles the style

    A-hem. *points to last line of sig*

    ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
  22. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I went to my brother-in-law's family for dinner tonight. His mother is offended if you don't go back for seconds or thirds. Then the desserts! HELP!!! I don't think I can look at food for at least 24hours.

    I like the way that you portray the characters a human, not superhuman. Everyone has their breaking point and I think that the jedi just reached theirs. I can't wait for more.
  23. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks for the replies! I think there'll be more today - I have half of a post written, but this is an important one, so I want to make sure it's right.

    Jedi_Suzaran - A-hem. *points to last line of sig* [face_blush] sorry - didn't go and check your bio for fics. Interesting that you write better in first person - so do I - I find third person really difficult, although my next story (which so far is turning out better than this one I think) is in third person. We'll see how it goes.

    PadawanKitara - His mother is offended if you don't go back for seconds or thirds. Then the desserts! HELP!!! I don't think I can look at food for at least 24hours. - my fiance's family is the same way - "Eat, eat, can I get you more? How about another piece of turkey, cake, fruit?" [face_laugh] . I think it's cultural with them. :D

    Hope you all can move after all the food yesterday! :D More soon.

    Shaindl
  24. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    I'm still here. ;) I've just been in lurk mode for a while. And probably will be for a while longer. But I did want to tell you that I think this is coming along nicely. I'm fascinated by the third party observation that is going on. And I can' wait to see what happens between Obi and the 'High' Primer. :D Keep writing!! And post again soon. :D
  25. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Hi Shaindl!! Just found this story and must say I'm most impressed. The first chapter totally sucked me in as I loved the idea this was a chronicle being told apparently after the Jedi purge. I'm thoroughly enjoying the narrative perspective of Rohal and how this changes his view of the Jedi.

    They were, if I?m any judge of these things ? and who knows, maybe a woman would disagree with my assessment ? both handsome, and they carried themselves with unconscious grace and dignity.--just loved that line!

    I really find your first person view entirely engaging.. especially the thoughts that run through Rohal's mind, like the many books/holos he's read about Jedi.

    Needless to say I'm very much enjoying this and look forward to more.

    Post soon, post often!!
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